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Fred Voorhees
03-27-2007, 8:42 AM
Maybe I'm just behind in the times. Our son will be getting married this June and the wife and I are wonderfully happy. His fiance is a great person and the two of them should have a great life together with little financial hardship.

As things turn out, my wife and I, along with the fiances parents, are sharing the cost of the wedding, paying a third of the total cost with the final third coming from our son and his soon to be bride. Now, from what I understand, the grooms parents, traditionally, have been the ones to foot the bill for the wedding rehearsal dinner, the flowers (I think) and the bar tab for the reception. That is all kind of academic since we have simply agreed to pay a third of the total sum, which will be coming to roughly $7,500.

And that kind of makes me happy since if we had to specifically foot the bill for some things, there would be some arguement. For instance - the rehearsal dinner. Tradition goes that the guests are pretty much limited to the wedding party (groom,bride and groomsmen and bridesmaids) and both sides parents. Well, apparently, there will be upwards of 35 to 40 people at this wedding rehearsal dinner. Why? Because the brides family has a vast number of relatives coming in from a distance and they think that they are obligated to invite them to the rehearsal dinner so that they have something to do. Never heard of that.

So yesterday, my wife gets the bridal shower invitation in the mail and now, instead of the thing being just for the bride, apparently, now you are supposed to bring something for the groom also. Have I missed something?

Now, don't misunderstand me - we are more than overjoyed at the prospect of our son getting married, and getting married to such a wonderful girl. But it's getting to the point that I am feeling that this entire situation is turning into a circus and that there is this pervading feeling that the wedding is being used to the utmost advantage, to put it as politically correct as possible.

As I said, we agreed to a certain amount of money that we would donate to the costs of the day. To that end, we have told them that they can do whatever they want, but the amount they get is the amount they get - anything past that is their responsibility.

Have times - and wedding traditions - really changed that much:confused:

Joe Pelonio
03-27-2007, 8:51 AM
Maybe I'm just behind in the times. Our son will be getting married this June and the wife and I are wonderfully happy. His fiance is a great person and the two of them should have a great life together with little financial hardship.

So yesterday, my wife gets the bridal shower invitation in the mail and now, instead of the thing being just for the bride, apparently, now you are supposed to bring something for the groom also. Have I missed something?
Have times - and wedding traditions - really changed that much:confused:

Yes, in many cases, the brides-to-be have managed to convince the groom to attend the bridal shower - hence the additional gift. Typically they will also convince him not to have a traditional bachelor party. You have apparently been left out of the loop in the planning of the shower, but you could still talk to your son about it.

Brian Weick
03-27-2007, 8:53 AM
"Pricey"- I agree with you 100%-it can get to the point of insanity ~ yes I would set a budget-absolutely, otherwise it will turn into a Columbo episode "one more thing, oh and just one more thing" before you know it, it is becoming overwhelming monetarily. The important thing to remember is the wedding day can be a really nice event , but it's what happens after that with the bride and groom that is far more important ~ it's just a ceremony and in my book the relationship that you have together is of the utmost importance and not just 1 day. If the relationship fails- there goes you're investment.
I wish them the best-and I am not going to say luck - there is no luck with marriage. give and take,give and take,
Regards,
Brian

Glenn Clabo
03-27-2007, 8:56 AM
I can only speak as an old dude who after losing his first wife after 35 years together...to cancer...was a little taken a back at some things that are now considered "traditional".

First of all because we were older we paid for everything...

Many of our family members were from away...from Korea to Nova Scotia...We invited everyone who was in town to both the rehearsal and dinner. We also rented a BB and housed the immediate family. We felt it would be right...and it was very much appreciated.

The bridal shower thing was the most uncomfortable thing for me:eek: ...I was invited along with husbands and we both got gifts. Not that I wanted a bachelors party...but this was a little too different for this old dude. I did like the gifts though.;)

All I can say is...go with the flow and hope and pray that the kids live happily ever after...which is becoming far to rare nowadays.

Greg Cole
03-27-2007, 9:11 AM
Fred,
For some places and people, the times sure have changed. Then again, for some it sure hasn't changed as much. I hear about silly tv shows about "Bridezilla" and we've all heard about the things that kinds feel entitled to by a certain age nowadays. Granted I am only 32, but there was NO WAY in this world I was getting a new car for my 16th b-day, it was within the finances of my parents but it wouldn't have EVER happened.
The same sentiment applies to many weddings in this day and age... but thankfully not to mine from 3 years ago now. I can understand the big family situation, my Dad's side of the family is an old farm family that had 10 kids & now those 10 kids have 1-4 kids each... meaning I had over 70 family members at the wedding from my side alone.
There are ways to keep costs "reasonable" (we all have a different definition of that word though), it might be best to try to talk it out with your son & see if he can talk to the bride to be about the looming issues that might be percolating...
And whoever said it is the relationship that matters is SPOT ON.

Best of luck and hope you can enjoy the big day and those surrounding it!

Jim Becker
03-27-2007, 9:24 AM
Hmmm....our entire wedding in Key West, including our travel costs, the ceremony in Nancy's Secret Garden and the reception/dinner at Mango's cost us about $5000 total. (35 people, however...and nicely intimate) Which brings me to my own rant: things like weddings and other "life events" have been really, really blown so far out of proportion by commercial interests that the event itself is often overshadowed by the pomp and circumstance.

Stand your ground. You made a reasonable financial commitment already.

Belinda Barfield
03-27-2007, 9:31 AM
Fred,

A female perspective. Most mothers want their little girls to have a fairy tale wedding - which frequently does turn into a fairy tale circus!! It is now commonplace for a "couple shower" to be given, but this is usually in addition to a bride's shower. I have never heard of a shower taking the place of bachelor party though!

The times have changed and a number of brides these days expect elaborate weddings. I only had to live up the weddings of my friends, not the entire entertainment industry!:rolleyes:

As many here have said, and we don't have to tell you, what is important is what follows the ceremony. I know a number of brides and grooms who were "railroaded" into a wedding they really didn't want. Maybe you could sit down with the bride and groom and talk to them about what they really want. You might be able to trim the budget significantly.

Good luck and Congrats!:)

Bob Childress
03-27-2007, 9:33 AM
I hate to sound like an old fogey (even if I AM an old fogey!) but the wedding "industry" has gotten completely out of hand. There are people whose career is only planning weddings. I agree that it is a special event and should be celebrated accordingly, but from an economic point of view, the outrageous cost of weddings today has been driven by the usual marketing suspects. Brides "must have" this and that, grooms likewise, mother-of-the-bride requirements and so on.

Even 20 years ago, a fellow who worked for me when I was in the corporate game offered his daughter $25,000 cash if they would "elope." She turned him down! Think of all the better uses that money could have been put to by that couple.

Russ Buddle
03-27-2007, 9:34 AM
Weddings have a way of turning into a three ring circus. It's like the snowball rolling downhill. Once it is set into motion, it gets a life of its own. When my wife and I got married, 8 years ago, we had a very small ceremony along a quiet lake. There were 12 people there, including us. We had attended weddings that were quite large, and the bride and groom seemed more concerned with all the "stuff", than with the real reason for the wedding. We did not want that. Anyway- good luck with your son's wedding. Do not allow them to lose focus, and get caught up in all the "stuff".

Brian Weick
03-27-2007, 9:38 AM
Weddings have a way of turning into a three ring circus. It's like the snowball rolling downhill. Once it is set into motion, it gets a life of its own. When my wife and I got married, 8 years ago, we had a very small ceremony along a quiet lake. There were 12 people there, including us. We had attended weddings that were quite large, and the bride and groom seemed more concerned with all the "stuff", than with the real reason for the wedding. We did not want that. Anyway- good luck with your son's wedding. Do not allow them to lose focus, and get caught up in all the "stuff".

that's exactly my point ~ it's what happens after the firworks thats the most important!

John Schreiber
03-27-2007, 10:12 AM
In a marriage it's all about give and take, giving and receiving and communication. At least that's what it has been for 20 years with my bride.

A wedding should be the same thing. Give and take, giving and receiving and communication among the bride and groom and their families. It can be and should be a wonderful day, but there's no reason to let costs get out of hand.

Communicate with your son and make sure he is communicating with the bride's family and that everyone agrees on what is reasonable.

Times have changed though. I think it's good to involve the husband in the wedding planning and even in showers, but changes which seem to be motivated by gifts are another matter entirely.

Martin Shupe
03-27-2007, 10:25 AM
I hate to sound like an old fogey (even if I AM an old fogey!) but the wedding "industry" has gotten completely out of hand. There are people whose career is only planning weddings. I agree that it is a special event and should be celebrated accordingly, but from an economic point of view, the outrageous cost of weddings today has been driven by the usual marketing suspects. Brides "must have" this and that, grooms likewise, mother-of-the-bride requirements and so on.

Even 20 years ago, a fellow who worked for me when I was in the corporate game offered his daughter $25,000 cash if they would "elope." She turned him down! Think of all the better uses that money could have been put to by that couple.

Bob, I agree with you completely. I was going to offer my kids $10,000 to elope, but I guess I'll have to start saving more, as $10,000 is now apparently "chump change", at least as far as wedding planners think.

I think spending big bucks on a wedding is a waste of money. Better to put it into a down payment on a house.

Ken Fitzgerald
03-27-2007, 10:51 AM
Yup! These enormous weddings are an "ego" trip in my opinion. I was a young E-1 in the Navy when we got married.....License cost & $25 for the preacher & $150 for the rings...Approximately 10 people attended ...38 years later we are still together. That saved expense....placed in a bank account or invested in a home would be better spent. Financial hardships are the major cause of divorces of newly weds IMHO.

Al Willits
03-27-2007, 11:01 AM
Considering Beasty and I got married on a foot bridge that went over a creek here in town because we couldn't afford 10k or whatever on a wedding, and it turned out very nice, I'm all for spending what your comfortable with and that's it.
Past history with friends have told me if a limit isn't imposed, every idea they can come up with will be used to spend your money.
This shouldn't be about spending your money, but about them getting married, sensibly.

No bachelors party usually is a way to keep the groom out of trouble, imho :)

Tell them what your comfortable with and let them fend for them self on the rest.
I'm willing to bet it will keep the confusion and possible latter hard feelings to a minimum.

Al

Wes Bischel
03-27-2007, 11:05 AM
I feel for ya Fred. I am lucky LOML is of the same mind as I am. We had a small traditional wedding with family and a few good friends. We paid for everything except her dress which her Mom wanted to buy for her. We'll have been married for 15 years this August - She is a beautiful bride. Oh, I better stop before I get all mushy.:rolleyes:

Fred, all I can say is just roll with it. That's the best thing you can do for them. I'm sure there is all sorts of pressure being applied by others to do one thing or another. It's good to get the rant out of your system here so you can be a good objective Dad for them.

It is amazing how "their day" is all geared to make everyone else happy.:confused:

Congratulations on the new Daughter!
Wes

Keith Starosta
03-27-2007, 11:23 AM
Eleven years ago, when I proposed to my wife, I already knew that we were going to have a moderately sized wedding. I took a weekend bartending job for eight months at a very popular sports bar outside of Detroit. In that time, I made the money that paid for our wedding and honeymoon. I was very lucky to be in that type of position. I shudder when I think about having to shell out that kind of money for FOUR weddings!!! :eek: :eek:

As far as the bachelor party, I knew the traditional party was an absolute no-go, which was fine. So, a large group of my buddies, along with my wife's maid-of-honor (:D ), went and played paintball! Good times...

- Keith

Jesse Thornton
03-27-2007, 12:22 PM
Two years ago, my wife and I rented a huge tent, a punch fountain, glassware, tables, chairs, cutlery, gold rimmed china plates, a commercial barbeque, a sound system and a maid, and with the enthusiastic help from a handful of family and friends, we had an absolutely wonderful summer wedding and reception in our big private backyard. There were about 80 guests, all stuffed and merry on gourmet locally grown foods and bbq'd wild salmon, and custom brewed dark stout we had made by a local brewery - and the whole deal came in at just a few grand. People kept telling us that it was one of the most enjoyable and meaningful weddings they'd been to.
Twenty thousand bucks worth of pomp wouldn't have added a drop to those memories - in fact, I think the stress and expectation that would accompany a goofy price tag like that would have soiled the experience.
I hope that you can make your views known in a respectful way without it being taken for anything other than what it is. Your position is very reasonable.

Art Mulder
03-27-2007, 12:32 PM
Have times - and wedding traditions - really changed that much

Fred. It's a party. If you were hosting a party, who would be in charge? Who would set the rules? Who would decided what was and wasn't important at this party?

Right.

Regularly, on forums and elsewhere, I come across people having these earnest discussions about what you "should" do for this or that event, or what you "must" have at your wedding, or what "everyone" does to mark such-and-such occasion.

As the wise people here have already demonstrated with their comments... there is no such thing as the Wedding Police. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to invite X-number of people. You don't have to split your costs such-and-such a way. You don't have to offer this or that. You don't have to... you get the idea.

A very wise woman I knew years ago, was shaking her head over the headaches someone was causing as she planned the "perfect" wedding, and remarked: "I hope they remember that planning a Marriage is more important than planning a Wedding."

...art

ps: and don't get me started on engagement rings. I still remember those idiotic DeBeers commercials from years ago where these two guys were earnestly discussing how "they" say that you should spend two months salary on a diamond. Right. (Hint: the "they" is DeBeers, and they make a lot of money out of you buying those enourmous rocks. Can you say 'conflict of interest'?) :cool:

Bruce Volden
03-27-2007, 12:46 PM
Sadly, we now have industries that dictate what is proper. Lotsa dough is spent planning, renting........on it goes. Back when I was young I can't remember ANY of my friends going to college with their parents "footing" the bill :eek: Now we MUST do what is proper of course 'lest we hurt anyones feelings. There, now I feel better :p


Bruce

Fred Voorhees
03-27-2007, 1:01 PM
Well, like I stated, we had agreed upon giving them $7,500 towards the event. That is our limit and we are sticking to our guns. We told them, have as big of an event as you want, you're still only getting $7,500 from us.

Personally, I find a big extravagant wedding such a waste of money for a one day event that will be over and done with and all you have left is an album of pictures. As someone else stated, it seems as if sometimes these weddings are used as an elaborate scheme to suck as much out of everyone as possible. Sure, the day is supposed to belong to the bride. I agree with that. But when it seems as if the entire deal is an ego trip, I begin to get suspicious and abhore the whole deal. No regrets about the wedding - as I said, we will throw $7,500 at it with no other responsibilities other than to have a good time and my having to sing a song at the reception:D I've chosen the song/video located at the link below. Hey, they asked me to sing, I didn't volunteer. The artist is one of my favorite country male singers, Brad Paisley. A real fun song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df53LWQuezQ

Dan Mages
03-27-2007, 1:01 PM
I feel your pain.

I am getting married in 61 days (gulp!) and have been suffering through the organized racket that is the wedding business. Everything costs an absolute mint for the most basic of services. They know they have a captive audience, so they give you the worst of service.

The Mitchell Park Domes where we will be getting married has an exclusive alcohol vendor who is refusing to return our calls or emails after we insisted on kosher beverage service, anti-semetism anyone??

The cake people were annoyed by our requests, like using a flavour they have listed on their website (you want New York style cheesecake, not the Key Lime), that they had to change the contract when we requested a cake stand to go with it, and when we requested a cake style that is on their site (we don't actually do that one). And don't get me started with getting them to make sure the frosting is kosher (the cheesecakes are).

And yes, this will cost Ali's parents, who insist on paying for the wedding, an absolute mint. Kosher catering is not cheap!! My parents have given us a nice budget for a honeymoon and anything else wedding related that we want to use it for.

Regarding the bridal shower. I am not invited, but I will probably have to act as taxi driver for a few people coming in from out of town.

Dan

Belinda Barfield
03-27-2007, 1:24 PM
Personally, I find a big extravagant wedding such a waste of money for a one day event that will be over and done with and all you have left is an album of pictures.

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, Fred - there you go thinking like a man again. I am not attempting to justify a big extravagant wedding, but I'm sure everyone here will agree that you have a little more left at the end of the day than an album of pictures. ;)

I have such fond memories of my wedding to my ex (divorce cost about the same as the wedding). I will never forget, nor will anyone else who attended, that I took him to be my lawfully wedded wife - yes, wife. I never was good a public speaking! I did pay for the wedding, and the dress, and I think my parents pitched in about $200.00 - on the wedding, not the divorce. Daddy drew the line on that one.

Phyllis Meyer
03-27-2007, 1:28 PM
Another woman's point of view...We have 2 beautiful daughters ages 18 & 21 that will one day get married (no wedding plans for a few years). My husband and I had a very small wedding (no money on either side to afford a large wedding, and we were very young). We will be married 26 years in June (didn't miss the big wedding)! We have raised our girls to be very wise with their money and my husband said a few years back that he would give our girls money for a down payment on a house rather than pay for a large wedding. I am sure we will have some sort of shin-dig when the time comes, but our girls have been taught that spending wisely can make such a difference in the future (and isn't $$ the cause of most arguments between husbands/wives)?

P.S. I would marry my husband all over again...he's the best!:) As Billy Graham's wife said, "I have never thought of divorce...murder yes...but not divorce"!;)

*If we happen to make a million dollars with this laser business, scratch everything I wrote, the daughters will have huge weddings and you are all invited!:D

Steven Wilson
03-27-2007, 1:54 PM
Well, whatever you spend on a wedding is fine as long as it doesn't go on anyone's credit card, is paid with cash, doesn't interfere with buying a house, or interefere with retirement plans. I was working in Saudi, married a girl from Thailand, and had the wedding in her village. It cost a few bucks (ring, dowry, food, booze, flights for my familly), which I gladly paid and I never missed the money, at least I didn't have to pay 18% interest on it for the next 20 years.

Art Mulder
03-27-2007, 2:17 PM
The Mitchell Park Domes where we will be getting married has an exclusive alcohol vendor who is refusing to return our calls or emails after we insisted on kosher beverage service, anti-semetism anyone?

Seems to me that the best revenge would be a dry wedding.

We served sparkling juice and white grape juice at my wedding, and everyone had a good time.

Dave Fifield
03-27-2007, 6:15 PM
I guess the farce of the modern wedding is why fairly slapstick sitcom programmes as "Big Day" and "Wedding Belles" have appeared on TV recently.

Jim Becker
03-27-2007, 8:29 PM
Phyllis and Belinda...I've been through two "big" weddings. And in both cases, my resulting spouse and I agreed after the fact that it was a huge waste of money 'cause neither of us got to enjoy more than a few minutes with all the shuffling around for pictures and this and that, etc. It would have been better to have even a fraction of the cash put up by the parents to pay for the pomp and circumstance for a house or something. (we actually had that option the second time and stupidly declined, choosing instead to enjoy a few minutes of Nat King Cole's nephew singing to us a capella on the dance floor when the power went off for an hour and a half--long story) That's why it was SO refreshing when Professor Dr. SWMBO and I were married in 2001 that we did the Key West thing I mentioned in my previous reply to this thread. We got to be totally involved and immursed in the fellowship of the day, rather than constantly taken away from it as I had the two previous times. I truly hope that I can convince my two daughters someday, should they choose to marry, that the meaning of the day is more important than the "fairy tale" that goes "poof" as the moths fly out of the wallet...

Mark Pruitt
03-27-2007, 8:58 PM
Weddings and Funerals...both are a racket these days. At least with the former, you can find creative ways to avoid spending a fortune.

Joe Mioux
03-27-2007, 9:18 PM
My toes are hurting! Shame on you all and get off my feet! I need to pay for something Italian in about 60 days and having customers like some of you will cause my check to bounce. ;)

Part of my business is the wedding business. To be more specific, the flower business.

Traditionally, the groom's side pays for the Rehearsal dinner.

The Brides side for everything else, wedding reception, photographer, videographer, church, and some of the flowers.

The groom should pay for the Bride's bouquet and the corsages and boutinieres. The rest goes to the bride side. There might be some other things the groom is responsible for paying but I can't remember them right now.

Today, more and more families are splitting the costs.

When I got married, my folks paid for the flowers (before I bought the business), and rehereasal dinner.

My in-laws paid for the wedding reception that is about it.

Anna and I paid for the band, the photographer, the videographer, and the invitations. Of course I paid for anna's ring and she mine. I also paid for the honeymoon to Hawaii.

Remember, sometimes there are events where you don't have to be practicle. Just because, some of you think big weddings are a waste of money doesn't make your view point correct. Remember, some of you have alot more invested in lightly used woodworking tools, that other people would think equally frivolous. It is a matter of perspective.

Around here, some of the larger weddings top 600 invited guests! That is alot. My largest wedding I ever did had 1200 guests invited. The flower bill was just shy of $10K. This wedding topped out at well over $60K. But you know what? This is what the bride and her family wanted. This spectacular wedding was something they wanted. Just like I want a new tool, that my friends think is silly.

Fred, with what you are willing to spend on your son's wedding, you will have a very very nice wedding! Weddings can be very stressful and sometimes it is best just not to pay too close attention to the details.

As long as you and the in-laws and the bride and groom have a set dollar figure agreed upon, stick to that number. You won't and can't control the other two parties from spending more if they want to.

Hope this helps
Joe

Joe Mioux
03-27-2007, 9:22 PM
Weddings and Funerals...both are a racket these days. At least with the former, you can find creative ways to avoid spending a fortune.

Hmmmmm....

Matt Meiser
03-27-2007, 9:36 PM
My wife and I started to plan a big wedding--then found out she was going to have major surgery. We decided with the support of our family, friends, and pastor to move the date up and have a small wedding. We were still planning to renew our vows and have the big wedding, but afterwards, we decided that the real one was so nice there was no reason for the second.

With respect to the rehearsal dinner--my brother and his wife got married at a Lutheran camp in Northern Michigan where my sister-in-law spent her summers when she was a kid. The closest guests traveled about 3 hours so my parents ended up sending invitations to all of the invited guests. My brother and sister-in-law chose a simple meal (burgers, hot dogs, and other "camp" food) to help keep the cost down. It ended up being a great time as everyone gathered in the lodge for the meal and then stayed to "hang out" and mingle for the rest of the evening and both families got to know each other well. I think there are a few aunts, uncles and cousins from opposite sides that still trade occasional emails and Christmas cards as result.

Oh, and flowers? What a racket that is (Just kidding Joe. :D)

Joe Mioux
03-27-2007, 9:41 PM
Oh, and flowers? What a racket that is (Just kidding Joe. :D)

I just threw a hammer at you! LOL

Joe

Jesse Thornton
03-28-2007, 1:48 AM
With all due respect Joe, your comparison doesn't hold up to scrutiny. Spending your own money on your own frivolous pursuits is in no way the same thing as planning a hugely ostentatious and extravagantly expensive event that you know other people are going to feel obliged to foot a large part of the bill for. I think that's the part of it that irks people.

Per Swenson
03-28-2007, 7:11 AM
Oh Boy,

I have to put my two penny's in here.

My Daughters (2) and son have been conditioned

since the age of cognizance in this matter.

The girls are now 22 and 24 years of age.

One other note, I have been a single parent for 15 years.

That gives me a lot of leeway.

What I told 'em is this. (repetitively).

When you decide to get married I will pay for the license.

20 bucks.

If I like the guy/gal who is to be your spouse.

I will tip the Mayor a C-note.

Beyond that, you are on your own.

Don't get me wrong, I am not really a cheap jerk.

If the marriage lasts five years, I might give 'em a house.

But a party? One day? Never from this wallet.

Per

Belinda Barfield
03-28-2007, 7:21 AM
Oh Boy,

I have to put my two penny's in here.

When you decide to get married I will pay for the license.

20 bucks.

Per

Sigh . . . Per, you are such a romantic!;)

Jason Roehl
03-28-2007, 7:37 AM
Per, you crack me up!

As for my bride and I's wedding almost 12 years ago, I think we got a lot of bang for the buck. I don't know what the total bill ended up being, but it was in the $5-6k range I think, and that was for about 150 people. We held the reception in a campus ballroom (dry rules at the time!), so that helped on cost. All I really remember from the day though is that I had to stand a long time--and I was tired from not sleeping at all the night before. We're still on our honeymoon.

My biz partner's oldest daughter is getting married this summer, and it's crazy. They aren't a family of wealth, yet I think the daughter and her fiance have "whittled" the list down to about 400. From 500. It's hard to find a place to hold that many people for a reception around here. At least she's been good about finding deals on various wedding trinkets on eBay.

Mr. Becker and I may differ in opinion on quite a few things religiously and politically, but I sure like the idea he and his Dr. SWMBO had--spending an intimate day with your closest friends and relatives.

Per Swenson
03-28-2007, 8:30 AM
Thanks Jason,

Belinda,

Your right, I am.

Look for my upcoming Book, The Pragmatic Romantic.

Published by the Redneck Press.

Available at travel agents and anywhere 2 story extension ladders

are sold. :eek:

Per

Dan Gill
03-28-2007, 8:37 AM
My oldest son got married three, almost four years ago. She is from California, but her dad and step-mom just couldn't give them any money for the wedding. Her birth mom bought the dress and paid for the photographer. Since they decided to get married here and not in California, we gave them the 2K we'd have spent getting our family out there for a wedding.

They pulled the whole thing off for that, including their honeymoon. They had a beautiful wedding, very memorable, and a great start on their future together.

It doesn't take a whole lot of money. Better to invest in the marriage than in a big party.

By the way, the photographer was excellent, showing up early, staying late, helping to clean up, taking over 900 shots, and giving them everything, including the negatives and proofs. I can get her name and number if any of you in the DFW area want them.

Joe Mioux
03-28-2007, 8:41 AM
With all due respect Joe, your comparison doesn't hold up to scrutiny. Spending your own money on your own frivolous pursuits is in no way the same thing as planning a hugely ostentatious and extravagantly expensive event that you know other people are going to feel obliged to foot a large part of the bill for. I think that's the part of it that irks people.

sigh, ;) O.K. How is this one for you? I know a lot of 16 year olds who expect and get a car from mommy and daddy when they get their drivers licenses. I don't see mommy and daddy do too much complaining about that. At my kid's HS, there is one kid with a Hummer, another with a Corvette. What's that all about? What life lesson is learned from that?

I would say that wedding are a lot cheaper than Mom and Dad funding a car and associated expenses for a few years.

Joe

Jim Becker
03-28-2007, 9:57 AM
Joe, I don't think that anyone means any disrespect to your business and the degree it depends upon large events. I think that what many of us are saying is that there is a general tendancy for "overdone" and Fred's point is that he and his wife agreed to foot part of the wedding bill with a fixed amount of cash...and all of a sudden it seems like there is "more in the works". It's the sense of "obligation to over impress" that pervades so many weddings, etc., that is troubling to me.

As an aside, when Dr. SWMBO and I got married, we bought flowers, both for our ceremony and for our post-ceremony reception. They were tasteful, appropriate and put some money in a local purveyor. (You weren't available in Key West at the time, or I would have used you for that...:) )

Mark Pruitt
03-28-2007, 10:01 AM
sigh, ;) O.K. How is this one for you? I know a lot of 16 year olds who expect and get a car from mommy and daddy when they get their drivers licenses. I don't see mommy and daddy do too much complaining about that. At my kid's HS, there is one kid with a Hummer, another with a Corvette. What's that all about? What life lesson is learned from that?

Just acting out what they see on TV where it's all about $$$, like this new "Sons of Hollywood" crap A&E is putting in people's faces. (And yes I do have the option of not watching it and believe me I won't, but I could do without the commercials for it that get thrown at me while watching Dog The Bounty Hunter.):mad:

Joe Mioux
03-28-2007, 11:31 AM
Joe, I don't think that anyone means any disrespect to your business and the degree it depends upon large events. I think that what many of us are saying is that there is a general tendancy for "overdone" and Fred's point is that he and his wife agreed to foot part of the wedding bill with a fixed amount of cash...and all of a sudden it seems like there is "more in the works". It's the sense of "obligation to over impress" that pervades so many weddings, etc., that is troubling to me.

As an aside, when Dr. SWMBO and I got married, we bought flowers, both for our ceremony and for our post-ceremony reception. They were tasteful, appropriate and put some money in a local purveyor. (You weren't available in Key West at the time, or I would have used you for that...:) )

If I had a nickel for everytime someone walked up to and to my face told "flowers are such a waste of money" I could buy a S315 ;):)

I know noone intentionally meant any disrespect, but I also need to defend my profession.

For what it is worth, I am a fourth generation florist/greenhouses grower. My main facility is on the original property that dates back to 1876.

Getting back on topic, most of my wedding flower bills, generally average between $500 and $1200. I do a lot more expensive weddings but if I had to guess, 80 pct would fall into that price range. I also do alot of wedding under $500 as well.

In the broad scheme of wedding expenses, wedding flowers are on the low end of prices when compared with other vendor's products and services.

Also, don't get me wrong, I too shake my head at some of the money spent on weddings. I also, tell my brides that I can work within their budget and not attempt to gouge them. Most professional florists that I know all over this country do the same. In other words, we are not out to gouge the customer.

Joe