You know that you've got a neander problem, when...

[Matt Lau]

I just realized a few months ago that I've gotten off the deep end as a neander.
To commemorate this, I'd like to start a joke(?) thread when you know that you've got a neander problem.

I'll start...

You know that you've got a neander problem, when you think of LV as Lee Valley--not Luis Vuitton (I've gotten in trouble a few times because of that).

[Patrick Chase]

I just realized a few months ago that I've gotten off the deep end as a neander.
To commemorate this, I'd like to start a joke(?) thread when you know that you've got a neander problem.

I'll start...

You know that you've got a neander problem, when you think of LV as Lee Valley--not Luis Vuitton (I've gotten in trouble a few times because of that).

Let me guess: Your significant other asked for an LV handbag and you gave her one of these (http://www.leevalley.com/us/wood/page.aspx?p=72339&cat=2,2260,47776&ap=1)?

[Patrick Chase]

I just realized a few months ago that I've gotten off the deep end as a neander.
To commemorate this, I'd like to start a joke(?) thread when you know that you've got a neander problem.

OK, how's this: You know you've got a neander problem if you're reading this.

[Brent Cutshall]

You know you've got a neander problem, when someone says "planer knives" and you say "You mean irons, right?"

You know you've got a neander problem, when you find yourself telling people,"Shut up, Roy's coming on!".

[William Fretwell]

You know you have a neander problem when your wife says "that's some good wood you've got there" and you say "I was saving it for something really nice".

[Frederick Skelly]

You know that you've got a neander problem, when you think of LV as Lee Valley--not Luis Vuitton (I've gotten in trouble a few times because of that).

Man, that's a good one, though not a likely confusion for me. I was stunned when my girlfriend told me what that stuff costs. I've paid less for some cars I've owned. :D :D :D Man, talk about luxury goods, huh?

But how about this.... You know you've got a Neander problem, when Lee Valley offers free shipping and you can't find anything you (still) need.

[Andrey Kharitonkin]

You know you've got a neander problem when neighbors stop knocking on your door because it was too loud.

You know you've got a neander problem when you just skip and ignore all topics on sanding.

Or maybe you've got a bliss? :)

In Russian, Planer and Thicknesser is the same as jointer plane and marking gauge, makes many problems :)

Btw, that LV handbag is pretty expensive too... might be not a problem if presented right :)

[James Pallas]

When you put carpet on the shop floor to prevent getting splinters in your knuckles.
Jim
PS There seems to be a trend about this issue:)

[Jim Koepke]

You definitely have a neander problem when you log on to your computer in the morning hoping there is a new sharpening thread.

You know you should be going to NA meetings when you start arguing pins or tails first with people who are not woodworkers.

You know you have a neander problem when someone wants to borrow a saw and it takes a half hour of questions to determine which saw they need.

You know you have a neander problem when your significant other complains that the kitchen knives are too sharp.

jtk

[Nathan Johnson]

You know you've got a Neander problem when anyone mentions planes and your first thought is never aviation.

[Bill White]

Problem???
That's when you "tote" something, it had better be a plane.
Bill

[Brian Holcombe]

You know you've got a neander problem when neighbors stop knocking on your door because it was too loud.

You know you've got a neander problem when you just skip and ignore all topics on sanding.

Or maybe you've got a bliss? :)

In Russian, Planer and Thicknesser is the same as jointer plane and marking gauge, makes many problems :)

Btw, that LV handbag is pretty expensive too... might be not a problem if presented right :)


Or when they ask 'How's the remodel going' when you've just been chopping mortises.

[Bill Houghton]

I don't have a Neander problem; I'm doing fine.

[Malcolm McLeod]

I don't have a Neander problem; I'm doing fine.

Denial. It's always the first sign.

[Tim Cooper Louisiana]

You know you have a neander problem when you purposely layout your tails so they aren't perfect.

This reminds me of the scene in Parks and Rec, where Ron Swanson destroys a chair because it's too perfect, looked machine made.

[Prashun Patel]

...if you find random nicks and cuts on your fingers and can't remember how you got them

...if you'd pay more for a hand saw than a circular saw

...if instead of measuring your inseam and then buying a pair of pants, you prefer to buy them slightly larger and then shrink them in the washer a couple times until they fit just perfectly.

... if you sign documents with a knife instead of a pen because the line's too fat.

...if you know why your butts are not firmer.

...if you know that relieving gas and getting a board flat can both be called 'passing wind'.

[Megan Fitzpatrick]

You...when LN is a tool company, not a railroad, and you can spell said company correctly w/out looking.

[Patrick Chase]

You know you've got a neander problem, when someone says "planer knives" and you say "You mean irons, right?"

Hey wait, I resemble that (http://www.sawmillcreek.org/showthread.php?251938-No-longer-hesitant-to-ask-a-sharpening-question-jointer-knives&p=2659307#post2659307). Does it count if it's meant ironically? :-)

[Jason Dean]

When you pause NCIS to point out Gibbs's hand tool faux pas to your lovely wife who makes a valiant effort to humor you without rolling her eyes. . . .

[Malcolm Schweizer]

When you convert the spare bedroom to a workshop.

When you refer to your power tools as "electron killers."

When you find yourself woodworking by candle because you like the ambiance.

When you own more sharpening gear than you own actual tools that need sharpening.

[Patrick Chase]

When you refer to your power tools as "electron killers."

So that's not technically correct as the electrons merely flow from high potential to low. Maybe "electron de-potentiators"? We might be able to work entropy in there too. That's why the electrons flow, after all.

You know you have an engineering problem if you feel obliged to correct law-of-physics violations in other peoples' humor...

[Tim Cooper Louisiana]

...if you find random nicks and cuts on your fingers and can't remember how you got them


...if you know that relieving gas and getting a board flat can both be called 'passing wind'.

I learned something new today. Thanks Prashun!

[Bill McDermott]

...when you make your own 1/4" dowels to be sure the grain runs straight.
...when you swing by the lumber department at HD to see if by chance a really nice board snuck into the racks.
...when, based on the task at hand, you differentiate between a single and double bevel chefs knife in the kitchen.
...when you finish a project, know all the mistakes, understand all the recoveries and are all the more able to enjoy the fact that you made it by hand.

[Matt Lau]

Dudes! I totally have done all of the above (except for the girlfriend part).

I never quite understood why females would get all excited when I told then that I appreciated LV stuff a lot.
Their handbags were never as well made as my planes...not even close!

I started to realize that I had a problem when I got my third router plane, and thought that it was totally worth it.
Even though I realized that I would only use it maybe a handful of times for guitar soundboard inlay, the sheer pleasure of the well machined brass and steel over good European spruce...the small stack of Japanese hand planes despite that fact that I still need to set most of them up (sorry Stan)....lusting after a second set of Japanese chisels even though I have one good set (thanks, Stan!)...finding myself staring at the Lie Nielson website instead of beer.

Ugh. I have a problem.

The only woodworking that I've been doing recently is whittling a toy sailboat for my accountant's helper...in between paperwork, notes, labwork, and more taxes.
Aaargh!

Oh, and FWIW, I spent more on a few Disstons than my wobbly Rockler tablesaw.
I'm saving up for a sawstop, since I can't afford to lose digits....meh, prefer japanese handsaws though.

[Mateo Panzica]

...When you stop explaining, to folks that you meet, what you do.

[bridger berdel]

When you own more sharpening gear than you own actual tools that need sharpening.

I think we may have a winner here....

[John Schtrumpf]

... When you recognize Veritas tools in episodes of ‘The Artful Detective / Murdoch Mysteries’.

354575

[Van Huskey]

... when you lament that nobody makes a 1 million grit stone.

[Don Orr]

When you are really a turner but have more hand tools than most flat boarders.

When you go on vacation to Maine and make a special side trip to the Lie-Nielsen store/factory and have to go early enough to take the tour because you missed it the last time, and you take your wife who doesn't really want to go but enjoys it so much that she wants you to buy more of their tools right then and there.

When you have more handsaws than you will probably ever have time to clean and sharpen in your lifetime.

When you go to the LV display at woodworking shows just to play with the toys because you don't really need anything (want is a different story), but you want to see how all the different things feel and work-just in case you can't live without them.

When most of your re-usable grocery bags are from Lee Valley.

[Ray Bohn]

This happened to me- Start giggling when you find that the murder weapon in a mystery was a wood chisel.

[Malcolm Schweizer]

When your checked baggage includes 50 pounds of exotic lumber. (True story- many times.)

[Lee Schierer]

You know that you've got a neander problem, when you live next to __________. :D

No offense intended toward anyone...

[Kurt Kintner]

When your wife (a sewing neander), insists you buy a SawStop ....

[Pat Barry]

When you look for ways to use your hand tools to get a job done when you have better tools available for the task that are electric but that doesn't fit your new style of work.

[John Gornall]

When you insist you're not interested in a Saturday night movie because you'd rather keep the 35 bucks movie, drink, and popcorn money for rust hunting on Sunday.

[Malcolm Schweizer]

When you're using a cheese grater and start debating in your head the best way to sharpen it.

[Jerry Olexa]

When you ignore the power tool section/threads:)

[Doug Bowman]

When your checked baggage includes 50 pounds of exotic lumber. (True story- many times.)

i would have brought it as a carry on because I am afraid they would lose it

[Chris Hachet]

I think we may have a winner here....


Agreed! Funny and true at the same time....

[Chris Hachet]

When you look for ways to use your hand tools to get a job done when you have better tools available for the task that are electric but that doesn't fit your new style of work.


I do this all of the time.

[Edwin Santos]

When listening to music in your shop is so important to you, it pushes you to using hand tools so you can hear it.
Drowning out the Beatles with a router is just wrong.

[Jim Koepke]

When you look for ways to use your hand tools to get a job done when you have better tools available for the task that are electric but that doesn't fit your new style of work.

Maybe my neander problem is not having many electric tools. That and having a few place to work that are not convenient to bring in electricity.

jtk

[Andrey Kharitonkin]

Or when they ask 'How's the remodel going' when you've just been chopping mortises.

When you convert the spare bedroom to a workshop.

...when you swing by the lumber department at HD to see if by chance a really nice board snuck into the racks.

Damn right, you are! Thanks for the great laugh! But I also realized that I cannot call my wife sewing neander, she has three machines that can be seen as table saw, jointer and planner... suddenly we are so different! :D

And it appears so clearly that I'm not alone like this, great therapy guys! (now I want to hug you all)

[steven c newman]

Knowwhen you are in trouble, when you know HOW to use a Bisaigue, and know how to sharpen it.....

[Chris Hachet]

When listening to music in your shop is so important to you, it pushes you to using hand tools so you can hear it.
Drowning out the Beatles with a router is just wrong.I would say the same for Bach, the Reds game, Steely Dan, NPR, Dixieland Jazz, Garrison Keillor, bluegrass....

[Joe Tilson]

I don't have a neander problem, I just like to fettle around!

[Malcolm Schweizer]

When listening to music in your shop is so important to you, it pushes you to using hand tools so you can hear it.
Drowning out the Beatles with a router is just wrong.

Drowning out the sound of a finely tuned plane taking a shaving is just wrong.

[Stew Denton]

When you can no longer see the top of your table saw because it is so covered up in stuff you use to restore planes and saws, and with parts of to too many planes and saws in too many stages of restoration.

When someone sees you use a plane, and you discover that they have never actually seen a plane used before in real life and when they ask "what type of plane is that?", and you answer: " its a Stanley Bailey #6 type 11 with a sweet heart iron sharpened at a 28 degree bevel."

When you're looking for types of planes that you didn't even know existed a year or two ago, and even if you have never used that type of plane in the past now wonder how you are going to get along without it for now.

When you are looking at back saws on that auctions site and find yourself thinking about sending a note to the seller asking "how many thousandth thick is the blade?"

When the price of a tool on the auction site is high and you know it is so high because you are primarily bidding against people who want to COLLECT what you want to buy, and you want to buy it to USE it.

Stew

[Joe A Faulkner]

When you walk into antique malls and ask if they have any booths that specialize in hand tools.

[Edwin Santos]

Drowning out the sound of a finely tuned plane taking a shaving is just wrong.

You're getting it all wrong, man. The idea is to take your shavings in tempo with the music. Your plane is an instrument. Join the band.
It works really well with the beginning intro to Come Together and most Pink Floyd songs.

You can become a background drummer whilst chopping out dovetail waste too, Ringo.

[Jim Koepke]

When you walk into antique malls and ask if they have any booths that specialize in hand tools.

That is one very helpful habit in finding so many old hand tools. :D

jtk

[lowell holmes]

Jim,

Your message shows that it was posted at 2:45 AM central standard time. I assume you posted just before midnight since you are in Washington State.

My wife and I visited Vancouver, White Horse, Denali, and just touched Washington State. This was two years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip.

I prefer Galveston County in the Winter though.:)

[Jim Koepke]

Jim,

Your message shows that it was posted at 2:45 AM central standard time. I assume you posted just before midnight since you are in Washington State.

My wife and I visited Vancouver, White Horse, Denali, and just touched Washington State. This was two years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip.

I prefer Galveston County in the Winter though.:)

I think there is a bit of error in the time clock of the Creek. My screen shows my post as going in at 10:45pm Pacific Standard time.

I am not much for snow, but I like the serenity rural living offers.

jtk

[steven c newman]

You know it is bad...

When out of a Rust Hunt..you can smell the rust from the curb when going to a yard sale

When you just realized the "Bronze Age" does NOT refer to hand planes....

[Stanley Covington]

When the phrase "boarding a plane" sounds bass ackwards.

[Tim Cooper Louisiana]

When the phrase "boarding a plane" sounds bass ackwards.

Hehe. Good one!

[Rob Luter]

When you walk into antique malls and ask if they have any booths that specialize in hand tools.

Guilty as charged.

[Paul Curran]

you know when the Mrs asks when your going to stop making tools to make things, and actually make something

[Jerry Olexa]

When most of your tool purchases are not about something you NEED. You just want to have it ...:)

[James Pallas]

When you cut mortises with a twybil, trim tenons with a hatchet and your favorite chisels are bronze.
Jim

[Ted Phillips]

My wife said she knew I had the fever bad when I started guffawing at old reruns of The Woodwrights Shop on PBS.

"But Roy is so punny!"

[Hasin Haroon]

...When you have dedicated smoothers at 50 degrees and 55 degrees even though you have a BU Smoother and the right blades that does just as good of a job.

...When you build a project slowly (and get flak from the SO for it) because you want to go neander even though you could speed it up oh so much using the table saw....

...When you hear the word frog you don't picture something that croaks.

[Tom Vanzant]

When you walk into antique malls and ask if they have any booths that specialize in hand tools.

I always ask if there are any booths that have woodworking hand tools. That's different... isn't it?

[john zulu]

Kind of sad..... I don't seem to fall into the neanderthal category. I have all the hand tools but I don't use them much for now as I work with sheet goods.