View Full Version : What's your funny saying that you use.....

Dennis Peacock
08-05-2005, 9:12 AM
Just wondering if any of you have a saying that you use from time to time that is worth sharing.

Mine is:

You can lead a horse to water, but it if you can get it to float on it's back, THEN you've got something!!!!

Shoot....now I forgot what else I was gonna put down....maybe I'll think of it later on.!!! Sheesh!!! It's painful getting old. :rolleyes:

Larry Browning
08-05-2005, 9:22 AM
Right now my favorite is in my signature.

For those of you non computer geeks. Binary 10 is actually decimal 2.

Jeff Sudmeier
08-05-2005, 9:46 AM
Larry, I like yours!!

Hmm, I don't have one favorite....

"Romp on it" (In other words beat on something)
"Do your best and caulk the rest"
"Bass Ackwards"
"Even a blind squirel finds a nut once in awhile".

That's all I can think of now.

Mark Singer
08-05-2005, 9:51 AM

I also use:
Thats all I can think of now.
and the very popular..
You don't find a Schlamaca tree growing on every corner...

Jay Fields
08-05-2005, 9:57 AM
Dennis -
I use your second saying almost daily.

Boyd Gathwright
08-05-2005, 10:18 AM
.... Oh well, first your money then your clothes :o!

John Hart
08-05-2005, 10:19 AM
....You don't find a Schlamaca tree growing on every corner...

That's always been my favorite. I think my Incan Grandfather used to say that.:D

David Wilson
08-05-2005, 10:39 AM
How about
If in doubt, throw it out
Caulk's cheep

John Hart
08-05-2005, 10:44 AM
It took me a few minutes to remember this one:

"If it doesn't turn easily...Force it. If it breaks...It needed replaced anyway"

David Wilson
08-05-2005, 10:50 AM
I cut it off three times and it's still too short

Bart Leetch
08-05-2005, 10:51 AM
Good better best never let it rest until your good is better & your better best.

Remember the book of what you don't know will always be bigger then the book of what you do know.

If you didn't learn something new during your day you may as well of stayed in bed & pulled the sheets up over you head.

1,2 buckle your shoe oh to heck with it use Velcro.

If you don't have time to do it right the first time will you have time to do it over?

If you have an illness & don't do what your Dr. or Therapist told you to do you only have yourself to blame for staying the same. DAMHIKT :eek: Now get busy & do what you've been told to do. I'm feeling much better now. :D

Steve Ash
08-05-2005, 10:55 AM
This is one I learned from a friend just recently ....When asked if I know where something is e.g. "Steve, do you know where I put (insert item in question here)"
I respond, "Well if it was up your butt you'd know where it was".

Dennis Peacock
08-05-2005, 10:59 AM
If the shoe fits, wear it!!!!!!

No sense of crying over spilled milk.

He was grinning like a possum chewing on a sawbriar.

I'll wipe that grin right off your face!!!!!

If a frog had pockets, he'd carry a gun and SHOOT his bugs!!!!!

Lee DeRaud
08-05-2005, 11:18 AM
You're gonna need a bigger boat. (when the job is starting to look un-doable)
We're gonna need a new Timmy. (when the job goes catastrophically FUBAR)
WWWD? (What would Wally do?)

Tom Jones III
08-05-2005, 11:26 AM
Busier than a man with one hoe and two rattlesnakes.

Happier than a tapeworm in ground beef!

Kurt Aebi
08-05-2005, 11:30 AM
I usually say " Life is a circle - you start out Bald & in Diapers and then you finish Bald & In Diapers!!"

Lee Schierer
08-05-2005, 11:39 AM
As my Dad used to say:

You win some,

You lose some,

Some get rained out,

and others you can't even get tickets for.

Mike Wilkins
08-05-2005, 11:46 AM
If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we would all have a Merry Christmas.
Kiss a fat baby's a__
One of my favorites from Bart Simpson: Darned if you do, and darned if you don't.

Bart Leetch
08-05-2005, 12:03 PM
One of my favorites from Bart Simpson: Darned if you do, and darned if you don't

Thats been around since long before Bart Simpson was ever thought of. :eek:

Bart Simpson is one of the latter years flash in the pan & a pretty bad on at that. :D

Don Baer
08-05-2005, 12:10 PM
Growing old is He--, but it sure beats the alternative.

David Wilson
08-05-2005, 12:24 PM
Better to be over the hill than under it.

Dennis Peacock
08-05-2005, 12:31 PM
I'm busier than a one armed paper hanger with the seven year itch!!

Kevin Swindle
08-05-2005, 12:38 PM
If you can't fix it feature it.

Steve Ash
08-05-2005, 12:39 PM
"That guy is more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"

Michael Stafford
08-05-2005, 12:47 PM
My all time favorites:

Tis better to copulate than never..... ;)

A motion to adjourn is always in order....

Small change can often be found under seat cushions....

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed....

You live and you learn or you don't live long....

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity....

Larry Browning
08-05-2005, 1:12 PM
"Hire the left handed, It's fun to watch them write!"

"It is always eaiser to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission!"

Roger Myers
08-05-2005, 1:26 PM
"Just remember son (or daughter) - I taught you everything you know...but I didn't teach you everything I know"

John Miliunas
08-05-2005, 1:28 PM
Slicker than snot on a brass doorknob.

I sincerely believe we were put on this earth to accomplish certain tasks.
I'm so far behind, I'm going to live forever!

I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

When the going gets tough, switch to power tools!

:) :cool:

Doug Shepard
08-05-2005, 1:52 PM
If you're not the lead dog, your view never changes.

Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice - shame on me.

It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear

Gil Mitchell
08-05-2005, 3:21 PM
if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his butt :eek:

keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut (from my dad)

Ian Barley
08-05-2005, 3:37 PM
My recent favourite - from a song lyric -
"The next best think to playing and winning is playing and losing"

Dennis Peacock
08-05-2005, 3:39 PM
If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

Treat others like you would want to be treated.

Ernie Kuhn
08-05-2005, 3:54 PM
More whiskey, Faster horses, Wilder Women

Aaron Koehl
08-05-2005, 4:21 PM is where the heart is.


Luke, I am your node.parent()


Koehl's Law:
Shredded cabbage and mayo go good together :D

Jay Fields
08-05-2005, 4:21 PM
Life is hard, deal with it.
Everything is fatal, if you wait long enough.
Vegitarian: Indian word for "Lousy Hunter".
“I wouldn’t want to join any club that would have me as a member.” - Groucho Marx
"Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good." - H. L. Mencken
"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." - P. J. O'Rourke
"Earth First!" we will log the other planets later. - Per Swenson

Michael Stafford
08-05-2005, 4:25 PM
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets....

Jim Becker
08-05-2005, 4:38 PM
Treat others like you would want to be treated.

Ah, my philosophical favorite, whether in the Talumdic tradition ("all else is mere commentary"), direct from the "big ten"...or just from common sense!!

Larry Browning
08-05-2005, 4:45 PM
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometime I jus sits."

Larry Browning
08-05-2005, 4:54 PM
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets....

This one made me laugh :D I had not heard it before.

Jim O'Dell
08-05-2005, 5:09 PM
That guy is a couple fries short of a Happy Meal.

Michael Ballent
08-05-2005, 6:00 PM
Some of the ones that I use.

It's not rocket surgery.

The problem is the interface between the seat and keyboard.

If the ladies don't find you handsom they should find you handy.

He is not the sharpest marble :D

Jerry Olexa
08-05-2005, 6:04 PM
Cut me a little slack on this one:

W.C. Fields once said:
80% of my money I spent on women and drinking. The other 20% I wasted...:D

Randy Moore
08-05-2005, 6:27 PM
W.C. Fields once said:
80% of my money I spent on women and drinking. The other 20% I wasted...:D[/QUOTE]

Oh, how so true.

Joe Mioux
08-05-2005, 6:40 PM
It takes a big dog to weigh a ton

You lie like a one-legged dog.


Andrew Ault
08-05-2005, 6:42 PM
"There is more than one way to skin a cat...DAMHIKT."

Ken Kimbrell
08-05-2005, 6:57 PM
"Ummm... Maybe I just needs a bigger hammer."

Ernie Nyvall
08-05-2005, 7:13 PM
To newly weds looking for some infinite wisdom, I tell them" No matter where you go or what you do always remember that nobody, but nobody knows noses like neosynephrin (spelling?).

"Whatever it is you are not doing, keep it up." That one would lighten up my children when they thought they were in trouble

Snug as a bug in a rug.


John Miliunas
08-05-2005, 7:20 PM
Busier than a one-legged man at a butt-kickin' contest.

A few bricks shy of a full load.

Never leave for tomorrow what can be done the day after.

Tact: The ability to tell someone to go take a hike and make them feel happy to be on their way!:) :cool:

Jason Roehl
08-05-2005, 7:24 PM
On a job: "Looks good from my house!"

"Good enough for government work."

In a factory: "It's not going to my house, ship it!"

"Busier than a one-legged man in a (butt)-kicking contest."

Old Russian (Communist?) saying: "We pretend to work, and they pretend to pay us."

One of my favorites: "Don't let the perfect become the enemy of the good."

Frank Barone/Peter Boyle (Everybody Loves Raymond): "Holy Crap!"--There was just something in the way he said it that made me laugh everytime I heard/saw it.

Vaughn McMillan
08-05-2005, 7:26 PM
Busier than a bow-tie salesman at a Shriner's Convention.

I'm more the same now than I was before I used to be the same.

Can't find his _ _ _ with both hands.

Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms...who's bringing the chips? [on one of my t-shirts]

Stock reply to friends who announce they're expecting (or just had) a baby: "That's great news! Any idea who the father is?" (I've gotten my arm punched more than once for that one, but it always gets a response.)

Michael Stafford
08-05-2005, 8:17 PM
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen all day....

And of course....

What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about....

John Miliunas
08-05-2005, 8:42 PM
"Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself."- Mark Twain

The wife tells me I never listen to her. At least, I *think* that's what she said.

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.:) :cool:

Jim Becker
08-05-2005, 8:59 PM
I got these in email the other day...they are excellent and right in line with this thread.

01. Birds of a feather flock together, and then crap on your car.

02. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

03. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

04. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

05. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

06. A penny saved is a government oversight.

07. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

08. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

09. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

10. He who hesitates is probably right.

11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

14. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

15. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth!

David Klug
08-05-2005, 11:04 PM
That's about as useful as hip pockets on a bullfrog.


Mark Cothren
08-05-2005, 11:13 PM
Well butter my bee-hind and call me a biscuit...
Beat to fit - paint to match (my motto in building my shop)...
"No problem - it'll all be covered up" (another statement heard many times during my shop build)...:cool:

I also like some quotes I've heard on movies and shows...

"Well I'll be a suck-egg mule" (from a Duke movie)...

"Grinnin' like a mule eatin' briars" (from The Andy Griffith Show)...

"There's a flaw in the slaw" (Roscoe P. Coltrain, Dukes of Hazzard)...

"There's too much flab in the cab" (Roscoe P. Coltrain, Dukes of Hazzard)...

"Young fella, if you're lookin' for trouble I'll accommodate ya. Otherwise, leave it alone" (Rooster Cogburn to LeBeef (Glen Campbell) in True Grit)

Per Swenson
08-06-2005, 12:29 AM
What does the frog in the well know about the ocean?

And we are going to start this project before or after the canoe?
(father Bob has a very old canoe plan)

You must excuse him mam, he priced this job in 1950 dollars.

This is a trick question, right?

Thats us! Wonder Construction, If it's a good job, it's a Wonder!


Kirk (KC) Constable
08-06-2005, 1:19 AM
The other day I heard somebody say, "Two wrongs don't make a right...but three lefts do".

Never thought of that before...but I like it. :)

Tim Burke
08-06-2005, 4:48 AM
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you see every problem as a nail.

Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.

Already mentioned, but worth repeating - "Forgiveness is much easier than permission".

Ken Salisbury
08-06-2005, 6:31 AM

Dave Anderson NH
08-06-2005, 6:31 AM
The cynical version of Abe Lincoln's quote

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time....... and that's usually sufficient.

Robert Ziegler
08-06-2005, 8:36 AM
No matter where you go,
There you are.

Christopher Pine
08-06-2005, 9:46 AM
When you work with Clowns funny things happen

Michael Stafford
08-06-2005, 10:07 AM
Mark Twain once said....

There is nothing lower than the human race...except the French... :eek:


The more times you run over a possum the flatter it gets...


If you remain calm while everyone around you is panicking, you don't understand the problem.... :p

Dick Bringhurst
08-06-2005, 3:12 PM
I think this thread is "slicker than the knob on the outhouse door" Dick B.

Jerry Clark
08-06-2005, 7:33 PM
If it ain't broke-- don't fix it!

Ken Garlock
08-06-2005, 8:30 PM
1) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

2) Slicker than snot on a glass door knob.

3) Tougher than a boiled owl

4) Now wouldn't that p--- off the pope.

Christopher Pine
08-06-2005, 8:41 PM
Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?

The engine stops whining when the mission is over.

Andy Henriksen
08-08-2005, 9:10 AM
"...the lesser of two equals"

David Wilson
08-08-2005, 10:55 AM
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you are working with turkeys.

Greg Narozniak
08-08-2005, 11:24 AM
College is a fountain of knowledge and the students are there to drink :)

Steve Jenkins
08-08-2005, 11:59 AM
FRom my dad for a real good fit "fits like an onion peel on a hens lip"

Tyler Howell
08-08-2005, 12:16 PM
The light's on, but nobody's home.

I'm from the government, I'm here to help you.:cool:

John Hart
08-08-2005, 12:26 PM
This one is from the movie Uncommon Valor

"I don't think his bread is quite done"

Ken Fitzgerald
08-08-2005, 12:29 PM
From the uncut version of the movie "The Outlaw Josie Wales"........ "don't p--- down my back and tell me it's raining."

That line by the guy playing the Confederate Major in Outlaw Josie Wales got the guy the part as Dean Weemer in Animal House.

Don Baer
08-08-2005, 12:34 PM
Don't squat with your spurs on....:eek:

Stuart Johnson
08-08-2005, 2:14 PM
Measure once, cut twice.... get full use of your tools.

Stuart Johnson
Red Oak, Texas

Richard Wolf
08-08-2005, 6:07 PM
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blameing you!

Fits like socks on a chicken.


Scott Coffelt
08-08-2005, 7:20 PM
It is what it is!

Chris Padilla
08-08-2005, 7:20 PM
(1) When looking for something, it's always the LAST place you look! (well, sure, after you find it, you're done looking!)

(2) Optimist sees the glass half-full, pessimist sees it half-empty, woodworker says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be! (actually, this is an engineer but I changed for the present company)

(3) See my signature

(4) You do two things in woodworking: Push the wood through the tool or push the tool through the wood. One way is usually easier and safer than the other.

(5) ...still thinking....


Lee DeRaud
08-08-2005, 7:55 PM
I came into the world bald and fat, and I intend to leave it the same way.

John Miliunas
08-08-2005, 8:08 PM
Your "what" hurts?! :) :cool:

Jim O'Dell
08-08-2005, 8:40 PM
I just thought of another one that comes from a song I really like.

It's about as usless as a screen door on a submarine.

Norman Hitt
08-09-2005, 6:03 AM
Wellllll...it's about a Dozen of one and Six and a Half of the other

Ya Gotta Be Tough to get OLD!

I've learned what the "Golden Years" means, It takes a Lotta Gold to get through 'em!

(reply to something that is of questionable belief or shocking), Wouldn't that Blow your Dress Up!

I think I've "forgotten" more about that subject than I ever learned about it!

I couldn't complain about the Service,..........There was None!

I've got a Memory like a Steel Trap...........Once inside, there's no getting it back out!

If it Looks like a Duck, Swims like a Duck, and Quacks like a Duck....it's probably the neighbor kid's Toy!

The News Media Motto.........NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.......let the "Facts" get in the way of a good Story!

(Reply to how are you), I guess I'm in Pretty Good Shape,......for the Shape I'm In!

If I could buy him for what he's worth, and sell him for what he thinks he's worth, I could make a Mint.

Now that I've got it all together.........I forgot where I put it!

Dan Forman
08-09-2005, 6:07 AM
Missed this on the first time around, but:

Nervous as a blind pig in a tree.

Time is natures way of making sure that everything doesn't happen all at once.

Even denial has it's limits.

"There are three kinds of men:
the ones who learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence to find out for themselves." Will Rogers

You can only be yourng once, but you can be immature forever.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

I'm a very good speller, just not always accurate.

(a) Never miss a good chance to shut up.

(b) Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

(c) There are two theories for arguing with women. Neither of them work.

Will Rogers

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.

You can lead a horse to drink, but you can't make him water.

If we had some bacon we could have bacon and eggs, if we had some eggs.


John Hart
08-09-2005, 6:27 AM
The older I get...the more I learn how little I know

Jim Hinze
08-09-2005, 8:27 AM
"That takes a special kind of stupid..."

"Your dain brammaged..."

"It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing milk bone underware"
(pilfered from Norm --> cheer's sitcom)

Mark Cothren
08-09-2005, 8:58 AM
Read this one somewhere not too long ago - use it on my 15-year old son (who's almost as big as me now) quite often....

"I didn't get to be an old man by messing with old men" :D

Joe Tonich
08-09-2005, 1:12 PM
As I tell my sons after telling 'em a million times not to do something:
"ya know, even a monkey learns, how come you guys don't??" :confused: :confused: :confused:

Larry Browning
08-09-2005, 2:21 PM
When asked "How are you doing?" my wife always replies "I'm great!, but I'm gett'n better!"

John Hart
08-10-2005, 8:09 AM
Never put anything in your ear except your elbow

Mike Circo
08-10-2005, 8:49 AM
If at first you don't succeed...

get a bigger hammer.

Dick Heifner
08-11-2005, 2:51 PM
That's finener than frog hair.
When told something won't work: Nope that dog just aint gonna hunt.

Dick :D

John Hart
08-11-2005, 3:20 PM
You can’t expect to hit the jackpot if you don’t put a few nickels in the machine.
~Flip Wilson

Mike Tempel
08-11-2005, 5:26 PM
Arguing with (insert name) is like wrestling with a pig. Everybody gets covered in *#@* and only the pig has a good time. Red Adair

When someone asked how I am doing while at work I simply reply "Well, I showed up".

One of my all time favorites from the fire brigade - also seen on a bomb technicians T shirt - "If you see me running, try to keep up."

You don't have to be faster than the bear chasing you, only faster than your buddy.

Jerry Olexa
08-11-2005, 5:54 PM
When something partially bad is said about you, respond with " I resemble that":D


When someone else is praised or noticed for good looks, great achievement,etc. respond with "Reminds me somewhat of myself"...:D :D

Robert Ziegler
08-11-2005, 7:04 PM
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
If that doesn't work, give up, cause there ain't no sense in making a fool of yourself."

John Miliunas
08-11-2005, 7:35 PM
One of my favorite responses to, "How 'ya doing?" is: Still vertical and taking nourishment.:) :cool:

Wes Bischel
08-11-2005, 10:12 PM
I'm surprised none of the parents posted with this one: "Do you want me to give you something to cry about?!" or "I brought you into this world - and I can take you out!"

At work it seemed I said this a great deal: " Well, . . . I guess it's better than a kick in the head."

If a design wasn't up to snuff: "I wouldn't hit a hog in the "rear" with that."


Robert Kline
08-16-2005, 12:47 AM
that's about as smart as teasing a rattlesnake with your nose

Hal Flynt
08-16-2005, 10:38 AM
When asked the following questions:

What are you up to? "About 195".

What do you say? "Words". (Brother Dave Gardner)

What's up? "My blood presure".

My favorite piece of advice is:

"Never promise that your (Spouse) will do something that will embarass you if they don't."

John Shuk
08-16-2005, 9:29 PM
I like this one. Have you lived here your whole life?...Not yet!.

larry merlau
08-17-2005, 8:03 AM
'Dont start something you can finnish".
"you got a frog in your pocket" when being volunteered for something you dont want to do.
the (middle name) is definatly a bad word to hear from your parent or wife/
dont play with fire if you dont want to get burned
dont do the crime if you cant do the time

Christopher Knight
08-18-2005, 5:15 AM
My Favorite:

Sex is hereditary, if your parents never had it, neither will you.

Lee DeRaud
08-18-2005, 11:50 AM
A buddy of mine, looking at a cheap set of wrenches:

"Somewhere there's a bunch of Harleys missing their kickstands."