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Thread: You know you're a woodturner if....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Colby, Washington. Just across the Puget Sound from Seattle, near Blake Island.
    Posts
    931

    You know you're a woodturner if....

    I was filling the chainsaw today and noticed that my gas can spout had a bottle stopper preventing gas from spilling. Now, WHO BUT A WOODTURNER WOULD HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!!

    It occurred to me that this would be a great opportunity for some sarcastic humor. So, what odd and unique things do YOU have in your life because you're a turner?

    With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, complete the thought. For example:

    "You know you're a woodturner when you clean your shop with a rake!"

    Russell Neyman
    .


    Writer - Woodworker - Historian
    Instructor: The Woodturning Experience
    Puget Sound, Washington State


    "Outside of a dog, there's nothing better than a good book; inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    lufkin tx
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    2,054
    Only a woose would start with a mere rake.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Western Maryland
    Posts
    5,548
    You know you're a wood turner when you leave a family reunion with wood from the host's wood pile.

    Sad, but true......just happened to me two weeks ago. He thought it was locust. Nope...sassafras...15" in diameter that turns out had some curl! Oh, and the maple crotch couldn't be left either... I have a serious problem, folks. But my shop smells nice.
    I drink, therefore I am.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    McMinnville, Tennessee
    Posts
    1,040
    You know you are a woodturner when you can't see the forest for the trees.....literally.


    Sid
    Sid Matheny
    McMinnville, TN

  5. #5
    You know you are a woodturner if you have a hole in your elbow from forgetting to move the tailstock. Not original, but don't know who said it.....

    robo hippy

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Vacaville, Calif.
    Posts
    30
    You know you're a woodturner when you are driving down the street admiring the lumps and bumps and interesting crotches and you all of a sudden realize OMG I'm lusting after trees!

    I actually noticed this recently while driving along and essentially ignoring the young ladies and admiring the trees, boy oh boy, I know I'm approaching middle age (I'm 71) but this is ridiculous.

    Phil Harris

  7. #7
    Woodturning is easy. First you mount a piece of wood between the pointy things on the lathe called centers. Then you take a chisel with a deep U-shape and beat the wood until it is round. It helps to turn on the lathe so you get it beat round on all sides. At least that is what I do.
    Then you choose another chisel and beat the wood with it. You keep beating the wood with different chisels until you get a shape that you like. Most turnings look something like a bumpy stick. Once you are happy with the shape get some sand paper and rub the wood with it to get the chisel marks out. After a while and with enough sand paper the wood will be smooth.
    Once the wood is smooth you need to finish your turning. Finishing consists of slopping some varnish or oil or lacquer on your bumpy stick. This helps make it feel smooth and brings out the grain so people can ooh and ahh over it.
    After the finish dries take your bumpy stick off the lathe and show it to your wife. If she lets you keep it in the house you know are a wood turner. If she doesn’t let you keep it in the house try drilling a hole in one end and telling her it is a candlestick. If that doesn’t work go back to the shop and beat enough pieces of wood with enough chisels until she does let you bring a piece into the house.
    You now know all you need to know about woodturning or as I call it the fine art of wood bludgeoning…
    After a while you will need a bigger lathe and lots more chisels, lots more sandpaper, lots more finish, wax, photo booths, digital cameras, sharpening grinders, diamond stones and a myriad of other expensive gadgets. Heck, you will even start to wear fancy woodturning aprons, booties and Darth Vader helmets while turning. Who wouldn’t like to do that?
    Sooner or later you will not be happy with the tools that you can buy and will want to make your own tools. I know wood turners who skipped buying tools all together and just made their own tools from the beginning. Look at how much money they saved. There are other turners who quit turning just to make tools to sell to other turners. You can never have enough tools and sooner or later you will find the right tool for the job if you buy enough. Your tool collection will grow to include exotic steel alloys, carbide tipped cutters and tools of every size, shape and description.
    After a while you will not be satisfied with just beating your wood round on the outside and will want to make it hollow and round on the inside. That is called hollowing and opens up a whole new world of wood turning that requires a huge new assortment of turning chisels, captured tool systems, lasers, compressed air lines, vacuum chucks, steady rests and funny shaped measuring tools called calipers.
    As your desire for more and more wood to beat round increases most turners find it necessary to buy four wheel drive pickup trucks, chain saws, chaps, peaveys and all sorts of logging equipment. Your best friend may become the neighborhood tree surgeon. No forest or tree will be safe from you and your lathe.
    Me, I am just happy to beat my wood mostly round. My best advice is to find an American Association of Woodturners chapter near you and join and seek the advice of an experienced turner for instruction.
    Big Mike

    I have done so much with so little for so long I am now qualified to do anything with nothing......

    P.S. If you are interested in plans for any project that I post, just put some money in an envelope and mail it to me and I will keep it.

  8. #8
    you know you are a woodturner.....

    when it is mentioned that it is a possibility that the 2015 national woodturning symposium might be in ohio in a city starting with C, and you start looking at the mpa to see what else is in the area to see......hmmmmmm......the serpant mound......any hotels close.....do they take aarp......

  9. #9
    Join Date
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    You know you're a woodturner when...

    ...you're watching a movie like Avatar, see a CGI tree that's half a mile high, and think "I wonder if i could get a chunk of that on my lathe..."
    Hi-Tec Designs, LLC -- Owner (and self-proclaimed LED guru )

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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    IL.Quad city area
    Posts
    783
    You know your a wood turner when you go buy a chest deep freezer just to store green wood in.

  11. #11
    Or a microwave just to dry bowls.

  12. #12
    You know you're a woodturner if yo have wooden funnels in your shop . . . .
    Pete


    * It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep for life - Sister Elizabeth Kenny *
    I think this equates nicely to wood turning as well . . . . .

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Chicago Heights, Il.
    Posts
    2,136
    You know you a a woodturner if the surface of your table saw has become a very expensive tool rack!
    Member Illiana Woodturners

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Chesterfield, VA
    Posts
    1,332
    ...when you look at every tree and stick of firewood and see nothing but boards and bowls.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Russell Neyman View Post
    I was filling the chainsaw today and noticed that my gas can spout had a bottle stopper preventing gas from spilling. Now, WHO BUT A WOODTURNER WOULD HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!!
    Hey, I've got one of those too!

    I've turned handles for my 5 gallon buckets when the plastic fell off.

    YOu know you're a woodturner when you start doodling miniature birdhouses, or spindles and finials, or bottle stoppers, or ornaments, or bowls, or hollow forms while sitting in waiting rooms...
    Last edited by Jim Underwood; 09-21-2013 at 9:49 PM.
    CarveWright Model C
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