“You don’t want that” is sometimes code for “I tried that and it does not work.” Always tricky over the internet of course, because expectations vary so widely.
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“You don’t want that” is sometimes code for “I tried that and it does not work.” Always tricky over the internet of course, because expectations vary so widely.
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This is why generic gift cards work so well. Give them $50 at Amazon, etc and stop worrying
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Not buying someone a gift that they asked for is one issue.
Wanting the black and white quick and to the point answer to an open ended question is another.
Examples:
First job rookie to veteran employee/experienced investor: "What is better a 401k or a Roth IRA?
Inexperienced fisherman to a hard core lifelong angler: "What is the best lure to catch a bass?"
Casual woodworker to an accomplished furniture maker: "Power tools have made hand tools obsolete right?"
Some questions require a discussion, not an answer...........................
P.S. Bagley's Deep Killer B II, Black on Char is the best bass lure!
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We have dear friends who I think had the Christmas gift thing sorted out fairly well. She loves nice jewelry so she would go to her favorite store and pick out several things she liked and tell the sales person. Her husband would go in some time later and ask for the sales person and he would then select 1 or more of the items for purchase. When Christmas morning came she would open her gift and be surprised by which 1 he picked, but also know she already liked it. Seems to work for them. And to the OP, I also never understood that some would ask another what they would like and then not do that for them. I guess some folks just "know better". My wife and I don't do gifts of any sort and haven't for years. She has her money and hobbies and I have mine-and then we have "house" money that we both contribute to evenly so bills and such are taken care of 1st. We both live fairly simply and don't have kids or family, but we have what we want when we want. Hard to find a gift for the other in this situation. For events like holidays, birthdays, etc. we go to a Dollar store and get a bunch of cards and hide them around the house for each other with nice notes inside. Kinda fun.
Happy and Safe Turning, Don
Woodturners make the world go ROUND!
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I always ask for socks and drawers when asked. There have been several years that I had to buy my own after Christmas.
I have also received many things like tools that I would never use. I even received a Vegamatic once, remember that? Who knows what is on the mind of a shopper. I try to watch people to guess what they might use and then buy the best I can afford. Been reasonably successful. I never ask. When people ask for advice on the forum I try to help with the best of my knowledge, experience with the task or tool is the qualifier for me.
Jim
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Tried that the last five years or so of my dad's life, but so did he, so we ended up most of the time with two more-or-less identical gift cards crossing in the mail, which was kind of pointless. And not just at Christmas: our birthdays were only a week apart.Originally Posted by Pat Barry
Yoga class makes me feel like a total stud, mostly because I'm about as flexible as a 2x4.
"Design"? Possibly. "Intelligent"? Sure doesn't look like it from this angle.
We used to be hunter gatherers. Now we're shopper borrowers.
The three most important words in the English language: "Front Towards Enemy".
The world makes a lot more sense when you remember that Butthead was the smart one.
You can never be too rich, too thin, or have too much ammo.
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I keep a list of tools and music I would like to have on Amazon.
All of y'all feel free to buy something for me.... I guarantee whatever I receive will be a surprise.
Member
There are degrees, I think, to what OP is saying.
In your example, Steve, you know the recipient well and chose a unique gift that you have some idea already that she will like. Even if she doesn't, she'll still be appreciative of the careful thought you put in and the gesture made. (FWIW, I view lists from people I know well as "guidelines" and often give gifts not listed.) However, even if I do buy off the list, in the act of thinking about other things to purchase for this person, and ultimately purchasing from the list, I have still invested time and energy into thinking about the recipient and what he/she may like. I don't believe that should be discounted.
In other cases, where you may not know the recipient as well, going by the list makes more sense. Of course, if you ignore the list and put little to no effort into a thoughtful alternative, then that's where things get frustrating.
TL;DR - nothing is black and white. And Steve, I hope your daughter loves her gift.
Contributor
Never thought about it like this, but maybe this could be called "zero sum gifting".
Last edited by Edwin Santos; 12-20-2018 at 7:32 PM.
I have several of those and guard them closely. One time I was trolling one and caught two bass at the same time one on each treble hook. Small mouth in Lake Erie can't resist them in the spring, we've caught many 19-20" small mouth with them. Some of mine have teeth marks from the pickeral that have grabbed them.P.S. Bagley's Deep Killer B II, Black on Char is the best bass lure!
Lee Schierer
USNA '71
Go Navy!
My advice, comments and suggestions are free, but it costs money to run the site. If you found something of value here please give a little something back by becoming a contributor! Please Contribute
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Just for the record, I am not anti-gift-card: they are perfect gifts for the children of close friends at holiday time.
Yoga class makes me feel like a total stud, mostly because I'm about as flexible as a 2x4.
"Design"? Possibly. "Intelligent"? Sure doesn't look like it from this angle.
We used to be hunter gatherers. Now we're shopper borrowers.
The three most important words in the English language: "Front Towards Enemy".
The world makes a lot more sense when you remember that Butthead was the smart one.
You can never be too rich, too thin, or have too much ammo.
Contributor
What you described is what I would consider the right way to approach gift giving. Gift giving should be giving someone something that you feel connects you and the person receiving the gift not just something off a list that as someone else mentioned the other person could just go out and buy themselves. Same goes for gift cards. Having said that many of us, me included, have great difficulty buying that "right gift". My wife and I stopped trading Christmas gifts years ago, our present to each other is our trip to Mexico for New Years.
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I read an article by (I believe the guys last name was Sosin?) He was Bagley's lure designer and he said he thought it was their best lure. They pop up on ebay now and then.
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My Administrative Assistant (who probably doubles my value to my employer and halves the stress it induces for me, and is also kind, cheerful and fun) gives me a small gift each year that she and her husband make in their woodshop (they sell at craft fairs). It's always completely redundant to me and our household - if I wanted one, I could turn it out in the shop in a trice, whatever it is. I still value them, and every one is in use somewhere in my life.
I get her a substantial gift card.
Earlier this week another colleague was observing that my gift to my AA was "awfully impersonal." She was right, in way, but wrong for the most part. It is impersonal in that it doesn't try to say that I know what my AA needs or wants. This is by design. A male boss in general simply can't afford to risk the crossed signals that can come out of buying something truly personal for a female employee. I have exactly zero worries that my current AA and I would end up in a harassment allegation, but I observe the rule, and urge all my employees of both sexes to do the same, for consistency and letter of the law compliance. It's either $ or something else completely fungible and ambiguity-free in this situation.
But it is still very personal in the right way. I make it enough that she can do something that matters to her with it, and I can and do personalize it with a note and card. It could not be much better at conveying my appreciation, respect, and (business appropriate) affection for her, in my opinion.
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Sounds like it all worked out perfectly
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