Long Term Relationships and the Value of "Yes Dear"

[Mike Null]

A fellow I used to work with and for whom I had a lot of respect once told me his number one job in life was taking care of his wife. Now his wife didn't need any special care but I always thought he had a good plan and I've tried to follow it.

[Bill Carey]

A fellow I used to work with and for whom I had a lot of respect once told me his number one job in life was taking care of his wife...

The LOML and I met on a Tuesday night at a friends house, and we moved her stuff into my apartment on Wed. That was 40 years ago and everyday since has been the best day of our lifes. (No small coincidence I've been sober 39 years, I guess). We have 2 grown daughters who have married men that I KNOW will take care of them. I need not worry about either of them. Respect, honesty and laughter have been they keys for us. And, of course, actually liking each other and being best friends.

[Chase Mueller]

Here's a twist, works with the young'ns too! I'm sure no one wants to hear my life story, so I'll try to keep it shorter..ish.
I've been in two relationships. My first started in high school, we lasted 6 years before I reached my breaking point, and to this day I still believe it was my fault. We argued a lot. Almost daily for the better part of 3 years. I think a good bit of that stemmed from immaturity on both parts, and an unwillingness to budge on mine. I was (and am) a young man with a lot to learn, but was seemingly unwilling or unable to learn.
Fast forward to now, I'm happier than I've been my entire life. I met an amazing woman, whom I now feel I'm capable of treating the way she deserves to be treated. I attribute that to something my father told me after my big break up. He told me how important it was that I keep moving forward. He told me how it felt when my mother told him she wanted a divorce when I was 2. He was heartbroken. He told me that in time, I would learn who I am, and that I would soon discover that life is full of hurt. There's no happy life that doesn't come with a little bit of pain every now and then, and that it's just temporary. But there was one thing that really resonated with me. He said that it was his hope that I didn't have to experience the misfortune of divorce before I got a grip, like he did. He's happy now, but it really struck a chord with me. I told myself that when I picked myself up, I would be better.
Wayne hit it spot on. "Yes dear" mentality is not making yourself a doormat. Sometimes you find that woman that makes you want to be less of a "man" about things.
Sorry for the autobiography. Got a rich life story that I find therapeutic to share sometimes. Cheers everyone

[Jim Becker]

I think me and The boss lady really only disagree over what to cook for dinner or where to go eat.

I don't have that situation, here...because I do the cooking.

[Mike Henderson]

There's an old joke about marriage:

When a man looks at the women he's about to marry, he says, "I can live with her"

When a woman looks at the man she's about to marry, she says, "I can work with that!"

If you want to have a happy marriage, you go along with the program.

Mike

[Terry Wawro]

I came to understand this late in life also. For years, whenever my wife had a problem I would give my "expert" advice on how to fix it. Now I just say "that's awful" or something similar. Just sympathizing with her makes her much happier than any advice.

For me I tried to explain more logical(in my male brain) ways to fix problems for the first years with my wife. I eventually learned it was MUCH faster, easier and more pleasant to smile and say yes dear when she asks me to so something.

[Andrew Joiner]

I came to understand this late in life also. For years, whenever my wife had a problem I would give my "expert" advice on how to fix it. Now I just say "that's awful" or something similar. Just sympathizing with her makes her much happier than any advice.

Yes! Me too. She finally told me "how would you like it if I told you how to fix things". To her it meant I didn't love her. That helped me improve. She only wanted me to listen and be supportive, to her that shows I love her as much as saying" I love you"

[Matthew Brawley]

I don't have that situation, here...because I do the cooking.

I do the cooking too, but I am not a picky eater.

[Rich Engelhardt]

My dad shared the secret of his 50 plus years of wedded bliss with us.

He said my mom made all the minor decisions and he made all the major decisions.

He quickly added that in over 50 years of marriage, not once did a major decision come along ...

I took that to heart & my amazon temptress and I will celebrate 37 years of minor decisions in a little over a week from today .

[Malcolm McLeod]

There's an old joke about marriage:

When a man looks at the women he's about to marry, he says, "I can live with her"

When a woman looks at the man she's about to marry, she says, "I can work with that!"

If you want to have a happy marriage, you go along with the program.

Mike

I can't attribute my slightly less blissful version of your anecdote, but heard it as: "Men marry women hoping they won't change, but they do. Women marry men hoping they will change, but they don't."

From understanding, comes peace....maybe???

[Frederick Skelly]

I can honestly say that I have had a great ride these 38 years to the same woman. I made a commitment to her at God's alter at our church and I took that vow very seriously. I have read and also been told that when God is in a marriage, it is ordained by Him and two flesh become one. I truly believe that for she thinks like I do most of the time. We generally agree on everything and very seldom fight. What's really scary or amazing, depending on how you look at it, is many times she or myself will say something and the other is thinking of that same thing at the same time. Tell me tha isn't two becoming one.
I have been blessed beyond measure. She has never questioned my tool, fishing, or hunting purchases and sometimes she has even chipped in to help me buy tools with some of her mad money. She's definitly a keeper. Couldn't imagine life without her.

You are a blessed man Mr. Eure. You and many others here. Glad to read this thread and see so many success stories!

Fred

[Mike Cary]

So the secret to being in a happy marriage can all be boiled down to “yes dear” wow, I’ve been making it way to complicated.

But seriously, if you have the mindset that marriage is forever and divorce is never an option you can adapt. With that attitude you choose more wisely, you pick battles more carefully, you don’t compare your mate against others, less envy, less competition, less jealousy. Too bad in our self centered disposable society that attitude has become a punchline.

[Andrew Joiner]

So the secret to being in a happy marriage can all be boiled down to “yes dear” wow, I’ve been making it way to complicated.
But seriously, if you have the mindset that marriage is forever and divorce is never an option you can adapt. With that attitude you choose more wisely, you pick battles more carefully, you don’t compare your mate against others, less envy, less competition, less jealousy. Too bad in our self centered disposable society that attitude has become a punchline.

No, for me it wasn't just boiled down to “yes dear”.

It was an experiment the first time I said “yes dear” vs let's look at this task/decision more logically/creatively.
Most of the time saying “yes dear” is just easier, she's happy and I'm amazed at the results. Like the first time I asked an older wiser cabinetmaker for bandsaw tuning tips when I was an apprentice.

[Joe Bradshaw]

I can relate to the yes dear reply. I was married to a wonderful woman for 43 1/2 years before cancer took her away. I learned early in our marriage to say yes dear you're right and I was wrong and I will try not to do that anymore.
Joe

[Dan Hulbert]

Yes dear has worked for over 43 years now...I don't see any reason to change.
My wife told me many years ago that I was not necessarily "Mr. Right" I was "Mr. Trainable". I'm still a work in progress, but I'm still loving every minute of it.