Long Term Relationships and the Value of "Yes Dear"

[Andrew Joiner]

I've been lucky. I've been with my wife for 24 years. I finally learned to do what my older friends told me. The sooner you say "yes Dear" life is easier.
As a young man I had many short term relationships. It was in the "free love" days of the 60's and 70's. I left many great girls for selfish reasons. It was fun until it stopped working. After lot's of suffering I took a personal inventory and saw how selfish I'd been. I stayed single for a while to learn how to be alone, and started over when I met my wife.
Now I know why some of my more stubborn friends are so unhappy.
I've got a couple friends, Tom and John. They're both my age but very negative and bitter. Both talented guys who worked hard and are retired. They're both single. They both need help to take care of everyday needs, but they're alone and miserable. Tom has kids and grandkids, but they aren't in his life. Sadly I can now see why. That would've been me. I spent lots of time sharing my experience with Tom and some with John, but old dogs and new tricks come to mind.

In helping Tom and John I just had a revelation. I'm not alone and miserable like I easily could've been. I feel blessed that I gave up my self seeking defects young to get a life.

My wife blessed me with stepdaughters, grandkids, and great grandkids. They all love me and most of them would help me if I need it. It's good to be surrounded by loved ones! Even if they keep you awake some nights
Anyone else benefiting from the "yes dear" philosophy?

[Matt Day]

I’m not exactly sure what the “yes dear” philosophy is? Are you referring to simply marriage?

[Wayne Lomman]

I agree Andrew. What is too often misunderstood is that saying 'Yes, Dear' is not turning yourself into a doormat. Rather it is a grown up response to life where personal pride does not drive everything. I have been married 39 years now to the same woman who is also my best friend. I would not change anything about our life together regardless of whether the times have been good or bad. Cheers

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Married life is about compromises. "Yes Dear" by both parties is agreeing to compromise or fulfill the spouses needs or demands at that moment. It works for me. This Christmas Eve, my wife and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, God willing.

[Cary Falk]

"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" comes to mind.

[Malcolm McLeod]

"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" comes to mind.

Similarly, I was advised to "...pick your battles. In an argument, determine what you have to gain, and what you have to lose." In 24 happy years, I've rarely found justification enough to 'win'.

[Andrew Joiner]

I’m not exactly sure what the “yes dear” philosophy is? Are you referring to simply marriage?

For me I tried to explain more logical(in my male brain) ways to fix problems for the first years with my wife. I eventually learned it was MUCH faster, easier and more pleasant to smile and say yes dear when she asks me to so something.

[Matthew Brawley]

Advice my parents gave me was choose your battles wisely, then my dad told me later that you can win no battle.

[Jim Becker]

Married life is about compromises. "Yes Dear" by both parties is agreeing to compromise or fulfill the spouses needs or demands at that moment. It works for me.

This is totally spot-on. It's also exactly why the relationship between myself and Professor Dr. SWMBO has endured zero fights and very limited disagreements.

[Matthew Brawley]

This is totally spot-on. It's also exactly why the relationship between myself and Professor Dr. SWMBO has endured zero fights and very limited disagreements.

I think me and The boss lady really only disagree over what to cook for dinner or where to go eat.

[Bruce Wrenn]

The easiest way to get in the last word in an argument is to say "yes dear." Later this month, we will be married 40 years. This is a second marriage for both of us

[Steve Eure]

I can honestly say that I have had a great ride these 38 years to the same woman. I made a commitment to her at God's alter at our church and I took that vow very seriously. I have read and also been told that when God is in a marriage, it is ordained by Him and two flesh become one. I truly believe that for she thinks like I do most of the time. We generally agree on everything and very seldom fight. What's really scary or amazing, depending on how you look at it, is many times she or myself will say something and the other is thinking of that same thing at the same time. Tell me tha isn't two becoming one.
I have been blessed beyond measure. She has never questioned my tool, fishing, or hunting purchases and sometimes she has even chipped in to help me buy tools with some of her mad money. She's definitly a keeper. Couldn't imagine life without her.

[Bill McNiel]

I believe in (and practice) "treat every moment with the one you love like a first date, or you will be in for a lot of first dates".

[julian abram]

I agree 100% with Andrew, "yes dear" is a valuable tool in your relationship tool box. After 10 years & 35 years of marriage, I look back and there were very issues worth saying "no dear" which can be the prelude to battle. Also I often give young married men this advice, never mention the good virtues of your mother. Your wife will always feel inferior, become defensive and her memory of your comments will linger for years.

[Curt Harms]

I recall a bit of very good relationship advice from I think an Ann Landers column. "Opposites attract but likes last".