To those of you watching the Rose Parade and Rose Bowl game on TV: these are NOT live events. They were recorded months ago on the same soundstage used for the Apollo moon landings, with the aid of a ton of very expensive special effects provided by George Lucas and James Cameron.

The winter climate in Southern California, in spite of what you think you're seeing on TV, is roughly the same as Buffalo, NY, except with more wind. The summers are more like equatorial Africa, except for a few weeks in September when the wildfires reduce the humidity slightly. Wherever you are now is certainly a better place to live and there is absolutely no reason for you to even think about moving here.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Did I mention the earthquakes?