Adult Children paying board?

[dennis thompson]

My adult daughter has moved back in with us. I am trying to decide if I should charge her board( we don't need the money but I think everyone who is able , should contribute) .
What do you do? What do you Think?
if yes , what percent of her income do you suggest we charge?
thanks

[Jay Jolliffe]

For me it would depend on the circumstances of why she moved back. As far as rent what ever the market in your area is. If you need the cash keep it if not start an account for her to save the money.....

[Dan Hintz]

It should not be a percentage of her income, it should be as if she's any other person renting a room... though allowances could certainly be made for (possibly deep) discounts since she is a family member. Are you paying for her groceries? If so, rent should be higher. Are you paying for utilities (water, electricity, etc.)? If so, rent should be higher.

What the reason she's moving back in? If it can be attributed to laziness (couldn't show up to work on time and got fired, etc.), full rent would be charged. If it can be attributed to falling on hard times not of her own doing (layoffs, divorce, etc.), reduced or no rent would be charged. If it's just to save money for a house of her own, I might reduce the rent a little but not much... that's why you move into cheap apartments and save money, so moving into mom and dad's shouldn't be a substitute for hard planning/saving.

Either way, plan on a move-out date, else you may have gained an adult child for another 10 years (or more).

[Rod Sheridan]

My adult daughter has moved back in with us. I am trying to decide if I should charge her board( we don't need the money but I think everyone who is able , should contribute) .
What do you do? What do you Think?
if yes , what percent of her income do you suggest we charge?
thanks

Hi, we did that, gave it back when she left............Rod.

[Prashun Patel]

I wouldn't charge her board. I'd make her do some chores like grocery shopping or laundry or cleaning. That might be a real win-win for both of you - even if (scratch that, ESPECIALLY if) it's a lot of work for her.

[David Masters]

I like Ron's idea. Depending on the situation that requires her moving back and her income, I would set the monthly rent, but put it aside in an account, and give it back to help her when she is ready to transition back to independence.

[ryan paulsen]

My (now) wife and I moved into my parent's basement for a period of 6 months while we were saving for a house. We did not pay rent. We did have our own refrigerator in the basement, and bought our own groceries. We also contributed to chores and other projects around the house, in addition to cleaning the basement before moving in. The goal was solely to save money, and our term of 6 months was set before we moved in. It helped us greatly to save for a down payment for our house, so it could be very helpful if your child is responsible and not "lazy" like mentioned above. We also bought my parents a sweet grill when we moved out as a thank you gift.

[Bonnie Campbell]

When my daughter separated from her now ex, she moved in with me. I charged her $500 a month rent and half the utilities. When she found a place of her own I gave her the 'rent' money back. I think charging your child is a good thing (as long as finances allow). If they can't afford it, then sharing household chores should be expected. My daughter considered it a win/win situation. She had plenty of money saved up so she could move without getting hit with big expenses.

[Peter Kelly]

If it's a case of economic hardship I wouldn't charge her anything. The ol' shoe could be on the other foot someday...

[Alan Rutherford]

If the "tenant" is moving forward with his/her life and free rent helps out as in Ryan's post, great.

If the move home was the result of a crisis and you're willing to let it coast for a couple of months - fine.

But at some point the adult child needs to act like an adult and build his/her own life. You can help that process by not being needlessly nurturing. In other words, charge rent (and keep it). More than a token amount but no need to be greedy.

[Phil Thien]

If it's a case of economic hardship I wouldn't charge her anything. The ol' shoe could be on the other foot someday...

Exactly this.

[Matt Meiser]

I lived with my parents for a few years after college, before I got married. My parents deal with college was always that we had to pay them back for what they contributed, but the rate we (still) pay interest-free will never pay it off. While I lived with them I could either pay some rent, or pay extra toward that--hard choice! In addition I did the lawn care and a lot of the home maintenance. My dad retired about then and was doing all the cooking, my mom did the grocery shopping to his list but I'd often stop for this and that at the grocery store. But I was getting off dirt-cheap, which let me acquire some toys and put together the money for the down payment on my (our...since I proposed to her during the purchase process) first house. When I was living there I was on the road close to 1/2 time averaged over the time I lived there.

We lived with them 3 weeks when we moved from our first house and got an offer we couldn't refuse that was going to force us to put everything in storage. My daughter was 2...my dad loved it. We bought groceries and stuff but they didn't charge us. We moved in an hour behind Thanksgiving guests leaving and out an hour ahead of Christmas guests arriving...it was a wild time! This last move we stayed there a week, but this time my dad's health is such that he can't be home alone and it gave my mom an opportunity to take a trip while we got a week to put the house into some semblance of order so it was win-win for everyone. But for a while it was looking like our purchase deal was going to fall apart, and that we'd end up building so we were all preparing for a 6-month stay if it came to that.

[Chuck Wintle]

My adult daughter has moved back in with us. I am trying to decide if I should charge her board( we don't need the money but I think everyone who is able , should contribute) .
What do you do? What do you Think?
if yes , what percent of her income do you suggest we charge?
thanks
If she is still working then a nominal amount for groceries and other services, laundry, heat and light etc. If not working then expect her to do the lions share of the daily chores.

[Frederick Skelly]

Nothing wrong with people paying room and board to their folks. It teaches younger adults responsibility (no free lunch on mom and dad). It allows older children a way to save face ("well, I'm paying what I can while I'm down on my luck and living here.") If you feel guilty about accepting it, why not quietly open a savings account and deposit their room/board checks. Then give them (or their kids) the money when they move out. Great way to give them a new start/nest egg.

Edit: % of income? Depends on their circumstances. If they are down on their luck, 5-10% of their take home pay, assuming you're going to save it up for them. If they were living with me while working a good job in good circumstances, maybe a bit more. I agree with folks above who say boarders need to contribute in some fashion though - work, money, etc. But personally, I wouldn't feel guilty secretly saving it for them.

[Erik Loza]

I wouldn't charge her board. I'd make her do some chores like grocery shopping or laundry or cleaning. That might be a real win-win for both of you - even if (scratch that, ESPECIALLY if) it's a lot of work for her.


If it's a case of economic hardship I wouldn't charge her anything. The ol' shoe could be on the other foot someday...

These ^^^....

We have had friends for who have fallen on hard times stay with us upon occasion. We never asked for money but everyone chipped in in ways that they could. House sitting while we were gone (so that we did not need to pay the pet sitters) or cooking and cleaning for us. I think everyone agrees: It's un-couth to live there and not contribute to the household in one way or another.

Also, and this may or may not be relevant here: Is there a cultural element in the equation? Half my family is from Mexico and there, you are welcome any time and could be considered un-gracious if you did not let the host household cook and clean up after you, particularly if you are male. That has created awkwardness for me in the past.

Erik

[Brian W Smith]

Our four boys pretty much make more $$ than wifey and I.They have come and gone here.....and will in the future.They move for jobs and usually need a spot to hole up for a few months.We never even discuss money,realizing how they're all overachievers anyway.We love having them here,it's a pretty big house so they can do whatever they want?

The one time I practically begged one and his wife to live here,it was with the stipulation that we'd charge them,and then use the money for a down payment(as posted above).They love being out on their own,and got an apt 15 miles away,but closer to work for them.That was a good year,they used to eat dinner with us frequently(usually,they'd snag sumthin and bring it out).

[Prashun Patel]

It's funny you say that, Erik. We have the same thing with my relatives (Indian). The ladies CRINGE when I try to wash dishes, so I usually acquiesce. But I think it's the attempt that counts.

[Erik Loza]

It's funny you say that, Erik. We have the same thing with my relatives (Indian). The ladies CRINGE when I try to wash dishes, so I usually acquiesce. But I think it's the attempt that counts.

My wife and I have a system: She cooks and I clean up. Not because of any stereotypes but because we want the food to actually taste good and because I find the ritual of cleaning to be relaxing. When we visit family in Mexico, they won't let her cook, since she is a guest and they won't let me clean. We also acquiesce but there is some discomfort in that.

Erik

[Julie Moriarty]

What I've learned, from raising three kids, is the more you give them, the more they come to expect. Adult children have an obligation to help defray the cost of their living at home. Whether the parents need the money or not should have no influence on the decision. Children need to learn responsibility and the cost of being independent, something they eventually will have to become. And if they keep acting like kids, push them out of the nest. They might not like it then, but they will appreciate it later because they will grow up sooner.

[Mark Patoka]

I would say yes, you need to charge something for the privilege to stay with you. Depending on her circumstances or job situation you would be best to negotiate a set price and possibly a set timeframe or term. I would treat it very similar to renting a room out to a stranger. Not knowing your circumstances, it's become so commonplace and almost a running joke that the parent's 30-something kids have never left home and don't make much effort to step it up and take responsibility for themselves. Consider: Do you still pay for her cell phone, insurance and other items?

[mike mcilroy]

% of income implies she still has a job? Make sure she has plans to move back out. I work with a couple of guys, who have been at the same job as me for over 18 years, who are 39 years old and have never been on their own nor care to be. Something is wrong with a person who doesn't strive to be independent.

[Jim Matthews]

Decent of you to help when your child gets stuck. Most of us old enough to remember the '80s (not just the TV version) have little exposure to the current job market, and cost of living. Been there once, myself.

[Jim Becker]

As a matter of principle, board or board-equivalent is certainly appropriate under many circumstances. There are certainly some cases where it could be a hardship for them to pay, at least temporarily, and as parents we have to make a decision on that based on the reality of the situation. "Adult children returning home" isn't uncommon anymore and every situation is different.

Our almost 20 year old daughter lives at home and while we do not currently require her to pay board, we do expect participation in the household responsibilities. She is what I'll call a "mild special needs" individual and living independent may be a tough row to hoe for her. She is now holding a part-time job and working a couple of shifts weekly for spending money, which is a good thing. If she didn't have those special needs, and still decided not to go to Community College, etc., I would probably handle things the same way as my parents did with my brother. He chose to work rather than go to school and after six months, had to pay my mother several hundred a month for board which was very fair. And if either of my girls "left the nest" but had to come home in the future, under most circumstances, I'd expect the same from them, adjusted for current values. It wouldn't be about "the money", per se, but about taking responsibility.

[Brian Elfert]

I lived with my parents for almost six months last year after I sold my house and was looking for another one. I paid them rent plus I helped cut the lawn and helped out with other stuff. My stay was longer than I hoped because the house I bought needed two and a half months of work to be liveable.

[Peter Kelly]

Something is wrong with a person who doesn't strive to be independent.Depends on where you are in the world. Living at home until you're married is pretty common in Asia. Central and South America.

Moving out and living on one's own is largely a northern European idea.

[Art Mann]

My son moved back in with us after being on his own for a few years. The reason is he had no job and no money. You can't get rent out of someone who is broke. I do believe that every adult should pay his/her own way, even one's on offspring, and wouldn't let him stay for free. While he was here, he and I renovated a majority of the house together. That helped me to update a 30 year old house and it helped him maintain his sense of self worth while unemployed. It was a time I will treasure in more ways than one.

[Pat Barry]

My youngest daughter has boomeranged back to us for a third time. Previous to that my son boomeranged back once as did our eldest daughter. We are happy to help them out in these circumstances, have never charged for room and board. They have always contributed in one fashion or other including paying for groceries and doing chores, etc. I can't see making them pay rent. If they could afford rent they would certainly be living on their own. In fact, they don't want to live with us, its their circumstances that are forcing it. Family is family and we will always be willing to do what we can to help each and everyone one of them. How in gods name could I live with myself if I became some sort of landlord to them? That's just not the way we raised our kids.

[Chris Padilla]

We have a single child, 13, so we have yet to experience any of this but I think my wife would shoot me if I tried to charge our future adult child to stay with us if she needed to. Her customs in Serbia, I think, are like that. My wife likes family to be close because she was close to all of hers until she left for the US. I guess we'll see in time but I really don't have any worries. I have a feeling my daughter would want to be out on her own anyway. I think my wife will go a bit crazy when our daughter does eventually leave home. All she'll have is me then! LOL! Might need to get a dog or something.... :)

[Len Mullin]

Our eldest daughter and her husband moved in with us a little over a year ago, and everyday life seems to be better. They live here as if it's their house or apartment, and they help with all chores. It's been great for my wife, as she always has someone to go places with her that I wouldn't. We share all meals together, and they do all of the cleaning up after the meal. We charge them $800.00 per month, that covers everything except for any special items that they want. Everything is shared equally, and they have the upper level of the house to use as their own. We prefer the basement, it's more comfortable for us and we always spent more time down there anyway (it's where the big tv is). We don't need the money we're charging them, but, we will not be returning it to them when they leave either. This is the daughter that will be inheireting the house when we're gone, and we intend to give this money to our youngest daughter to offset giving the house to our oldest. We are trying to be fair to each, we've always tried to make sure that each one got the same amount of whatever. There is no expectation on our behalf that they will ever move out, since we've been asking them for years to move in. They do all or most of the work around here that needs to be done, it sure has made life a lot easier on my wife and myself.
Len