My annual trip to Colonial Williamsburg for the 18th Century Furniture conference began with the drive from NH to as far as Columbia MD on Friday. I had made an ironclad decision to make a stop at the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial on the way down. I had made this same vow for each of the last 10 years and each time had found or made up excuses along the way to avoid going. This time I vowed it would be different. No mention of my plans was made to anyone, including my wife who had no idea of attempts over the years.
Friday morning I woke up at 4:45AM after a fitful night's sleep and was on the road by 6AM. I arrived at a parking spot on the Mall at 6:45 while it was still fully dark and the sky was just beginning to show signs that it would lighten. There was absolutely no one around and the Mall was cold and bleak. A 3 minute walk brought me to the statue of the 3 infantrymen standing slightly above ground level inside a circular walk. As I circled slowly ingesting the details of their uniforms, weapons, and gear my eyes started to moisten and I began to shake. Memories supressed for 40 years began to come back to me...both good and bad.
After a few short moments I walked over to the 2 stands containing the alphabetical lists of names engraved in stone. It was now light enough to barely read the names and I began my searches. I would look up a name and the location of the name and then walk down the descending path to the wall and find it. After several trips, my eyes were no longer moist, I was crying like a child and dripping tears everywhere. I went back up to the book and found the one last name that was most special to me.
David B.Graham of Ventural CA, Corporal USMC killed in action about 11:30PM February 8, 1969 1 km west of the Tam Ky airstrip. His 6 man ambush patrol had been attacked and I went out with a 6 man reactionary force. He had been shot in the chest and he died unconscious while I held him and tried to stop the bleeding 5 minutes before the medevac arrived. Because it was night, the Dustoff helicopter wouldn't take the body out. The next morning I took his poncho wrapped body by truck to the army graves registration unit in Chu Lai. David's name is on panel 33w line 85.
This pilgrimage which I so dreaded and was so afraid of making has had a catarthic effect. Last evening just before going in to dinner in Williamsburg with Keith and Jackie Outten and Arron and his wife Kathy and Jess Outten I called Sue back at home. I fessed up as to my stop at the Wall and had to listen to Sue's concern and complaint that she had never heard me mention going to the memorial or my feelings about Vietnam and that she wished she had been there to support me. I had trouble explaining that this was something that I had to face alone but finally got my message across. I feel like a huge load has been lifted from my soul and I have finally come to grips with events going back as far as August 1968. Life is good.
As a final note, if any of you other vets out there have had the same fears, fight them and make the trip. It's not without pain, but you will feel immensely relieved. You can go like I did, at dawn on a weekend in total seclusion and privacy to deal with things on your own terms.