View Full Version : A heavy heart

Steve Ash
09-23-2005, 8:22 PM
Usually I come on SMC to gain some knowledge, offer my .02, and contribute to the forum. This time I come with a heavy heart, I knew this time was coming for some time. My daughter Kristen Lynn had passed away 20 years ago and we buried her where we used to live in Michigans Upper Peninsula. My family has its roots here in Charlotte since before the Civil war and I always knew I would be buried in the family plot along with my family. When my wife Judy and I decided to move back to Charlotte we made a promise to each other and to Kristen to bring her to the family plot for her final resting place.
So we have been making plans to have her exhumed and have graveside services for her next weeekend. I will be travelling back to the funeral home, some 400 + miles,to retrieve her and bring her home. (Some of my friends think this is morbid..I could care less)
I haven't been myself this past week as fellow creeker Keith July has expierienced firsthand (Thanks Keith for listening.) The tears I shed now are just as painful as those tears 20 years ago. The loss just as raw.
These second funeral plans should be wedding plans.....That long trip up I-75 and US2, should be a long trip down the church aisle....Parents should never have to bury their children, and I only do this twice to bring her closer to us.....it's just something I must do.
So my extended SMC family, thank you for listening.

Jim Hager
09-23-2005, 8:30 PM
God's speed to you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss and I have no idea how that feels. Maybe your family can find more peace with her closer to home.

Never met you or your wonderful family but I have read a lot of your posts and I do have respect for you and the troubles that you might have. We are all glad to help as best we can. Nothing like having an extended family like this forum to share grief, joy, and other events of life. Anytime Steve.

Ken Fitzgerald
09-23-2005, 8:42 PM
Steve....my sincere sympathies! Grieving is a lonely road that one has to walk alone. You can share your grief with friends and loved ones but only you can bear the load. I haven't lost a child yet and selfishly hope I go before my wie, any of my 3 children or 5 grandchildren. But...fate may determine otherwise. I can understand that you and your wife wanting to relocate your daughter Kristen to the family plot and to be closer to you. You and your loved ones will be in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days.

Ron Journeau
09-23-2005, 8:46 PM
I for one am honored to be considered part of your extended family, and as a parent can only imagine what you and your family have gone through. If we here at the Creek can in any way lessen that burden by the smallest of margins, we will have done well. Safe trip, my friend.

Mike Cutler
09-23-2005, 8:57 PM

Bringing your daughter "home" is not morbid by any stretch. It is quite simply, Love.
Peace be to you and your wife.

Joe Mioux
09-23-2005, 9:06 PM

I am at a loss for words....

I can feel the emotion you are experiencing in every sentence and every word you typed.......

My heart goes out to you.

You are bringing your daughter home.


Richard Wolf
09-23-2005, 9:11 PM
God Speed, keep your love close.


Randy Moore
09-23-2005, 9:31 PM
My heart goes out to you. You are doing this for the love of your daughter. Anyone who would tell me this was morbid would be told they have never lost a child and experienced love.

If you need anything just ask any of us here at SMC!

God be with you and your family.



Bringing your daughter "home" is not morbid by any stretch. It is quite simply, Love.
Peace be to you and your wife.

Von Bickley
09-23-2005, 9:32 PM
I can't imagine what you are going through. I know that you and Judy will be glad to have your daughter closer to home. I would do the same thing. Families should be close together.
I pray that God will help you and Judy through these trying times.

Roy Wall
09-23-2005, 9:45 PM

My prayers are with you....along with all of us on the forum.

God Bless!

Ed Lang
09-23-2005, 9:57 PM
I hope that you find comfort in knowing that Gods plan for her on Earth was completed and she sits at His Right hand. Your task here is not yet completed and the road is long and hard. My prayers are with you at this time for you to find comfort and peace. We all are one big family in Gods eyes and we pray for each other in these times.

With respect and honor,

John Miliunas
09-23-2005, 10:13 PM
May the good Lord bless you, Steve, but know that, this reunion is only temporary and but a stepping stone toward the one which will never seperate you again.

Jim Becker
09-23-2005, 10:16 PM
Steve, while this journey is difficult, in the end, it will help bring you peace when your daughter's physical remains are once again close by. You already know "she" has always been with you...and you with her.

Tony Falotico
09-23-2005, 10:19 PM
(Some of my friends think this is morbid..I could care less)

Steve, you do what you have to do, hold your head high and don't worry about what anybody else thinks. Friends come and go, family is forever.

May the Lord be with you and your family Steve, I'm proud of you my friend.

Don Baer
09-23-2005, 11:15 PM

My heart goes out to you and your family. To loose a hild is hard and being a parent I can feel your pain. I only hope that having her close to you can somehow make it easier. God bless you and your wife. Stay stong and know you are doing what is right.

Dennis Peacock
09-24-2005, 2:08 AM
Steve Ol' Buddy,

You are only doing what I myself would do. Bring my daughter "home" to be with the family. With kids of my own, I can only imagine the pain and tears you are bearing at this time. May God grant you His peace, love and tenderness in your coming weeks for you and for Judy.

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Karl Laustrup
09-24-2005, 5:53 AM

Having lost our son earlier this year, I know the pain of losing a child. We have not healed fully, nor do I think we ever will.

I can't imagine going through that heartbreak after all this time, but I understand that what you are doing is the right thing. It will be better having her close and the healing can begin again.

Thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.


Vaughn McMillan
09-24-2005, 6:30 AM
Steve, I've never lost anything comparable to what you and your wife have, but I can understand why you have to make the trip north.

My thoughts and heart are with you and your family.

- Vaughn

Ron McNeil
09-24-2005, 7:14 AM
Steve, My heart goes out to you and your wife. What you are doing is very caring and it's the right thing to do. I hope bringing your daughter home will someway bring peace and ease the pain that you and your wife are sharing.


Ron and his family

Rob Littleton
09-24-2005, 10:46 AM
I have never read such a thread that has brought a tear to my eye.

I have absolute respect for what you are doing and I think I would be likely to do the same thing.

You are a strong person. God bless you and your family.

Steve Ash
09-24-2005, 7:50 PM
Thanks so much to all of you, your kind words and support mean so much to Judy and I. Judy sat here next to me and read your responses last night and again just a bit ago and was overwhelmed at your kind thoughts, prayers and well wishes. This forum is like a large family.
I was hesitant to even post this thread....didn't want to bring anyone down. I am glad that I did now as your outpouring of kindness has made us feel much better. I am sure that we are doing the right thing.Thanks again to each of you.

Steve and Judy Ash

Jim Young
09-24-2005, 9:31 PM
My thoughts are with you, Steve and Judy. I can't say that I know what exactly you are feeling, but I have an idea (ask me sometime when we get together). As for moving her closer to you, there is nothing morbid about that. The emotional tie to a child is so strong.

john whittaker
09-24-2005, 10:03 PM
My prayers are with you and your family. Bringing your daughter home makes perfect sense and I hope having her near will bring you peace and comfort. Have a safe trip and may next weekend be extra special.

And thank you for sharing this with us.

Frank Hagan
09-25-2005, 1:05 PM
Steve, I can't even begin to understand the pain that losing a child must cause, so I don't want to try and minimize that in any way. But I did want to pass along an experience I had with the loss of my father that may give you hope for the journey ahead.

When my father died we held a memorial service here in California, but we were planning to have him interned in the cemetary behind his boyhood church in northern Missouri. As it was December when he died, we decided to delay the internment until spring. During that time I had an emptiness that is hard to describe; it went beyond just the grief and sense of loss.

When we met to have him interned there, it provided a sense of closure. He was where he grew up, and near the rest of his family. It just seemed right, somehow.

While I can't logically explain the difference it made, it did make a difference. I hope and pray that it will for you and your family as well.

Dan Forman
09-25-2005, 3:02 PM
Steve---I hope this move will bring you and your wife greater peace. You are doing what is in your heart, and that's all that matters.


Keith July
09-25-2005, 4:19 PM
Quote..{I haven't been myself this past week as fellow creeker Keith July has expierienced firsthand (Thanks Keith for listening.) }.. Quote
You are welcome, glad to be there. Call or stop by anytime.

Your friend

Jim Hinze
09-25-2005, 9:08 PM

It does not matter what others think or feel. You brough her home which is perfectly normal....

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May you find peace.

John Abbott
09-25-2005, 9:19 PM
You brought her into this world, it's only fitting that she be close to you. May God bless you with the thoughts and prayers from all your friends and family.

Kris, John, Peyton, and McKenna

Ed Breen
09-28-2005, 11:03 AM

I lost a daughter back in '64. She is buried in the national cemetary in Santa Fe, N.M. I know how each visit to her affects me, and I can feel your sadness and agree with your resolve. As a sort of gypsy my family is buried all over the country, but when the time comes for me my ashes will be placed with Allisons and the LOML in that lovely site in Santa Fe.