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Mitchell Andrus
06-10-2008, 8:28 AM
Movie monsters are always angry, have big teeth and will try to bite the hero's girlfriend after already having already eaten the girlfriend's girlfriend.

When I need a haircut, my barber is on vacation.

Adam Sandler can't act.

The car I had in high school is now worth more than my house.

more....

Greg Cole
06-10-2008, 9:37 AM
When I need a haircut & shave, it's May or June and "my" hockey team is still in the playoffs. I no longer need a shave & haircut.:D

As soon as I think I will have some "extra" money, life seems to gobble it up.

We no longer seem to get a discernable spring, the weather goes from wintery mix to summer.

Driving a black vehicle is a PITA if you like it clean most of the time.

Being able to bring my dog to work every day is a wonderful thing.

Keith Starosta
06-10-2008, 11:09 AM
When I need a haircut & shave, it's May or June and "my" hockey team is still in the playoffs. I no longer need a shave & haircut.:D
.
.
.



Yeah, BABY!!!

GO WINGS!!!

Ken Fitzgerald
06-10-2008, 12:16 PM
If you are a working man...when you have the time ...you don't have the money.....when you have the money....you don't have the time...

Bob Moyer
06-10-2008, 12:24 PM
My last pair of sneakers cost more than my first car.
The school lunch boxes I had sell on eBay sell for over $100.00
If I do any work on my knees; there is no amount of Advil that will help me the next day.
The leading cause of death is birth
Most food that tastes good is not good for you.
Girls today were not built like that when I was young.
Buying clothes made in USA are almost impossible to find.

John Schreiber
06-10-2008, 1:55 PM
I exist.


After that, it's all guesswork.

Lee DeRaud
06-10-2008, 2:31 PM
I exist.Are you sure? :cool:

John Schreiber
06-10-2008, 2:59 PM
Are you sure? :cool:
Who's asking?

Greg Muller
06-10-2008, 3:10 PM
Who's asking?

To paraphrase Descartes;

"Cogito ergo submitto"



(= I think, therefore I ... get in trouble with the wife.)
:o



Greg

Butch Edwards
06-10-2008, 4:45 PM
..you don't always reap what you sow...sometimes the critters eat it :rolleyes:

Ron Journeau
06-10-2008, 8:40 PM
The war on the middle class is going just fine...

Colin Giersberg
06-11-2008, 12:21 AM
A mind may be a terrible thing to waste, but a waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Colin Giersberg
06-11-2008, 12:23 AM
Five out of four people do not understand fractions.

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth closed.

What goes up must come down, unless it is gas prices.

The person that comes in last in the race can also be called first worst.

Lee DeRaud
06-11-2008, 1:04 AM
Five out of four people do not understand fractions.There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary arithmetic, and those who don't.

Randal Stevenson
06-11-2008, 1:04 AM
Life is a terminal STD
You can't design something idiot proof, you will find a better idiot.
Common sense is the BIGGEST oxymoron.
The biggest lessons learned, are almost never in the classroom.

Dewey Torres
06-11-2008, 1:18 AM
The war on the middle class is going just fine...

VERY Good one Ron... you get my vote for best one yet!:D

Dewey

Jude Tuliszewski
06-11-2008, 2:50 AM
It's never where I left it last when I need it first.

Tomorrow only exists in my mind.

When the gas can gets low it always has enough to do 1/3 of the of the yard.

Carrol Fleming
06-11-2008, 6:21 AM
Life is a terminal STD
You can't design something idiot proof, you will find a better idiot.


The common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. - Douglas Adams

I have this up in my office for when I am designing Databases or WebSites and always ask my husband to test drive my designs :D

Carrol

Justin Leiwig
06-11-2008, 9:44 AM
Girls today were not built like that when I was young.


Ain't that the truth! :o

1.) We are what we do.

2.) Not all who wander are lost.

3.) I still wake up in amazement every day that my wife agreed to marry me

4.) If your compass remains fixed on others you will chart your way to happiness.

5.) Where you end up isn't the most important thing. It's the road you take to get there.

6.) The road you take is what you'll look back on and call your life.

Pat Germain
06-11-2008, 4:38 PM
If you look around and more than five people are complete jerks, the problem is you!

Glenn Clabo
06-11-2008, 5:02 PM
"He was now convinced that the most valuable sail on board was the diesel."
-Ray Kauffman

Chris Padilla
06-11-2008, 5:23 PM
"I bought some powdered water the other day but I didn't know what to add...."

"I spilled spot remove on my dog...and now he's gone...."

--Steven Wright

Paul Greathouse
06-12-2008, 5:21 AM
Dogs are more loyal than people.

Really dense people don't realize that they are.

The least well-to-do people are usually the most wasteful with thier money.

People that are deep in debt think I'm tight.

It costs more to drive an economical vehicle that your paying a high monthly note on, than it does to drive a vehicle with no monthly note that gets bad gas mileage.

Shift work makes you feel old when your not.

It is better to eat to live than to live to eat.

Cigarettes don't make you look cool but most people that smoke think they do.

Professional Athletes, Actors and Rappers are some of the worst roll models for kids but can exert a large amount of influence on them.

Rich Engelhardt
06-12-2008, 7:26 AM
Hello,

Civilization, is pretty much a dozen hot meals away from the stone age..

Colin Giersberg
06-13-2008, 7:37 PM
Why is it so hard to get rid of an old garbage can. It can be split all the way down the side, and the bottom is no longer there, but it will be left behind on garbage day, so that you can use it again.

Why, I tell you, why?

Regards, Colin

Mark Kosmowski
06-13-2008, 8:47 PM
When the road salt deposits on your car are peeling off like mica, it just might be time for a car wash.

Don Abele
06-13-2008, 11:53 PM
Why is it so hard to get rid of an old garbage can. It can be split all the way down the side, and the bottom is no longer there, but it will be left behind on garbage day, so that you can use it again.

Why, I tell you, why?

Regards, Colin

Colin, I put a piece of masking tape across the top of mine (it was empty) that read, "Trash, please take" and he still left it. The following week, I taped a sign to it that said, "This can is no longer usable - please dispose of." He STILL left it. After that I was getting frustrated. So I put it out one more time with another note that said, "Three times is the charm - please take this garbage can and put it out of my misery." Yup, it was still there. When I got home, I picked it up and took it to the public works office and left it in the center of their foyer (with all three notes)! Haven't seen it since!!!

Be well,

Doc

John Schreiber
06-14-2008, 9:33 AM
Why is it so hard to get rid of an old garbage can. . . .

I couldn't get rid of mine until I cut it up with a Sawzall and put it in my new garbage can.

Brian Hale
06-14-2008, 1:31 PM
The common denominator in all your failed relationships is you.

Larry Browning
06-14-2008, 1:46 PM
There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary arithmetic, and those who don't.

Hey!,
You stole that from my signature:)

Matt Ocel
06-14-2008, 2:02 PM
No matter how hard I try to make the right decision, its NEVER the right decision in my wifes eyes.

Lee DeRaud
06-14-2008, 3:56 PM
Hey!,
You stole that from my signature:)I won't ask where you stole it from. :cool:

mike holden
06-16-2008, 10:39 AM
Yeah Larry, we can add 10 and 10 together! (grin)
Mike

Charles Wiggins
06-16-2008, 12:04 PM
Girls today were not built like that when I was young.

Absolutely! When my boy started sixth grade we went to meet the homeroom teacher and there was a girl in there that looked 17 or 18. And I can't believe what some of them wear now. If I had a daughter there is no way she would even own some of the stuff that a lot of girls wear in public now.

Bill Cunningham
06-17-2008, 10:44 PM
There are two types of dirt in the world:
Dark dirt that sticks to light colored objects
Light dirt that sticks to dark colored objects.

The Moral Majority is neither!

Look! A Dyslexic Agnostic, Claims there's no DOG

You can only put a twinkle in some peoples eye, if you shine a flashlight in their ear !

Acid absorbs 47 times it's own weight in reality (60's flashback)

A Cabbage is a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.

If you feel strongly about graffiti, sign a partition.

Any stigma is good enough to beat a dogma with.

A Liberal is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

Education has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.

It's always the OVERtakers who keep the UNDERtakers busy.

Love is going home and putting your feet up in front of a roaring wife.

If you are sitting on top of the world, remember, it turns over every twenty-four hours.

The bigger a man's head grows, the easier it is to fill his shoes.

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with a photograph of herself.

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read.

Brute force, clumsiness, ignorance, and superstition will always triumph over science, skill, knowledge, and logic.

If the first person who answers the phone cannot answer your question, then its a bureaucracy.

(My favorite):Every silver lining has a cloud around it.

The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together...

Larry Browning
06-17-2008, 11:20 PM
I won't ask where you stole it from. :cool:
Is there really any idea or thought that wasn't stolen from somewhere?

Al Willits
06-18-2008, 12:44 PM
If you tell someone a secret that your keeping from the wife, she will hear it, no matter how far a way she is.....

The game of life is full of bad and good, as long as there's more good than bad, your winning.

If you hear "Hey Bubba, hold my beer and watch this".....run as fast as you can in the other direction.

Al

Larry Browning
06-18-2008, 1:15 PM
Yeah Larry, we can add 10 and 10 together! (grin)
Mike

Sooo, what's than answer?? I know, do you?

Carl Heidesch
06-19-2008, 3:52 PM
Some people are like slinkies. The only good they do is make you smile when they tumble down the stairs !

Mark Hix
06-19-2008, 11:14 PM
If you play, you win.

Jamie Buxton
06-21-2008, 6:44 PM
Colin, I put a piece of masking tape across the top of mine (it was empty) that read, "Trash, please take" and he still left it. The following week, I taped a sign to it that said, "This can is no longer usable - please dispose of." He STILL left it. After that I was getting frustrated. So I put it out one more time with another note that said, "Three times is the charm - please take this garbage can and put it out of my misery." Yup, it was still there. When I got home, I picked it up and took it to the public works office and left it in the center of their foyer (with all three notes)! Haven't seen it since!!!

Be well,

Doc

Don, you're assuming your garbage collector can read, and can read English. That may not be a good assumption. Why do you think he's got a lousy job?

Kevin Arceneaux
06-21-2008, 6:53 PM
The most unsafe guy on the worksite never gets hurt