Tell us a CLEAN joke!

[Jim Koepke]

[edited]
Never once did they use the words female, mother, women etc. Too sexist I guess?
In California health insurance has to cover pregnancy for women and men as well.
Bill D

Well, you may recall Arnold Schwarzenegger was Governor of California. His interest may be explained by the movie Junior.

jtk

[Doug Garson]

True story, no joke. Political correctness has gone too far.
I was reading about if there are any legitimate medical reasons not to get vacinated. This was from Yale or Harvard medical they said that pregnant"people" should be vaccinated. pregnant "individuals" the same.
Never once did they use the words female, mother, women etc. Too sexist I guess?
In California health insurance has to cover pregnancy for women and men as well.
Bill D

Can't help but think that many who moan about political correctness just like to complain. Yes, the statements were gender neutral, what's wrong with that? Do you think anyone will be misled by the language used? Much ado about nothing as my late mother would say.

[Mel Fulks]

We were all taught to write clearly. Now it’s we can’t leave anyone out. I’m betting the new nonsense will not attract many more. Will
probably be ended by someone on TV commenting “Only way we can afford a Honeymoon is get my parents to share the room”.

[Ed Aumiller]

I asked the blonde that works for me to look out and see if I left my blinker light on.
She said you did, no you didn't, yes you did, no you didn't, yes you did,..........

[Bill Dufour]

A redhead goes to the doctor. She tells him/her she has these weird pains. Every time I touch myself it hurts. She pokes her stomach and it hurts. She pokes her cheek and it hurts. Pokes her knee and it hurts. The doctor thinks a while then says...
You are not really a redhead are you? You died your blonde hair.
What is wrong with you is that your finger is broken.
Bill D.

[andy bessette]

[Michael Weber]

^^^^^ Funny. Macabre but funny.

[Bill Dufour]

A man(it's always a man) goes to his doctor. He tells him he is getting forgetful and has bad head aches. The doc sends him off for lots of special tests. They meet in a month and the doctor tells him I have good news and bad news.

Tell me the bad news first.
You have brain cancer and it is too late to remove it now(maybe if they had done it sooner with less time for all those expensive tests).
Well what is the good news?
There is a way we can replace your brain with a used one and you will live a long and happy life. Yes we can do that now. I am not kidding. You bring the brain you want and we will put it in here at the hospital, no problem.
A used brain? how much will it cost, where do I get a used brain, how to I know if it is a good one.
Go down the street to Joe's used brain store and he can answer all those questions and more. He is a member of the BBB and I trust him. Not like some of them with searchlights, flags and commission sales people ready to pounce.
So the guy goes to the used brain store and sees shelf after shelf of brains floating in jars. Each one has a name and a price tag. from $5.00 to $1,00,000. Albert Einsteins brain is only $5.00,. A Hollywood actor is $100,000, A president(from wrong party) is $500,000. etc.
So he asks Joe why is Einsteins brain so cheap?
Joe explains it is well used and was rolled up and put away wet.
What is the most expensive brain you have in stock?
Joe reverently pulls down a special crystal jar and says this brain is $1,000,000.
What, why so expensive?
It belonged to a Sawmill Creek member and it has never been used.

Bill D.

PS: When told to my class I would say it belonged to a 4th period student of Mr. Dufour, or what ever period it was.

PPS: BBB = Better Brain Bureau, a trade organization.

[andy bessette]

[Malcolm Schweizer]

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."

[Dave Zellers]

OMG, THAT'S a keeper.

[Clifford McGuire]

I fear overly intricate buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

[Doug Garson]

I fear overly intricate buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

You simply need to simplify your simple existence.

[Mike Soaper]

I got a bandsaw for my wife.....

I thought it was a good trade

[Dan Hunkele]

PolicemanWins One!


A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client ?"

Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make ?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer ?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile ?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"

Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do.

How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client?