Time for some levity

[Dave Anderson NH]

With all of the negativity and political stuff going on with the Covid-19 virus it is time to look at the humorous side of things. Feel free to add more, but keep it clean or it will be deleted.

[Bill Carey]

428016 and the requisite 10 characters.........

[Darcy Warner]

Cute, I guess it fits right in.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

So I had a cousin post on FB that "City folk are freakin' out and buying toilet paper. Country folk are raking leaves and bagging leaves singing "Country boy will survive".

She followed it up with:

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[Paul F Franklin]

A few topical funnies.....

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[Bruce Page]

For the fashion minded..

[Bruce Koch]

Just carefully rinse and dry. ready to go again.

[Jim Koepke]

We've been doing great at the Farmers Market:

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jtk

[Bill Carey]

social distancing....

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[Kev Williams]

^^^^ for one :)


Uber under wraps.. ;)
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[Ole Anderson]

https://media.makeameme.org/created/i-used-to-876c11a6ab.jpg

[Patrick Walsh]

Ok that’s funny..


https://media.makeameme.org/created/i-used-to-876c11a6ab.jpg

[Bill Dufour]

Like 1973, this too, shall pass.
Bill D.

https://priceonomics.com/the-great-toilet-paper-scare-of-1973/

[Nicholas Lawrence]

Went to the grocery store on Saturday. Paper good aisle was completely wiped out except this stuff I never noticed before. Bamboo toilet paper. Amazing how you can tell this week what people do not want at any price. The other thing I noticed was bacon flavored Ritz Crackers. All the other Ritz flavors are gone. Stacks of bacon flavor sitting there.

[Mark Daily]

A few topical funnies.....

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Almost coughed up a lung at the St. Bernard pic!

[Mark Daily]

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[Jim Koepke]

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Didn't the trip he took to the moon also have some big problems?

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He seems like a nice guy, but no going anywhere with him.

jtk

[Kev Williams]

http://www.engraver1.com/erase2/tpa.jpg

[Frederick Skelly]

Im laughing at the "expecting" ladies after the quarantine. For a couple weeks now I've been saying we'll see a baby boom around December- January! :)

[Bill Dufour]

http://www.engraver1.com/erase2/tpa.jpg

There is a joke somewhere in there about anal probing! I guess the reason UFO"s come to the Earth is to get toilet paper to take back home.
Bil lD

[Doug Dawson]

There is a joke somewhere in there about anal probing! I guess the reason UFO"s come to the Earth is to get toilet paper to take back home.


Cue some Radiohead, "Subterranean Homesick Alien". Enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fTWmUlTEqE

[Bill Carey]

Im laughing at the "expecting" ladies after the quarantine. For a couple weeks now I've been saying we'll see a baby boom around December- January! :)


2033 - the year of the QuaranTeens.

[Bill Carey]

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[Mark Daily]

Didn't the trip he took to the moon also have some big problems?

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He seems like a nice guy, but no going anywhere with him.

jtk
Good point!

[Michael Weber]

2033 - the year of the QuaranTeens. That's clever

[Clark Hussey]

428184Getting ready to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day

[Jim Koepke]

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jtk

-The attachment below was meant for another thread.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Another one.

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[Dave Anderson NH]

Here's another new one.

[Bruce Page]

Travel plans

[Lee Schierer]

Travel plans

Jump in your car and head up into the mountains. Find a place where there is nobody and take a walk. That's what I've been doing. It isn't airborne so all you have to do is avoid other people.

[Tom Stenzel]

If we're going to hunker down in our sawdust filled bunkers we should at least have some good music to go with it:

Don't Stand So Close to Me, by the Police
Clean, Clean, by the Buggles
Safety Dance - Men Without Hats
Don't Touch Me There--The Tubes
It's the End of the World as We Know it - REM
The End, by the Doors
Catch Me If You Can - Dave Clark 5
Dead Bodies Everywhere - Korn
Cemetery Gates - Pantera
I Stay Away - Alice in Chains
For Whom the Bell Tolls - Metallica
Clean My Wounds - Corrosion of Conformity
Down with the Sickness - Disturbed
Paranoid - Black Sabbath
School's Out - Alice Cooper
Don’t Touch Me - Tammy Wynette
From A Distance - Bette Midler
Alone Again Naturally - Gilbert O’Sullivan
Leave Me Alone - Helen Reddy
I Drink Alone - George Thorogood
Cat Scratch Fever- Ted Nugent
Hot Blooded- Foreigner
Take my Breath Away- Berlin
Harder to Breathe- Maroon 5
Doctor! Doctor!- Thompson Twins
No One Lives Forever- Onigo Boingo
Keep Your Hands to Yourself - The Georgia Satellites
Anything by The Cure
Anything by Anthrax

-Tom

[Kev Williams]

Travel plans

https://sawmillcreek.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=428368&stc=1&thumb=1&d=1584651153

"the other day I took my wife to a place she'd never been before..........the kitchen"
--RIP Rodney :)

[Tom Stenzel]

Need more music?

I'm Burning for You & Don't Fear the Reaper- Blue Oyster Cult
Death to my Hometown & Countin' on a Miracle- Bruce Springsteen
Sick for the Cure- Cinderella
Don't Talk To Me- Dave Edmunds
DOA- Foo Fighters
All Things Must Pass- George Harrison
Last Night On Earth- Green Day
Ready to Die- Iggy Pop and the Stooges
Cabin Fever- Joey Ramone
Bad Moon Rising- Creedence Clearwater Revival
Epitath- King Crimson
Sick Again & In My Time of Dying- Led Zeppelin
Government Flu- Dead Kennedys
Cold Sweat- James Brown
Scared for the Children- Jeff Beck
Is Anybody Out There?- Pink Floyd
I Wanna Live & I Wanna be Well & I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You- The Ramones
The Fever- Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes
Fixin' to Die- Steve Earle
Miracle Cure- The Who
Better Off Alone- Steve Earle
I Don't Need No Doctor- Ray Charles

And of course anything by The Grateful Dead

-Tom

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Here's one I saw Jim Becker post on FB.

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[Jim Koepke]

Need more music?

How about:

My Friend the Witch Doctor - David Saville
Don't You Touch My Leg - Maria Muldar

[Doug Dawson]

Don't You Touch My Leg - Maria Muldaur

Midnight at the Oasis, sorry, too distracting. You're liable to hurt yourself. Proceed with caution. :^)

[bill epstein]

How about a Belly Laugh?

https://youtu.be/aww4HT5g7ig

[Josko Catipovic]

We have nothing to fear
So long as TP is near.

[Frederick Skelly]

How about a Belly Laugh?

https://youtu.be/aww4HT5g7ig

That was great. You just gotta love Buddy Hackett!

[Tom Stenzel]

Normally I watch movies - at real theaters. But now trapped in the fallout shelter we need a little video entertainment:

Die Hard 1 and 3 (sorry, Diehard 2 stunk and never saw #4)
Walking Dead Series
Kiss Me Deadly
The Killing
The Big Sleep
The Shadow Strikes
The Unseen
The Red Menace
Man in the Attic
I Died a Thousand Times
The Good Die Young
Murmur of the Heart
9 1/2 Weeks

If you haven't guessed I watch a lot of film noir.

-Tom

[Jim Koepke]

Die Hard 1 and 3 (sorry, Diehard 2 stunk and never saw #4)

Tom, did you know there is a #5 in the series? A Good Day to Die Hard takes place mostly in Russia where John McClane discovers his son works for the CIA.

#4 Live Free or Die Hard is interesting compared to our current situation in it depicts disruption in American life due to our computer systems.

jtk

[ChrisA Edwards]

Reusable toilet paper substitute

https://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i452/cedwards874/Humor/ReusableToiletPaper_zpswawh6xw4.jpg

[Bruce Page]

That was great. You just gotta love Buddy Hackett!

One of the all time greats!

[Mel Fulks]

I can't remember how I came across this: there are ladies who make cloth terlet paper. Seems to be a thrift thing ,but
also an upgrade ..."take THAT ,MR WIPPLE !" They call it "family cloth". Used clothes are put into a receptacle and washed
in the washing machine ,often on pre wash mode first.

[Dave Anderson NH]

And some with a grain or two of truth.

[ChrisA Edwards]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTYxDMYKyiI&feature=youtu.be

[Bruce Page]

TP Challenged

[Bruce Wrenn]

We have nothing to fear
So long as TP is near.How does that old bathroom wall saying go? "Here I sit in a stinking vapor, came to take a dump, and there was no paper. I can't stay here and linger, so look out here comes my finger." Those washable wipes aren't flushable. Plumbers are going to get "sure enough rich" when the public starts using paper towels instead of TP.

[Jim Koepke]

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jtk

[Kev Williams]

***********************

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[Patrick McCarthy]

. . Connecting the dots: i think i just figured out why some people have such smelly feet . . .


Reusable toilet paper substitute

https://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i452/cedwards874/Humor/ReusableToiletPaper_zpswawh6xw4.jpg

[Keith Outten]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJZuZzU2Vsg

[Frederick Skelly]

Hehehe! That was great Keith!

[Ken Fitzgerald]

A female cousin of mine posted this on FB.

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[Dave Anderson NH]

We need the laughs to keep us strong.

[Bill Carey]

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[Bruce Page]

A few more smiles

[Dave Anderson NH]

More humor. Some of it cynical but true.

[Tony Zona]

Thanks for starting this, Dave. :)

[Keith Outten]

Just a couple of things I have learned from this thread.

Teachers and those who work in the medical fields are far more valuable than we knew.
Entertainers and Athletes are immorally overpaid.
Laughter is still good medicine.
I have to get dressed to go to the living room :)

[Jim Koepke]

This one was seen online:

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jtk

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Another one stolen from my friend Jim Becker.

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[Bruce Page]

CARona virous :)

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Another one from a friend...

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[Bill Carey]

soccer announcer doing everyday life - pretty funny

https://twitter.com/hashtag/LifeCommentary?src=hashtag_click

[Paul F Franklin]

soccer announcer doing everyday life - pretty funny

https://twitter.com/hashtag/LifeCommentary?src=hashtag_click

Joe Buck will do the same thing if you donate (any amount) to charity. He'll do your kids playing sports, or your dog chasing a Frisbee, or just about anything. I guess it's something positive to do while there are no sports being played...

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Posted by a female cousin on FB.

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[Ken Fitzgerald]

One more....

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[Bruce Wrenn]

One more....

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With home schooling, two people get an education.

[Mark Daily]

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[Ken Fitzgerald]

I wish we could post videos here. I saw one at FB that I'd love to post.

A guy going through a grocery store, pushing a grocery cart. He's carrying a tape measure extended out 6' and wagging it back and forth to establish his safe zone. I knew being a woodworker, even an amateur would pay off someday! :rolleyes::D

[Dave Anderson NH]

More grist for the mill.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

I just saw this one.

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[Michael Weber]

I just saw this one.

429027Easy for you to get away with posting that. Your wife's safely in another state for the duration. :D

[Paul F Franklin]

Yet another one:

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[Bruce Wrenn]

More grist for the mill.Got a card in the mail from the Jehovah's Witnesses yesterday, telling me to not expect them this week end. But as Arnold said "I'll be back!"

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Easy for you to get away with posting that. Your wife's safely in another state for the duration. :D


Yes and that kind of blows the popular theory here at SMC that I'm a "complete idiot", doesn't it?

[Dave Anderson NH]

This is all I could find today.

[Mark Daily]

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[Jim Koepke]

Some advice from Jeff Dunham & Friends > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA2r6rca2v4&feature=youtu.be

jtk

[Paul F Franklin]

Some advice from Jeff Dunham & Friends > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA2r6rca2v4&feature=youtu.be

jtk

Love JD! And there was some workshop footage in there too, so it's on topic.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Mine left me when she found out there might be a lock down!

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[Jim Allen]

Don't let the little lady see this...


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[Mark Daily]

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[Dave Anderson NH]

A bit more grist for the mill.

[Jim Koepke]

There seem to be a lot of takes on old popular tunes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uDTs-9fq00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPLgsV_Ms3Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmUXntGlqFI&feature=youtu.be

jtk

[Bill Dufour]

My Corona in Hebrew!
Bill D.

https://www.timesofisrael.com/hebrew-my-corona-spoof-of-the-knacks-classic-proves-catching/

[Dave Anderson NH]

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was there age I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

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Here's one for the ladies.

[Bill Dufour]

I looked and could not find a parody of the song from South Pacific. be a easy remake, any volunteers?
I'm gonna wash that corona right outta my hair.
Sung to the tune of I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair.

Bill D

[Jim Koepke]

Everyone staying inside?

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Someone told me the blood banks were running low…

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Learned something about coffee drinkers:

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Stay safe,

jtk

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Another One....

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[Bill Dufour]

Beast song yet is Coronavirus Rapsody by Queen. Almost 6 minutes of music.
Bill D.

https://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/rock/9347228/bohemian-rhapsody-coronavirus-parody

[Dave Anderson NH]

I wonder which will disappear first, the virus or the funnies about the virus?

[Ken Fitzgerald]

One last one....

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[Jim Koepke]

LOL!

jtk

[Dave Anderson NH]

Found a few more this afternoon.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Of course this would have been applicable for near the middle of the last century....

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[Bruce Page]

Duct tape..

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Duct tape..


What a scream!:D

[Bill Dufour]

Wiping down with duct tape should pull those nasty covid 19 cooties right off your skin in no time flat. Just not sure how to throw the used tape away without getting it stuck everywhere and contaminating myself again.
Bil lD

[Paul F Franklin]

Pulled a couple more from FB:

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[Ken Fitzgerald]

Another one from FB

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[Paul F Franklin]

So go to the o'reilly auto parts site and search for 121G. (without the period)

[Frederick Skelly]

So go to the o'reilly auto parts site and search for 121G. (without the period)

That was cute!

[julian abram]

Forget the Easter eggs,
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[julian abram]

Wishing we could go places?
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[Jim Allen]

Borrowed from another forum
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[Benjimin Young]

Many yeas back we had a Samoyed who had puppies 429655so this one made me laugh

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Many yeas back we had a Samoyed who had puppies 429655so this one made me laugh

We had a female Samoyed for 12 years. I miss her.

[Frederick Skelly]

Many yeas back we had a Samoyed who had puppies 429655so this one made me laugh

Man that's funny!

Friend of mine had a Samoyed. People told me what great dogs they are. His was THE meanest dog I ever met.

[Bruce Page]

More Funnies

[Thomas McCurnin]

Here’s a Coronavirus joke.

So a guy with a bad dry cough and fever goes to his doctor and is concerned he might have the virus. The doctor examines him and the doctor tells the man that he does indeed have the virus but that the doctor will be prescribing pizza and pancakes for him.

Really, the man says, will pizza and pancakes help cure the disease? No, said the doctor, but it’s the only thing that can be slid under his front door.

[Dave Anderson NH]

Not a lot of new ones around today.

[Michael Weber]

Some other wag here labeled those folks as future "Quaranteens"

[Dan Hunkele]

And another.

[Jim Colombo]

speaking of dogs;

Yesterday I saw a neighbor talking to her cat and it looked like she thought the cat could understand her. I went in the house and told my dog. We had a really good laugh about it.

[Kev Williams]

found a few I laughed at--

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[Michael Weber]

Took this picture this afternoon as we came home from a drive. It's a liquor store.

[Paul F Franklin]

A husband and wife are self isolating at home. The husband thinks he sees a cockroach in the kitchen. He scrubs the room from top to bottom, including all the contents of the cupboards, pulls out the appliances and scrubs behind them, washes the walls and floors, etc.

The wife thinks to herself: Tomorrow I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom....

[Jim Koepke]

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[Keith Outten]

speaking of dogs;

yesterday i saw a neighbor talking to her cat and it looked like she thought the cat could understand her. I went in the house and told my dog. We had a really good laugh about it.


lol :) :) :)

[Frank Pratt]

Jim, you and I must have the same slightly twisted sense of humor. Those memes you've been posting crack me up.

[Dave Anderson NH]

Just these 2 from me for today. I saw a few more but can't post them since they would seriously violate the SMC Terms of Service. :D

[Michael Weber]

429874Haven't seen this one posted.

[Frederick Skelly]

Ok, I couldnt resist because this one was so funny. Mods, if this isnt appropriate, please just delete.

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[Dave Anderson NH]

Gross on taste, but doesn't violate the TOS Fred. The ones I didn't post were way way way beyond that one.

[David Utterback]

2033 - the year of the QuaranTeens.

OK, Bill, that is good!

[Kev Williams]

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[Mark Daily]

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This made me laugh out loud- thanks Jim!

[Jim Koepke]

Just got bored out in the shop with some spare plumbing parts:

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Distractions during isolation:

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jtk

[Mel Fulks]

An energy drink that doesn't need to be mixed with water. And it's it's much more artful than the Super Bowl trophy!

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Here's one to think about....

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[Mike Soaper]

Too many Pizzas?

I typically buy a couple of 2.2lb bags of 00 flour at a time for homemade pizza dough. Trying to keep social distancing and suspect that I would not find any in the stores I went looking for some pizza flour on line.

The few available single bags of the flour on line that I wanted were way over priced, but I eventually found a box of 10 2.2# bags at a regular price so I ordered it while it was still available.

During the search I also came across some organic 00 pizza flour I haven't tried that I thought might be easier to digest for some in my family, maybe healthier in general, and i'd probably have the extra time to experiment with.

All of the flour on that web sight seemed to quickly disappearing. So since there were no 5lb bags available I ordered a 25lb bag, thinking that I could share the flour/pizzas with family and friends.

However, I hadn't calculated how many pizzas that amount of flour could make.


22lbs+25lbs = 47lbs = apx 94 pizzas!, apx 2 pizzas a week for a year!


It gets better.


There was a bit of a mix up and I received a different flour, the correct one is also being sent.


So, that's 22lbs+25lbs+25lbs= 72lbs or apx 144 pizza's!


Is that enough pizza? :)

[Frederick Skelly]

Never enough pizza Mike. Never.
:)

[Dave Anderson NH]

Enough new ones today that I need to do 2 posts. Enjoy!!!!!

[Dave Anderson NH]

Here are the rest of them for today.

[Mark Daily]

Too many Pizzas?

I typically buy a couple of 2.2lb bags of 00 flour at a time for homemade pizza dough. Trying to keep social distancing and suspect that I would not find any in the stores I went looking for some pizza flour on line.

The few available single bags of the flour on line that I wanted were way over priced, but I eventually found a box of 10 2.2# bags at a regular price so I ordered it while it was still available.

During the search I also came across some organic 00 pizza flour I haven't tried that I thought might be easier to digest for some in my family, maybe healthier in general, and i'd probably have the extra time to experiment with.

All of the flour on that web sight seemed to quickly disappearing. So since there were no 5lb bags available I ordered a 25lb bag, thinking that I could share the flour/pizzas with family and friends.

However, I hadn't calculated how many pizzas that amount of flour could make.


22lbs+25lbs = 47lbs = apx 94 pizzas!, apx 2 pizzas a week for a year!


It gets better.


There was a bit of a mix up and I received a different flour, the correct one is also being sent.


So, that's 22lbs+25lbs+25lbs= 72lbs or apx 144 pizza's!


Is that enough pizza? :)
Do you deliver?

[Bill Carey]

430066 could be this or the Running Man....

[Mike Soaper]

Never enough pizza Mike. Never.
:)

Frederick,
It seems I might be testing that theory.

Pizza ON

[Mike Soaper]

Do you deliver?

Mark,

Sorry, currently only delivering from the oven to my plate, however the marketing team ( my 4yr old grandson and the dog) is kicking around opening up as Pizza Patrol. No worries though, I think I can swing the dog's vote with some pizza crust.

[Keith Outten]

Dave,

The road construction pic is dead on, this would be a great time to repair roads as long as the repairs don't slow down truck drivers :)

Bil, I am in Hunger Games District 12 :)

BTW is anyone planning a vacation when the gates are lifted ?

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Dave,

The road construction pic is dead on, this would be a great time to repair roads as long as the repairs don't slow down truck drivers :)

Bil, I am in Hunger Games District 12 :)

BTW is anyone planning a vacation when the gates are lifted ?

Already have the hotel reservations, tours pre-paid for my wife and 3 grandkids. I also have the phone numbers to cancel same.

[Keith Outten]

Clean Jokes Only Folks.

The Handyman joke



A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.



"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."



A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[Keith Outten]

Wedding Anniversary joke



Bob forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was mad.
She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE”
The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box…gift in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale…Bob has been missing since Friday!

[Mark Daily]

Mark,

Sorry, currently only delivering from the oven to my plate, however the marketing team ( my 4yr old grandson and the dog) is kicking around opening up as Pizza Patrol. No worries though, I think I can swing the dog's vote with some pizza crust.

Sounds good- if you can swing it there’s an extra fiver in it for ya!

[Jim Koepke]

Here are a couple for the day:

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jtk

[Michael Weber]

Wife's not to this point at least not yet

[Roger Feeley]

Not internet humor exactly.

I saw a comment about how a grocery store was out of all the cold cereals except Special K, Raisin Bran, and the original Shredded Wheat.
In my cupboard at that moment was Special K, Raisin Bran, and the original Shredded Wheat.

OK, I'm a boomer. sigh...

[Lee Schierer]

From another internet site:

· Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

· I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

· I need to practice social-distancing........ from the refrigerator.

· Still haven't decided where to go for today ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

· Public Service Announcement : Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

· Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

· I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

· This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

· So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

· Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

· My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

· Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

· I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

· I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’. I'm getting tired of ‘’Los Livingroom’’.

· Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

· Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

· Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under….

[Bill Dufour]

Lee, to add to your post:
Do not forget to remove your pajamas before taking a shower or using the toilet. They are not designed for true 24/7/365 use.
Bill D

[Ken Fitzgerald]

A few more I saw today.

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[Dave Anderson NH]

Let's keep it going folks we're in for a long haul.

[Bruce Page]

this explains a lot!

[Keith Outten]

Lost

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently,
I’m still lost…

[Bruce Page]

It's a dogs life

[Kev Williams]

One of my pet peeves with this smart-phone world, is when the kids & grandkids come to visit,
say for a birthday party, everyone sits around busy on their phones- but when it comes time to sing
'happy birthday' and blow out the candles, not a one of 'em can be found
shooting pictures or video--! ;)

430360


430361

[Dave Anderson NH]

Not getting as many good ones anymore.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Here's an explanation....

430376

[Michael Weber]

Ken, my wife lol'ed when I read that to her.

[Dave Anderson NH]

Not a lot today.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Here you go....

430441

[Mark Daily]

Some more- hopefully no repeats.

430442430443430444430445430446430447

[Dave Anderson NH]

Her are a few more I dug up. The last one I just couldn't resist.

[Jim Koepke]

430527

jtk

[Kev Williams]

Pretty good one Jim :D
http://www.engraver1.com/erase2/bsc.jpg http://www.engraver1.com/gifs/thegnat.gif

[Paul F Franklin]

All right you guys, cut that out! It's a pain to keep cleaning my screen!

[Frank Pratt]

I fell for it.:rolleyes:

[Michael Weber]

How to sew a mask

[Jim Koepke]

430550

jtk

[Stan Calow]

430527

What do you mean? - a little sandpaper got it off mine.

[Frank Pratt]

How to sew a mask

Cheeky. He has got a great set of buns.

[Rick Potter]

Sheesh, I didn't even notice that.

[Bill Dufour]

1966 communist plot to take over America through social distancing.
Bill D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGgJPmOUmDU

[Michael Weber]

Another one I don't remember seeing here. 430674

[Michael Weber]

Sheesh, I didn't even notice that. I had to look a while before I saw it. My wife forwarded it to me so I know it had to be something funny.

[Dave Anderson NH]

I keep finding new ones. The question is will we run out of CV-19 or these memes first?

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Here's another one.

430694

[Mark Daily]

Here's another one.

430694
Oh yuck...

[Malcolm McLeod]

You have to be able to laugh at yourself...


A New York Exchange Trader was up BIG one day, and as he basked in the glow of having called the market so well, he reflected on his life: long hours, ulcers, high blood pressure, 2 ex-wives, kids who didn't know him, no friends, even his dog didn't much like him. So he sold it ALL, cashed out, bought a six month supply of food, and a 5000 acre ranch in West Texas where the only improvement was a small hunting cabin. He would spend his remaining days as a hermit.

Two months into his lonely self-exile, a dust trail came over the ridge, the dust resolved into a battered pick-up, and came to a stop at his cabin.

A man in a classic Stetson got out, extend a hand , and said, "Welcome! I heard we had a new neighbor! I hadn't seen you at the cafe so wanted to come by and say howdy!"

The New Yorker merely commented that he didn't get out much.

From the Stetson, "Well, I'm having a party just this Friday evenin' You otta stop by! I'm only the next place west on the road - 'bout 40 mile."

"Ok, I guess I could come ... at least to meet the neighbors."

"Great! Any time around 7. Oh, and I gotta warn you there might be some drinkin'...and a bit after that some dancin'."

Realizing he was probably near the buckle of the Bible-belt, he said, "No worries; I'm not offended by either."

And as the Stetson climbed back in the truck, he scanned the horizon, then in a hushed voice, "And latter there might even be some lovin'."

Having seen NYC party-goers in full rampage, our New Yorker maintained his composure, but thought to ask, "What should I wear?"

"Awwhh! It don't much matter. ...Its just you and me."

[Bruce Page]

I can almost promise you we’ll be seeing these ads!

[Jim Koepke]

430891

430893

At least aliens would likely be more interesting than zombies.

430892

jtk

[Paul F Franklin]

Found these while cleaning the storeroom. #6 hits a little too close to home....


Sixteen things that took me 50 years to learn.

1. You will never find anyone who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

3. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

4. The one thing that unites all of us, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnicity, is that deep down inside, we all believe we are above-average drivers.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason the human race will never achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and that God decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will *not* use, as a messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waitperson, is not a nice person.

13. No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it too seriously.

14. When trouble arises, and things look really bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.

15. Your friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

[Frederick Skelly]

#12 is so very true.

And I love #16!

[Dave Anderson NH]

Folks just keep coming with more.

[Michael Weber]

Do it for the children

[ChrisA Edwards]

Do it for the children

Took me a while to figure that one out, I haven't seen a real one of those in decades....

[Bruce Page]

a few more
..

[Jim Allen]

Missed it by this much....
431119

[Kev Williams]

431213

431214

431215

[Frederick Skelly]

Missed it by this much....
431119

You just gotta wonder how the devil that happened. Swatting a bug, talking on his phone, etc?

[Dave Zellers]

You just gotta wonder how the devil that happened. Swatting a bug, talking on his phone, etc?

Or somebody coming out of the tunnel in his lane. :eek:

[Michael Weber]

You just gotta wonder how the devil that happened. Swatting a bug, talking on his phone, etc?
Considering the mountainous terrain and the damage to the guard rail he might have had brake problems and opted to go there rather than the confines and unknown traffic of the tunnel. If so then kudos to the driver.

[Dave Anderson NH]

Today's take is kinda thin.

[Jim Allen]

Intelligence ...

431244

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Here's one.....

431269

[Ken Fitzgerald]

…....and one more....

431276

[Jim Koepke]

431277431278

[Bruce Page]

A few more
..

[Frederick Skelly]

The Dr. Fauci carton cracked me up.
I think Mr. Koepke's helium filled dog wins the prize - I've been laughing for an hour!

[Mike Soaper]

Rumor has it that some of the Navy's Blue Angles precision flight demonstrations have been canceled because they don't maintain social distancing and keep flying closer than 6' apart.

[Mike Soaper]

Be careful what you ask for.

Back in the mid 70's the Navy asked me where I wanted to be stationed at next

I said, some place cold where I can go skiing.

A few months later I walked out of a C130 with skis at McMurdo Antarctica.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Another one …..

431289

[Bruce Page]

Some more
..

[Dave Anderson NH]

Does the day of the week really matter right now?

[Lee Schierer]

Day 20 at home and the dog's looking at me like "See?? This is why I chew
the furniture!"

I've eaten 14 meals and taken 6 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding
me?

In case you've lost track, today is March 97th...

My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll
slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!

[Kev Williams]

--Glad both my great-grandkids are boys... ;)
431335

431336

[Mel Fulks]

Kev, that's what they call "a real doll baby !" Somebody spent some time on that.
But who hasn't seen...or owned a car held together by duct tape ?

[Jim Koepke]

In other breaking news…

431345

jtk

[Jim Allen]

a couple more...

431346431347

[Dave Anderson NH]

Small take today.

[Jim Allen]

A couple more
431411

431412

[Jim Koepke]

431416


jtk

[Bill Dufour]

Do it for the children

It is not just for the young ones. Many teenage boys would like to see that, espically if filled out with a teenage girl. I do not know how teenage girls would view this.
What would Teddy Roosevelt say, the Teddy bear is named after him.
Bill D.

https://www.wonderopolis.org/wonder/how-did-the-teddy-bear-get-its-name

[Bill Carey]

431456
1234567890

[Dave Anderson NH]

Fun for today.

[Jim Koepke]

Be careful of scam artists:

431520

Apparently this guy has been getting away with this for quite a while. :D

jtk

[Lee Schierer]

Apparently it was good stuff if he was 148+ years old when convicted in 2014.

[Jim Koepke]

Apparently it was good stuff if he was 148+ years old when convicted in 2014.

He will likely be out in another 20, with good behavior, and at it again.

jtk

[Dave Zellers]

He will likely be out in another 20, with good behavior, and at it again.

jtk

I hope so. :)

[Dave Anderson NH]

When will we run out of new stuff?

[Bruce Page]

I'm hoping for no repeats..

[Jim Koepke]

431673

431674

[Dave Anderson NH]

Some mediocre ones for today.

[Michael Weber]

Don’t recall seeing this 431771

[Bruce Page]

A few more
..

[Ken Fitzgerald]

A couple more....

431825431826

[Dave Anderson NH]

a few for more thought?

[Ken Fitzgerald]

After a few weeks of home schooling...…


431863

[Stewie Simpson]

https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aAgn2Ap_460s.jpg

[Warren Lake]

why should I have to add words when a picture is worth a 1000 words




431867

[Ken Fitzgerald]

This one...…

431868

[Paul F Franklin]

Pro tip: If you want to take a nap when the kids are home, tell them to wake you in 30 minutes so you can all clean the house. They will do everything they can to avoid waking you.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

A couple more...

431924431925

[Jim Allen]

Time for some wine...

431929431930431931431932

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Another one.....


431934

[Jim Allen]

a few more..
431958431959431960431961

[Dave Anderson NH]

This is your ration for today.

[Mel Fulks]

Thanks,Dave. "mystery is 'solved' ! He couldn't go anywhere with those socks with worn out elastic !

[Jim Allen]

a few more

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Here's one posted by an esteemed Moderator on FB...

432020

[Kev Williams]

432033

432034

432035

[Michael Weber]

Another one

[Jim Koepke]

432125

When quarantined welder gets bored?

432126

Here's a happy thought…

432127

It is going to be a long line when this is over:

432128

432129

And finally a word of thanks to those we love:

432130

jtk

[Jim Koepke]

Found some more:

432143

432144

432145

432146

432147

432148

432149

jtk

[Dave Anderson NH]

A few more for fun.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

One more for today....

432164

[Kev Williams]

The TP witty's are getting a bit dated but...

432171

[Michael Weber]

Schodinger’s
432234