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Thread: Time for some levity

  1. #1126
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    "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
    - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

  2. #1127

  3. #1128

    Wow!!


    Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.


    You think English is easy??
    I think a retired English teacher was bored...THIS IS GREAT!






    Read all the way to the end.................
    This took a lot of work to put together!

    1) The bandage was
    wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to
    produce produce .
    3) The dump was so full that it had to
    refuse more refuse .
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
    5) He could
    lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to
    desert his dessert in the desert..
    7) Since there is no time like the
    present , he thought it was time to present the present .
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the
    dove , dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not
    object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a
    row among the oarsmen about how to row .
    13) They were too
    close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck
    does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his
    sow to sow.



    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18) Upon seeing the
    tear in the painting I shed a tear..
    19) I had to
    subject the subject to a series of tests.
    20) How can I
    intimate this to my most intimate friend?






    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.





    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?





    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?





    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.





    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?





    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.





    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
    It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
    At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?
    Why do we speak
    UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
    We call
    UP our friends.
    And we use it to brighten
    UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
    We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
    At other times the little word has real special meaning.
    People stir
    UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.



    To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. .
    A drain must be opened
    UP because it is stopped UP .



    We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !
    To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary.
    In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
    If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
    It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
    When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
    When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
    .
    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .
    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP.
    Now, it's UP to you what you do with this .

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  4. #1129
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    You think English is easy??
    I think a retired English teacher was bored...THIS IS GREAT!
    Is it jarring to know a door cannot be a jar, but it can be ajar?

    Don't forget about auto-antonyms, words that mean the opposite of themselves.

    Cleave can mean to hold on or to remove.
    Something can move fast or be held fast.
    If something is sanctioned there has to be more context before you know if it means permitted or forbidden.
    Sometimes trimming can be removing something or it can be adding something.
    One can have oversight of accounts whereas a mistake in the accounts could be an oversight.
    Someone could be left at home or have left home.
    We may have weathered a storm while the years have weathered the lands.
    If someone is always there to hold you up… Are they supporting you? Hindering your progress? Taking your money?

    Yes, English is a difficult language. It is helpful at times to have graphic reminders:

    Their, There, They're.png

    jtk
    "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
    - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

  5. #1130
    More for the mill.
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Dave Anderson
    Chester Toolworks LLC
    Chester, NH

  6. #1131
    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?
    In typical use "qu" is nearly always used to make the 'kwa' sound.
    And "bu" usually makes the 'buh' sound.
    But (<see? ) in typical english fashion BUick sounds like 'QUE-ick'
    and not 'qwick'...

    ..."John Coffey-- like the drink, only not spelled the same way"

    To steal from Gallegher:

    comb, tomb and bomb don't rhyme either
    And english is hard on kids from the get-go.
    They go to school (phonetically 'shoole') and first thing they find is, the "W" that should be in "One" is silently stuck in the middle of "Two"...

    (this could go on forever)
    ========================================
    ELEVEN - rotary cutter tool machines
    FOUR - CO2 lasers
    THREE - fiber lasers
    ONE - vinyl cutter
    CASmate, Corel, Gravostyle


  7. #1132

  8. #1133
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    first thing they find is, the "W" that should be in "One" is silently stuck in the middle of "Two"...
    The battle over English will never be won.

    jtk
    "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
    - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

  9. #1134
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  10. #1135
    Best regards,

    Jim
    Lakeside, Oregon

  11. #1136
    more for you.
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Dave Anderson
    Chester Toolworks LLC
    Chester, NH

  12. #1137
    Best regards,

    Jim
    Lakeside, Oregon

  13. #1138
    Quote Originally Posted by Ed Aumiller View Post
    Husband pulling out into traffic:
    "Hey, any cars coming?
    Wife:
    "No"

    .

    .

    .

    .

    "Just a bus"
    ========================================
    ELEVEN - rotary cutter tool machines
    FOUR - CO2 lasers
    THREE - fiber lasers
    ONE - vinyl cutter
    CASmate, Corel, Gravostyle


  14. #1139
    Just a few more.
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Dave Anderson
    Chester Toolworks LLC
    Chester, NH

  15. #1140

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