Mark, wood is elastic, you don’t go from ‘snugging up the joint’ to destroying the cells, there is an elastic compression first. If there was not then all wedges and shims would be tapped in delicately to just touch. The metal wedges holding hammer heads in place would not work, the wedges holding my workbench legs tight would destroy themselves. There is an elastic range which when exceeded causes some crushing in a gradual way.
Not sure how to re-explain the grain thing.
Suffice to say picture 1 is how I would make the joint.
You can do a lot with very little! You can do a little more with a lot!