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Belinda Barfield
08-02-2007, 11:49 AM
After Ken Fitzgerald's initial post about "batching it", and the posts that followed, I realized just how critical a woman is to making a man's life such a joyful existence. :rolleyes: Here is the best explanation I have found for why the world revolves around women.

Birth : Adorable little girl.
3 seconds after birth : Daddy's little girl.
4 seconds after birth : Mama bear's little cub.
5-6 seconds after birth : Grandman's and Grandpa's spoilable offspring dividend.
10 to 15 seconds after birth : Center of universe, all other meaningful comparisons cease to be of useful significance.
All other women were born under much the same criteria.

The cosmos as we know it is not really held together by gravity, as Einstein would have us believe, but rather by the 'Unified Theory of the Centralized Feminine Ego'. In reality the universe is comprised of small, tightly wound, Feminine ORbit Centrality Ego units. ( Or F.O.R.C.E. fields to the uneducated.) These compact, highly energized, areas of influence attract and hold one or more M.E.N. (Male Emotionally Neutral) units within their grasp.

Without F.O.R.C.E fields the M.E.N. would spin into their own orbits and attract one another and do nothing more than consume large quantities of BUDWEISIUM , MICHELOBIUM (or any chemical derivatives of the PILSNER/LAGER family of mental inhibitors), and watch S.P.O.R.T.S. (Simply Pathetic Organized Recreational Tedium Symposiums). So in reality, the world does indeed revolve around them.

Ken Fitzgerald
08-02-2007, 11:56 AM
Me thinks this treads on being a sexist statement on your part Belinda and some men will find it offensive ....:(









But the truth often hurts!:eek: :rolleyes: :D

TYLER WOOD
08-02-2007, 12:00 PM
Yup! Highly offensive. Would recommend it being removed so as not to offend, or hurt other peoples feeling!!!! Just Joking!!!! Kinda funny how women think the world revolves around them. I could be really mean,b ut hey we'll let it go this time with only a warning.

Next time? IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!!:cool:

Tyler Howell
08-02-2007, 12:06 PM
Oh !!
I agree. Whatever she said:D

Brett Baldwin
08-02-2007, 12:27 PM
Its just the same old universal balancing act. Men like doing these sorts of things, women like doing those sorts of things. Without the other around to disrupt each other we would all end up doing the same thing day in and day out. That might be nice for short periods but years, maybe decades? How boring.

Belinda Barfield
08-02-2007, 2:47 PM
All meant in jest guys! Although I do know a few women, and a few men as well, who believe the world revolves around them.

IMHO, friendship makes the world go 'round. Where would we be without good friends? Whether new friends, old friends, family friends, or internet friends, they all help make this life a little easier, and a whole lot more pleasant. Many times my internet friends here on the Creek have made my day!

So, sorry to those I offended.

PSST, Tyler Howell. . . good answer!

Brent Dowell
08-02-2007, 3:24 PM
Well, my wife makes my head spin, does that count as 'revolving'?

glenn bradley
08-02-2007, 3:35 PM
All meant in jest guys! Although I do know a few women, and a few men as well, who believe the world revolves around them.

IMHO, friendship makes the world go 'round. Where would we be without good friends? Whether new friends, old friends, family friends, or internet friends, they all help make this life a little easier, and a whole lot more pleasant. Many times my internet friends here on the Creek have made my day!

So, sorry to those I offended.

PSST, Tyler Howell. . . good answer!

Wait. I'll chime in. I was trained for 16 years before being released into the wild. I think I can remember this . . . . Oh yeah, . . .

"Yes Dear". :D :D :D

I took it with the humor intended. Made me smile.

Belinda Barfield
08-02-2007, 3:49 PM
Wait. I'll chime in. I was trained for 16 years before being released into the wild. I think I can remember this . . . . Oh yeah, . . .

"Yes Dear". :D :D :D

I took it with the humor intended. Made me smile.


Like ridin' a bicycle huh Glenn? You just never forget. Funny thing about women, we don't seem to appreciate any previous training you may have had prior to recapture. Go figure! I personally practice catch and release. ;) Well, actually, after 11 years I'm still workin' on the release part. I'm sure he would run back into the wild if I could just find that darn key!

Leigh Costello
08-02-2007, 4:01 PM
Belinda,
I keep my M.A.N. in a comfortably padded armchair with frequent forays into the nether regions of our basement. Sometimes I even let him play with my tools and my laser - d'oh here he comes now. Who said he could visit me at work! :D

TYLER WOOD
08-02-2007, 4:53 PM
Humor understood here too. I'm like others, my wife makes my head spin. She is what I revolve around. I gave up drinking most the time (still get a sip here and there), other women (like AI had a lot to start with), and going out all the time with the boys, and most of sprts watching! But I do keep my hands on the remote:D , somethings just can't given up!!

Ken Fitzgerald
08-02-2007, 5:01 PM
Belinda.........I took it with a sense of humor. Sharon and I'll celebrate our 39th anniversary this Christmas Eve. Neither of us would have made it this long together without a good sense of humor!

Just like my grumblings about baching it.....You did notice I said before I left I caught the laundry up....did the dishes .....yes I even cleaned both toilets.............I was taught to do this nearly 40 years ago....in the U.S. Navy.......I always said a good sailor would make some women a good wife!

I have a daughter who has a college degree in automotive mechanics (she's not a knuckle dragger either) and a son who was cook in the Arny for 9 years. I used to tell this to everyone and ask "Where did I go wrong?"..........One female neurologist reacted by saying "Sounds to me like they are secure about themselves and NOT intimidated by historically gender based occupations" and she meant it as a compliment.

Gary Herrmann
08-02-2007, 7:01 PM
Coming up on 18 years in a month. I think one of the reasons she tolerates the wwing thing is because I'm just down in the basement, in case she decides she needs to come downstairs and explain something to me...

Ken Fitzgerald
08-02-2007, 7:06 PM
Your wife 'Splains things to you too?:confused: :eek: :rolleyes: :D

The LOML is 1 foot shorter and 100 lbs. lighter and when she speaks...I listen!

Dennis Peacock can atest to these physical differences!

Belinda Barfield
08-02-2007, 7:36 PM
Your wife 'Splains things to you too?:confused: :eek: :rolleyes: :D

The LOML is 1 foot shorter and 100 lbs. lighter and when she speaks...I listen!

Dennis Peacock can atest to these physical differences!

LOL! Course we have to 'splain things to you! You guys walk around with all those dimensions, and wood types, and tool types, and screws, and nails, and skews, and chisels, (the list goes on and on) in your heads. We're fairly sure you don't have room to remember what day the garbage goes to the curb - hence the 'splainin'.;)

Don Taylor
08-02-2007, 7:40 PM
Well, my wife makes my head spin, does that count as 'revolving'?

Yeah, My Ex-Wife use to make my head spin too. I still have the scars! :rolleyes:

DT

Belinda Barfield
08-02-2007, 7:43 PM
I'm sorry, but I gotta' ask. Is this head spinning the good kind, or is there green pea soup involved. Inquiring minds and such . . .

Gary Herrmann
08-02-2007, 7:51 PM
I'm sorry, but I gotta' ask. Is this head spinning the good kind, or is there green pea soup involved. Inquiring minds and such . . .

Like everything else, it depends on her mood.

John Schreiber
08-02-2007, 8:05 PM
Yes Dear. :D

TYLER WOOD
08-02-2007, 8:09 PM
HMMM I don't have a garbage pickup day, but yet she still has to tell me when to take out the garbage. You'd figure I could see last weeks leftovers waving to me from the wash room.

Trash: PSSSSSTTTTT it's time to take me out!!!!!
Man: just keeps walking by....
Trash: HEY YOU!!! he says as he slaps the man in the face with the smell
Man: Who me????
Trash: Yeah you, who else! What you think a woman is taking me out?? HUH funny guy. The only thing women take out is your credit cards, you know that!!!:eek:

Sorry, couldn't be helped, the voices told me to. NO OFFENSE INTENDED LADIES.

Don Eddard
08-02-2007, 8:14 PM
One key difference between men and women:

A man never really hear what a woman says
A woman never really forgets what a man says

Gary Herrmann
08-02-2007, 9:46 PM
One key difference between men and women:

A man never really hear what a woman says
A woman never really forgets what a man says

Shhh. We hear them, but we pretend we don't. Shhh.

Ben Grunow
08-02-2007, 10:08 PM
THis is sexual hisassment (not harrassment or "herassment").

I, for one, can take it and appreciate it.

I dare anyone to post a counter statement of the female status in the Order.

Brent Dowell
08-03-2007, 12:33 AM
No Pea soup involved.

But it sort of starts with my eyes. They get to rolling, and rolling, then the head starts to shake, then the whole thing starts to spin.

Usually has to do with discussions on whether or not I really 'need' that expensive tool that I just brought home, or that brown just delivered.....

I try to explain that yes, I really do 'need' a 175$ LN shoulder plane, but for some reason, she seems to think that doesn't make sense. Hence, my eyes start to roll and my head starts to spin. If I'm lucky, I'm smart enough to keep my mouth shut......

Belinda Barfield
08-03-2007, 8:02 AM
No Pea soup involved.

But it sort of starts with my eyes. They get to rolling, and rolling, then the head starts to shake, then the whole thing starts to spin.

Usually has to do with discussions on whether or not I really 'need' that expensive tool that I just brought home, or that brown just delivered.....

I try to explain that yes, I really do 'need' a 175$ LN shoulder plane, but for some reason, she seems to think that doesn't make sense. Hence, my eyes start to roll and my head starts to spin. If I'm lucky, I'm smart enough to keep my mouth shut......

Brent, the counter argument is shoes. While you guys are in your shop, we smuggle bags and bags of shoes into the house. You just have to pay closer attention. Next time she questions your "need", just ask if she really needed that $175.00 pair of brown pumps, that are exactly the same shade of brown as the other four pairs already in the closet. She may get a little miffed, BUT, she will secretly be happy that you noticed her new shoes. You may come out with that new plane, and a big ol' hug for your efforts!

P.S. please don't tell her I let you in on the secret, they'll kick me out of the club!

Al Willits
08-03-2007, 8:20 AM
Life with the Shebeast has become so much better....once I realized whatever I do is wrong....

Also I've learnt that when the coven meets, not to be in spell range, being green and having a tail is embarrassing.


Al.....who's gotten to enjoy the beatings....:D

Belinda Barfield
08-03-2007, 8:27 AM
Life with the Shebeast has become so much better....once I realized whatever I do is wrong....

Also I've learnt that when the coven meets, not to be in spell range, being green and having a tail is embarrassing.


Al.....who's gotten to enjoy the beatings....:D

Al, for the record, how long did your training take? My trainee is still under the impression that he is right occasionally and I can't seem to convince him otherwise. Were behavior modification techniques involved, i.e., did she allow you to have chocolate ice cream once a month if you had all gold stars on your chore chart?

Beatings . . . hmmm . . . I know I have a broom around here somewhere that should be put to good use (other than the monthly flight to meeting). :D

TYLER WOOD
08-03-2007, 10:27 AM
Hey at least one woman admits to riding her broom. Now just to get the others to admit to it. Says the men who also are green with tails.

Yes my wife's training is working. I got home really late last night, she was over at her mom's house (we live in the same town). Well, I went in the kitchen fixed my dinner (it wasn't hot andready when I got home!:D ) and even cleaned up after myself. When she got home, I put the kids to bed, picked up after them. All this after working for 15 hours!!!!!

I must have eaten something bad at lunch to make me do that sort of stuff!

Belinda Barfield
08-03-2007, 10:45 AM
Hey at least one woman admits to riding her broom.

The first time Honey ever saw me touch a broom he said "Hey little lady, you know where the starter is on that thing?" Now every time he sees me pull the broom out of the closet he asks where I'm going! I have, over the years, mentioned several places the broom is going!

You're a good man Tyler. Even though you worked 15 hours, the kids needed that one on one time with Dad. Supper waiting on the table, well that's another discussion. :)

TYLER WOOD
08-03-2007, 12:10 PM
OHHHH, I think if I saw my wife with a broom and asked where she was giong???? Have you seen Pete Jordan's avitar? That would be me if I said that!!! She's an evil, vendictive, scheeming, kaniving woman all wrapped in a cuddley, beautiful, shy acting, innocent looking exterior who I love dearly. Of course she used to be what she looked like, then she married me. I have that effect on people.

I'm vicious, sarcastic, mean spirited in a playful sort of way, the cogs are always turning trying to figure out what prank to pull next, or where to hide around the corner to scare the he double hockey stick out of you. SHE LOVES IT!!! I promise

Al Willits
08-03-2007, 12:30 PM
""""""""
Al, for the record, how long did your training take?
"""""""""
Unfortnately your assuming its over...:D

She has the unfair advantage of remembering everything I've said or done since birth, I'm not sure what I did yesturday usually, so it didn't take long to figure I was out matched in that dept, all wasn't lost as over the years I've found ways to combat this and every few years I win one...I think, hard to remember though..

I have found such witty comebacks as, I was only thinking of you...did I do THAT?.....but dear that's be best I can vacuum....that's been here all along babe.... and, I'll make it up to you.
And those two famous one, Huh? and, What dear??
These have gotten me though many battles...er...disscussions with Beasty.

Al...who may lose the battle, but wins...er..ah ... I lose the war too, come to think of it...:)

Randy Moore
08-04-2007, 6:57 PM
But I do keep my hands on the remote:D , somethings just can't given up!!

Remote?????? Whats that? :confused: :confused:
Actually I am hard of hearing enough that I very, very watch any TV, I don't pay attention to what the LOML watches. I do a lot of reading WHEN I set down. Her HONEY DO LIST is a mile long and grows faster than I can work on it.:eek: :) :D

Jim Dunn
08-04-2007, 10:10 PM
Coming up on 35yrs here in a few months. I can appreciate all the things she does for me each and every day. I probably need to go and tell her more often. The one thing I noticed in your thread Belinda is the line about grandpa's little spoiler. Yup, pretty much right on the nails head, but it was in the first 2 seconds, for both of em.

Christopher Pine
08-04-2007, 10:18 PM
Hmm I allways thought it was: Stars and planets form as a result of the gravitational collapse of accreting material. Any net translational motion of that initial material is accelerated as its radius of rotation decreases. This is due to the same conservation of angular momentum principle that makes skaters and divers spin more rapidly when they bring their arms closer to their bodies. In its extreme, this effect can make collapsed neutron starts spin many times each second, creating the regular beat of pulsars as observed from Earth.

Once an initial spin was established for the Earth, the same conservation principle says that its angular momentum will continue unless it can be transferred to another object. With no significant frictional forces to allow that to happen, the Earth can continue to spin indefinitely without any further prodding.

But all this time it was women, men or friendships or somthing... I learn so much from the woodworkers around here! :) ;)

Curt Fuller
08-05-2007, 10:33 AM
Thank you Belinda! Now I understand where the acronym SWMBO came from. It's much simpler than typing HWMBOALAICWWSWMBOHIM (He who must be obeyed as long as it complies with what she who must be obeyed has in mind.);)

David G Baker
08-05-2007, 10:59 AM
Two pea soups and one apple pie. First soup lasted 9 years, second will be legally over in August 2008, lasted 27 years too long. The apple pie is working on 7 years and the apples are sweet as they can be, the dough is still fresh.

Belinda Barfield
08-06-2007, 8:14 AM
Hmm I allways thought it was: Stars and planets form as a result of the gravitational collapse of accreting material. Any net translational motion of that initial material is accelerated as its radius of rotation decreases. This is due to the same conservation of angular momentum principle that makes skaters and divers spin more rapidly when they bring their arms closer to their bodies. In its extreme, this effect can make collapsed neutron starts spin many times each second, creating the regular beat of pulsars as observed from Earth.

Once an initial spin was established for the Earth, the same conservation principle says that its angular momentum will continue unless it can be transferred to another object. With no significant frictional forces to allow that to happen, the Earth can continue to spin indefinitely without any further prodding.

But all this time it was women, men or friendships or somthing... I learn so much from the woodworkers around here! :) ;)

Well, I suppose if you want to get technical, your explanation is much better! :)