Tyler Howell
12-26-2003, 9:26 AM
This Just In!
Norm Abrams Questioned After Discovery of WMD Cache
AP – CIA and Homeland Security officials were interrogating “master carpenter” Norm Abrams today after local police spotted what appeared to be a cache of Weapons of Mass Destruction in a rural Vermont barn. Inspectors have secured the barn, which they said was disguised to look like a woodshop but actually was a storehouse for dangerous high-powered equipment.
The cache of weaponry included over-arm routers, 20-inch bandsaws, 20 HP shapers, gallons of an unidentified yellow substance, metal pails, cases of brads and a closet full of air-powered nail guns.
“These are not the kinds of tools you would expect to find in a woodshop,” said Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge. “It is hard to imagine why anyone would need all of this just to make a Shaker-style entertainment center.”
Abrams reportedly told inspectors that the nail guns were used to hold wood panels in place while the glue dried, but Ridge dismissed the explanation.
“What does he think clamps are for?” said Ridge.
Investigators shipped several large barrels of a mysterious yellow sludge to chemical laboratories at the FBI for analysis and disputed Abrams claim that it was his regular inventory of yellow glue.
“Nobody uses THAT much glue,” said Ridge. He also said attempts to lift fingerprints from the glue joints proved unsuccessful since it appeared someone had wiped all the joints with a wet rag.
Homeland Security inspection teams scoured the barn workshop for several hours with metal detectors to determine whether the nail guns had been used to disperse dangerous brad nails.
“They’re everywhere,” said Dr. David Ray, the U.S. WMD inspector who flew in from Iraq overnight to supervise the search. “All we needed to do was look at a piece of molding and it was like it had been hit by a machine gun.”
Abrams enjoys a strong following along some woodworkers, but even some of his detractors came to his defense when they heard of the raid on the Vermont studio woodshop.
“Norm’s a good guy,” said one woodworker. “He’s not a threat to anybody. “A little scary sometimes, but not a threat, if you know what I mean.”
Happy Holidays
Tyler
Norm Abrams Questioned After Discovery of WMD Cache
AP – CIA and Homeland Security officials were interrogating “master carpenter” Norm Abrams today after local police spotted what appeared to be a cache of Weapons of Mass Destruction in a rural Vermont barn. Inspectors have secured the barn, which they said was disguised to look like a woodshop but actually was a storehouse for dangerous high-powered equipment.
The cache of weaponry included over-arm routers, 20-inch bandsaws, 20 HP shapers, gallons of an unidentified yellow substance, metal pails, cases of brads and a closet full of air-powered nail guns.
“These are not the kinds of tools you would expect to find in a woodshop,” said Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge. “It is hard to imagine why anyone would need all of this just to make a Shaker-style entertainment center.”
Abrams reportedly told inspectors that the nail guns were used to hold wood panels in place while the glue dried, but Ridge dismissed the explanation.
“What does he think clamps are for?” said Ridge.
Investigators shipped several large barrels of a mysterious yellow sludge to chemical laboratories at the FBI for analysis and disputed Abrams claim that it was his regular inventory of yellow glue.
“Nobody uses THAT much glue,” said Ridge. He also said attempts to lift fingerprints from the glue joints proved unsuccessful since it appeared someone had wiped all the joints with a wet rag.
Homeland Security inspection teams scoured the barn workshop for several hours with metal detectors to determine whether the nail guns had been used to disperse dangerous brad nails.
“They’re everywhere,” said Dr. David Ray, the U.S. WMD inspector who flew in from Iraq overnight to supervise the search. “All we needed to do was look at a piece of molding and it was like it had been hit by a machine gun.”
Abrams enjoys a strong following along some woodworkers, but even some of his detractors came to his defense when they heard of the raid on the Vermont studio woodshop.
“Norm’s a good guy,” said one woodworker. “He’s not a threat to anybody. “A little scary sometimes, but not a threat, if you know what I mean.”
Happy Holidays
Tyler