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Vaughn McMillan
07-14-2005, 1:09 AM
My home computers have been off the Internet since Monday, and now that I'm back on-line tonight I thought I'd share a bit...

Got home from work Monday evening to find telephone cable in a bunched-up pile on the edge of the driveway. We have two phone lines coming into the house, and a quick investigation showed that one of them had become disconnected from the pole, and sprung like a rubber band towards the house, hence the wad of wire. (Wish I coulda seen that.) Further investigation shows it's the main line, the one assigned to my DSL connection. (The other line is for my MIL-to-be, who lives with me and my fiancee, but that's a WHOLE other thread.)

Whipping out my cell phone, I called Verizon's 24-hour service number. I got the computer, of course.

Computer: Hi, I'm the Verizon know-it-all computer, and any question you ask me will be answered exactly as if I were a living, breathing, being. We'll start with the easy questions...Are you calling about a problem with your phone?

Me: Yes.

Computer: OK, I got that. Is the problem on all your phones, or just one of them?

Me: All of them.

Computer: OK, I got that. Do you have a dial tone?

Me: No, because the line is down.

Computer: I'm sorry, I didn't understand what you said. Could you please repeat it?

Me: NO!

Computer: OK, I got that. Have you checked to see if all the phones are plugged in?

...several more stupid questions transpire...

Computer: Have you tried jiggling the handle? You know, sort of how you can fix the toilet sometimes?

Me [getting a bit testy]: No, because THE PHONE LINE IS DOWN and laying in my driveway you mindless bucket of bits!

Computer: I'm sorry, I didn't understand what you said. Could you please repeat it?

Me: Is there any way I can actually talk to a LIVE person? HELLO! IS THERE ANYBODY IN THERE?

...then I pressed 0...

Live person: Hi, this is Amy in Customer Service. How may I help you?

Me [relieved]: Hi Amy, I got tired of talking to the computer, so I'm glad you picked up. My telephone line is down and laying in my driveway. I need to get a technician out here to fix it.

Amy: OK, I got that. Is the problem on all your phones, or just one of them?

Me [speaking very carefully and clearly]: Amy, the telephone wire has become disconnected from the pole and is laying in a pile in my driveway. I'm looking at bare copper wires that are not attached to anything, and they should be attached to something. My driveway is not the place it's supposed to attach to. I think someone needs to climb up the pole and reattach it. And in anticipation of your next question, no, I don't have a dial tone.

Amy [pausing to figure out where to go in her script]: Umm, OK, I got that. So...it looks like you need a technician...I can have one there sometime Wednesday.

Me: Thank you. I'll take the soonest opening you have.

Sure enough, they had a guy out sometime today while I was at work, and by mid-afternoon, the line was back in operation. Still have no idea what brought it down, but I thought you might enjoy the story nonetheless.

- Vaughn

Disclaimer: This is by no means intended as a slam on Verizon's service. Overall, they do a pretty good job, but talking to ANY company's computer can be a pain.

Lee DeRaud
07-14-2005, 1:32 AM
Disclaimer: This is by no means intended as a slam on Verizon's service. Overall, they do a pretty good job, but talking to ANY company's computer can be a pain.Even when they have a human providing the interface, from the sound of it.:eek: