Emiline

[ROBERT ELLIS]

I named this vanity after my daughter (Emily) for whom it was made. The base is Red Oak harvested from her Grandparents place several years ago and is stained Red Mahogany. The drawer fronts and top are of spalted hard maple from the same farm. Several coats of lacquer were used for the finish.

74327

Now here's the dilima...

I've made and sold furniture pieces for years, without ever really making anything for my children. After her relentless "bugging" me to make her a vanity, I decided it was time to do just that. Her only stipulation was she wanted it dark. Fair enough, however the little creative side in me thought I would go one step further and make it a little nicer by adding the contrasting woods. Wrong move on my part. Turns out, and much to my chagrin, she didn't like my artistic variation I took on the piece. I will say I was hurt at first, but I'll get over it. Your opinion please on what to do.

Option 1: Sell it to one of my dealers
Option 2: Sell it, and make her another one to her specs
Option 3: Sell it and don't make another one for her.
Option 4: Sit on it and keep it in the family, and maybe she'll want it after she leaves the teenage years and see it for what it really is. And then I'll pass it on to her.
Option 5: Save for 8 year old daughter (who still thinks I hung the moon)


I personally like the piece, its probably the prettiest thing I've ever made.

I welcome your thoughts and comments, but before you respond keep in mind this is a 15 year old raised on the Bible but full of the public school system. All this happened this weekend. She's okay now and so am I. But the piece is out in the shop and in my way and I don't think she really wants it at the present time.

Robert

[Gary Keedwell]

I would do option (5). Government schooled, huh? Ouch:eek: Well, no matter what you say she is going through a stage where even if she took a liken to it she probably won't admit it. LOL I feel for ya buddy, I'm an empty nester but I still have the memories of their teenage years.:p
Gary

[mark page]

Well in my thoughts, you can't sell it. No matter what you do with it from then on. The piece has heritage and family ties from the wood to the creation of the vanity. It will make an excellent heirloom. Your #1 just may change her mind if you tell her you are going to hold it for #2. A jealousy factor coming into play. But if she agree's to that, if it were me, a tad bit longer on the making time would come into play on the second vanity.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Robert,

First I want to say that the piece is gorgeous! Very well done Sir! That said, contrasting woods like that.....well...you either like them or you don't.

I think I'd vote for option #4 with option #5 as a backup.

As stated by others, the woods origin and the fact that you made it makes it an instant family heirloom in my book. It wouldn't surprise me if in the future, the 15 year old at age 28 changes her mind and dearly loves and appreciates it.

Very well done Robert!

[Wayne Watling]

That is one beautiful piece Robert, very nice work. I wouldn't be so quick to sell it so probably option 4, but give her some time to digest the piece. Perhaps put in the house in a place she doesn't often visit but might happen to pass by on ocassions. It is a mature looking piece so its somewhat understandable that she doesn't yet have our appreciation of such fine work. Even if she doesn't take a liking to it in the short term I'm betting that ultimately its going to be one of her favorite pieces of furniture and one of those good family taking points.

Best,
Wayne

[Mike K Wenzloff]

It is a nice piece.

I don't know why there was miscommunication. If looked at from the perspective of what amounts to basically an agreement of loose criteria (tonal range), it misses the mark.

If you hadn't done so, perhaps had you tried to sell her the concept of the provenance of the wood, maybe she would have come on board. If not, should you have perhaps done wood and finish samples for her approval?

As to the list, a missing option is to make the one she desired in the first place. What is done with the original is incidental.

Maybe an offer to place it in her room while you plan and make the one she desires (and approves) would either soften her to accept the present one or at least provides her with its utility until another is made?

Take care, Mike

[Brad Townsend]

Having been a school counselor for 35 years, I have two observations:

1. You will find very few fifteen year olds that will appreciate the effort involved in what you did. Don't lose any sleep over it.

2. Neither the public school system, or the Bible had anything to do with her reaction.

[Dusty Fuller]

I got a free high school education and have turned out quite well... just as well as and in many cases better than my private and home-schooled counterparts.

Despite my "government schooling", I like the piece. The contrast is interesting. It wouldn't match any of the furniture I currently have (well, it might because none of it really matches :confused: ).

Some folks just aren't into the vast differences in tone and grain. If we all liked the same stuff, we'd all make the same stuff. How much fun would that be?

Dusty

[Don Bullock]

...I personally like the piece, its probably the prettiest thing I've ever made.

I welcome your thoughts and comments, but before you respond keep in mind this is a 15 year old raised on the Bible but full of the public school system. All this happened this weekend. She's okay now and so am I. But the piece is out in the shop and in my way and I don't think she really wants it at the present time.

Robert

First of all I can see why you think that this is the "prittiest thing" you've ever made. You did a great job on it. Like you, I like contrasting woods in furniture.

As a teacher for thirty-seven years, both in public and private schools and a student of the Bible for many years, I can definately say that they had nothing to do with your daughters taste in furniture nor her apparent lack of the sentimental value of wood from your family's land. She sounds like a very typical 15 year old to me. Remember, "Raise your children to the way they should go and when they old they will not depart there from." The Good Book didn't say that children would always do what we want.

Just the sentimental value of the piece makes me say that number 4 and 5 are your best choices unless you have a place for it elsewhere in your home. Perhaps your wife will like it or it could be used as a "writing desk" until one of your daughters realizes that it's pritty as it is. Someday your daughter will realize that the piece made from wood from her grandparents place that you made has more value than something from Ikea.

[Bill White]

Just quit raisin' such a ruckus over religion, schools, personal tastes, etc. Box the danged thing up and send it to ME. i THINK IT IS GREAT.
Bill

[Paul Williams]

Your daughter sounds like either of mine 18 and 20 years ago. I think they all go through that stage at that age. The good news is they grow out of it, and so do you.

My action would be a little different than your choices. I would remove the top and drawer fronts and save them for another project for another family member. Make a new top and drawers out of oak and stain to match the legs. Then have a talk with your daughter. State that you realize you didn't meet her design criteria of dark wood, and apologize for that. Tell her you believe that she will appreciate the fact that the wood came form the family property. Ask her is she likes the piece the way it looks or would she like to help you stain it darker yet. An hour together in the shop stripping or sanding might be fun for both of you, and a good place to talk about what happened.

Best of luck to you. Through no fault of our own, our kids lived through that stage and became very close as young adults. I am now making toys for grandchildren. I make boxes to store the toys in, so they can ignor the toys and play with the boxes. That way the toys won't be broken by the time they learn to appreciate them for what they are.

[Anchor Sarslow]

This is going to come across harsh I think.. However..

I recall my younger years with my father vividly. I had to earn everything with him including supposed gifts. If I asked for a certain thing I had to sacrifice something else to get something new and then only got a reasonable facimile of what I asked for.. Even when what I asked for was less than what was given. I was told I needed to appreciate what I got as it was a gift. which I did not ask for, but had to sacrifice to have.

I do not suspect you gave your daughter what she asked for and I do not blame her for her reaction, no matter what kind of "heirloom" quality the gift may have. It has little to do with her age, her religion or her schooling. This is family communication. If you are not listening, then how can anyone fault her. You are asking her to sacrifice for your purposes.. I suggest listening more closely and communicating. If you feel bad, my reaction is. .Good! maybe next time you will listen.

Yes, I am bitter how my childhood went. And what I am reading is directlly what happened all of my life with my father.

As previously stated, make up with her, and give her what she wants. She may someday then come to appreciate what you did do. But if you punish her for not accepting less than asked, I cannot see her ever appreciating it the way you want her too.

\My appologies for feeling this way..

[ROBERT ELLIS]

I appreciate all responses, whether I agree or disagree with them. I'll probably build her another one, this time the way she wanted it, but it won't be anytime soon. The one in the picture will probably go to the younger daughter.

My main gripe was that my daughter acted a little too much like Verooka on Wille Wonka for me. Even my wife made the comment to Emily that good manners would have dictated a response of more of a show of appreciation rather than acting like a spoiled child.

I guess I was hurt through it all because I was raised differently, and I tried to raise her right, to show appreciation and to be thankful (which she was neither). Since I only see her but a few hours a day, and another "influence" having her most of the day, hence my giving the school a little credit for what she's becoming. Just looking forward to brighter days...

Thanks again,

Robert

[John Karam]

Im a younger guy and if my parents always gave me what i had wanted i wouldn't be where i am today...thankfully they didn't always listen to my "demands" because now I appreciate what I have and how I got it. But if I always had to give things up to get things...that wouldn't be alright with me. I say this in response to Anchor's post.

However, I do agree that if she bugged you to make her this piece and the only stipulation was that its dark, I would have built it and made it dark. I built two book cases for my sisters for Christmas and they wanted them to be dark stained cherry. Now it looks good, but I prefer to leave wood to its natural beauty (If you want dark, use a dark wood). I hated to do it, would have rather watched the natural cherry darken with age, but I did what was asked of me...especially since it was their only specification.

Regardless, she should have shown appreciation for the piece since it was a gift (one should always smile at a gift). I love the piece in the picture, I would definitely keep it, especially since it has sentimental value to you. Whether I'd build her another or not, well I'm not sure....just don't sell it if it has meaning to you.

[Michael Panis]

How about option 5:
Given that you have several coats of lacquer on it, why not add a enough coats of a darkly dyed shellac to it until it is dark enough for her? Then, when she is older, you can strip off the shellac, touch up the lacquer, and restore it to its present beautiful state.

[mike wacker]

Robert,

My two cents. My daughter is 22. Thank the Lord we got thru the teen years. I have just recently regain status as a human. We are actually growing closer and closer again. We were further apart than the discription of you and your daughter. Use this little bump in the road to grow not only your daughter but yourself. (Don't take that wrong.)

Us out here in "Thread land" can't be close enough to give you the best advice, only what we perceive as reality based on a short paragraph discribing a complex emotional human interaction. Enough pontificating.

Give the piece to #2. Attempt to get #1 to acknowledge over reaction IF POSSIBLE. See if she is interested in have one made "to spec". Don't be surprised if she says no. That would be a natural (if annoying) self defense mechanism. Don't be afraid to tell her you're sorry for not listening and you really want to meet her expectations. If she still says no, lovingly tell her she's a rotten kid (not meaning it of course) and drop it. This too shall pass.