Another thought about freedom

[Jim Becker]

I thought I would reproduce here my latest Adoption BLOG entry so a wider audience could share it. Enjoy!
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Today marks an important milestone in our adoption journey...the beginning of our month of hosting 2 beautiful sibling girls from Tyumen Oblask, Russia. Their plane took off from Moscow at about 6:40a ET this morning and is winging its way toward Dulles “as we speak”...err, as I write this, at least. To say that we’re merely excited is a bit of an understatement and dealing with a few last minute things around the house is proving to be therapeutic. Maybe...

Of course, this is also the US Independence Day Holiday weekend as well as the Canada Day celebration for our northern neighbors. Many, many folks are considering the concept of freedom this weekend, so an email I received from a coworker yesterday came with an interesting premise:

“I caught myself thinking about the upcoming weekend, and I thought, how ironic that while the rest of the country is celebrating how we won our independence, Alison and you will be losing yours.”

After a quick chuckle, I got to thinking about this. While it’s certainly true that there will be changes in our lives as we move from the so-called “freedom” that an adult-only couple has to the busy environment that a family with kids exhibits; in fact, we’re gaining, or at least taking advantage of, some new freedoms that our society affords us. The freedom to shape the world through how we bring up our children to care about it is prime among them. What could be more rewarding...and bring so much responsibility?

At any rate, sometime around 7:15ET this evening we’ll begin the next phase of this family-building project and undoubtedly learn a lot about many things...feet in the fire, as is were. Oh, my, this is scary!!
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No need to get gushy over this, but I just wanted to share the joy of this day with my good (and I mean that) friend at SMC!

[Cecil Arnold]

Jim, congratulations are in order, and as one who adopted a cute redheaded boy some 32 years ago I want to wish you and Dr. SWMBO only the best. Once you bond, they will own your heart--and oftentimes break it. In the end, even though life usually turns out differently from what we want, the trip is worth it.

[Chris Padilla]

It will, no doubt, be a HUGE change in your lives. However, as you will come to find out, your life before kids was great...your life with kids will be just as great. Mind you, it will be a different great, but great nonetheless.

I wish you all the luck and laughter (the best medicine you know!) in the world!

:)

[Don Baer]

Jim,

I truly wish you and yours the best. I am sure that they will give you all of the joy, and hear break you can handle. In the end you will realy wonder how you ever got along with out them. The only thing better then raising kids is when they give you grandkids to spoil.

Remeber one thing when they are growing up they will think you are realy dumb at times but as they get older they will think you are getting smarter.

:rolleyes:

[Ernie Nyvall]

Yep, your post certainly proves that a father is a father, whether waiting in a hospital room or at an airport terminal. Children bring up a whole new set of feelings don't they. :)
You can learn a lot from a child's innocent curiosity. That same curiosity will also heighten your own senses and give you lightening speed. :eek:

Congratulations again and good luck to all four of you,

Ernie

[Ken Garlock]

Jim, you are certainly doing a good thing for all four of you.

Curious question, just to be nosy. You said that you were hosting the girls for a month. Is that for the purpose of just getting to know each other -- a compatibility check? What are their ages?

Been brushing up on your Russian? :cool:

[Dick Parr]

Congratulations to you and your wife Jim. Having had 3 girls ourselves I can speak from experience, it is wonderful.

The best to you Jim, and your wife. It is a wonderful thing you are doing. ;)

[Tim Morton]

i'm thinking by now they are all together someplace eating icecream and trying to communicate....I wonder what the picture policy is?

[Wes Bischel]

Congrats Jim! Exciting times they are. Hopefully jet lag won't be too bad. I know it took Sam a week to adjust his clock from Korea - and he was only 4+ months old. I took us a bit longer to regain our clock though! :D

All the best, Wes

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Jim....... Congrats to you, your wife and the two siblings! 35 years ago I adopted 2 children and then had one more! Sweat and tears are thicker than blood! I have 3 wonderful children.....they all call me Dad......My two oldest know their adopted by me and that their Mother is their biological mother. I've offered to help them locate their biological father. They've declined the offer. Give them love and attention. It's the greatest responsibility you'll ever have with the greatest potential outcomes! Good luck.....Enjoy! They grow up fast.

[David Klug]

Hey Jim that's just wonderful!!!!!! No doubt life will change and there will be ups and downs, but though it all it will be lots of fun. Our 5 are all married off with kids of their own and some of them have children. That's where the real fun is. We get to spoil them and send them home. What a blast. I just love being around kids. There is ALWAYS something going on when they are around. Life never gets dull guarantee. Best wishes to you and your family.

DK

[Von Bickley]

Jim,

Best wishes to you and your FAMILY.... :)

[Jim Becker]

Just a quick note...the "hosting-gotcha" went really well. I can't say how much comfort the Russian study we have been doing has helped in these first few hours; especially on Alison's part. While still a challenge, it surely made things so much easier at least having some basic skills to communicate.

The girls are beautiful, articulate and everything one could hope for. The younger was a bit tentative in the car, but was also over-tired from a couple days travel. The older girl is amazing and actually knows a little English; not enough to communicate, but enough to help her learn even faster. They both are quite comfortable with Alison and while not totally kewel with this "guy" thing, they will likely be just fine after some getting used to me.

After our three and a half hour drive home from the agency, we tried on all the initial clothing "inventory" and fortunately our size guesses were pretty good, other than the younger girl needs larger flip-flops. We'll do a little shopping on Monday to take care of that and some other needs...such as sneakers for camp and bathing suits.

They are presumably "in bed", but given their body clocks are still not even close to ET...the banging around over my head is quite understandable. I don't know how much we will sleep ourselves tonight, for despite it being a very long day...we're a little wired, too!

Oh my, what a wonderful day!

[Arnie Grammon]

Atta kid Jim! You're doing fine. Provide them with routine and selfless love and smiles of encouragement.......in short order, they will think Alison and you are the greatest mom and dad in the world.

Something tells me their English will improve at a much faster rate than your Russian. Kids are amazingly resilient.

It's been five and a half wonderful years with our three boys........and my wife and I wouldn't change a thing.

Arnie

[Martin Shupe]

Jim,

I am very happy for you and my family wishes your family continued success in your adoption journey. Please keep us posted here and on your blog.

[Alan Turner]

Our thoughts are with you.

[John Hart]

Kinda neat Jim!....You got the Pitter-Patter-Of-Little-Feet on the first day! ;)

Just remember years from now...Teenagers have no brains. (there's research on this):D
Congratulations

[Joe Mioux]

Jim:

Ditto what everyone else has said. Best Wishes!

Joe

[Jim O'Dell]

Congrats Jim!! While Glenna and I chose to be just us and the dogs, children are a wonderful thing. BTW, my SIL spent a year in Russia teaching at a private English speaking school for Russian children, and just loved it and the kids. She also taught some adult Law students in the evenings. Not sure she could help with any questions, but we can try her if you have something come up that you don't get help through your agency that you are comfortable with. Have a great time with the kids!! Jim.

[Lou Morrissette]

This is realy great, Jim. Having followed your journey, it seems as if we're all part of it. Congrats and best of luck.

Lou

[Rich Konopka]

Outstanding Great News Jim !!!!!!! A big hearty congratulations and Kudo's for not giving up during the process.

Somebody has got to ask. Where are the Pic's??

Best wishes for a smooth transition.

[Ron Jones near Indy]

This is wonderful! I hope this experience exceeds your greatest expectations.

[Jim Becker]

Kinda neat Jim!....You got the Pitter-Patter-Of-Little-Feet on the first day!

Yea...at 6:15 this morning...so far, we've played outside, gone to the playground and are back playing outside. Fourth outfit change just happened. I've already learned some new words...some of which I kinda think I should have been learning...oy, veh!


Just remember years from now...Teenagers have no brains. (there's research on this)

That's only in three years for the older girl...she's almost ten, going on thirty already.

[JayStPeter]

Congrats Jim! I'm happy to hear that everything is going well.

Jay

[Jerry Olexa]

Jim, Sincere CONGRATULATIONS to you and your wife. I know you both must be excited altho a bit tired! Enjoy and relish this start of the journey...You all have worked hard to get here. The little ones are probably bewildered and tired but also relieved with each passing moment as they get to know you. I'm very happy for all of you...

[Alan Tolchinsky]

Jim, I just want to wish you and your wife all the happiness in the world. That's exactly what those two little girls will bring you. Having kids that you love more than anything is one of life's true wonders. Enjoy.

[Mark Singer]

Jim,

I know what joy this will bring......a family is what really maks living so rewarding....you have so much to give! They are truly lucky and you will reap the joys of fatherhood and giving....and here in America where we all should be very thankful to live....my deepest congradulations!

[John Miliunas]

Well Jim, 'ol buddy, welcome to parenthood!:) 'Tis truly a wonderful thing you and your bride are doing and rewards will be reaped by many! Congrats and you guys will be in my thoughts!:) :cool:

[Vaughn McMillan]

Congrats, Jim. I'm sure there's a special place in the hereafter for people like you and your wife. Wishing you and the new family all the best circumstances and truckloads of fun along the way.

- Vaughn

[Jim Becker]

Thanks to everyone...it's going well, despite the fact that we are totally exhausted on our feet, but with smiles on our faces. I truly wish I could post pictures, but there are legal problems with that. You'll just have to trust me (as far as you can throw me) that these are the cutest girls on the planet, except for your own, of course... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

I will say one thing to anyone consider hosting and/or adopting older childen internationally...learn some of the language. I'm so glad we have done that, and even though I am way behind Ali on that part of the project, it's been so helpful.

Now, what part of "nyet" did they not understand this time??... :) ;)

[Tim Morton]

Thanks to everyone...it's going well, despite the fact that we are totally exhausted on our feet, but with smiles on our faces. I truly wish I could post pictures, but there are legal problems with that. You'll just have to trust me (as far as you can throw me) that these are the cutest girls on the planet, except for your own, of course... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

I will say one thing to anyone consider hosting and/or adopting older childen internationally...learn some of the language. I'm so glad we have done that, and even though I am way behind Ali on that part of the project, it's been so helpful.

Now, what part of "nyet" did they not understand this time??... :) ;)

Glad its going well JIm...and don't forget to throw a few "yesses" in as well. I read the blog...looks like they are doing great....the food thing will be tough...I can't imagine my daughter going to russia and eating russian food. ..what are they accustomed to eating?

[Richard Wolf]

Best to you and your new family!

Richard

[Jim Becker]

Glad its going well JIm...and don't forget to throw a few "yesses" in as well. I read the blog...looks like they are doing great....the food thing will be tough...I can't imagine my daughter going to russia and eating russian food. ..what are they accustomed to eating?

Short term stock tip...any company that imports bananas. In two days, the girls have gone through about two dozen bananas, as well as other fruit, such as apples, grapes, nectarines, rasins and oranges. Kiefer (yogurt) is popular as is cheese. Bread and jam are fine as long as it's not American style white bread...they are used to heavier, darker breads and whole grains. Chicken was fine as were hot dogs for food. (paieest) Milk, juice and water take care of the drinks (peet) In reality, they are not hard to feed and the deal is, "one must try everything at least a little"...same rule I grew up with. The toughie is keeping them from bringing food to their rooms (hoarding) which is not uncommon for intitutionalized kids since they are always in a competitive environment.

In reality, Russian food is not bad...just different in some ways, yet the same in others. It's not surprising that since the US is an "imigrant" nation (as are many of the countries that SMC has members), there are influences in the food "we" eat from all over the world, including Russia and Western Siberia, the part of Russian where these girls are from. "Conditions" also dictate a lot of things towards food and drink in all parts of the world. For example, milk is often not safe, but products made from it, such as yogurt and cheese is.

These particular girls appear to have a good diet and are healthier than many that come on these programs and/or who are adopted. Credit goes to the boarding school (internat) where they happen to live for that...they grow many vegatables as well as pigs to help support the facility.

[Martin Shupe]

I am not surprised about the fruit. When we used to fly into Moscow, I was told that the crews would save the fruit from their crew meals, and give them to the guys who worked on the plane on the ground. I guess you can get fruit in Moscow, but it is expensive, and the selection is not as good as we have.

I think you better be investing in toilet paper stock if they are eating a dozen bananas a day! :eek:

Glad things are going well. I'll bet the hoarding stops when they realize that you will feed them again tomorrow. Bet you send them back a few pounds heavier! (and I hope with you, that you don't send them back for long)

I can only imagine that they think they are in food heaven, even though they might have to adjust their tastes.

Did you feed them any ice cream yet? Bet they don't see too much of that at the orphanage. I'll bet that brings a smile to their faces.

[Jim Becker]

I think you better be investing in toilet paper stock if they are eating a dozen bananas a day!

Not to be gross, but we're still working on getting them to use it "all the time" and when they do, to dispose in the toilet instead of the trash can. This is normal as the systems where they live cannot accommodate the paper very well...when they have it at all. In fact, their school uses outhouses in addition to limited indoor plumbing.


Did you feed them any ice cream yet? Bet they don't see too much of that at the orphanage. I'll bet that brings a smile to their faces.

Yes, this morning, as a matter of fact after they were very good at Kohls when we were buying clothes, shoes and bathing suits. It was the deal...be good and get ice cream. They are quite familiar with it, although they don't get it "a lot".

I will add one other thought...we have to get back to being very structured with them. They are not used to having a whole lot of time to do just as they please. A little honeymoon has been appropriate, but we need to move this "body clock adjustment" along real soon now...snore...

[Charles McKinley]

Congratulations and Bless You and SWMBO,

Back to the start of the thread "Losing your freedom" is in perspective: if you view children as a blessing it can be liberating, as a burden they will definately be a confining and loathsome sentence.

The excitement you have shown in anticipation of this wonderful event means they will be a wonderful blessing to you. This does not mean there will not be a ton of work and struggle;however the joy that fill you when you see them smile makes it all worth while. I hope that all works out for you with the girls. May they be happy and healthy and thrilled to have a Mom and Dad.

May I recommend Track 9 "Turn Around" on Rosemary Cloney's "Mothers & Daughters" CD. There are few words more endearing to Dad then hearing his little girl say, "Wanna dance with Daddy!"

I'll have to find the blog to catch up on the detail. Get some sleep Jim. It is all going to be fine. Just get used to that worried feeling its normal when you care this much about something.

[John Hart]

I just had a thought...Isn't it ironic that the first lesson you learn when you have children of your own is that you don't get to get any solid sleep, with feedings every two hours and the changings and the wake-ups...and that wonderful day when you get to say, "he/she slept through the night". And when you say that..you mean "from midnight to 5am". Plus you spend an enormous amount of time worrying about food.

I guess, even with adoption, you still have to learn all the same lessons...sorta. Pretty cool. :)

[Jim Becker]

At least we made it to nearly 3am last "night". Dr. SWMBO and I hit the hay early, so "some" sleep was gained. If we can keep them up longer today, we'll be farther along on the time change. It was a "different" experience making breakfast today at 5am, already showered, even. (Those of you who know me, know I'm not, err...at least haven't been...known as a morning person...same for Ali) With all seriousness, we know that we'll have to get up earlier, but most of the problem we're now having is due to them adapting to the 9 hour time difference. This too, shall pass.

In a few minutes we're going to hitch up the trailer to the tractor and ride around the lawn for awhile. Potential-daughter-the-younger is demanding a ride on the machina in the garage...(machina is the word for "car", but who's complaining...my truck gets the same treatment!) And then it's off to the playground...while my dearest hits the market for another truckload of bananas. (How's that song go?)

[Keith Starosta]

Jim, I can't tell you how happy we are for you guys. [raises glass]Here's hoping that all continues to go well, and you're able to one day walk these beauties down the aisle![/raises glass]

Keith

[Jim Becker]

Here's hoping that all continues to go well, and you're able to one day walk these beauties down the aisle!

LOL! I'm already married...two more would be a bit much... :D ... Seriously, when and if the time comes, I hope I can convince them to do Key West in the garden like we did. Much more "cost effective" than the "aisle" in my experience... ;)

[Jerry Clark]

Congratulations Jim and Ali. We are thinking of you, and the best of luck. You are providing those girls a wonderful experience that they will remember and cherish for a lifetime.:)

[Jim Becker]

You can read the BLOG (http://a-j-adopt.blogspot.com) for the "long version" of the day, but this is our attempt at banana inventory to last a few days... ;) :) :D

[Ernie Nyvall]

Wow, what a day. Yea, the time change thing will pass. It is really good to read of your enjoyment with it all.
That is a load of fruit!! If you were closer you could pick some bananas, oranges, tangerines, peaches, and various other fruits. Looks like you will need that kind of supply. :D

The best to tou all,

Ernie

[Kelly C. Hanna]

What an adventure! I was adopted and knowing what it meant to my mom and dad I can sort of understand how excited you and Alison must be. It takes a special breed to do what you're doing. We're good at adoption as well, but only with cats!

I hope everything turns out very well for all of you Jim....best wishes!

[Jim Dunn]

Jim

I've read your posts here and the replies and I can't begin to tell you what a good impression you've obviously made on this bunch of wood butchers.:rolleyes:

Here's wishing your family many, many years of joy together.

[larry merlau]

glad things are going well for you and yours but i think you might need to get a second job just to buy bananas :D or at least slow down the festool purchases. i knew yu were stocking up for a reason,, now we know why..get the tools before the kids show up. like the others said, they casue grief and happiness at the same time. but the happiness lasts forever and the grief goes away/ we all can look at those girls and see where we have it very good in respect to the way they had it. they got a break alot kids dont get.