How far should one go for family?

[Frank Chaffee]

My sister and BIL summer here while living in Arizona the rest of the year.

Here they host weddings and stuff on a rural property. Well today my BIL called me up and asked if I would help him out on a few projects.

“Hey bro, no problem, what?”

Well it turns out he wants me to help him tomorrow reroofing a building with steel, and on Friday he wants me to help him pour and finish substantial yardage of flatwork!!!

So one day higher than anybody should rightfully be, and the next, groveling in the mud.

Now I’ve worked all my life trying to get a job I could perform in a dignified upright position, and now this!

What should I say?

Thanking you in advance,
Frank

[Scott Donley]

Glad I am not in yor shoes. If the BIL has a habit of using people the answer is easy, otherwise I might think about moving :rolleyes: or getting some knee pads. Good luck :D

[David Duke]

My late dad taught us long ago that if we all worked together things would be a whole lot easier. With his guidance, prodding and plain bossing through out the years my brother, two sisters and their spouses along with me and my wife have been able to build our homes and take care of just about everything in putting together a maintaining and homestead ourselves without taking out a mortgage. This includes pouring concrete, roofing, sewer lines etc.

We have all helped each other do anything that needed to be done, this is all done not worrying about who has done what or received the most help. Our main concern is taking care of the problem not "what have you done for me" and in most instances no one has to ask for the help because we all try and stay in touch with each other and find out whats happening in our lives.

I will say this however, I wish I knew how my dad ingrained the "family first" attitude into us because try as we might, we (my siblings and I) haven't been able to get our kids to understand the value (and I'm not talking financial) of family and they were all raised watching and working along side of us.

[Frank Chaffee]

Scott, David,
Thanks for the advice… knee pads it is!

Frank

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Gee......Frank! What can I say....."What goes a ROUND.....comes a ROUND!":rolleyes: Buy the expensive knee pads......you're gonna kneed them!:D

[Lopaka Garcia]

I agree with Scott. If he's a user, than the answer is no. But if it's an honest request, I'd be there.

Yup DD, if we indeed work together, you'd be surprised what can be accomplished. Remember the barn raising days? Well I don't cause I live in Hawaii and we don't have many barns, :D but you get the point.

[Allen Bookout]

Even for family it sound like Bil is asking a lot. I would never ask anyone to help me with large jobs like that no matter what. I might say that we should put it off untill we can hire a couple of guys to help us out and go from there. And that is only if he is a nice guy. If he is in a habit of this sort of thing without any pay back I would tell him how you feel. That should not hurt his feelings if he is so bold as to request such a thing.

Good luck! Allen

[Steve Clardy]

Guess I'd be digging my knee pads out.

[Barry Stratton]

Lets see.....family.....needs help.....asks me ..........I help.

[Stu Ablett in Tokyo Japan]

Frank, I'd be there with bells on, even if the BIL is not the greatest guy, why?

Well, aside from my lovely wife and two daughters I have no family around at all, they are all way far away in Canada (37 cousins last time I could remember them all). I very much value family, so I'd do it, just because it is the right thing to do.

Knee pads help a lot, and for the roofing stuff, suntan lotion, and LOTS of water are good too.

Your Sis and BIL are lucky to have you!

Cheers!

[Ed Lang]

Family first.

Friends second.

Can you rent a finishing machine for the large pour?

Oh, water and knee pads too.

[Frank Chaffee]

Hi Ho, Hi Ho,
It’s off to work we go….:)

An admission is due here…I actually didn’t hesitate to volunteer my services, because family is family, friends are friends; and both give meaning and purpose to our lives.

I had hoped though that there would be at least one Creeker agreeing that I should be offered a somewhat more dignified position… say that of project photographer, or even waterboy.:eek:

Thanks anyway everybody.;)
Frank

[tod evans]

family or friend, if help`s needed even cleaning an outhouse i`ll jump in....the key word being "help" , i`ll expect the one asking to be knee deep right along side me...02 tod

[Ed Lang]

How about this...

Take your camera and stop a lot to "document" the progress. Then you could offer to bring a cup of water to others. Then remember to take the water jug somewhere and refill it. Then remember to go to the store to get ice. Then give them another cup of water and take the lunch order. Go and get lunch. So after lunch and a few more pictures and water runs you might need to clean up the scraps around and haul them off.....

Hope this helps:)

[Stu Ablett in Tokyo Japan]

family or friend, if help`s needed even cleaning an outhouse i`ll jump in....the key word being "help" , i`ll expect the one asking to be knee deep right along side me...02 tod

Boy is that the truth Tod.

Frank, I sure hope you don't get roped into running the job...:D

[Frank Chaffee]

Hey Ed,
I like the way you think!

• Camera----packed.:)
• Watercooler----cleaned and packed.:)
• Ice----pick up on way.:)
• Rubber boots----can’t find ‘em.;)
• Carpenter belt----forgot.:o

Stu,
Not a chance for that.

Frank

[Mark Cothren]

Good on ya, Frank!

I have helped, and I have been helped - and will continue to do so. I'm fortunate to have some very good friends here in Conway who have helped me on numerous occasions. Joe Meazle and Dennis Peacock both threw in along with a few other guys and helped me build my shop - and that was no small task. They gave up several weekday afternoons (that lasted until dark-thirty) and at least two full Saturdays - maybe more. Can't beat friends like that...

[Ned Bulken]

other than the timing, I'd say those were two attainable goals, I bet that he wouldn't schedule them both so close together if something weren't conflicting on another date.

[Carl Eyman]

You didn't say whether the BIL is providing a case of Heilman Export. Besides, people who are too whimpy to live in Wisconsin in the winter should not be allowed in in the summer. IMHO

[Steve Ash]

Besides, people who are too whimpy to live in Wisconsin in the winter should not be allowed in in the summer. IMHO

Wonder if I can convince my Floridian in-laws of your statement Carl. :D

They always make their way to my house in June and stay till Early August....then retreat to the warm climes of Orlando.

[John Miliunas]

Well, having known you as long as I have, I had little doubt that you wouldn't be there to help him out! :) Just one 'o those things which, in the end, will make you feel good. (OK, after the muscles stop aching!:rolleyes: ) You're a good man, Frank Chaffee! :) :cool:

[Lee DeRaud]

Could be worse. Look at it this way: he could be asking you to help with these jobs at his place in Arizona. In the summer.

[Andy Fox]

My late dad taught us long ago that if we all worked together things would be a whole lot easier. With his guidance, prodding and plain bossing through out the years my brother, two sisters and their spouses along with me and my wife have been able to build our homes and take care of just about everything in putting together a maintaining and homestead ourselves without taking out a mortgage. This includes pouring concrete, roofing, sewer lines etc.

Quite an accomplishment, David. Any words of wisdom on how to accomplish this would be appreciated, probably by many others here too.

[Brett Baldwin]

If he doesn't at least invite you down here for a visit this winter, I'd consider him poorly brought-up. I try not to expect to be repayed for favors but I do notice when the favors start adding up. Hopefully something interesting will come of these projects, like maybe an oppurtunity for wood or a nifty machine!;)

[Cliff Rohrabacher]

Unless you are ready to turn your face away from them both.

It's family. From my perspective there aren't many more profound relationships in life.

[Tom Saurer]

I've been the benefit on many family members helping me remodel my house. I would be more then happy to provide help to any family and friends who need it as long as these general rules are held to. When someone helps me I stick to them.

1. Be organized. If I'm taking the time to help, you can take the time to be organized.
2. Work as hard or harder then me. As some earlier said, I'm there to help, not run the show. Unless of course you have asked me to run the show before hand.
3. Feed me. If I'm there over lunch or dinner, I expect to be feed. It's common courtesy. It doesn't have to be anything special.

[Frank Chaffee]

That sounds better than whipped puppy, but truth be known that is what I am right now.:o

Concrete truck got bumped up one day ‘cuz of thunderstorms rolling thru. Since we were pouring under a roof, BIL jumped at the chance to do this today rather than roof.

We had to lower some grade so the concrete truck could get a ways under a pavilion (formerly horse stable) roof. There is an electrical line we needed to trench deeper. Well thirty five years ago, I had created the bed with stone I had quarried from just uphill. The good stone I used for walls, and the rubble stuff I wheelbarrowed and spread, creating a level grade on the hillside, then it got covered with gravel. So pick and shovel and then some more pick and shovel. The skid steer would drag backwards, then Sixto (my dual-national brother) and I would pick and shovel, removing rocks.

Advice to the younger among us; look faaar into the future before burying stone, as it will be a lot harder to change when you are older. :confused:

Then we finished the perimeter forms, laid in mesh, shot and staked a center screed board. BIL and Sixto had already placed rigid foam insulation beneath the pour area. Here in Wisconsin we need to keep our concrete floors warm in both winter and summer (summer for sweating).

At this point we had “lunch”. My sister and BIL are both gourmet cooks (sis has not yet arrived here from AZ), but BIL served way wow potatoes onions asparagus steak and more! Good thing for me to have a break after 5-1/2 hours, ‘cuz I was checking my vital signs to determine if I was having a medical emergency.

We had only a few, and quite manageable tasks to complete when the truck came, which in my experience with BIL is darned good! The driver slipped that mud (7-1/2 yds.) with finesse, and we power trowelled, bull floated, and edged and did things I don’t know anything about…and I finally went into mudhead overload and had to sit down!!!

With our high humidity today, and not having high early in the mix…well Sixto and BIL are at this moment, and will be for many moments into the night, finishing the crete. For my part, after sitting down for a few minutes, then standing up again and nearly having my legs give way completely, I chose to seek the solace of my keyboard and replenish my prana thru interaction with Creekers.:)

See what a weako wimp I’ve become?:mad:

BIL, Sixto, and one of my nephews have just spent the winter preparing the ground for a house in AZ, for which Sixto and my nephew laid and grouted all the block walls, after pouring the footers.

My BIL finally smarted up and hired out the flatwork, which for this house came to 175 Yards!:eek:

He wants me to work for him, but frankly just thinking of projects on that scale hurts me way too bad!!! I just want to make pretty little boxes and admire the work of turners at this point in my life.:)

Still hurtin’
Frank

[Stu Ablett in Tokyo Japan]

Frank, pain is temporary, concrete is for life! :D

Sounds to me like you done good.

A nice hot soak in the tub, and a good sleep are well deserved!

Cheers!

[Jerry Olexa]

You did the right thing even tho your body is paying the price....We all go the extra mile when family is involved even when it hurts..:)

[Christopher Pine]

I would say you owe me a pair of knee pads! :) Oh and pizza for lunch!

[Barry Stratton]

Well done Frank. And look at the bright side, you feel better tonght then you will tomorrow night!!! Especially if you do the roof......

[Frank Fusco]

Lessee, you house them during the summers and now he wants you to come and do major-major remodeling on their house? Unless he is borderline destitude, it sounds like taking advantage to me. Family, or not, there are limits. I wouldn't ask anyone, family or otherwise to do that kind of work for my benefit for free.

[John Miliunas]

You did the right thing even tho your body is paying the price....We all go the extra mile when family is involved even when it hurts..:)

Hey Jerry, it's not just family! Frank's got some "frequent flier miles" on my own behalf, as well! :o :) And, pound for pound, one of the strongest guys I know! By lookin' at him, all you can say is, "Frank, you need to visit the fridge a bit more often!" :eek: Yup, he's a class act and I'm glad to have him as a friend. I'm bettin' his BIL is saying the same thing right now! Way to go, Frank! :) :cool:

[Frank Chaffee]

Frank's got some "frequent flier miles" on my own behalf, as well! :o :)
John,
You’ve racked up quite a thick book of “frequent flyer miles” helping me out too.
Call me anytime, bud!
Frank

[Frank Chaffee]

Family, or not, there are limits. I wouldn't ask anyone, family or otherwise to do that kind of work for my benefit for free.
Frank,
And anyone who did not sense the tongue in cheek tilt of my thread title, I apologize. :o The exchange is fair for all involved, and I was really seeking (undeserved) sympathy from my friends here for my current task of getting back in shape after a winter of sittin’ and surfin’.;)
I’ll live (that is if I don’t keel over this week).:eek:
Thanks all for your replies!:)
Frank

[Frank Fusco]

Frank,
And anyone who did not sense the tongue in cheek tilt of my thread title, I apologize. :o The exchange is fair for all involved, and I was really seeking (undeserved) sympathy from my friends here for my current task of getting back in shape after a winter of sittin’ and surfin’.;)
I’ll live (that is if I don’t keel over this week).:eek:
Thanks all for your replies!:)
Frank


Sometimes we can get too philisophical and forget the fun.
Now, since us Frank's are all brothers of a sort....my wife wants this deck built the full length of the house...........:rolleyes:

[Bart Leetch]

Frank you did the right thing. This for that isn't always the right way to look at things. I suppose if it was all this & non of that in exchange after a number of years it might be wise to call a halt to it because of non reciprocation But it doesn't sound like that is the case here.


Remembering back to when my Dad was pouring his 32' x 32' garage floor. I was over seas & not able to be there to help. A bunch of guys that had worked with & for him when he superintended the building of some schools, restaurants & large apt buildings came over to help. One in particular a concrete finisher with a power trowel that told him when he was ready to give him a call & he'd round up a few of the good old boys they both knew. Well they worked real hard that day but still needed that power trowel real bad as it turned out to be the hottest day of the year at 108 degrees. It isn't always relatives its amazing what a bunch of older retired pros can do for each other in a days work. There are some really great people in this world even if sometimes it seems we have to look real hard to find them. Usually if we've given of ourselves as other needed it it isn't to hard to find help when we need it.:D