Back in the doghouse again & don't even own a dog

[mark page]

Was standing in my shop which is an oversized two car attached garage with the " deer in the headlight look". Actually my mind was going 90 mph thinking of how I can turn an appx 45x90 open basement into the perfect shop. Thinking of dust control, fumes, noise, partitions for finishing, etc, etc, (all that deep do it yourself engineering & construction type thoughts). Now the garage/shop is used as a main entrance for the sake of convenience from the driveway. LOML sees me in the "deep thought" stance, and states that I need to do something here cause the walkway (her terminology was path) is getting smaller and smaller, and the hint of having purchased more equipment was in the air. Well me being the wise ass witty guy that I can be, states that the path is not getting smaller instead your butt's (I used a different word) getting wider:eek:. Now ya got to understand that in the master bathroom, there is a set of scales that takes a PHD to operate. It measures this, calculates that, weighs you if you know which button to press, and probably somewhere spits out your daily horoscope and weather forecast. (Now I have always called her butt my "real estate" as a joke since we met). She informs me that she has only gained five pounds since we met in '02. (She can get obsessed with this five pounds). So after a tad bit of manageable huffiness from her, I come back with the reply of "I don't mind making a return on my real estate investment but I don't want to have to pay capital gains tax on it". I didn't even think this up, it just came out of my mouth impromptu. Now she knew I was joking, but since this all happened within about 8 days of me forgetting our wedding anniversary.....:eek::eek::eek:

[Bruce Page]

Mark, Mark, Mark, consider yourself lucky to still be breathing. You crossed a line that not many have survived.

LOL!

[Mark Hix]

yep, gonna need some powerful suck up skills. Good luck.....put my name on your table saw for the sale OK?:D

[Steve knight]

if you only ended up in the doghouse feel very lucky. :eek:

[Jon Todd]

thats nuthin,

I was walking up the steps behind my wife and I asked her if her Butt was getting bigger. I dont remember much after that:eek:

[Craig Kershaw]

As the boy scouts in my sons troop used to say, "it sucks to be you". She'll likey get over it, but it will likely take a while. Best to lay low and mind your P's and Q's. Do you have any extended business trips to South America planned in the immediate future? Reminds me of the old Mark Twain line - Better to remain silent and appear stupid then to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

Seriously, begging foregiveness and pleading temporary/permanent insanity may be your best alternative.

I've been married to a great lady for 28+ years and have found myself in your shoes on a few occassions. Perhaps you need to get the kneepads out since you may need to be on your knees begging foregiveness.

[David DeCristoforo]

Here's a tip (from a guy who has been married to the same woman for going on 40 years). Just stay in the dog house. ;)

[mark page]

I really don't know what the obsession is with the weight thing. Maybe like Howie Mandel & germs. LOML has a figure that most women would love to have. But the weight thing is her "hot" button, and I have to admit I push that button at times. Guess on this race, I won the gold:rolleyes:.

[Steve knight]

it's a woman thing. even when they are skinny as a rail.

[Kevin Arceneaux]

Yep, at least she did not trap with the - "Does this make my butt look big" question. This was a self-inflicted wound.

There has been more than one occasion in 25+ years I have let my had my mouth in 4th gear and the brain in neutral.

Flowers are a good start, from a Florist, not Winn Dixie.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Mark,

What can I say? In nearly 40 years of marriage, I've had my share of "my mouth could sue my brain for non-support" moments. Luckily they have been few and far between.


Tell her to let us know when the funeral is and we'll take up a colleciton and send flowers. If there are any other Creekers in the area, I'm sure they will want to come to the funeral and maybe get some pre-yard sale views of the tools she will sell for pennies on the dollar and widen that path!:eek:

[Rich Engelhardt]

Hello,

Yep, at least she did not trap with the - "Does this make my butt look big" question.
Women are never that simple in what they ask.
It's not "Does this make my butt look big?" - It's "does this make my but look big-ger?".
That way you done for no matter how you answer.:rolleyes:

As a side note - a friend of a friend once said something his wife took the wrong way.
Next day she packed him a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.
Instead of jelly, she stuck a piece of sandpaper in it:eek:.

Always remember guys - they know where we sleep and they also feed us ;)

[Prashun Patel]

So I assume new equipment is indefinitely out of the question....

[Doug Shepard]

You like to work without a net dont you?:D
Coincidently I'm in the painting stages of a new dog house so if you need a vacation getaway.....

[Jim Becker]

'Sounds like you need to be visitin' one of the 'Marts to investigate a small, roll-up mattress that fits on top of your table saw... LOL

[Belinda Barfield]

Mark, I would ask "what were you thinking?", but obviously you weren't! Men have hot button issues as well, and our butt is the same type of hot button for us. Any time I mention that I can no longer fit in my favorite Levis, my honey's response is, "We both need to lose a little weight." I know he is trying to be diplomatic, but I'm a real stubborn foreign country that needs to be placated from time to time.

As for you young man, I'm suggesting you start plans for an additon to that dog house. Sounds like you're going to be spending a lot of time there. Just be glad she can't put you on shop restriction!

[steve reeves]

Just be glad she can't put you on shop restriction!

Oh really?....

Someone should tell MY wife that...:D

[Jim O'Dell]

I've got electricity in my dog house, but no running water...yet...what's your situation???:D Jim.

[Steve Clardy]

Mark, I'm having a great laugh here. :D:D:D



I got water and elec. in my doghouse.


No shower........yet

[Mitchell Andrus]

Well, I can't say nothin...

LOML of 24 years has added some real estate to her tracts of land over the years....

BUT - - last year she joined a gym and has LOST 50 pounds, according to her. It shows.... She looks great.

Sooooo, what to do??? I can't say she looks terrific now that she's sold off the the south 40 without implying that she shouldn't have tried to go for the Donald Trump-sized land grab in the first place.

Signed, caught short in Jersey.

[mark page]

I don't own a dog, so no doghouse. Guess I'll have to start building one or in the extreme case of emergency--go pre-fab!!!
On another humorous side note about how this set of NASA designed set of scales came about. I just weighed myself on the "old" set, LOML just happened to be there at the time. I accidentally passed gas & farted. Jokingly I said let me hop on the scales to see if I lost any weight. She informed me that air does not weigh anything and you didn't lose any weight. I hopped back on and be damned if the scales didn't show a pound lighter. That topic still brings up it's own series of humor stories by itself. So now she has condemned the old set of scales to hell because there is no way they can be accurate, and she's just got to have accuracy in the "weights & measures" department. In comes this new set that measures to the ounce, took her two hours to program the danged thing. I asked her what is there to program in a set of scales. Danged if she didn't have to put everyone in the families birthday, height, gender, and god only knows what else. I really do have to admit that I don't have a single clue how to run the damn thing. I am used to the "step on & step off" set. If I want to weigh myself, I have to get her to come prep the thing for me. Then it takes five minutes of standing there while she goes through all the readings of the mini-physical it just gave me. I don't know what she paid for this thing, and probably don't want to know. So to make a long story short, I have this new scientific piece of equipment in my house, one that I can't even operate, don't even know what the info it spits out means, all because of a fart!!!!!

[Von Bickley]

I stay in the doghouse so much, if somebody comes to the door, I don't know if I should shake their hand or smell their butt.....

[David DeCristoforo]

"...and our butt is the...hot button for us..."

Maybe so. Butt (pun intended) here's the thing. I may be "out there" butt (there he goes again...can't leave it alone can you?) I love my wife regardless of the size of her butt or anything else. And I let her know it. So what if you need bigger pants? One of my favorite "anecdotes":

Two guys sitting in a bar. One guy is raving about his new found love. "And she's got this sexy little laugh that just drives me crazy." he says. Six months later the same two guys sitting on the same bar stools and the same guy says (about the same woman) "Yeah, we're still together. But that nervous little giggle of hers is driving me crazy!"

Guys (and women too I suppose) need to realize that the container is meaningless... It's the same beer whether you drink it from the can or out of a glass. It's all about perspective. Stay in touch with the love and you will never put your foot in your mouth again.... Never forget that what she needs is more important than what you want and you can tear that doghouse down.

[Belinda Barfield]

"...and our butt is the...hot button for us..."

Maybe so. Butt (pun intended) here's the thing. I may be "out there" butt (there he goes again...can't leave it alone can you?) I love my wife regardless of the size of her butt or anything else. And I let her know it. So what if you need bigger pants?

Guys (and women too I suppose) need to realize that the container is meaningless... It's the same beer whether you drink it from the can or out of a glass. It's all about perspective. Stay in touch with the love and you will never put your foot in your mouth again.... Never forget that what she needs is more important than what you want and you can tear that doghouse down.

I agree tht it is what's inside that matters, but I have to disagree that the container is meaningless. Many women (and men) work very hard to stay in shape because they want to stay healthy and live longer, but also because they want their partner to be proud to be seen with them. The new containers coming out since us older models were produced are getting sleeker and curvier by the day. Consider all the "after market accessories" that have been installed on some models and some women feel they don't have a chance. It is a little different for women than it is for men. Men may love the old Ford but most of them are sure gonna check out the new Jag when it comes around the corner. Think about the last time you heard of a woman having a mid life crisis and running away with the babysitter. Many women feel they have to "compete" for their partner every day. Some are competing against a job, or an ex, or even a hobby. David is right about the fact her true needs are important, as are yours.

To address the eternally dreaded question, "Does my (insert body part here) look big in this?" You men are correct, you will rarely win on this one. I don't ask the question, because I know the answer every day when I look in the mirror. Honey has actually told me on a couple of occasions, "That outfit really makes your butt look big." I appreciate his honesty and change. He's only telling me because he knows I would be embarassed by the remarks made behind my back. And believe me gentleman it is a catty world out there. Most women don't dress for men, they dress for other women. If your woman is dressing for other men then you have a bigger problem than a lack of shower in your doghouse. Sometimes a woman wants to be the best looking thing at the party on one hand; however, on the other hand she knows that lots of other women at the party wil hate her for it, and will find any fault possible to share with others. Yes, I know that not all women are like that, but there are a significant number of them in this world.

Again, I am speaking in generalities here and definitely not speaking about all women.

Now, back to Mark's original problem. Mark, you might want to reconsider on the dog . . . it's gonna' be a cold winter.

[David DeCristoforo]

"I agree tht it is what's inside that matters, but I have to disagree that the container is meaningless. Many women (and men) work very hard to stay in shape because they want to stay healthy and live longer, but also because they want their partner to be proud to be seen with them. The new containers coming out since us older models were produced are getting sleeker and curvier by the day. Consider all the "after market accessories" that have been installed on some models and some women feel they don't have a chance. It is a little different for women than it is for men. Men may love the old Ford but most of them are sure gonna check out the new Jag when it comes around the corner. Think about the last time you heard of a woman having a mid life crisis and running away with the babysitter. Many women feel they have to "compete" for their partner every day. Some are competing against a job, or an ex, or even a hobby. David is right about the fact her true needs are important, as are yours."

Living longer? Staying healthier? GOOD! Being "proud to be seen with"? Shallow and empty. As to the "aftermarket accessories" and the idea that a woman should have to compete to keep her man.... well maybe that just shows how obsessed we have become with the shallow and the meaningless. If men could stay in touch with the love that drew them to their wives in the first place, they would not have to be running off with babysitters and lusting after other women. They would get everything they could possibly want from their wives. Ego is the worst part of human nature. Stop thinking about how you look and start thinking about how you feel. You know what I'm saying... don't you?

[Belinda Barfield]

Living longer? Staying healthier? GOOD! Being "proud to be seen with"? Shallow and empty. As to the "aftermarket accessories" and the idea that a woman should have to compete to keep her man.... well maybe that just shows how obsessed we have become with the shallow and the meaningless. If men could stay in touch with the love that drew them to their wives in the first place, they would not have to be running off with babysitters and lusting after other women. They would get everything they could possibly want from their wives. Ego is the worst part of human nature. Stop thinking about how you look and start thinking about how you feel. You know what I'm saying... don't you?

Agreed David. As I said, I wasn't speaking for all women, nor even for myself for that matter. But there are a lot of women out there who are maybe a little too appearance obsessed. I don't know that I would call them shallow and empty necessarily.

It's sometimes the little things, seeing your partner each and every day rather than just looking at them. Here is an example, many times in the past my toenails would be painted (call me shallow, whatever) but not my fingernails because it was so hard to maintain polish on my fingers working in a stone shop. One night Honey had something to do after work so I had a girlie night and painted my fingernails as well. The next morning when I walked into the kitchen Honey said "I like it when you're fingers and toes match." I was thrilled! He rarely comments or compliments, so when he does, I listen up. I make every effort now to have matching fingers and toes (though I have gotten a little slack lately). I don't do my nails because I'm shallow, I do them because it is something he likes, and I want to please him.

[David DeCristoforo]

Doing things to please each other... that's what I'm talkin about. That's a good reason. I agree with that 1,000 percent.