I'm Looking For a Children's Forum

[John Hart]

I got nervous the other day.

Rachel said, "Daddy...is it ok if I talk to Amanda on rune-something-or-other.com?"
So I go through my standard..."Who is Amanda...what is rune-something-or-other"...you know...the standard questions just prior to a resounding "NO!" :)

Ends up...that it is a chat site....un monitored....group and private chat...anonymous logins......Sheesh! But her friend Amanda, age 12, is a chat room junkie. (Methinks her friend Amanda is out of control);)

Anyway...This forced me to give the girls a real live scenario of what I fear most about chat rooms and little girls. And I made it scary......not enough to give nightmares....but scary enough for now.

They wanted to know if there was an alternative. And the only thing I could really think of, is a heavily moderated and monitored Forum for Children......only, I can't seem to find any.

Any ideas anyone?

[Bonnie Campbell]

If they just want to chat with each other, let her use yahoo, or gmail chat. Then it can be kept to one on one.

Also, if allowing ANY child to use a computer, PLEASE buy Big Brother to monitor what they are doing online. You might call it spying, but it saved my daughter from some nasty stuff by me monitoring her emails and every key stroke she made. She still doesn't know I had it on the computer to this day. She thinks she talked in her sleep :rolleyes:

[Phyllis Meyer]

Hi!

We have two Daughters (ages 21 & 18). We had a computer (nothing fancy, just enough to do school work), while they were in their teen years. We wouldn't allow them to use the chat rooms...it is too scary out there in cyber-space! I will talk with them tonight and ask them about the "just talking with friends thing". It's something that you could actually help them add only the friends they want to talk with. Maybe someone else can offer their suggestions, (and mine is my personal opinion), but please be very careful because the so-called "Children's Forums" are where the nuts like to visit!

Sincerely,

Ron & Phyllis:)

[Lee DeRaud]

They wanted to know if there was an alternative. And the only thing I could really think of, is a heavily moderated and monitored Forum for Children......only, I can't seem to find any.Let's think this through...
What if you did find one? How on earth would you go about validating the credentials of the moderator(s)?

[Jim Becker]

Here I sit with "the older" (age 11) next to me (home from school sick) and she's exploring kids.aol.com...with my supervision. Parental controls are a must and I'm trying hard to find something I like in that respect so I don't have to sit an watch over her shoulder...it's really hard to "work" when I have to do that. I really liked AOL's free parental controls...until I installed them and found out that unless my "Free membership" was dated prior to the beginning of August. Back to square one. Tried "NetNanny" but it's a pig on the computer I've set aside for the girls to use. I think we may just need to manually monitor for now...sheesh!

BTW, AOL's parental controls appear to allow you to have "closed" chat capablities that limit the who, what, when aspect so you have complete approval of the same. But I'm not aware of a "child only" chat system...then again, I haven't looked for one.

[Dan Oelke]

I'm a parent of a 10yo and 12yo. I do let my kids use pretty much unfiltered access to the net. I also keep computers in the main part of our house where myself or my wife can glance at the screen at any time.

Yes there are some pretty scary people on the net - and people have made up some even scarier stories. But there are pretty scary people walking down the street too. My approach has been to educate them about who and what is acceptable. They are not supposed to use any chat room without supervision. My daughter did try some chat rooms (with supervision) a couple of years ago and found them pretty boring so that hasn't been much of an issue for me.

They do use YahooIM as that is what I, their cousins, and classmates all use. They just know not to accept any invites from someone they don't know without mom/dad approval. And - they don't get unwanted invites for chats either - it has probably been a year since the last one came in. I like the IM tools better than the "chatrooms" - especially since they are limited to their friends and family for the most part.

My opinion is to watch and educate - but not smother the kids - they are growing up and will eventually need to deal with creeps when I can't protect them.

[Andy Hoyt]

Count your blessings that she asked you first.

No suggestions here, John. My daughter hated chat rooms when she was much younger and stayed away.

At 22, she still does; and I'm still counting mine.

[John Hart]

If they just want to chat with each other, let her use yahoo, or gmail chat. Then it can be kept to one on one.

Also, if allowing ANY child to use a computer, PLEASE buy Big Brother to monitor what they are doing online. You might call it spying, but it saved my daughter from some nasty stuff by me monitoring her emails and every key stroke she made. She still doesn't know I had it on the computer to this day. She thinks she talked in her sleep :rolleyes:

I have nothing against spying on my kids. They have no rights.....only privileges that we grant to them.;) The software that I use, keeps an eye on things but I still like to start with something sites I can trust....then monitor anyway.


.....but please be very careful because the so-called "Children's Forums" are where the nuts like to visit!

yup...that's why I'm asking here....and then I'll have to research from there and interview the owners....check out the moderators....volunteer my own time.....etc.


Let's think this through...
What if you did find one? How on earth would you go about validating the credentials of the moderator(s)?

Sheesh...I don't know Lee. Maybe volunteer my own time maybe..offer moderator time....get involved in some way...dunno. :confused:

There's a Kids site (http://www.my.kidscom.com) that strives for education and has a chat room that is open only for certain hours because it is 100% monitored. Cost money (which is ok) but they have no forum. I like forums because the information is permanent.
I'm willing to let the kids do this....but I want to test the water first.


Here I sit with "the older" (age 11) next to me (home from school sick) and she's exploring kids.aol.com...with my supervision. Parental controls are a must and I'm trying hard to find something I like in that respect so I don't have to sit an watch over her shoulder...

You just reminded me....There's a Kid acronym in chat rooms it is "POS". Stands for "Parent Over Shoulder" It signals everyone to change the tone of the chat.

[Frank Chaffee]

Let's think this through...
What if you did find one? How on earth would you go about validating the credentials of the moderator(s)?
Sobering thought in today’s world.


…My opinion is to watch and educate - but not smother the kids - they are growing up and will eventually need to deal with creeps when I can't protect them.
Well put, Dan.

[Zahid Naqvi]

I haven't had to deal with chat rooms yet, my eldest son is 13. If he needs to talk to a friend he can pickup the phone and dial their number. We also don't permit any computers or TVs in kids' bedrooms, everything is in the family room. He plays runescape (John I think that's what your kid must be referring to) it's an online game a lot of his friends play, the game allows players to open up chat windows while on-line. All the friends know each others' user IDs and I know all his friends and their parents personally.

I think keeping the computer in the living room goes a long way in terms of monitoring, and keeping the gaming time limited to weekends and not more than an hour at a time pretty much makes sure they maximize their liberty. Then again he wants a new computer now because he has forfeited a couple of presents (including a birthday) to save up for a computer.

The SBC browser is great for surfing, I haven't explored their on-line chat monitoring yet. You do have to get rid of MS Explorer from your PC, yes it can be done but you have to buy a $30 software to do so.

I probably didn't answer your question but hopefully added some value in my blabberings.

[John Hart]

...
My opinion is to watch and educate - but not smother the kids - they are growing up and will eventually need to deal with creeps when I can't protect them.

Yup...that's the real trick isn't it. I took lots of risks when I was a kid and somehow survived. I don't want to smother. Just don't want to be stupid. :rolleyes: Too Late! :o

[John Hart]

Count your blessings that she asked you first.
.....

yeah...but you know as well as I do....Enough "no's" and they'll stop asking.

[John Hart]

If he needs to talk to a friend he can pickup the phone and dial their number. We also don't permit any computers or TVs in kids' bedrooms, everything is in the family room. He plays runescape (John I think that's what your kid must be referring to) it's an online game a lot of his friends play, the game allows players to open up chat windows while on-line. All the friends know each others' user IDs and I know all his friends and their parents personally....

I agree...what's the point in chatting with someone who lives 2 miles away? I guess I understand....it's fun. I guess that's what I'm doing right now. Hmmm:rolleyes:

This runescape.com thing has me a bit worried though. No parental controls...open chat....private chat...maidens in distress....knights in shining armor......Horses. Just sounds wrong. I don't know any facts yet though.

[John Shuk]

Perhaps you could try a watchdog site. PervertedJustice.com comes to mind since they are the ones who go after the predators on NBC. Maybe they have researched this stuff.
John

[Mark Cothren]

John, I don't know of any "safe" virtual locations for kids... sorry.

My 14-yr old nephew is a msn/chat junkie... one thing my BIL and SIL do is keep the computer in the family room with the monitor in open view. They also have a "rule" that they can view/read his windows at any time. If he shuts anything down before they can see it? Automatic suspension of computer privileges.

My son is 16 and rarely gets on the computer except for school work. He'd rather be in the woods, or watching somebody else in the woods on TV...;-)

Unfortunately you can't protect your kids from everybody and/or everything... but we sure gotta try.

When Al Gore invented the internet he should have at the same time configured it to automatically and electrically zap any pervert/predator.

[Michael Cody]

I got nervous the other day.

Rachel said, "Daddy...is it ok if I talk to Amanda on rune-something-or-other.com?"
So I go through my standard..."Who is Amanda...what is rune-something-or-other"...you know...the standard questions just prior to a resounding "NO!" :)

Anyway...This forced me to give the girls a real live scenario of what I fear most about chat rooms and little girls. And I made it scary......not enough to give nightmares....but scary enough for now.

They wanted to know if there was an alternative. And the only thing I could really think of, is a heavily moderated and monitored Forum for Children......only, I can't seem to find any.

Any ideas anyone?

There is no such thing as a safe forum... you've gotten some good advice. I am a full time hi-level service tech. I do security audits where I intentionally try to invade systems. I install, configure, etc.. everything anywhere I can get paid to do it. I think about this type of stuff all the time, how to control access, control content, etc.

Basically you can't stop this stuff... I tell parents what I did to limit my sons from where they go:

1. Only internet capable computer outside my laptop (which is with me) is in the family room.
2. I use a firewall & content software that limits the time of day they can be on the internet w/o a password.
3. Each boy has his own account -- w/o install privileges. My work is mostly done on my laptop, but my personal account on the machine has a screen saver password and there is a boot password on the machine.
4. Even my account is limited by local policies and can't install, can't change the time, or change other lockouts on the boy's accounts. Only the administrator account can do that and I don't work in that account unless I am installing something.
5. I log all chat sessions in AIM, YahooIM, etc.. and I do read them.
6. I scan cookies & history (they don't have the ability to clean it either, only I do).. to see where they go and when.

Basically I did all this and the oldest (now 18) who's really good (but not in my class yet:rolleyes: ) .. got around it several times - there are holes everywhere. I caught him most of the time I think:o ! Actually it's sorta good 'cause you can keep up on what they talking about, etc. They just have to know you are doing it.

I did due diligence, but each and every act is explained and I attempted to teach them what the possible issues are and what they needed to do. I am sure they were not happy (which they voiced to me on several occasions;) ) ... but I attempted to limit any damage from mistakes they made so they could learn from them. It's the best you can do. You can't protect them from everything. With daughters it's probably worse ... you can just teach them and hope they learn to make good decisions.

Basically you've got to understand they will go elsewhere to get around your rules .. my son for sure did what he wanted at other peoples homes, just like I couldn't stop him growing up, I could only teach and hope for the best. He survived, we spend a lot of time fretting about things we can't control. I controlled what I could -- lots of stuff like "Dad, how come I can't do whatever, Jared's parents let him do it!" ... my answer -- "that is his house, this is my house -- such is life but here is why I do what I do ..."

Oldest seems have turned out ok .. eagle scout, college, nice girlfriend, generally an decent young man .. the juries out on the youngest one at this time.:D

[John Hart]

Thanks Mike. I know and implement all the security protocols as well. As an IT Director, I've had plenty of practice with our network and the 100 or so employees who act like children sometimes. :rolleyes: It has given me good experience for keeping our home network pretty tight and, so far, the kids understand the reasoning for it and have been great about our internet usage rules.

I've done some checking and found that children-based forums are going away. It seems that there are regulations enacted that make it too expensive to run a children's forum site...so, many of them have closed their doors.

I did some checking on the kidscom.com site, went through the whole site, called the company, spoke to the people. Looks like an awesome place. I let the girls sign up as Free Members last night to let them browse around and they are thrilled with the number of activities, the games, the rewards program...everything. Looks good.

The site is designed to teach all the basic educational stuff like math, science, nature...etc., but also adds personal responsibility, work ethic, social skills, and others to the mix. As they succeed with the activities, they are awarded points that they can later cash in and buy stuff in the site's store. And I am also given an account with 8000 points per month, that I can give the kids as I see fit, when they do things around the house or get good grades or whatever. They can also set up their own personal webpage and even run a store of their own.

They have a chat room (just one) that is only open for certain hours. There is an adult monitoring every transaction, and parents are notified, via email, of all activity. They are really into the parental notification thing. The kids are not allowed in the chat room until I send a letter via snail mail, authorizing that privilege....so we'll wait and see for a while.

Anyway...this is where I'm headed right now. The girl's behavior has been exemplary so far....so I'd like to reward that with something that they'll enjoy....but also derive some benefit.

Thanks everyone for your valuable insights!!!:)

[Jim Becker]

Thanks for the tip on that kids site, John. I'll have to check it out.

[Charles McKinley]

YUCK!

John is there any way to stop this growing up thing?

My munchkins are 5,4 &2. THe stories about internet predators really scares me as the 4 year old has no fear of other people.

Thanks for an interesting thread.