My idea of testing machinery. [Archive] - Sawmill Creek Woodworking Community

markus shaffer

11-08-2005, 5:53 PM

I didn't want to hijack Lou's thread, but I think everyone is getting it completely wrong.. The following are the real criteria on how machinery should be tested. Anyone who disagrees should not subscribe to my woodworking magazine.

1. How good will said machine look in YOUR shop? Do you really want a machine that doesn't compliment it's surroundings? If it's coming into my shop, it better look real good..

2. What is the level of envy it produces in the neighbors? More is better. Can't let those "Jones" next door have a "bigger, longer, better, faster, louder, more accessories blah blah blah.." Cost is a big factor here. If you have to mortgage your house to afford it, it must be better.

3. How much does it impress the ladies? "Yeah baby, that's my 20" jointer there on the back wall. Would you like a tour of my spray booth?"

4. How good does it look painted black? Everyone who rides a motorcycle knows that black is the fastest color, period.

5. How good does it look with aforementioned "impressed" ladies scantily-clad laying on said machine in the annual tool calendar? Sadly there are only 12 months in a year..

For the life of me, I can't imagine why anyone would base a tool purchase on any other criteria. I think we all could use a break from machine test reports.

-Markus

Paul B. Cresti

11-08-2005, 6:02 PM

Markus,
My tools came with a bottle of Chianti and a very large bowl of Pasta! and....everytime I slide the the slider it crushes grapes (did you ever see the, "I love Lucy" episode?) I also usually try to match my machines to my shop attire, you know I can not dare clash. I have got to look good for the ladies and besides the white MM color is just soooo slimming!

Vaughn McMillan

11-08-2005, 6:03 PM

Good points, Markus. I bought my saw because it was orange, and it went well with the carpet in my garage. Still haven't gotten LOML to put on the bikini and drape herself all over the saw for calendar pics, but if she would, I'm sure it'd look hot.

Oh, and I liked the specs for its price range. That, too. ;)

- Vaughn

John Miliunas

11-08-2005, 6:14 PM

Markus, points well taken. For me, I can sum up all that you said in two words: Coolness factor!:cool: It's just plain ole gotta' be cool! :) :D :cool:

Steve Rowe

11-08-2005, 6:31 PM

Great post Markus. That's why I like the daily calendars - much more variety. BTW - what is the name of your woodworking magazine?:D
Steve

tod evans

11-08-2005, 6:57 PM

two points.

markus shaffer

11-08-2005, 7:09 PM

Steve,

Due to the Terms Of Service, I'm not going to promote my woodworking magazine here...

Y'know what? forget the rules.. So my woodworking magazine is going to be called......

"Awesome Woodworking Hells Yeah!!!"

Besides the aforementioned machinery reviews, there will be interviews with my favorite heavy metal bands, pictures of my dog, tips on how to build skateboard ramps, pictures of motorcycles(black only), reviews of heavy metal music, reviews of beer, reviews of bars within stumbling distance from my house, pictures of me drinking beer(hopefully with the calendar girls), interviews with the cute girls at the ice cream joint on 1st avenue and 10th street in Manhattan, and occasionally something about building furniture.

I'll hire Dev on as our resident machinery professor. You'll write to him with your machinery problems and he'll give you topical advice on how to iron out the kinks. Pun intended.

We'll also arrange for monthly machinery give away contests.. But none of these silly "Win a box of used sandpaper scraps!!" like the competition rags have.. No, I'm talking big machines here. I'm hoping we can get Shiraz Balolia to donate something like a sliding panel saw or a 50" widebelt sander for our premier issue. Hopefully with the help of John Renzetti, we'll be getting Felder to give us a few Format 4 machines also.. With all the good press that Paul has given Minimax, he should be good for 3 or 4 of their machines.

Subscribe now and we'll throw in the Tool Calendar. Every issue will also include a heavy metal cd. First issue will be "Blessed Black Wings" by High on Fire.. Look for upcoming interviews with Slayer and Pig Destroyer as well. The fun will never stop at the offices of "Awesome Woodworking Hells Yeah!!!" We'll be accepting resume's for the "unpaid" internship soon.

-Markus

Bruce Page

11-08-2005, 7:41 PM

And what about the noise equation? "It purrs like a kitten" has got to be better, right? :rolleyes:

Shiraz Balolia

11-08-2005, 7:45 PM

Steve,

I'm hoping we can get Shiraz Balolia to donate something like a sliding panel saw or a 50" widebelt sander for our premier issue.

-Markus

"Cough, wheez......." (and falls off chair).

Dan Forman

11-08-2005, 7:49 PM

Yeah, I was looking at a Laguna band saw...It made my butt look too big, so I went with the Mini Max.

Dan

Doug Shepard

11-08-2005, 7:59 PM

Yeah, I was looking at a Laguna band saw...It made my butt look too big, so I went with the Mini Max.

Dan

Yeah - that's exactly why I went with the MM too.:cool:
This doesn't make my butt look too big does it?:eek:

http://www.sawmillcreek.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=25666&d=1131322108

Mike Cutler

11-08-2005, 8:03 PM

Loud Pipes Save Lives. Loud machines save..... lives?. I know the dog and my wife run for the house when the planer starts up. They consider it a life saving manuever.

Oh yeah and how 'bout shop lighting systems reviews to support our "Hydroponic Gardening" interests.

Thank You Markus.:cool:

John Bailey

11-08-2005, 8:20 PM

Righteous!!

John

lou sansone

11-08-2005, 8:27 PM

hi markus
no problem with the hijack.. I think it is pretty funny. Actually I thought the whole thing was pretty funny ( that is the original 4 star post with all the special guest who showed up for the event;) ) in fact at one point I even started to get a little :mad: :mad: :mad: ..... but I calmed down and went back to solving all of the world's problems :rolleyes: . but since the flames seem to have died down, I will put that can of gas back in my flamable locker and just smile. :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool:

have a great day

lou

Michael Gabbay

11-08-2005, 8:32 PM

Good one Markus!

:)

Charlie Velasquez

11-08-2005, 8:41 PM

Markus,
This is just what was needed. The original post and the offshoots were getting to be a bit much. Realization that we needn't take magazine reviews and such so seriously nor personally couldn't be made more clear than with this thread.
Doug- this was the crowning point of the last two days. Could barely stop laughing to type this.

Thanks for bringing some levity to the Creek.

nic obie

11-08-2005, 8:49 PM

As I used to use as my sig. in another (not to be mentioned) forum . . .

So... have you rubbed your Powermatic lately?

Excellent thread Markus :D :D :D

Dennis McDonaugh

11-08-2005, 9:04 PM

I think we are using the straight edge and feeler guages in the wrong place. Shouldn't we measure the "WOOD" after we joint it to see if its straight?

JayStPeter

11-08-2005, 9:41 PM

Heavy metal, motorcycles, and woodworking machines ... sign me up!

Jay

Steve Rowe

11-08-2005, 10:16 PM

Markus - You mean we won't get a sticker that says "Charter Member - Awesome Woodworking Hells Yeah!!!"?:confused:

John Miliunas

11-08-2005, 10:47 PM

Yeah! Sign me up, too! :D Hey, maybe you could get some of the bands together and open for Ozzie? We could open with "WoodFest"!!!:D BUT, if you do that, you need to promise to get Coheed & Cambria in on the action! Kick-butt!!!:D Ah yes...And I can already see the Summer Picnic at Markus' place next year!!!:) :cool:

Bill Fields

11-08-2005, 10:54 PM

Marcus:

YO!!!

I'm from the specailty magazine publishing field--and although my magazines' Editors never considered "advertiser support", I always yelled at the Editors to do so.

They hung me the finger and threatened to quit--they won--and we lost revenue..

BUT-we became the magazine of record for editorial excellence.

BICYCLING and BICYCLE GUIDE were the mags.

Bill Fields

www.billfields.net (http://www.billfields.net)

John Renzetti

11-09-2005, 5:55 AM

hi Markus, Great post. I like the calendar proposal.
Warning I've seen how Paul Cresti dresses. He definetly won't make GQ. I'll see if I can get him in a Brioni or Zegna suit and clean him up a bit. :) The chianti in the brown paper bag and screw top cap will have to go also.
take care,
John

Paul B. Cresti

11-09-2005, 7:07 AM

Markus,
I too have seen John's dress and I do mean dress ;) We will most definately have to get him on some type of strick exercise regement as all us contributing "editors" need to look our best to impress the calender ladies... um....I mean to look good for the photo shoots. Hey Dev are you in tip top shape? I am beginning to wonder if you even exist? Never seen a picture, maybe you are some type of super woodworking machinery computer !:)

We should also add some segments on how to decorate your shop, how to choose machinery that matches and I think we should have a special segment on Dev traveling the country searching through junk machines to find deals on repairable beats! I can see it now Markus... TV shows... bumper stickers... merchandising....maybe your own tool line!.....

Keel McDonald

11-09-2005, 8:54 AM

Lee DeRaud

11-09-2005, 10:01 AM

Still haven't gotten LOML to put on the bikini and drape herself all over the saw for calendar pics, but if she would, I'm sure it'd look hot.You better be talking about LOYL, not the saw.:p

Oh, and I liked the specs for its price range. That, too.You better be talking about the saw, not LOYL.:cool:

David Fried

11-09-2005, 10:23 AM

Marcus,

You rule! It is so easy for us to forget that Woodworking has almost nothing to do with wood. Thanks for the timely reminder.

Like other creekers, I keep a sleek black, fast, sexy lumber hauler up at the shop just to impress the neighbors. I know they talk about it all the time.
25775

Recently, some local kids were kind enough to install air conditioning in the shop. It works pretty good now and I know in December I will be the envy of all my neighbors.
25776

I hope your views are adopted here at the creek. The design forum should be discussing where to put the hot tub in relation to the bandsaw not discussing the size of dovetails. What are they thinking????

I hope you set high standards for you new mag. Please don't make the mistake of some other mags and only offer great articles and beautiful pictures. I like advertising. Lots of advertising. Please allow 15-20 pages of ads for every paragraph of text or picture.

Thanks again. I'm off to enjoy the bottle of MD 20-20 and the Oscar Meyer tube steak that came with my Grizz.

Dave Fried

Steve Stube

11-09-2005, 12:44 PM

David, my 444 wasn't FAST until I stuffed a small block Chevy in it, then I called it my 0 - 90 car. Does the color black increase the HP or just make it slip thru the air better?

Lee DeRaud

11-09-2005, 1:23 PM

David, my 444 wasn't FAST until I stuffed a small block Chevy in it, then I called it my 0 - 90 car. Does the color black increase the HP or just make it slip thru the air better?Dunno how it works for Volvos, but apparently a decent paint job with graphics and a big rear wing are more crucial to performance than a turbo or a nitrous kit...at least judging by the stuff I see in my neighborhood. I think the term is "rice-power".:p

Steve Clardy

11-09-2005, 3:08 PM

"Cough, wheez......." (and falls off chair).

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Maybe you could get a free subscription with a donation Papa.:D

Russell Svenningsen

11-09-2005, 3:17 PM

"Cough, wheez......." (and falls off chair).

Cheapskate. :rolleyes: :D :D :D

markus shaffer

11-09-2005, 5:14 PM

First Issue

Shiraz Balolia

11-09-2005, 5:34 PM

Cheapskate. :rolleyes: :D :D :D

AND proud of it! :D :D

Shiraz Balolia

11-09-2005, 5:35 PM

Markus - I saw that. LOL!

Click on his magazine and read the first line.

Steve Clardy

11-09-2005, 5:42 PM

Markus - I saw that. LOL!

Click on his magazine and read the first line.

Lol.:eek: :D :D :D

Andrew Ault

11-09-2005, 5:52 PM

Markus,

I'm ready to sign up right now. Do I get a free LN chisel with the first issue?

Some article ideas:

Subwoofer in a Saw Cabinet Howto.
Bike Wood Rack.
Wood Bike Rack.
Review: Dark Ducatti Monster, the Felder of Scooters. Full of Desmo Goodness.
Three-phase Power Amps, Worth the Trouble?
Review: San Diego's O'Briens Pub is the Hopiest Place on Earth
Interview: Dev Emch, Iron Man of Colorado, Man of Few Words
Duct Tape, A Versitile First Aid Kit
Black. The New Black.
Shiraz, Not Just a Wine Anymore

Steve Clardy

11-09-2005, 5:58 PM

markus shaffer

11-09-2005, 6:58 PM

Andrew,

I like some of your ideas. We might just have a place on staff for you.

I think we could get to the Ducati Monster. If you ride one, let's hear what you have to say. Remember, the criteria for reviewing a motorcycle is similar to what was originally stated about reviewing tools. Also, anything that is over 8 feet long and looks like it came from a show on the Discovery Channel is not to be considered for review.

Subwoofer in the cabinet saw is pretty good. Can't ever have enough bass.

O'Brian's Pub? Do they have a foosball table? This is important.

Interview Dev? It'll be your job to transcribe that one. This is to be done during your trial period, before full salary and benefits kick in..

Still looking for someone to fill the unpaid intern position.

-Markus

John Miliunas

11-09-2005, 7:03 PM

Still looking for someone to fill the unpaid intern position.

-Markus

Intern, huh? I might consider that position, largely depending on who my boss is. What's she look like???:D :) :cool:

Andrew Ault

11-09-2005, 7:15 PM

My digital recorder can only go a couple of hours, so I will not be able to record all of Dev's wisdom. :( Oh well, I'll stick with my day job.

No Duck right now. :( No room for anything more in my garage. Man, do I like watching the Tuttles...guilty pleasure. Mikey. Red faced hollering.

O'Brien's has a dart board and many, many taps...and yet no [american lager] or Lite anything. Indoor and outdoor seating, usually full of friendly locals. Tomorrow night they are tapping a keg of Whale, a locally brewed (Alpine Brewery) Wet Hop ALE. There is often or or more brew-master in the house. The guy the owns it knows EVERYONE in the industry and is a good guy. Some buddies and I will be there after work tomorrow for that green hopped beauty. No Foosball, sadly. A huge Belgian Ale list, happily. I am happily married, so getting out for a pint or ??? is not so common.

I think the woofer might aid in dust collection in a table saw. Remember, it takes serious power to overcome decent ear protection.

Ian Barley

11-09-2005, 7:15 PM

Some of you people have too much time on your hands - now get back to work!!

markus shaffer

11-09-2005, 7:25 PM

C'mon Ian,

Thought you'd be excited for the premier issue seeing as there's a Triumph on the cover. And it's one I can vouch for. I've yet to find even one drop of oil underneath mine. I'd think you'd be proud to have such an accomplishment reviewed.. Where's your patriotism?

-Markus

Andrew Ault

11-09-2005, 7:28 PM

I've yet to find even one drop of oil underneath mine.

Markus: YOU DO NOT HAVE OIL IN IT!

Ian Barley

11-09-2005, 7:36 PM

Mike Cutler

11-09-2005, 8:28 PM

Markus - I did get the cafe racer thing but I'm afraid my relationship with motorcycles ended some years ago after a very embarassing (don't ask - family audience) minor accident involving a fuel filler cap.

Before I get excited about the magazine - how many years subscription am I gonna need to cover the entire Dev interview?

There are only two accidents involving metal gas tank caps.

One of them was a cracked sternum, and the other was a cracked "set of parts", personal type:eek: ;)
I've had that accident also:(

Markus. I didn't see any sections on skin art. We gotta have some Tattoo's Bro'. Just wouldn't be a self respecting rag without them.

Lee DeRaud

11-09-2005, 8:34 PM

I agree no Teutel-style choppers, but please tell me I'm not the only one here who remembers the Harley XFCR cafe racer...

Mike Cutler

11-09-2005, 8:47 PM

I agree no Teutel-style choppers, but please tell me I'm not the only one here who remembers the Harley XFCR cafe racer...

Slightly underpowered. the back end wasn't lively enough. it tended to coast instead of slide thru turns. The Yamaha TZ, or was it YZ 750 was the top dog.
O'course on the dirt tracks, it was J Springer all the way.

California boyz' had Vance & Hines open up just down the road from Whittier Kawasaki, and blew everyone away with their stuff. Privateer's dream machines, until Honda imported some "Works" packages straight from Japan, and Freddie Spencer taught us all how to ride. 500cc bikes and he's doing wheelies at 175mph... Sheesh bro, might as well just get an old RM 250 and head to Gorman, eh.;)

Ian Barley

11-09-2005, 9:19 PM

Mike - My sternum is fine thanks!

David Fried

11-09-2005, 9:50 PM

David, my 444 wasn't FAST until I stuffed a small block Chevy in it, then I called it my 0 - 90 car. Does the color black increase the HP or just make it slip thru the air better?

Steve,

I don't want to get off topic but I have always assumed painting a car Black added 5-10 HP. You may right that it is just slicker hence reducing friction and giving the impression of increased horsepower. As Marcus has stated, it IS the fastest color. Other items known to increase horsepower are mag wheels, flames, and fuzzy dice.

I'm confident the same is true with woodworking machinery. Paint it black and add lots of chrome do-dads and your feed-rate, accuracy, and precision are sure to be greatly enhanced.

I expect this will all be covered in an upcoming issue of AWHY.

Dave

JayStPeter

11-09-2005, 9:52 PM

While bike ratings should be based purely on the opinions of hot metal chicks at the bar, I do suggest a zero-to-blown rear tire time. It won't mean anything, but it'll be a fun way to spend an evening out front of the bar.

Mike Cutler

11-09-2005, 10:35 PM

Now hold on there pardners' I'll give ya' the black is the coolest color, and maybe the fastest in blvd racining, but red paint always make the fastest bikes. Specifically, Ducati Red.

I've been trying to adapt a set of Centerline 15x10's to my Rikon 18" bandsaw, I figure I can run the bands on the monster BS at Hearne's in Pa. on my machine. I may need to dub out the tubs and make some room, not sure yet.

Anyone do this mod?

Lee DeRaud

11-10-2005, 1:41 AM

Slightly underpowered. the back end wasn't lively enough. it tended to coast instead of slide thru turns. The Yamaha TZ, or was it YZ 750 was the top dog.
O'course on the dirt tracks, it was J Springer all the way.

California boyz' had Vance & Hines open up just down the road from Whittier Kawasaki, and blew everyone away with their stuff. Privateer's dream machines, until Honda imported some "Works" packages straight from Japan, and Freddie Spencer taught us all how to ride. 500cc bikes and he's doing wheelies at 175mph... Sheesh bro, might as well just get an old RM 250 and head to Gorman, eh.;)Yamaha TZ750 was the 2-stroke 4-cylinder roadrace bike: absolutely deadly in the hands of Kenny Roberts (senior) before he headed for Europe to teach them how to ride. (Who the heck you think Freddy learned from?)

"YZ" sounds like a motocross designation, but it may have been the 4-stroke twin dirt-track bike...also deadly (or at least dangerous) in the hands of KR. (Although I seem to recall they shoe-horned the TZ motor into a dirt-track frame for one race, a mid-70's version of "shock and awe".:eek: )

Guy Baxter

01-03-2006, 2:36 AM

Yamaha TZ750 was the 2-stroke 4-cylinder roadrace bike: absolutely deadly in the hands of Kenny Roberts (senior) before he headed for Europe to teach them how to ride. (Who the heck you think Freddy learned from?)

"YZ" sounds like a motocross designation, but it may have been the 4-stroke twin dirt-track bike...also deadly (or at least dangerous) in the hands of KR. (Although I seem to recall they shoe-horned the TZ motor into a dirt-track frame for one race, a mid-70's version of "shock and awe".:eek: )
Lee -

How bout the Yamaha TS650? "Awesome Woodworking Hells Yeah!!!" centerfold worthy material.

GB