Raising my son without Video Games

[Paul Steiner]

Lately I have been thinking a lot about rules and policies for raising my son. My mother did not allow me to have toys that she felt were to violent, gi joes, suction cup dart guns, and definitely no BB guns. Looking back I do not feel as though I missed out on anything. I think I am not going to allow my son to have video games or strictly limit video games. Recently I have been thinking about alternatives. Legos, board games, RC cars, sports, scouts. I would be much happier to spend money on that than any video game.

As a high school teacher I come into contact with many students whose main focus is video games. When I say main focus, it is video games above all other activities except eating. Other students can handle the distraction but I do believe that video games are the number 1 contributor to childhood obesity. When I was a kid we would play pick up football games after school. Now kids setup online video games after school.
Bottomline I want my son to be active, I do not want him to be a slave to the magic box. I would really like to hear from other parents how they handle video games and their children. My main question is do you think my son will miss out on anything? Will he be the weird boy in school that does not have video games?

[Craig Coney]

You didn't mention how old you son is. Scouts is definatley a good adventure for any boy and will help build values and character. My wife & I were leaders for the past 4 years, and stepped down when our oldest son crossed over into Boy Scouts.

Ask yourself how will you police your son's activities with video games when he goes to a friends house? Would it be similar to not allowing him to have candy & letting him loose in a candy store without supervision?

We initially didn't allow video games in the house, but then picked up a Wii about 3 years ago. In the three years we've had it, it has maybe 150 hours of use with 3 children playing it. We limit the play time from 45 minutes to an hour when the kids want to play it. Of course their homework needs to be finished before they can play. All of my children are active and would rather go outside and play than sit inside and play the Wii. Academically they are in the upper percentile of their classes. They are all in sports, tall and skinny, so I don't think the Wii has influenced them that much.

Last Fall, my oldest son won a Nintendo DS for selling the most amount of popcorn for Cub Scouts in our Scout district. He opened it to look at it when we got home, and it sat on his desk for 3 months. We ended up giving him a game for his birthday, he didn't ask for a game in that entire time. He also had gift cards he could have purchased games if he desired, but chose Legos instead, so money wasn't the issue.

Has the video game in our house taken over our kids? No. In my opinion, it is your parenting skills, guidance, and the values you teach your children that allows them to make wise choices.

You'll need to decide for yourself what is right for your family.

[Brian Elfert]

I have been a Boy Scout leader for a dozen years now. I see the results of video games and other electronics even amongst Boy Scouts. One scout was extremely overweight. He didn't go to summer camp because he couldn't be away from his computer and video games for a week. We have problems with Scouts particularly older ones bringing cell phones on camping trips. Rules say no electronics, but that doesn't stop most of them.

When I was a Scout in the mid/late 80s the leaders would make us empty our bags in the parking lot and anything prohibited was sent home or confiscated for the week. Electronics were prohibited, but there were not as many electronics then. I don't know that we could get away with that now.

[Dan Hintz]

I see nothing wrong with video games... in moderation. Thirty minutes (after schoolwork and chores are done) once or twice a week is hardly harmful, and it helps build hand-eye coordination skills.

[Dan Friedrichs]

+1 for "moderation". 7 hours a day of legos isn't healthy, either.

Probably the best thing is to make him not want to play video games. Have you considered only owning a very small black and white TV?

[Alan Trout]

Paul,

I don't want to sound like I am being a jerk because that is not my intention but coming from the mindset of an outdoorsman I think you missed a lot in your childhood without air rifles and such. Those items with proper instruction are some of the best safety and discipline tools a child could have along with an incredible amount of fun learning and adventure. I think Scouting is a great avenue for a young man to learn and respect others and themselves along with with learning of nature and their communities.

With all this being said I have a 6 year old son that is an only child that came along late in life compared to most parents. My wife and I were both 40 or older when he came along. I see childhood obesity a lot and while I think video games are a contributing factor I also think the diet most parents feed their kids is a bigger factor. We almost only use whole foods in our household and everything is made from scratch whenever possible. There are fast food treats from time to time but is not a staple of any of our diets. My sons is very slim compared to his classmates.

Video games in our house were held off for as long as I felt was appropriate. My son received a Nintendo DSI XL for Christmas from Santa and it is used for both reward and punishment. He may get to play for a half our a day, but when He as not done as he should it is taken away from him. He has learned and accepted that it is a privileged to play. As I type this he is putting together a jigsaw puzzle which I encourage as I feel games like this help with his thinking. He is an excellent student and as long as he does what he has to I have no problem with him playing in moderation.

Parental supervision is key with any activities so the more interest you show in him the better. Good luck and have fun in your parental journey. There is nothing as rewarding or frustrating all at the same time. Of course being a teacher you have most of the skills but it is different when its your own kid.

Alan

[Christian Castillo]

Everything in moderation. I'm still a young guy in my mid 20s, so it wasn't too long ago that I was into video gaming. Much social interaction and conversation with his peers will involve gaming at this stage in his life. As time progresses, social interaction will involve gaming far more than before and rapidly, it went from video game sleepovers in the late 90s, to lan party and online gaming by the time I was in college four years ago. About the weird boy comment, no, it won't be taken that far, but he will definitely feel like he is missing out on something. I like what the above poster said regarding using gaming as a privilege. One must remember that graphic novels and comic books were considered a huge waste of time when they were introduced, every generation goes through this.

[Paul Steiner]

My son is 3. I know he is young but other kids in our neighborhood started playing video games at 4. Christian brings up a good point as far as the gaming technology and the social aspect. As a high school teacher I will leave before my son wakes up for school, but I will always be home after school. So I will be there to moderate everything. I think like Alan I too will have to hold off on video games for as long as possible and moderate. I realize my problem is that I am 30 and I enjoyed video games as a kid, now I feel that they are a monumental waste of time. I feel this way not about children playing these games but young men playing these games. I have students that are expert video gamers and failing all their classes. In my neighborhood there are husbands that can not fix a toliet but are expert video gamers.
To refine my question whats your advice on making well rounded adults?

[John Fabre]

My kids 10, 7 and 3 years old are only allowed two hours of video games on weekends, sitting six feet from the TV. Playing with Hotwheels, drawing, Legos and reading throughout the week is standard. Playing sports, Woodturning, metal detecting and watching the Science and History channels is also in the mix.

[Larry Frank]

This is an interesting thread and I am thrilled to hear that there are parents working at trying to figure out the best way to raise their children. It is amazing as some or a lot of parents just let it happen and the results are sometimes not too good.

There are several good comments in this thread and I think that video games in moderation makes the most sense. If a child is not allowed to play, then he will not be a part of the conversation with some of his peers. In addition, the familiarity with video games and computers is probably a good thing as the computers.

I think guide a child in the best direction is a great thing but making rules such as no video games may at some point result in some backlash from the child especially as they reach the teen years.

I am very fortunate as all three of my children became adults without any major hysterics. Some of our rules for the children where not meet with a lot of enthusiasm and we had to modify them at times. But all three are grown up, they have good jobs and the most important part is that they are happy. I am blessed!

[Darius Ferlas]

The fact that you followed your mom's whishes to the letter doesn't mean your son will follow yours. If your son decides he wants to play video games he'll find a way.
If only paenting was as easy as to setting up rules.

So... my take is - just join in and have fun however boring thee things are. Many are very boring but spending your time with your son will make it much easier for you to control how much of it spent on those games and to imprint the idea that a video game is just a short, and in the long pretty insignifficant activity. Unless, of course, your son eventually becomes interested in computer/software engineering, or some exciting branch of math... oh let's say the game theory, or calculus.

[Rick Prosser]

Whether it is video games, or music, or hairstyle, or ...

The key is parental supervision and involvement. Setting parameters and being involved will give the best chance of a good outcome - but there are no guarantees.

My son was very much into video games. It was his passion and he spent as much time as he could playing. We set some rules (I am sure they were bent sometimes), but it drove him to do well in school so that he could become a video game programmer. He wrote a few games while in High School. He got his Masters in computer engineering and works as a test equipment programmer. He still spends a lot of his free time with computer games.

My daughter also enjoys video games, and plays a lot - but is a more casual player and has no interest in programming. She is more into music.

One thing we do as a family activity when we all get together is talk about, and play video games. My wife has never had an interest in video games, and sometimes feels out of place when the discussion turns to video games, but she hangs in there and gets involved as she can.

Anybody tried Portal 2 yet?

[John Fabre]

Anybody tried Portal 2 yet?

Not yet, maybe the easter bunny will bring it to my boys.

[Dennis Peacock]

I can tell you from personal experience that a youth unregulated will LIVE video games instead of being involved with family, friends, school, and chores. My youngest son bought his own Xbox 360 with my approval and I have taken it away from him because of his lack of respect, gratitude, and lack of school work and little to no family involvement. It's like taking away television....my kids were disrespectful and such with tv and 1 month after I took tv away they were respectful, productive, and much better behaved. The Xbox has been taken for over 1 month now and the recognized behavior improvement is markedly BETTER than ever.

The Key....is....parental involvement on a daily basis....you kids want YOU more than they want some video game. At the heart of every child is a person that wants and strongly desires acceptance, love, friendship, and a parent that is involved in their lives.

[Russ Filtz]

Video games have been proven to increase intelligence, problem solving skills, etc. So cutting them out entirely is unwise. I'm sure when I grew up (60's), parents probably said the same thing about comic books and cartoons on TV. You don't want your kids to be the oddballs at school with no TV or video games to talk about. They'll be bullied.