Colonoscopy Sweepstakes - Yes this is real

[Dan Mages]

One of the more bizzare sweepstakes I have ever seen. Does anyone want to learn what the muppets go through on a lon hard day of work? Ever wondered why Kermit gets the big bucks?

100% real!
http://promotions.mardenkane.com/cbs/cbscares/Index.cfm

Dan

[Lee Schierer]

Been there, did that, don't look forward to doing it again and wouldn't want to do it in nice hotel with room service.

[David G Baker]

Been there as well at least 4 times. I agree with Lee, a hotel room with room service is not something I would appreciate until a few days after the procedure. Last time I had it done my doctor had me drink a gallon of liquid with some powder mixed in with it the day prior. If I have to do that again, I am switching doctors. The stuff in the green bottle is bad enough along with a Fleet or two.

[Brent Leonard]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0eNt...eature=related

[Belinda Barfield]

Let's just hope this never comes up in a Free Stuff Drawing!

[Mike Henderson]

When I had a colonoscopy I didn't find it to be much of a burden. I really didn't have any lasting effects from it - had it in the morning and went on with the rest of my day.

I did the gallon prep (Colite). It's hard to drink the full gallon but it does a good prep, which allows the doc to see things better. When the prep is not good, the doc has to use a lot of irrigation during the procedure, which takes time from the actual examination of the colon.

As many people have said, "The prep is worse than the exam."

Mike

[Burt Alcantara]

I actually enjoyed it. The entire procedure was painless but the fun part was I watched it! They had a good sized monitor placed so I could easily see my tubes. I was almost disappointed when it was over.

I had to do a 3 day prep. That, for me, was the hardest part because of the diet.

Burt

[Eric DeSilva]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0eNt...eature=related

Is it right to be really scared of clicking a video link with no explanation in a thread about colonoscopy?

[Mike Henderson]

I actually enjoyed it. The entire procedure was painless but the fun part was I watched it! They had a good sized monitor placed so I could easily see my tubes. I was almost disappointed when it was over.

I had to do a 3 day prep. That, for me, was the hardest part because of the diet.

Burt

On my next colonoscopy, I want to get a DVD of the procedure (what the doc sees on the monitor). Then, when I have a guest overstaying their welcome, I'll invite them to watch the procedure with me. If that won't send them home, I don't know what will.

Mike

[Brent Leonard]

Is it right to be really scared of clicking a video link with no explanation in a thread about colonoscopy?

Bwaaahahaha!!

No...
not this one. This is actually a great and funny clip from a TV sitcom with Daman Wayans. I never watched the show, but the video clip was doing the rounds on email a while back. This "light" conversation about tubes and Kentucky Jelly, I thought would be perfect for the video.

It truly is hilarious to anyone who has been to the butt Doctor.

[Frank Hagan]

I was inspired to write an account of my procedure on our family email list:


Jan had shamed me into finally having the colonoscopy that I had been delaying for several years, so I made an appointment with a gastro-indo-doctor that my family practitioner recommended. Dr. Jack Rotoberg (German for “Roto-Rooter”) was a nice enough guy to all appearances.



Because of my history of acid-reflux, he recommended a “two-fer”, where they do an “endoscope” (a device that, despite the name, actually goes in your MOUTH, not your “endo”) as well as the colonoscopy, which is named appropriately and, I made sure, an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT INSTRUMENT THAN THE ENDO INSTRUMENT. Not wanting to pass up a bargin, I of course agreed, especially when he said I would be out for the entire process, and the ENDO procedure would be done first just in case there’s a mix up of tools. I later learned that “out for the entire process” is a relative phrase.


The prep, everyone says, is worse than the event, but it wasn’t that bad. No food for a day and a half and massive amounts of laxatives resemble the normal Hollywood starlet diet plan. Monday afternoon I was ready for my closeup.


After disrobing entirely except for my socks … they said “you can leave your socks on” (is that a song?) … I donned the open-backed robe and jumped up on the gurney. The nurses were having a contest to see who could insert an IV the fastest (my nurse won, and was named “One Stick” for the day). Wheeled off to the “procedure room”, I was wired to a monitor where I could see my respirations or heartrate steady at 74, another one of those at 68, my blood pressure at an acceptable 154 / 82 and my blood oxygen at 100%. How nice that they have your vitals right up there where you can see if you’re going to kick any one of those buckets. Except that when the CUTE nurse walked in and the numbers jumped slightly, I quickly started thinking about Congress to try and get them back to the normal range.


Dr. Jack came in and injected the “you’ll be out for the procedure” medicine into the IV port, and evidently did the ENDO procedure. I woke up to a riveting science fiction film on the monitor, where I was rushing down the corridors of a Romulan War Bird spaceship, complete with its trapazoidal support beams spaced evenly along the walls. “War Bird?” I muttered and then said “Oh, we’re live.”


The nurse said “Mr. Hagan?” and I said “why does this remind me of Congress?” Dr. Jack laughed and the nurse, who evidently was not the pretty one, said “Should I get the anesthesiologist?”. Dr. Jack responded that it would not be necessary, as they were “turning the corner now” (there are corners?) and we were “almost rounding home” (there’s a home base?)


There was a polyp, evidently the whole reason for the quest, which for gastro-endo doctor types is like the little jewel thing that you get in video games that gives you extra points. Dr. Jack exclaimed “Polyp!” and the nurse said “I see it!” and I said “looks like a uvela” (that little punching bag thing that hangs down in your mouth). I think that’s what I said, but they both laughed, and I didn’t think I said anything funny. Deploying something that looked suspiciously like that hoop on a pole thing the dog catchers use … just how much stuff did he put up in there, anyway? … Dr. Jack removed the polyp, but I was disappointed to see that there wasn’t a little “100″ high score balloon or a special chime sound. There was just a small puff of smoke, which reminds me of the saying … well, never mind.


Soon, I was wheeled out and sent to a bathroom where, I was assured by the nurses, I could do all the normal things people are allowed to do in bathrooms. Jan was brought into the recovery room at that time, and I could hear one of the nurses say to her “Your husband is in the bathroom” to which Jan replied, “I recognize the call”. Its nice to be recognized for something, anyway.


After some explanation of how I did, which I remember this way “Blah, blah, blah endo normal biopsy blah, blah, colonoscopy polyp Congress, blah, Barney Frank, blah, blah”, they let Jan lead me out to the car for the ride home. “Did she say ‘Barney Frank’ in there?” and Jan told me to get into the car. I told her I could drive home and she said yes, you are doing fine, get in the car. Seeing an opportunity for humor, I opened the door and got in the car with my head on the seat, my butt up in the air, and waited what seemed like a long time for Jan to notice. She did, and instructed me to please sit in the car in a normal manner or she would call Barney Frank.


Barney Frank?

[David G Baker]

Not sure if this is kosher to post this but it is very funny.
Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
======================
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy' s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.
I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began mypreparation.
In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald

[Brian Effinger]

One of the more bizzare sweepstakes I have ever seen. Does anyone want to learn what the muppets go through on a lon hard day of work? Ever wondered why Kermit gets the big bucks?

100% real!
http://promotions.mardenkane.com/cbs/cbscares/Index.cfm

Dan

Now that was funny. I've never read an intro to a sweepstakes as interesting as that.

Let's just hope this never comes up in a Free Stuff Drawing!

I wonder if anyone would actually enter? Maybe some would because they don't read Glenn's description, only see free drawing, think woodworking and enter.

[John Schreiber]

__________________
A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

Does this relate to the topic or is this just a coincidence, or does just the thought of a colonoscopy make me queezy. Never mind. I'm sure it's just me.

[Tom Veatch]

I've had 2 of them. Don't remember a thing about either one. First one, I was lying there, the nurse told me to roll over on my left side. My next memory is lying on the couch at home. Second one, my next memory was being wheeled back to the recovery room. At that rate, maybe the next one I'll remember what actually happens in there.

As said, the prep is the worst part of it.

Queezy or not, have it done! Colon cancer is not something you want to let go if it can be found in time for effective treatment. My older brother waited too long. He's survived so far, but he had to have a colostomy and you do not want that if you avoid it. Also, the cancer seems to have metastasized and they recently found spots of it in his lungs. We're hoping, but...

Just DO IT!