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From another internet site:
· Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
· I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
· I need to practice social-distancing........ from the refrigerator.
· Still haven't decided where to go for today ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
· Public Service Announcement : Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
· Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
· I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.
· This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
· So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
· Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
· My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
· Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
· I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
· I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’. I'm getting tired of ‘’Los Livingroom’’.
· Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
· Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
· Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under….
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Lee, to add to your post:
Do not forget to remove your pajamas before taking a shower or using the toilet. They are not designed for true 24/7/365 use.
Bill D
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Today's take
Let's keep it going folks we're in for a long haul.
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Lost
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently,
I’m still lost…
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One of my pet peeves with this smart-phone world, is when the kids & grandkids come to visit,
say for a birthday party, everyone sits around busy on their phones- but when it comes time to sing
'happy birthday' and blow out the candles, not a one of 'em can be found
shooting pictures or video--! ;)
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For Tuesday
Not getting as many good ones anymore.
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Here's an explanation....
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Ken, my wife lol'ed when I read that to her.
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More
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Ration for today
Her are a few more I dug up. The last one I just couldn't resist.