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Thread: Homestudy help woes - chime in

  1. #1
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    Homestudy help woes - chime in

    My 13 YO son is starting home study on Thursday. Background, his birth mother did him no favours with controlled and alcohol substance use during all three trimesters. Now he's hitting teen hormones, naturally, he's getting a little more "stroppy".
    During the entire spring break he played on line with his friends, since he couldn't visit and have sports with his friends. He has a computer, and a PS4, with the additional use of an Xbox.
    He has a tutor, and that didn't stop during the break, but he has learning difficulties and in any event, school is very hard for him.
    Now, with home schooling becoming the norm, I've got to find ways of getting him to get real about the new norm.
    I've tried rewards, and getting to the point where, when his behaviour is too outrageous, actually removing his gaming equipment (much to the displeasure of his social worker).
    I'm fairly sure there are a bunch of good educators or foster parents etc. out there that have faced this problem.
    Give me some hints, please of how to motivate this youngsters
    Young enough to remember doing it;
    Old enough to wish I could do it again.

  2. #2
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    Many parents are not cut out to be teachers. And that's even more difficult when there are certain kinds of special needs involved. Find a resource to handle that on your behalf, ideally one that is experienced with kids like your son. You be the emotional support and let them be the educational support.

    No way could we have handled educating our older daughter (daughters both adopted from Russia at ages 6&10) and the older has mental illness and a language based learning disability. A local alternative school handled that task (thanks to our school district). That same organization is still working with their students in these tough times, albeit remotely for obvious reasons.
    Last edited by Jim Becker; 04-08-2020 at 9:42 AM.
    --

    The most expensive tool is the one you buy "cheaply" and often...

  3. #3
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    You're not giving us much to go on. Is his problem ADD/ADHD, dyslexia, IQ limitations, etc. etc. If he is officially learning-disabled, in the US he would have an IEP (Individualized Education Program) that would spell out what accomodations the school must provide for him. Do you have something similar as guidance?

    With anything that looks like ADD, rewards and punishments much farther away than the end of his nose have little effect. I.e. threatening to take away the Xbox in a month based on a future grade is meaningless. Taking it all away based on what happens in the next half hour is quite a different matter. In general, I much prefer short-term goals, rewards and punishments. But that's because I know what kind of student I was.

    The tutor should have some insights. If not, look for a different tutor.

    The differences between indivdual learning styles are massive and if you and he are not cut from the same cloth, you will get nothing but frustrated expecting him to study like you would.

  4. #4
    The following is based on personal experience, and likely to NOT be agreed with by many, but so be it...

    Our youngest was more than a handful. Whatever a "10" was on the bi-polar scale, he was a 17. Rewards and punishment had less-than-zero effect. Looking back on what we went thru, AND factoring in the high likelihood that school will resume normally next year, my advice would be to seriously consider just forgetting anything above and beyond the normal tutoring he's used to, until he CAN do regular schooling again...

    He's still 5 years from graduating, by then he'll have grown up and may actually embrace school. Or, hopefully not as it was with our kid, but, he may just skip the whole school thing altogether well before graduation year, rendering all the challenges you've put yourself thru today just time wasted and a bad memories. I repeat, hopefully he does ultimately embrace schooling, but know the possibility exists he may not. And to be sure, your mental health is at risk, my wife's norm was Prozac and Valium to stay sane thru it all. I can only imagine the difficulty going thru that during this pandemic lockdown...
    Last edited by Kev Williams; 04-08-2020 at 2:05 PM.
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  5. #5
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    Kev, I kinda agree with that..."pick your battles" is an important tool when it comes to these kinds of situations with these kinds of issues.
    --

    The most expensive tool is the one you buy "cheaply" and often...

  6. #6
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    I agree with Kev. We homeschooled 4 children, and my oldest 2 boys have high achievements. My oldest was difficult. Get him outside. Hike, run, bike, chop down trees ( try to interest him with woodworking, build a boat, tree house etc. - at least try ). You will have a hard time motivating him. Most learning is interest driven - if he is interested he will learn, it not he will turn off his brain. Look for any of his interests and support them. Our curriculum was basically library books and a math book. Avoid too much discipline. And make sure he knows that aside from the conflict and occasional necessary discipline that you love him.

  7. #7
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    I've had to battle with those STUPID game boxes in the past!!!!
    A little piece of clear scotch tape on one of the plugs prongs settled that--"Must be broke I said".
    You do have to pick your battles, one at a time.

    Bruce
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  8. #8
    I don't like that social worker. I think you are on a better path with withdrawal of privileges where needed. But they must
    be predictable, reasonable, and presented without anger.
    Limit gaming time, present the possibility of bigger and greater things that are possible with study and practice. Not when
    he becomes an adult, but as soon as he can master them safely and becomes a cheerful and helpful part of the family.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan Rutherford View Post
    You're not giving us much to go on. Is his problem ADD/ADHD, dyslexia, IQ limitations, etc. etc. If he is officially learning-disabled, in the US he would have an IEP (Individualized Education Program) that would spell out what accomodations the school must provide for him. Do you have something similar as guidance?

    With anything that looks like ADD, rewards and punishments much farther away than the end of his nose have little effect. I.e. threatening to take away the Xbox in a month based on a future grade is meaningless. Taking it all away based on what happens in the next half hour is quite a different matter. In general, I much prefer short-term goals, rewards and punishments. But that's because I know what kind of student I was.

    The tutor should have some insights. If not, look for a different tutor.

    The differences between indivdual learning styles are massive and if you and he are not cut from the same cloth, you will get nothing but frustrated expecting him to study like you would.
    Alan, thanks for asking for clarification.
    ADHD, with medication to help him focus. Agreed that “punishment” is a short term, even a non—productive form of motivation.
    He has an IEP, but also relies on his teacher assistant to help him focus. The modified basic education program they’re setting up in lieu of classroom engagement is going to be hard, because firstly, focus, and the number of games he has available is a constant pull.
    I really don't want him to follow in my footsteps, I was a horrible mess at school.
    I just want him to concentrate for the short time they’re working on line and complete his assignments before they’re late.
    His tutor is very good, and was his choice (you need a tutor, no option, but you can work with a few and choose the one you work best with) but also needs to work long distance. Having that help at your shoulder isn’t available.
    Ah well, a little cajoling might be an option.
    Young enough to remember doing it;
    Old enough to wish I could do it again.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mel Fulks View Post
    I don't like that social worker. I think you are on a better path with withdrawal of privileges where needed. But they must
    be predictable, reasonable, and presented without anger.
    Limit gaming time, present the possibility of bigger and greater things that are possible with study and practice. Not when
    he becomes an adult, but as soon as he can master them safely and becomes a cheerful and helpful part of the family.
    These things most often do not work with special needs kids...a lot of "traditional" parenting doesn't because their brains are wired differently and inconsistently. It can be a real challenge and take a lot of time to find out what does motivate desired behavior.
    --

    The most expensive tool is the one you buy "cheaply" and often...

  11. #11
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    My advice would be structure. Don't expect him to work all day. Most of the school day is wasted, and you should not feel like he is falling behind if he is not working every minute from 8-3. Structure about three hours of work in the morning. Build breaks into that for lunch, exercise, etc. And let him know if he does what he is supposed to do his afternoon will be free.

  12. #12
    I am going through this right now with my teenagers. And they have always been good students. But even they have found it challenging to stay energized. And my wife and I have struggled with how much to be on them about screen time.

    I will give you the advice I have been given but find impossible to follow:

    Don't take things away from him so much as offer alternatives. Spend time on walks, cooking, connecting.

    We do resort to taking the phone or computer away every so often when behavior gets outrageous.

    What has worked OK with my son is asking HIM to define the rule for screen time, and then we negotiate a middle ground and then program that into the phone and computer.

    Last, I'll offer this [high and mighty alert]: Be patient. Don't give up. While i don't know your situation, I empathize with feelings of powerlessness and being overwhelmed. When you don't know what to say, sometimes it's best to say NOTHING and just listen. At times your strategy fails, fall back on love, and listening.




    And don't

  13. #13
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    I live in the Uk in response to the corona virus the BBC is providing the biggest online education push in its history

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-52149409

    Is there similar support being provided in the USA

    (please note you may require a Uk IP address to view some of the BBC content)

  14. #14
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    Brian, efforts are on a school district by school district basis...some were better equipped to handle remote learning than others and high speed Internet access is not ubiquitous once you get out of urban and suburban areas which adds to the challenge.
    --

    The most expensive tool is the one you buy "cheaply" and often...

  15. #15
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    High school or junior high is about 30-40 minutes of work then wrap it up for 5 minutes, 7 minutes to next class, 5-10 minutes settle down students, class wide housekeeping then new material and practice for 30-40 minutes repeat.
    So if they are working about 50% of the time from 8:00-2:00 they are about the same time on task.
    For younger and less mature rewards must be smaller and happen sooner like every 10 minutes. Maybe a week tops for high school big rewards. With smaller ones tucked in their as well. Make sure some rewards are almost random in timing not spelled out as so much for each page. Things like one good answer is a candy. But almost random so they do not know if they should slack off until enough time has passed that they could get rewarded again. They may earn one small reward every two minutes then go 15 with nothing. The randomness will keep them working harder. Never sure when a good answer may earn something good like one free pump of hand sanitizer..
    If you need a break tell them they earned a break not that you need one. Tell them it is a reward they earned for them to watch the movie. Not I need some alone time to review the next lesson so you can at watch this movie to keep you quiet while I study a bit or read over your essay.
    Be glad they are not paying more attention to the opposite sex or school bullies instead of your sparkling lesson delivery.
    I suppose every day's lesson should include a study of statistics and group dynamics. Perhaps a lesson on lemming migration is in order.
    Bil lD
    Last edited by Bill Dufour; 04-11-2020 at 1:38 AM.

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