Mrs got her DNA results

[Perry Hilbert Jr]

My wife was adopted and raised by wonderful people. But she, her son and our daughter have had some life long health problems. We finally decided to try to make some contact with her biological family(ies) to get at least some health history information that may ease, or help us anticipate the future. One of the DNA matches is a first/second cousin, 20 years older than my wife. We have called, send letters, tried phone calls, messages on line, etc. No response. So I set about creating a family tree for the cousin trying to narrow down the search for a parent. I ran into a family tree being compiled by the cousin's DIL. So I sent a message to the DIL asking for assistance in contacting the cousin. The DIL responded that she would help, but now there is just silence. No response to anything. I figured if the cousin knows which of her relatives is the parent, she could give us health information with no trauma to any one. No need to bother the parent or stir up any unpleasantness. I was very clear that I am only seeking family health history information

In the meantime, I have compared family trees of other more distant DNA matches and I am close to locating another part of the parents' families.

When I judge the possible help for the health and treatment of the wife and kids, vs a little time by a cousin to answer some questions, it just seems really inconsiderate to ignore the contact. Is that wrong?

[Jim Becker]

Professor Dr. SWMBO is actively working on similar research, although not for any health reasons. "Way back when", her father's side of the family, which was large and Irish Catholic, a bunch of siblings ended up getting adopted out because of the death of the parents. "Connecting the dots" has been an interesting journey, but she's also discovered some neat things about these people. Others in the family are also participating in the research. Part of the fun is that the siblings original name was "lost" after the adoptions, which were more informal in those days.

I hope you do get the information you want/need, but sometimes folks just want their privacy. You can only ask nicely; no more.

[Jim Koepke]

I hope you do get the information you want/need, but sometimes folks just want their privacy. You can only ask nicely; no more.

Some may see your research as opening deep, long hidden wounds from the past.

Some minds are not as open as others.

jtk

[Bob Bouis]

23andme used to give "health" results which looked at correlations between certain genes and various medical conditions. It got shut down by the FDA for reasons that are probably beyond the intended scope of this thread.

However, last I checked 23andme (and probably others) still tested all the various genes and made the raw data available to consumers. They just aren't able to interpret it for you. If you're interested there are (or were, last time I checked) third-party services that will interpret raw DNA data for you and give you much more health-related information than 23andme is allowed to at this time.

[Justin Ludwig]

I used color.com to get tested for a genetic mutation that my Dad, paternal grandfather, and sister have. I have the mutation also. Looks like I'll be enjoying a nice adenocarcinoma or some other endometrial cancers in my future. Thank you MSH2 mutation.

Good luck on your search. My aunt's mother (my step grandmother) was adopted. My aunt used ancestral DNA testing and color.com to help narrow down her genes. Get your wallet out...

[Edwin Santos]

M I ran into a family tree being compiled by the cousin's DIL. So I sent a message to the DIL asking for assistance in contacting the cousin. The DIL responded that she would help, but now there is just silence. No response to anything.

When I judge the possible help for the health and treatment of the wife and kids, vs a little time by a cousin to answer some questions, it just seems really inconsiderate to ignore the contact. Is that wrong?

I would say she and her family are giving you a message. They must have their reasons. It's up to you whether to listen, or ignore it and keep trying. If it were me, I'd take the hint and move on.
It was worth a shot, too bad they weren't accommodating.
Edwin

[Bill Dufour]

When my mother meet her relatives in 1943 backwoods Tennessee she was introduced to one as "this is so and so and her children, she poisoned her husband."
In those days, in that area, it was more socially accepted to be a murderer then to be divorced? Or maybe she really did poison her husband but social niceties required they explain why she had kids but no husband. Wouldn't want people getting the wrong impression would they.
I can not imagine what they would have said if she had given up the kids for adoption?
Bill D.

[Carlos Alvarez]

it just seems really inconsiderate to ignore the contact. Is that wrong?

It's impossible to know from their perspective what challenges or fears they face. You're not wrong, but that doesn't mean they are either. I would persevere and keep trying in different ways; what do you have to lose? Unless outright told "go away" I would proceed with the assumption that everyone would want to help if they can. They may just be afraid of some can of worms you don't know about, or grief, or whatever. Push it and keep trying.

[Wade Lippman]

Judge not, lest ye be judged.
They have their reasons; might be good ones.

[paul cottingham]

I'm adopted, and i have some serious health issues which may be genetic. But i would never invade my birth parents privacy. That being said, i have opened my record now that my adoptive parents are dead, so my birth parents can find me, if they wish.
It is a very personal decision.

[Larry Edgerton]

My English Ex had one done. Turns out she is related to Jack the Ripper.

I could have told her that............

[Bill Carey]

My English Ex had one done. Turns out she is related to Jack the Ripper.

I could have told her that............

sleep well........
s

[Mel Fulks]

Bill,that is an interesting story. I think most of us beyond retirement age can remember some strange relatives. World war
2 and automobiles certainly gave the gene pool a brisk stirring.

[Mike Henderson]

Will getting health information from her biological family really make any difference? You might do better to have your wife and children's DNA tested for markers that might indicate certain health issues.

I'd guess that the pregnancy and adoption was a "family secret" and they want to keep it that way.

Mike

[John C Cox]

Yes... You may have inadvertently dove into some family history that several folks don't want to remember..... I am sure you are well aware that often times - family members wanted to keep babies in the family - so they would be adopted by near kin.... Sorry that you seem to be receiving the cold shoulder of this through no fault of your own....

One way you may be able to "sneak" into learning the info is to talk about some specific health condition with some "old timer" relatives face to face over a cup of coffee/beer/tea...... Often you will find out that such and such and so and so shared the same conditions..... If you need further info - sometimes you can talk them into letting you see old family photos and such.... And you may find someone with a striking resemblance.

[Perry Hilbert Jr]

Assuming that doctors sixty years ago, were accurate as to cause of death, I found that the purported great grandfather and grandfather both had adult onset diabetes. Also that one of the ancestors, 1750 ish, may have been a "king's Daughter" (Scot single woman sent to America to be a bride instead of being imprisoned for taking part in the rebellion.) A sister of the Scot woman ended up in Australia according to the DNAmatches and family trees.

[Frederick Skelly]

I'd guess that the pregnancy and adoption was a "family secret" and they want to keep it that way.

+1. I'm sorry Perry, but I don't agree you should keep trying. There seems to be something there that they want to leave buried. And it can get ugly. I know someone who tracked down their birth mother (without her consent - I can't figure out how, with privacy laws as they are). Anyway, my friend appeared unannounced at birth mother's dress shop one day, because the woman wasn't responding to letters, etc. The resemblance was apparently very strong, because as soon as the birth mother saw her, she ordered my friend to leave and never come back. Said very clearly she never wanted to see her again. It was sad and ugly. We speculate that the birth mom never told hubby about having had a baby out of wedlock years before.

[Chris Parks]

It is a strange world when you get into stuff of this nature. My maternal grandfather left Germany and my Grandmother and two children followed him about two years later. What caused this was never revealed as they absolutely refused to talk about it and he never communicated with his large and wealthy family again. My Paternal grandfather is unknown because my grandmother refused to tell my Dad even though she promised to do it before she died. He only found out later in life when he applied for a passport, she did not volunteer the information.

[Charlie Hinton]

If there are life long health issues that have been under treatment for many years a prognosis of the future progression of these issues has certainly been made.
There are many in my family that have serious medical problems so I do have compassion for everyone experiencing these issues.
What I don't understand is how the DNA testing and subsequently making contact with complete strangers that are genetically related can do anything to help you, unless you are seeking a donor match.
An unsolicited contact was made, it was rejected, leave them alone.

[Rich Engelhardt]

My English Ex had one done. Turns out she is related to Jack the Ripper.

I could have told her that............Larry wins the "belly laugh of the year" post :D :D :D

(I really did LOL! @ that ;) )

[Lee Schierer]

My English Ex had one done. Turns out she is related to Jack the Ripper.

I could have told her that............

I would ask for a refund as Mr. Ripper was never caught....

[Carlos Alvarez]

Will getting health information from her biological family really make any difference?

Quite often yes, in fact life-saving. Been through it. I'm glad we were able to get her relatives to be honest about something like medical history that is no big deal, no shame, just biology. It CAN save a life. Knowing that a distant relative did in fact die from what we suspected lead to proper testing.

So yeah, don't give up, a number of lives, current and future, may depend on it. Too bad for those trying to hide from reality.

[Curt Harms]

Some may see your research as opening deep, long hidden wounds from the past.

Some minds are not as open as others.

jtk

This. Some adoptions happen as a result of 'uncomfortable' circumstances.

[lowell holmes]

Spoken by a sailor.:)