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Rick Dohm
02-08-2008, 1:52 PM
Some things to think about when you don't have anything else to do.



Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's
only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on
luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune? (Why did you just try singing the two songs?)

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your
butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a
car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


Hope at least some of these put a smile on your face! Make it a great day! :)


Rick Dohm

Al Wasser
02-08-2008, 2:34 PM
Why is it that people say they are getting on the airplane? Personally I prefer to get IN the air plane!

Why do people say "I would like to thank you"..... You don't need to ask permission to thank someone

Phyllis Meyer
02-08-2008, 4:15 PM
Rick,

Those did make me laugh, thanks:)! Here are a few more...

Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
Why do stores that are open 24 hours a day have locks on their doors?
Why did Kama Kazi pilots wear helmets?

Have a great weekend, you folks have had a lot of snow.

Phyllis

Mike Henderson
02-08-2008, 6:19 PM
Well, I can answer one of those - "Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?"

There was a court case a while back that addressed that question. A driver transporting a body used the carpool lane and was stopped by the police. He claimed he had an additional person and was eligible to use the lane. The court disagreed.

There was another case where a pregnant woman was stopped for driving in the carpool lane. She also claimed she was eligible to use the lane. The court disagreed with her, also.

On the pregnancy issue, the court probably came down on practicality. How are the police to know whether someone is pregnant or not? It would essentially allow all women drivers (driving alone) to use the carpool lane.

Mike

John Hixon
02-08-2008, 6:49 PM
Is there any such thing as Military Intelligence?

Rick Dohm
02-08-2008, 7:07 PM
Phyllis:

You know, I think it's time for Wisconsin and Utah, or something, to switch places. I was 30 years younger the last time we had this much snow. I thought I was gonna die then before winter was over. Be glad to see something green again (besides the Packers :D).

Rick

Colin Giersberg
02-08-2008, 9:46 PM
The songs "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, and A,B,C,d are the same songs.

If you are going up the creek without a paddle, then don't you think it would be a great idea to turn around, go down the creek, and get the paddle.

If common sense is so rare these days, then would un-common sense be the better choice.

Just my 1 cent.

Regards, Colin

Bill Kreussling
02-08-2008, 9:54 PM
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Michael Gibbons
02-09-2008, 10:27 AM
If you don't have anyone that would carpool with you, you could buy a mannequin if you are bound and determined to drive in the carpool lane. No one be the wiser. Even the po-lease. At least you'd have company and they'd always listen to what you have to say.

Where are we going and why are we in this basket?

If you couldn't do it right the first time, how did you find the money to hire someone to do right it the second time?

Gary Keedwell
02-09-2008, 11:06 AM
Since remarks about the military have been negative twice in this thread...may I remind everybody that America became great because of action and commitment to duty of millions of great citizens who sacrificed their time and lives to keep this great country free.:rolleyes::)

Gary Keedwell

John Hixon
02-09-2008, 11:24 AM
Didn't want to offend anyone. My son is serving as an Army Combat Medic and expects to deploy to Iraq this summer or early fall.

Gary Keedwell
02-09-2008, 11:36 AM
Didn't want to offend anyone. My son is serving as an Army Combat Medic and expects to deploy to Iraq this summer or early fall.
I was a combat medic with the infantry and unless things have changed...military intelligence was not in the habit of sharing information with the medical divisions...especially the lower echelons.;)

Gary

Michael Gibbons
02-09-2008, 1:37 PM
Sorry Gary, Didn't mean to offend .I deleted my post. Heard that M.I. joke before. I'm proud of the men and women serving our country. Gotta be careful what you say here,just might get us locked or deleted.

Andy Hoyt
02-09-2008, 2:01 PM
I too served as a Navy Corpsman.

Keep it clean guys

Gary Keedwell
02-09-2008, 2:42 PM
Sorry Gary, Didn't mean to offend .I deleted my post. Heard that M.I. joke before. I'm proud of the men and women serving our country. Gotta be careful what you say here,just might get us locked or deleted.
No problem Michael....It's just that the military seems to be an easy target...and the men and women both now and in the past, deserve much better.

Gary

Dennis Peacock
02-09-2008, 6:50 PM
I too am proud to have served our country in the U.S. Military. Still very proud today.

Keith Outten
02-09-2008, 8:58 PM
I have also served but I might remind everyone that our Servicemen and women generally enjoy a good laugh when they can, even when it is at their own expense. The comment/joke about Military Intelligence is frequently made by those who serve and of course all of our Veterans.

It was a jovial remark, don't take it seriously.

Mike Henderson
02-09-2008, 9:33 PM
I have also served but I might remind everyone that our Servicemen and women generally enjoy a good laugh when they can, even when it is at their own expense. The comment/joke about Military Intelligence is frequently made by those who serve and of course all of our Veterans.

It was a jovial remark, don't take it seriously.
I absolutely agree with Keith. I served also (Vietnam) and we made a LOT of jokes about various things military. Many of those jokes couldn't be posted here due to the TOS.

Mike

Gary Keedwell
02-09-2008, 9:51 PM
I have also served but I might remind everyone that our Servicemen and women generally enjoy a good laugh when they can, even when it is at their own expense. The comment/joke about Military Intelligence is frequently made by those who serve and of course all of our Veterans.

It was a jovial remark, don't take it seriously.
I somewhat agree Keith...military men amongst THEMSELVES will make jokes about their employer. Sadly though, they are often not portrayed in the best of light by our media, Hollywood and late nite talk shows.:(
Gary

Stephen Beckham
02-11-2008, 12:06 PM
I spent 20 years in Military Intelligence - oops, now I have to kill you all and put your ears in a safe... See - we can joke too... Seriously, if you find someone that offends - they don't have enough to worry about.

Some more levity - the worst trouble I got into was over a comment to the Intell Chief "Sir, I'm an Intelligent Officer, not and Intelligence Officer." After he finished with me, I picked my rear up off of the floor and did some intel work for him....:D


To add one more to the mix - why do they call it toliet paper? It's not made to wipe toliets....