I performed quite the stunt this morning. NOTE: This was done on a “closed circuit”, by an amateur landscaper.This is NOT to be attempted by landscape pro’s, pregnant women or anyone else with, at least half a brain!
Here’s what’s required: You need to live in an area which allows the burning of brush piles. (You city folk can stop reading here.) OK, first you need to establish an area with a safe perimeter for burning of said brush. Every time you do some cleanup after a storm, overgrowth or even have otherwise useless wood, you add to the pile. This next part is VERY important: Leave the thing accumulate as much as you can, until such point that even the slightest breeze is cause to NOT light it. In my case, I have held fast to this rule for well over a year now.
Things were going along nicely until a few weeks ago, when we decided to do some creative landscaping near my WW shop door. This included tearing up some earth, re-leveling it and putting on some cover. We decided that wood chips would (wood…Ah the English language!) be appropriate. Haul out the chipper/shredder and have at it. With the woods right there, we have a good supply and LOML and LOML-ette were doing a splendid job gathering said supply. Until this morning, that is. LOML is in Milwaukee for a funeral. Daughter is busy with girlfriend. This leaves the old man to his own devices.
Now, I’ll bet the bulk of you were thinking this story would (wood) end up with the star of the stunt show pulling some boner on lighting that brush fire and catching half the county on fire. Wrong! Nope, after numerous trudges into the woods (woulds?), I’m walking past my still unused brush pile. I says to myself, “Self, I could save myself a lot of steps by just dragging a bunch of that there brush over to the shredder!” Ingenious plan, no? You need to (two, too?) remember, that this here pile is now very well established!
All is going well, until I spot the “motherload” in towards the center of the pile. “Ah, I’ve got it made, now!’ I says. I march right in, armed with my semi-leather gloves and a big smile on my face. Have I mentioned that this pile is, at least, a year old? (Yes, I’m going somewhere with this…!) Well, I yank out a couple pieces and throw them to the outside of the pile. “Oh, look! There are some great pieces right there!” I’m extricating them from the pile, when, all of a sudden, I feel this pain just above my knee. Then, another on my right arm. “Crap! LOML must’ve thrown some “Stingweed” out over here!”, I thought to myself. WAIT! Now I feel the pain on my left hand. Ahhhhh, I have suede gloves on. That’s NOT a weed. It’s a Schmidthouse bunch of bees!
“Abandon ship!!!” Ouch, ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch! Well, I got nailed five or six times before “I scared the rest of them bees away”. Obviously, they were cowards, because they gave up the fight after I ran only one or two hundred feet away! Guess I showed *them* who’s boss!
Grrrrrr….What a way to start the weekend! Fortunately, I remembered where I had last put the Starting Fluid and I’m not one of those folks allergic to bee stings. That would truly have been ugly! So, the moral of this story? Landscaping is to be done by pro’s! If you have the urge to take larger pieces of wood and make them smaller, do so in your shop, NOT outside in a chipper/shredder. Oh, and as far as burn piles go, burn them before they become homes to some lesser dominant species!