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View Full Version : What happened to "thank you"?



dennis thompson
12-08-2017, 8:08 AM
I had a bike I no longer wanted so I put it on Craigslist for free. A guy called and I told him to come over and get it, he said he'd been at my house in 10 minutes. I had it in my driveway and after waiting about 30 minutes I looked in my driveway and it was gone. I didn't expect anything for this bike but a "thank you " would have been nice.:rolleyes:

Karl Andersson
12-08-2017, 8:22 AM
In this day and age, leaving the bike out may have sent an unintended signal to the receiver, like "just take it and be gone". There is a lot of craigslist paranoia, so they may have assumed you'd rather not talk to/ meet them because, you know, serial killers are known to want free bikes all the time.

Or, your first impression is right and they just lack social skills... also a good bet these days.

Malcolm Schweizer
12-08-2017, 8:23 AM
That is extremely rude- not only to not say "thank you," but also to not even acknowledge you were there to pick up the bike.

Keith Outten
12-08-2017, 8:40 AM
I wonder if you would be surprised if I told you that a large number of people here, who have won FreeStuff Drawings, failed to say thank you to the drawing sponsor.

Mike Cutler
12-08-2017, 8:44 AM
Dennis

Social skills, and grace, are rapidly disappearing from our everyday life. It's kind of sad.:(

John K Jordan
12-08-2017, 9:20 AM
Dennis

Social skills, and grace, are rapidly disappearing from our everyday life. It's kind of sad.:(

Even Thank You cards are are on the endangered species list. I never expect them but am always happy to see one. Three wedding presents and free photography to kids from the same family and not one thank you card? Says something about their parents...

JKJ

Matt Day
12-08-2017, 9:38 AM
I find myself frequently saying “you’re welcome” when a thank you was left out. Like when I go out of my way to help someone or open a door etc.

My kids will be saying thank you on their own, I can tell you that much.

Matt Meiser
12-08-2017, 9:39 AM
In this day and age, leaving the bike out may have sent an unintended signal to the receiver, like "just take it and be gone". There is a lot of craigslist paranoia, so they may have assumed you'd rather not talk to/ meet them because, you know, serial killers are known to want free bikes all the time.

This was my first thought too.

Al Launier
12-08-2017, 9:46 AM
Any person unappreciative of your generosity, who can't even thank you, certainly doesn't deserve the bike. You could call the phone number he used to call you to find out who he is, if you want to, just to say "you're welcome" to get your point across.

Al Launier
12-08-2017, 10:02 AM
[QUOTE=John K Jordan;2752422]Even Thank You cards are are on the endangered species list. I never expect them but am always happy to see one. Three wedding presents and free photography to kids from the same family and not one thank you card? Says something about their parents...

Totally agree with John. Experienced this myself several time after giving expensive gifts. Evidently thanking someone, for whatever kindness or gift, appears to be a lost art.

Yonak Hawkins
12-08-2017, 10:29 AM
Even Thank You cards are are on the endangered species list. I never expect them but am always happy to see one. Three wedding presents and free photography to kids from the same family and not one thank you card? Says something about their parents...

JKJ

My wife and I have friends who, whenever we go to dinner with them or invite them over, never fail to follow up with a thank you note. It gives us a very warm feeling and encourages us to want see them regularly. ..That, and the wonderful conversations we have. Cordiality seems to be becoming a lost art but, it's so easy to do and people who don't exercise it don't realize what they're missing and how it makes folks feel.

Harold Balzonia
12-08-2017, 11:26 AM
I'm nuts on this topic. I'm a thank you note guy and I'm teaching (insisting) my kids do the same. Whenever they get a gift for any occasion, they aren't allowed to play with the gift or cash the check until the thank you card is in the mail. At this point (they are 10) they enjoy writing the note. This started as soon as they could write their name.

The other thank you I miss is when a motorcyclist splits lanes on the freeway and I move over to give him room. 20 years ago 9 out of 10 riders would give the low wave in acknowledgment. Now 99/100 don't.

Entitlement knows no bounds. Societally speaking, I think it's less about the "thank you" than it is about a rampant lack of gratitude, in general. Except for the biggest ticket items, (cars, houses, cabinet saws) everything anyone could want is available in an instant. We've created this instant gratification world and in turn we've lost most sense of gratitude.

interesting times....

Perry Hilbert Jr
12-08-2017, 11:32 AM
Around here, putting things out on the curb, or along the street is the same as saying, "Here take it, don't bother me" There are dozen's of "curb alerts" here weekly. In addition, folks just put unwanted items out on the curb, without a craigs list post. I do it several times a year. Old mowers, metal junk, used lumber. it all disappears. I have put bikes out, even old farm equipment.

Mel Fulks
12-08-2017, 1:28 PM
I believe in insisting children write notes of thanks. I just reread Washington's letter to Phyllis Wheatley. She was a slave who was treated like a family member by a Boston family. She composed and sent GW a poem about being our president. The care that he took to make it clear that he was appreciative of her work is a great model.

Wade Lippman
12-08-2017, 1:56 PM
Around here, putting things out on the curb, or along the street is the same as saying, "Here take it, don't bother me" There are dozen's of "curb alerts" here weekly. In addition, folks just put unwanted items out on the curb, without a craigs list post. I do it several times a year. Old mowers, metal junk, used lumber. it all disappears. I have put bikes out, even old farm equipment.

I agree. Leaving it out like that means you don't want to be bothered; you just want to get rid of it. I think it would have been rude to have thanked you.

Mike Null
12-08-2017, 1:57 PM
Like the rest of you, I am disappointed in the social skills of today's younger people (and some older ones). I remember when all our neighbors were addressed as Mr. or Mrs. as were our teachers--without exception. I was concerned that my grandsons were remiss on this subject and I bought each of them a book as a Christmas present--something along the line of "how to be a gentleman". I'm not sure they have read them but I'm hoping so.

Sadly, TV has taken a toll on the behavior of too many in our society. It's up to each of us to do our part and hope that a little kindness and civility rubs off on others.

dennis thompson
12-08-2017, 3:34 PM
I agree. Leaving it out like that means you don't want to be bothered; you just want to get rid of it. I think it would have been rude to have thanked you.

So I went to the trouble of putting it on craigslist for free , taking and responding to 8-10 calls and I don't want to be bothered, that's ridiculous......how did I become the bad guy?

Bill Orbine
12-08-2017, 6:05 PM
I wonder if you would be surprised if I told you that a large number of people here, who have won FreeStuff Drawings, failed to say thank you to the drawing sponsor.

I'm not even surprised for not receiving a thank you for donations I made to other forums.

Frederick Skelly
12-08-2017, 6:43 PM
Sort of related... I left a weight bench out on the curb with a sign that said "free, take it". Someone did and I was happy to be rid of it.

Then, 3 days later it appeared in my driveway again. No note. No nothing. I guess they didnt want it and didnt want to dispose of it themselves. So they brought it back. Thank YOU!

Rick Malakoff
12-08-2017, 6:58 PM
"Thank You" went out the window along with the use of turn signals!
Rick

Mike Henderson
12-08-2017, 9:51 PM
Sort of related... I left a weight bench out on the curb with a sign that said "free, take it". Someone did and I was happy to be rid of it.

Then, 3 days later it appeared in my driveway again. No note. No nothing. I guess they didn't want it and didn't want to dispose of it themselves. So they brought it back. Thank YOU!

That's really funny. I guess they figured they could return it, just like at a store!

Mike

Yonak Hawkins
12-08-2017, 10:01 PM
So I went to the trouble of putting it on craigslist for free , taking and responding to 8-10 calls and I don't want to be bothered, that's ridiculous......how did I become the bad guy?

Dennis, you're not the bad guy. You did the right thing. You did a favor for the lucky recipient. It's not your fault he didn't express his gratitude but there's nothing you can do to instill a sense of courtesy in someone else and I hope it doesn't damp your will next time you decide to do a good deed.

Perry Hilbert Jr
12-08-2017, 10:19 PM
Dennis, you are not the bad guy. I think you have unrealistic expectations, considering the signal you may have unknowingly sent by putting the bike at the curb. Everywhere I am aware of along the east coast, the custom of putting things along the curb, is so that folks can retrieve it easily without bothering the person who put it there. I certainly do not want folks coming back my 1/4 mile driveway, getting my dogs upset, interrupting my day, making me stop what I am doing, so they can say thank you and exchange some meaningless small talk. They did me a favor by taking the stuff. I feel then like I must thank them. It is just easier to let them take it quietly. I don't need somebody interrupting me from baling hay, feeding the livestock, plowing, mowing or any other farm chores to say thank you. When I put stuff at the curb, bothering me to say thanks, is a major unwelcome imposition. If the guy said thanks during your phone conversation, he did all that customs in this area require.

Mark W Pugh
12-08-2017, 11:14 PM
"Thank You" went out the window along with the use of turn signals!
Rick

Are they still putting turn signals on vehicles? :) I guess my mind reading skills are weak, because so many people get pissed off when I didn't read their mind that they wanted over.

To me, it's all about showing a little respect towards others. Definitely a trait we are losing.

Doug Garson
12-09-2017, 1:06 AM
So I went to the trouble of putting it on craigslist for free , taking and responding to 8-10 calls and I don't want to be bothered, that's ridiculous......how did I become the bad guy?
You're not the bad guy but I agree with those who say that the message you sent by leaving it out in the driveway was take it and don't bother me. How do you even know that the guy who went to the trouble of answering your ad took the bike? Maybe someone just walked by saw it and took it or maybe the guy saw that you left it out and assumed you weren't home. Why did you put it out rather than wait for the guy to knock on the door if you wanted a thank you.

dennis thompson
12-09-2017, 7:58 AM
You're not the bad guy but I agree with those who say that the message you sent by leaving it out in the driveway was take it and don't bother me. How do you even know that the guy who went to the trouble of answering your ad took the bike? Maybe someone just walked by saw it and took it or maybe the guy saw that you left it out and assumed you weren't home. Why did you put it out rather than wait for the guy to knock on the door if you wanted a thank you.

I didn't say I wanted a thank you, I just expected most people would offer one. I'm amazed at the criticism I'm getting for offerin a free bike. I guess another example of the lack of courtesy in the world today

Perry Hilbert Jr
12-09-2017, 8:18 AM
Not sure how to make it clear Dennis. You sent a signal that says "here, don't bother me" by setting the bike at the street. Had you kept in safely in the garage until the guy knocked on the door, then yes, he should have said thank you. You sent the message and in that context, he responded appropriately.

Nathan Johnson
12-09-2017, 8:53 AM
I didn't say I wanted a thank you, I just expected most people would offer one. I'm amazed at the criticism I'm getting for offerin a free bike. I guess another example of the lack of courtesy in the world today

Good grief, calm down.
You aren't being criticized.
Others have simply pointed out how, in this specific case, your expectations don't match reality.

We're all very sorry your thread hasn't gone exactly as you wanted.

jared herbert
12-09-2017, 10:17 AM
I turn a lot of plates and bowls. I have in the past couple of years made 3 of what I call wedding plates, A plate about 12 inches in diameter, with the bride and grooms name, date etc, inscribed and wood burned on the rim. One was for a niece that was married 2 years ago, never heard a word from her, one was for another child of an aquantance who was married about a year ago, never heard anything from them, one was for another couple that married this past September, I got a nice thankyou about 2 months later. So I guess one out of three is my record. I enjoy making the plates, however they are quiet time consuming, but it would be nice to know if the recipients ever got the gift and to receive some sort of acknowledgement of it. These were not 18 year old couples but people in their late 20s and early 30s. Jared

Mike Cashman
12-09-2017, 11:20 AM
"Thank You" went out the window along with the use of turn signals!
Rick

Around here most people think they activate the turn signals when the step on the pedal to the immediate left of the gas pedal.

That or they think turn signals are optional equipment and they didn't order them.

Doug Garson
12-09-2017, 12:41 PM
I didn't say I wanted a thank you, I just expected most people would offer one. I'm amazed at the criticism I'm getting for offerin a free bike. I guess another example of the lack of courtesy in the world today
Sorry if you took my post as criticism, it wasn't intended that way. But you didn't answer my question, why did you leave it outside? If it wasn't because you didn't want to be disturbed why was it?

Mike Chance in Iowa
12-09-2017, 1:17 PM
While I do feel "please", "thank you" and "I'm sorry" are not instilled in many young children these days, I have been surprised by the number of seniors that do not use those words either.

Going back to the original question of what happened to thank you, I think it is evolving just like writing letters has evolved with phone calls, email, texting, and social media. There are fewer formal written thank you notes sent after the fact, but instead a verbal or typed/texted thank you is given at the time the conversation is going on.

Brian Elfert
12-09-2017, 4:01 PM
I say thank you all the time to clerks in store, the bus driver, and so on. It is just pretty much automatic for me. I am bad at sending thank you cards, but I get a gift only every few years.

As others have already said, the general rule for free stuff left at curb is that the person getting rid of the stuff doesn't want to be disturbed. If you want to interact with the person then don't leave the item outside especially by the curb.

Bill Graham
12-09-2017, 9:18 PM
I had a bike I no longer wanted so I put it on Craigslist for free. A guy called and I told him to come over and get it, he said he'd been at my house in 10 minutes. I had it in my driveway and after waiting about 30 minutes I looked in my driveway and it was gone. I didn't expect anything for this bike but a "thank you " would have been nice.:rolleyes:


So here's my take from the POV of the "buyer": I call this guy who's giving away a bike(I don't know him from Adam, the norm for Craigslist sales), tell him I'll be over to pick it up. When I get there, here's the bike in the driveway and no one in sight, what do I do? Normally I'd come up to the house, ring the doorbell and say "Hi, I'm Joe Blow, we talked on the phone. I really appreciate your giving me the bike, blah, blah, blah". We'd chat for a bit, you'd roll out the bike, I'd load it in the car with thanks and drive away.

But here I am in a stranger's driveway, there's the bike I'm supposed to pick up, what do I do? Do I go up and ring the bell? What if he's afraid I'll rob him at gunpoint? What if he has a gun and expects I'll rob him? Maybe he's just not a sociable person and doesn't want to meet me? Does he want me to take the bike and get the Hell out of his driveway, I don't owe him any money after all? Or should I just back out and leave?

Personally I'd be really uncomfortable in a situation like this, I'd probably call you to let you know I was here to pick up the bike. Or I'd just figure you didn't want to have anything to do with me beyond removing an unwanted bike from your property, load it up and go. Or maybe I'd just think this was too weird, back out and leave.

I'm not making you out to be a bad guy or anything, I just think if you wanted a face-to-face with your "buyer" you should have made your face available. If I'm selling something on Craigslist, I'll keep a watch out the window around the time I expect the buyer to show up, if he's late I'll call and ask when he expects to get here. When I see him pull in, I'll go outside and greet him as soon as he gets out of his car, introduce myself, shake hands and make some small talk. We'd complete the transaction, I'd help load if needed, we'd shake hands and the deal would be done.

My take is that by not presenting yourself to the buyer and making the goods available without personal contact, you bowed out of any further interaction. It's hard to say Thank You to someone who isn't there. You didn't make any attempt at contact but now you're complaining because he didn't? That street runs both ways.

At 64, I'll be among those that say that kids these days don't have any social skills. Then I'll think back 50 years to my grandparents telling me the same thing..... :) "The more things change, the more they stay the same". Like it or not, the world moves on.

dennis thompson
12-10-2017, 9:46 AM
So here's my take from the POV of the "buyer": I call this guy who's giving away a bike(I don't know him from Adam, the norm for Craigslist sales), tell him I'll be over to pick it up. When I get there, here's the bike in the driveway and no one in sight, what do I do? Normally I'd come up to the house, ring the doorbell and say "Hi, I'm Joe Blow, we talked on the phone. I really appreciate your giving me the bike, blah, blah, blah". We'd chat for a bit, you'd roll out the bike, I'd load it in the car with thanks and drive away.

But here I am in a stranger's driveway, there's the bike I'm supposed to pick up, what do I do? Do I go up and ring the bell? What if he's afraid I'll rob him at gunpoint? What if he has a gun and expects I'll rob him? Maybe he's just not a sociable person and doesn't want to meet me? Does he want me to take the bike and get the Hell out of his driveway, I don't owe him any money after all? Or should I just back out and leave?

Personally I'd be really uncomfortable in a situation like this, I'd probably call you to let you know I was here to pick up the bike. Or I'd just figure you didn't want to have anything to do with me beyond removing an unwanted bike from your property, load it up and go. Or maybe I'd just think this was too weird, back out and leave.

I'm not making you out to be a bad guy or anything, I just think if you wanted a face-to-face with your "buyer" you should have made your face available. If I'm selling something on Craigslist, I'll keep a watch out the window around the time I expect the buyer to show up, if he's late I'll call and ask when he expects to get here. When I see him pull in, I'll go outside and greet him as soon as he gets out of his car, introduce myself, shake hands and make some small talk. We'd complete the transaction, I'd help load if needed, we'd shake hands and the deal would be done.

My take is that by not presenting yourself to the buyer and making the goods available without personal contact, you bowed out of any further interaction. It's hard to say Thank You to someone who isn't there. You didn't make any attempt at contact but now you're complaining because he didn't? That street runs both ways.

At 64, I'll be among those that say that kids these days don't have any social skills. Then I'll think back 50 years to my grandparents telling me the same thing..... :) "The more things change, the more they stay the same". Like it or not, the world moves on.

So I spoke to the guy three times, once to say the bike was available, once to give him my address and once when He told me he would be at my house in 5 minutes. It was dark and it was cold so I took the bike out of the garage and placed it in my driveway so it would be convenient for him to pick it up. I was in the house , the lights were on , but since i didn't "present myself" he couldn't have called me (for a fourth time) when he got there? If I was "afraid I'll rob him at gunpoint" do you think I'd give him my address and put it on Craigslist in the first place?

Nicholas Lawrence
12-10-2017, 10:06 AM
If he spoke to you about it and you put the bike in the driveway and then went back in the house I think he is justified in assuming you just want it gone and don’t want to be bothered with a thank you or anything else.

Wade Lippman
12-10-2017, 2:12 PM
So I spoke to the guy three times, once to say the bike was available, once to give him my address and once when He told me he would be at my house in 5 minutes. It was dark and it was cold so I took the bike out of the garage and placed it in my driveway so it would be convenient for him to pick it up. I was in the house , the lights were on , but since i didn't "present myself" he couldn't have called me (for a fourth time) when he got there? If I was "afraid I'll rob him at gunpoint" do you think I'd give him my address and put it on Craigslist in the first place?

Under those exact circumstances I would have been annoyed if he had come to the door. If I am doing something, I sure don't want to be interrupted for a "thank you".
But we are all different.

Matt Meiser
12-11-2017, 8:41 AM
After hearing the story expanded I would believe even more that, intended or not, you sent a pretty clear message when you talked to him 5 minutes before he got there, put the bike out, and didn't meet him.

Most of what we think is usable that we give away goes to Habitat ReStore or Goodwill. For larger things that wouldn't fit in our small SUV or things I think might be marginal for even the restore I do the curb alert thing. I don't even give my address, just a rough location that way if its gone before I pull the ad no one knocks on my door. Never fails to work. Got rid of a dead water heater that way a month or so ago. I'm sure someone was trilled to get 75lb of scrap metal. Someone patrols our neighborhood on trash night for the same reason.

Edwin Santos
12-11-2017, 2:43 PM
So I spoke to the guy three times, once to say the bike was available, once to give him my address and once when He told me he would be at my house in 5 minutes. It was dark and it was cold so I took the bike out of the garage and placed it in my driveway so it would be convenient for him to pick it up. I was in the house , the lights were on , but since i didn't "present myself" he couldn't have called me (for a fourth time) when he got there? If I was "afraid I'll rob him at gunpoint" do you think I'd give him my address and put it on Craigslist in the first place?

In any of those three conversations, did the guy say thank you? If yes, maybe he felt he had checked the box so to speak. Just speculation on my part.
I thank you for donating the bike to a good home and keeping it out of the landfill.

Simon MacGowen
12-12-2017, 9:55 AM
In this day and age, leaving the bike out may have sent an unintended signal to the receiver, like "just take it and be gone".

Did he say "thank you" on the phone before he hung up?

If so, Karl's point of view that he did not want to bother you made good sense.

I had left things on my driveway (including bikes) for people who responded to my online ads and had expected them not to ring my door bell.

Simon

Yonak Hawkins
12-13-2017, 3:16 PM
Let's say the Dennis hadn't put the bike out, but one of his son's friends came over on his bike, parked it in the driveway and they went in and played video games. The guy comes along, sees a bike and says to himself, "Wow ! ..Nice bike for free," loads it up and off he goes.

If Dennis had called Goodwill and said send a truck to pick up a bike, they would have come to the door.

Simon MacGowen
12-14-2017, 8:51 AM
Let's say the Dennis hadn't put the bike out, but one of his son's friends came over on his bike, parked it in the driveway and they went in and played video games. The guy comes along, sees a bike and says to himself, "Wow ! ..Nice bike for free," loads it up and off he goes.

If Dennis had called Goodwill and said send a truck to pick up a bike, they would have come to the door.

The two scenarios you described were possible IFs but how are they relevant to the OP's post regarding the lack of "thank you" from the guy who took the bike? He was not talking about bike loss or alternatives to get rid of his bike, was he?

Simon

dennis thompson
12-14-2017, 10:42 AM
I guess I better say "thank you" for all your responses:)

Bill Graham
12-14-2017, 5:22 PM
I guess I better say "thank you" for all your responses:)


You're welcome, sir! :)

Yonak Hawkins
12-14-2017, 9:31 PM
Simon, if a person came by and took a bike out of someone's driveway, even if he had talked with the owner, how does he know the bike he's taking is the right one if he doesn't knock on the door and greet the owner ? If the owner had told him on the phone the bicycle would be in the driveway and please come take it, no verification required, then it would be proper.

The fact that the professionals' procedure is to talk to the giver before taking, just to be sure there are no misunderstandings or mistakes, shows it's the right thing to do. I agree with the OP. The Recipient was jumping to assumptions that may or not be correct and, if there's any question at all he should go to the door. It's the right thing to do, at least in the area I live in.

Nicholas Lawrence
12-15-2017, 6:16 AM
Simon, if a person came by and took a bike out of someone's driveway, even if he had talked with the owner, how does he know the bike he's taking is the right one if he doesn't knock on the door and greet the owner ? If the owner had told him on the phone the bicycle would be in the driveway and please come take it, no verification required, then it would be proper.

The fact that the professionals' procedure is to talk to the giver before taking, just to be sure there are no misunderstandings or mistakes, shows it's the right thing to do. I agree with the OP. The Recipient was jumping to assumptions that may or not be correct and, if there's any question at all he should go to the door. It's the right thing to do, at least in the area I live in.

OP lives in jersey. Not Georgia.

Yonak Hawkins
12-16-2017, 5:51 PM
OP lives in jersey. Not Georgia.

I made this mailbox for my brother last Christmas. After posting it here, contributors said it wouldn't last through the weekend before someone took a baseball bat to it. It's a little worse for wear but it still stands.

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