Unappreciated Handmade Gifts

[Rob Edmiston]

I'm pretty sure that this is a dead horse kind of topic, but here it goes. I have become quite discouraged with the degree of gifts that I have made for my kids that has been rejected by my kids. I have made musical instruments, game boards, fancy end grain cutting boards, five panel paintings and litterally the only item that has gotten one iota of use is an end grain cutting board for my daughter. I am just blown away at how these items have been lost, broken from careless tossing aside, sold by my ex. Something tells me that this just kinda goes with the territory of woodworking gift making but it is still just pure and pathetically disrespectful in my mind. I don't think that I am out of line here but I'm sure that I'm missing something important but just not sure we that it is.

Merry Christmas everyone!

[Perry Hilbert Jr]

Heck my ex would intercept the gifts, and give them to others and my kids would think I forgot them. And yes, there were times, the gifts were recieved but intentionally abused. like, being used to level a dog house in the back yard. I was supposed to have custody every other weekend, drove 80 miles to arrive at the appointed time, only to find a dark empty house. So I nailed her for contempt in court and then things got really ugly. After a few years of it, I just got sick at the thought of what a waste might occur, so I would give them things to do as a group with me. For a birthday, I would take every one to an amusement park, or some other event. If I got them clothes, even a souvenir T-shirt, it was "accidentally ruined" in the laundry at her place.

A hand made gift requires not only that the recipient appreciate it, but also that there is a modicum of common sense in how to care for and preserve it. Like a wooden bowl being left in the sink full of dish water over night.

[Matt Meiser]

A handmade gift should also be thought out by the giver. Is it appropriate, does it fit the style of the recipients home, etc? Even then it’s a risk as style is subjective. Not everyone wants a home full of stuff held only for nostalgic reasons. Cutting boards are popular and often appreciated and used as you’ve seen.

[Matt Day]

I agree with Matt, the gift giver (woodworker) needs to consider the gift reliever. Just because you can make a period piece from the 16th century, doesn’t mean you should give it to a hipster whose house is full of modern furniture.

If your gifts aren’t appreciated, don’t waste your precious shop time on it. Make stuff to give to those who appreciate it, for yourself, to sell, or to donate to a charity auction or something.

I sensed some sarcasm in the OP’s “Merry Christmas”. Maybe it should have been “Baa Humbug”.

[Phil Mueller]

I don’t tend to make “surprise” gifts. I offer an idea to a family member, if they like the idea, we sit down together and look over designs and decide together (a design they like AND a design I have the skills to produce). Or it’s something they ask for. As a result, the cutting boards, guitar stands, picture frames, boxes, shadow boxes, etc that have been made for them, are all in daily use.

The only real chance I took once, was when a neighbor gave me a nice slab of Koa he had in the garage for years. I turned it into a simple hall table and gave him the table. I think it’s upstairs somewhere in their hallway. If they decide to give it to someone else, or even sell it, that’s their choice. I really try to think of gifts as no longer mine. If I give it, it’s theirs to do with whatever they want.

[glenn bradley]

This risk is the same for any gift giving situation. Once you give the gift it is the receiver's prerogative to do with it as they see fit. It is no longer yours, it is theirs. Just because we put a lot of effort into something doesn't mean the receiver is going to value it. I think we have all experienced this in one form or another during our lives, handmade gift or not.

Stay horse . . . stay . . . :).

[Brian Henderson]

Honestly, and this goes for more than woodworkers, but creators in general often do it more out of their own desire than out of the desire of the person they're giving to. How many people who crochet will give ugly sweaters year after year after year to people who really don't want them? Just because you want to make it doesn't mean they want to receive it. You have to consider whether or not the gift is useful because if it isn't, you have no right to expect that it will be valued or used. That goes for anything you give.

[John C Cox]

I am sad to hear that.... It's true though... Often people don't appreciate the time and work that goes into even simple looking things. A cutting board, wooden spoon, or a wooden toy can take hours to make... Musical instruments even longer - it can take 40+ hours to make a Ukulele... Very depressing for a kid to play "El Kabong" with a hand made musical instrument...

Kids are super rough - and can destroy an anvil in short order... Often they won't appreciate the gifts until they are quite a bit older... I have a whimsical hand painted ceramic from my great aunt... She gave it to me when I was about 4.... Mom wouldn't let me play with it.. Now 40 years later - it's a fantastic keepsake. Same for a wooden airplane made by Dad.. I have it hanging on the wall in my shop.

Gifts wise - I would consider a rolling pin, cutting board, or wooden spoon for someone you know likes to cook. Perhaps a keepsake/jewlery box for an adult or older teen..

Little kids - under 4 - can get the rolly toys..

Musical instruments for adults/high schoolers who already play... Little Kids get plastic oars with strings from the toy store... Unless the parents are super musical and know how to respect a real instrument - they would get plywood..

[Ted Calver]

Once a gift is given, you no longer have control of it and the recipient may do as they please. Sometimes they value it and save it, other times not so much. Give and walk away.

[Rob Edmiston]

Thanks everyone. I had a pretty woe is me evening last night over this stuff. The responses given are all much appreciated and we'll received and well taken. Have a wonderful rest of the Holy Day today and just as meaningful if a New Year.

[Harold Balzonia]

I think we've all given things we wish got a warmer reception. But remember, it works the other way, too....

when I started turning bowls years ago, I gave a little utility bowl to my accountant. She's been doing my family's taxes for 30+ years. She's a lovely lady but in all honesty we only see her once a year so she might not be considered "family" or one of our "best friends" whatever that means.

the bowl is maybe 5" across and 2" deep made from maple. No dye, no pyrography, not a unique shape, it's nothing exceptional and when I see it, I only think of how far I've come as a turner....

But to HER it is a treasured gift. Every year when I see her, she mentions how she loves it, it is filled with paper clips and used every day and has a very specific spot right under her computer monitor.

Never give a gift with expectations on how it will be received.

i knew a girl in college who got a brand new chevy truck from her father for graduation.... she told her dad she hated the color and couldn't wait to trade it in....

a friend gave his wife a diamond ring for their 25th anniversary. $10,000..... she said "you know I don't like this kind of cut on a diamond!" And made him return it....

I repeat.... Never give a gift with expectations on how it will be received.

[Perry Hilbert Jr]

Another thing that has been largely lost, is the art of being gracious. Folks who even if they hate an object, know exactly how to fawn over it and what to say to make the giver feel the item is appreciated, even if it isnt. Saying thank you in a sincere way instead of by rote. Remembering to mention it in future meeting, even pulling it out of the closet to put it on display before the giver comes calling. When I moved from north to south, I quickly realized that such charm and grace is cultivated more among southerners

[Matt Meiser]

If your gifts aren’t appreciated, don’t waste your precious shop time on it. Make stuff to give to those who appreciate it, for yourself, to sell, or to donate to a charity auction or something.

Or go out on a limb and, consult them as Phil suggested and use those skills to make a modern piece. Heck, you might even learn something new or find a new interest of your own.

[Frederick Skelly]

i knew a girl in college who got a brand new chevy truck from her father for graduation.... she told her dad she hated the color and couldn't wait to trade it in....

a friend gave his wife a diamond ring for their 25th anniversary. $10,000..... she said "you know I don't like this kind of cut on a diamond!" And made him return it....

I repeat.... Never give a gift with expectations on how it will be received.

I'm just enough of a hard nose that I'd have returned/traded-in both of these gifts, and then given each of them a $100 VISA gift card. "Not good enough? Geez, I'm sorry. I tried, ya know?"

(Not great from a marital bliss standpoint, I know. But....)

[Jim Becker]

My opinion is that one of the root causes for this phenomenon is that so many folks have no experience in making things...so they don't appreciate the level of effort that goes into handmade gifts and products. Some of this is very likely because of the de-emphasis of "hand making skills" and craftsmanship in the education system due to funding, liability and other factors and some of it is because other things caught their interests and supplanted the time that historically might have been given to arts, crafts and trades. We live in a society that's a lot more focused on knowledge skills rather than hand skills these days and one where cost often supersedes quality as a primary acquisition factor. I've been very careful about what I give even to my own daughters because even though they actually see the amount of work I put into things, they don't "get" the quality side of the story and assume that when I make something or repair something it's just about saving money. Folks don't understand the true cost of quality and that's relevant the worker who actually makes the stuff.

It's also why it's sometimes hard to get commissions on things...just as with gifting, there's a mental gap around the fact that hand-made quality takes time, effort and skills (and often nice tools) that have a cost. Some people understand this, but many do not. I run into this with my tack trunk offerings. Only about 5% of the folks who inquire don't need to change their underwear when they get even a ballpark cost for what "furniture grade" comes out to...

[Bruce Wrenn]

Use your time to make some SIMPLE toys for Toys for Tots program. They will be appreciated! Send your family / friends a note telling them that you made toys for the less fortunate in their honor. Everybody wins!

[Robert Cherry]

Jim, I think you hit the nail on the head. My mother-in-law makes exceptionally beautiful hand made quilts. Award winning work. They take many hours to make. She is the only person on that side of the family that really understands and appreciates the effort that goes into making a piece of furniture. Every time she is over my house the first thing she does is head to my shop to see what I'm working on. She makes stuff, she gets it, the rest just don't. I've reluctantly learned to accept it.

[Prashun Patel]

I have been guilty of giving handmade things because I like to make them. I stopped a while ago being offended that people don't appreciate it always just as I probably don't appreciate their passions.

There are plenty of people who ask for things or express interest. For them I make gifts. For all others I try to give them things they want not things that I want to give.

[Ed Labadie]

I've only given loml's daughters cutting boards for x-mas...simple face grain hard maple.

They are well used, guess I done good.

I don't consider making gifts for people, since it's not asked for, it might not be appreciated.

My opinion of home decor doesn't match with younger generations. Hell will freeze over before I beat up and put paint on something I made.

Have a friend that wants a kitchen table and benches, I will only bend so far to achieve the look his wife wants. I'm not a "comission" person, woodworking is a hobby, to make things I won't enjoy building won't happen.

Ed

[Pat Barry]

Use your time to make some SIMPLE toys for Toys for Tots program. They will be appreciated! Send your family / friends a note telling them that you made toys for the less fortunate in their honor. Everybody wins!
I'm not so sure that these handmade, wooden toys would be appreciated. Maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect that those Tots would just as soon have Barbie or electronic toy. Not too many wooden toys being advertised on TV and that's what drives what the kids want.

[John K Jordan]

I've given a lot of wooden things but they are almost always small things I make on the lathe - Christmas ornaments, boxes, things for the kitchen, ring keepers, pens, small platters. I can't know how well each one was received but I have visited family and friends unannounced even years later and found the things in display cases or in use.

I keep in mind one thing - for many people something small is easier to find a use and a place to store. For example, I make small dished platters about 9" across that are perfect for cheese, cookies, or candy - we use one a lot in our house. I also have made platters nearly 20" in diameter and the one I kept is so big we hardly ever use it! Put it on the table, it takes up too much room. Fortunately, since it's thin it's not hard to find a storage place. I am careful not to make large things for a gift unless I know in advance the person really wants it.

Same thing with toys. When our kids were small I dreaded the huge toys the relatives sometimes bought. This tapered off when I insisted the giver keep them at their house for when the boys came to visit.

Maybe small and elegant things would be better received and treasured. A friend who was married a couple of weeks ago told me she still used the little cocobolo turned box I gave her when she was five.

JKJ

[Rob Edmiston]

Use your time to make some SIMPLE toys for Toys for Tots program. They will be appreciated! Send your family / friends a note telling them that you made toys for the less fortunate in their honor. Everybody wins!
This is something that I have pondered for a while and absolutely want to partake in.

[Ole Anderson]

I'm not big on WW gifts, but I did create a couple of nice toy boxes years ago. Too big and rugged to get broken or tossed easily, so hopefully they will pass on to great grandkids even if they have been sitting neglected after the grandkids outgrew the toy phase. Other one was a towel rack/shelf for above the commode. I made four, three are still in use. Once installed they tend to stay in place. The fourth is in limbo due to a divorce and will be returned when my son builds his home in the spring.

[Yonak Hawkins]

This is what I'm gleaning from this thread :

Don't give anyone something for their house as it may not fit into their existing scheme.
Don't give anyone any clothing or jewelry as it may not fit their style.
Don't give anyone anything for the kitchen as they may not like to cook.
Don't give anyone any tools as they may not be handy.
Don't give anyone any books as they may not like to read.

I guess if I don't know a person well I should just give them a card with money. Gift giving used to be fun. Now it's a challenge to one's mental health. I think I'll just stay in my shop and make stuff for the house. I know what I like.

P.S. This is not sarcasm or a slam on anyone. ..Just unhinged thoughts brought on by this thread.

[John K Jordan]

This is what I'm gleaning from this thread :

Don't give ...

I guess if I don't know a person well I should just give them a card with money.

I think that is the key - it helps to know the person, the more the better. We give tins of homemade cookies to neighbors and people we don't know a lot about. If they don't eat cookies, this time of year they may have visitors who do.

Oh, one you left out: never give an alpaca to someone unless you know they REALLY want one. ;) :)

JKJ

[Mike Null]

I have made my share of ww gifts and they are generally well received. The ones well received were jewelry boxes. The others were kitchen items unique to Persian cooks and I did them by request, first for my wife then as her sisters saw them I made more for them. they are in frequent use and appreciated. On the other hand, my stepson, who is a genuinely good guy, does not appreciate things I've given him. I gave him some tools--not throw-aways but good stuff. He has no use for them as he has no use for any dyi projects. I gave him a couple of other things of value to find that he does not appreciate previously used items. Lesson learned--my mistake.

[Brian Henderson]

The things I gave this year, which weren't really gifts, were all well received, in fact moreso than the actual gifts that went along with them. Everyone who got them is now trying to figure out what to do with them since their purpose was already served. So sometimes it does work out, I guess.

[Bruce Wrenn]

I'm not so sure that these handmade, wooden toys would be appreciated. Maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect that those Tots would just as soon have Barbie or electronic toy. Not too many wooden toys being advertised on TV and that's what drives what the kids want.Key word is SIMPLE. Local WW Assoc makes about 800 simple wooden push cars for Toys for Tot's. They fit the hands (and mouths) of toddlers. Main distribution is Salvation Army. They know who needs /wants what.

[Ted Calver]

Sometimes you get good feed back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XVj_2-j9wI

[Mark Blatter]

I have made a few things over the years as gifts for others, mostly they get used and appreciated. I have never done anything large like a chair or a table. Lately I give a loaf of bread to friends. I think most enjoy it, though some likely waste most of the loaf by letting it spoil.

I agree with the thought that there is a loss of graciousness over the years. Few can say thank you or show any appreciation. I guess though for me, I give for my benefit, not for the thanks I get. However a gift that ends up in a drawer never used does make me less likely to give again to the same person.