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Dennis Peacock
05-06-2006, 6:19 PM
The Southerners challenge any so-called "smart" Yankee to take this simple engineering exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?
(A)'65 Ford Fairlane
(B)'69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C)'64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many '61 Ford Pinto radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many coon dogs will be killed?

6. An Arkansaw man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a trailer house on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a pickup with (a) a muffler (b) insurance (c) two workin' headlights?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

9. An Arkansaw man owns 3 acres of land he has inherited from his daddy. He has 3 grown kids he has let put their trailer houses out front of his double-wide. Each has a septic tank and a well. How often should each septic tank get pumped out before the kids need to boil their drinkin' water?


I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?
It's okay if ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya .....
There's a whole heap of things that big citybook-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK ENGINEERING CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece:

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

:eek: :rolleyes: :D

Steve Clardy
05-06-2006, 6:24 PM
roflol.:d :d :d

Ken Fitzgerald
05-06-2006, 7:24 PM
Did you realize there are red necks in Idaho too! Don't think that you Southerners have the corner on the market!

This is Ken in Idaho.........Looking down......shaking his head......:D

Curt Harms
05-06-2006, 8:36 PM
You might have saved me a DUI ticket one day:D

Curt

Andy Hoyt
05-06-2006, 9:03 PM
Been asked to step in and assist Professor Peacock with some visual aids for those requiring assistance in completing this test.

37983

37985

37986

37987

37988

Ken Fitzgerald
05-06-2006, 9:11 PM
Andy...........reminds me of a group of guys with whom I went to Canada to open an Explorer/Boy Scout camp. My FIL had been going for 20+ years. Every night there was a card game........21 guys went. 20 of the guys took 2 cases of beer between them. One guy took his own private stash and it was more than those 2 cases. One evening after a hard day of walleye fishing we came in....during supper somebody told how the guy with all the beer had hooked a 7 ft. Sturgeon. "How long it take him to land it?" I asked......"about 3 beers" was the reply. The time of year and place we were fishing ....you couldn't keep or take them out of the water. This guy made both of the trips that I managed to attend. He was the only person to catch a sturgeon both trips.

Curt Fuller
05-06-2006, 11:02 PM
Hilarious Engineering Exam and visual aids. ROFLMAO!

Vaughn McMillan
05-07-2006, 5:54 AM
Great quiz, Dennis. I knew it was fake when I saw the bogus question about the three cars on blocks. (No self-respecting redneck would have the GTO on blocks...that'd be the daily driver.) You might be surprised to see the number of rednecks in my neck of the woods in Los Angeles. It's not all lattes and tofu out here. ;)

- Vaughn

Dennis Peacock
05-07-2006, 8:56 AM
You might be surprised to see the number of rednecks in my neck of the woods in Los Angeles. It's not all lattes and tofu out here. ;)
- Vaughn


ROFL!!!!! Vaughn.....You just won't do buddy!!!!!:p :D :D

Ken Fitzgerald
05-07-2006, 9:27 AM
Vaughn.........I heard it was granola out there?:confused:

Michael Stafford
05-07-2006, 9:41 AM
Waa-l-l-l-l aye thought aye were wun but I caint ansur all dem kwestions.... Aye shure do hope you will post de ansers so I don't have to repeat secund grad agin, five yars in a row is enuf fer me...:p :D

tod evans
05-07-2006, 10:04 AM
what? i are one!

Ernie Nyvall
05-07-2006, 12:18 PM
Number 3 is a double trick question. I believe the pinto's first year was semty one and it would take about 10 of those if everbody around here wudin still drivin em.

Ernie

Vaughn McMillan
05-08-2006, 3:05 AM
ROFL!!!!! Vaughn.....You just won't do buddy!!!!!:p :D :D
Dennis, don't let the flowing hair and surfer-guy good looks fool you. I'm half Texan, so I already have a head start on a lot of folks at both red-neckedness and barbequeing. ;) :D

And Ken, there's some granola scattered around, but it's mostly fruits and nuts out here. :rolleyes:

- Vaughn

Ken Fitzgerald
05-08-2006, 7:49 AM
Vaughn.....I heard what's not fruits and nuts....was flakes?:rolleyes: ;)

Greg Heppeard
05-08-2006, 8:38 AM
Let's see if a transplaned yankee can answer

1. 1 1/16"

2. '69 Chevelle (you know that those newer cars are made out of thinner metal)

3. Good luck finding a '61 Pinto.

4. 25,944 (1 case per tree) but it takes 25 years to get to that last tree.

5. What time of year is it? That way, I'll know if there was a litter of pups involved.

6. Only if they are single wides and they haven't taken the tires off yet.

7. (a) 6% (10% if the muffler is in the bed of the truck) (b) insurance? wassat? (c) 12% (95% with a working spotlight to hunt with)

8. Not sure, let's ask Tanya

9. Why would you use a septic system on an outhouse?

Bill Lewis
05-08-2006, 9:10 AM
Funny this should come up, why just yesterday a friend of mine and I drove to an "open house" event at a Junkyard in his 4x4 Pinto wagon. I kid you not..... So I guess I qualify.

Jerry Olexa
05-08-2006, 10:03 AM
Very funny...Enjoyed

Ed Breen
05-08-2006, 1:30 PM
Dennis,
Thanks for the "teaser" Haven't had so much fun since the liquid in the skippy jar turned violet on the window sill.
Ed:p :p