PDA

View Full Version : Memories tied to things



Moses Yoder
07-05-2014, 7:08 AM
I was talking to my wife about how I couldn't understand why my siblings didn't bid higher on some of my dad's stuff. It really wasn't costing us anything as the bill was credited to a future inheritance so eventually I will have less money than they do but I have things that I can enjoy now. My mom could easily live another 20 years before we get that inheritance and then there is no guarantee it will be there. My wife replied "Well your memories shouldn't be tied to things; you should have those memories even if you don't have the things." I think about things, mull them over for years sometimes and have been thinking about that. I have tools from my grandfather, a number of uncles, and my dad. Every time I pick them up to use them I think of the person that used them before me. I don't see how that could be wrong somehow. When I walk into my shop my grandfather's anvil is setting to the left of my table saw, center stage, and I think of him every time I walk past it. It is a pleasant feeling to realize that they used it and took care of it and now it is up to me to take care of it. My concern would be that if I have nothing with memories tied to then I will slowly forget about that person. What do you think?

Harold Burrell
07-05-2014, 7:22 AM
What do you think?

What do I think?

I think you are both right. To you, stuff means more than just...well...stuff. It is a memorial to that person. To your wife...well...let's just say, she's not wired the same way.

What I also think (after reading your post) is that you are a very sensitive and compassionate guy. :)

Jim Matthews
07-05-2014, 7:34 AM
I collect tokens from my family, where possible.

They're not for me, as my memory of the giver is strong.
They're for my children, who only met them in passing.

I know nothing of my Grandmother, who passed before I knew her.
My sons don't know their Grandfather who died at the peak of his game.

We only have photos, and a few artifacts to build the stories around.

You're on the right track, and will be the archivist of your legacy.

Shawn Pixley
07-05-2014, 2:03 PM
Moses,

I understand your perspective. When my mother's parents died, my grandfather's tool went to my brother as he would use them more than I. I only really wanted a rocking chair that was my grandfather's. My grandfather was a particularly great role model for me. It was in that chair the he and I discussed life, problem solved, and figured out how to fix most anything. I still have that rocker and it means a lot to me.

On the other hand, that rocker means nothing particular to my son. He does not have any memory of my grandfather. Nor does he have a particular association of me with the rocker. This does not diminish my memories.

If an objects reminds you of something good, why would you not celebrate it?

Mike Chance in Iowa
07-05-2014, 5:39 PM
Why shouldn't you have memories tied to things? When you see something, it brings back good (or bad) emotions tied with those things. Yes, you will still have those memories without those items, but having them in view will allow you to conjure up those memories on a regular basis instead of X days, months or years later.

The same thing goes with scents. The smell of lilacs and Fels-Naptha soap remind me of my grandmother who loved when the lilacs were in bloom. While the scent of Lava soap and old engines reminds me of my grandfather.

But, in your wife's defense, is it possible she's worried about you collecting too many things?

paul cottingham
07-05-2014, 6:01 PM
I never knew my grandfather. He died when I was less than 1 year old. But I have some of his old tools from his farm that he homesteaded in Saskatchewan when he was a very young man, and they are very important to me. I also have my fathers backpack from the army in World War II. My wife thinks I am nuts. She's (sort of) wrong. :-)

Jim Matthews
07-06-2014, 6:58 AM
My wife thinks I am nuts. She's (sort of) wrong. :-)

Try to remember that the only thing our wives were ever wrong about was their choice of husbands.
I make the most of this, my wife's first and (thus far) only mistake.

Joe Tilson
07-08-2014, 9:19 AM
Moses,
I feel the same way you do about some of my tools, which came from my dad, and papaw(I'm from TN). The Keystone Pacemaker I got from papaw was used a lot, so now he and I have very much in common. Somehow he is still with me through that saw. By the way my wife feels the same way about her keepsakes.

Jim M.
The wives didn't make a mistake. It just turned out that way. Well, that's what my wife says.

Larry Whitlow
07-08-2014, 11:43 AM
The same thing goes with scents. The smell of lilacs and Fels-Naptha soap remind me of my grandmother who loved when the lilacs were in bloom. While the scent of Lava soap and old engines reminds me of my grandfather.


I hate to date myself. The minute I read your comment about scents, I thought of the smell of weed oil. They used to use it around my high school athletic fields and it was kind of linked to football and baseball -- kind of weird I know. Don't know if the stuff is still used. At least, I haven't had a whiff of it in too many years to count.

Dave Anderson NH
07-08-2014, 12:04 PM
Moses, I completely understand your view. I am in the fortunate position of being custodian (not owner) of tools dating back 7 generations in my family. They not only invoke memories of my grandfather and my father (still living) but are ties to the woodworking past of my forbearers. In the ultimate sense, they are a trust or in trust for, if you will. I regularly use a 28" Chapin by Union Works jointer plane made around the mid 1840s and I gain exceeding pleasure from knowing that each of the 7 generations of Andersons has held and used it. There are many others like it including a wonderfully repaired block plane that speaks to the Yankee thriftiness of my Great Great Great Grandfather. Sentimental perhaps, but is it not good?

Chuck Wintle
07-09-2014, 6:43 AM
I was talking to my wife about how I couldn't understand why my siblings didn't bid higher on some of my dad's stuff. It really wasn't costing us anything as the bill was credited to a future inheritance so eventually I will have less money than they do but I have things that I can enjoy now. My mom could easily live another 20 years before we get that inheritance and then there is no guarantee it will be there. My wife replied "Well your memories shouldn't be tied to things; you should have those memories even if you don't have the things." I think about things, mull them over for years sometimes and have been thinking about that. I have tools from my grandfather, a number of uncles, and my dad. Every time I pick them up to use them I think of the person that used them before me. I don't see how that could be wrong somehow. When I walk into my shop my grandfather's anvil is setting to the left of my table saw, center stage, and I think of him every time I walk past it. It is a pleasant feeling to realize that they used it and took care of it and now it is up to me to take care of it. My concern would be that if I have nothing with memories tied to then I will slowly forget about that person. What do you think?

It makes sense that we tie in memories to objects since vision is the most powerful sense we have. But it perhaps is ties for 1st place with the sense of smell. odors can evoke strong memories forever.

Brian Elfert
07-09-2014, 8:51 AM
The only stuff I want from my parents is things I will actually use. I have no intention of taking anything from their estate just for memories. I don't need more stuff to fill my house with junk.

Scott Shepherd
07-09-2014, 10:05 AM
If she doesn't think you should have memories attached to things, ask her to hand over all her jewelry so you can sell it :D "Honey, let's sell your diamond engagement ring"......

Jason Roehl
07-09-2014, 10:13 AM
I totally get what you're saying, Moses. My parents grew up on farms, but their generation was the last on my side of the family. But, even growing up, I remember Dad having lots of tools, or at least what I thought was a lot of tools back then. He wasn't into woodworking, just had tools to fix what needed to be, and through moves over the years, some of them have gone away, and I don't have any particular interest in what he has now--I don't even really know what he has, though I know they're moving again soon, so they will probably downsize some more. Heck, I'm fairly certain I have acquired far more tools than he ever had. In the midst of all that, though, I have one item that does have some meaning like your anvil--a 3" long by 1" square sharpening stone that my grandfather gave me many years ago. One end is broken off, and the other has some taper to it and the stone is clogged on that taper with something, so it's not even particularly useful, but it still hangs around, and I come across it every now and then, instantly causing me to think of my Grandpa Ham.

Mike Null
07-09-2014, 10:37 AM
I think about this dilemma often at my age of 77. I have a few things that belonged to my father's side of the family. In particular a family album. But my younger brother and sister have no desire to have the album nor do any of our children. Maybe because it vividly depicts the hard scrabble environment of my family in the late 30's and 40's (think the movie "the Grapes of Wrath") but also it represents the only record we have of the family and I am disappointed. I have the memories but the artifacts are important as well.

We lost one of our daughters a few years back and I cherish the gifts I have from her. She was one who carefully selected such things and it showed.

Scott Shepherd
07-09-2014, 12:09 PM
I guess it's different for everyone. I lost one Grandfather when I was 12. I was closest to him. He was a dirt poor farmer and didn't own a thing. He lived in a house for free in return for farming a man's land. He didn't running water or a bathroom until I was about 9 or 10. I can still remember having to go out into the pasture to the outhouse. He always wore a hat, not a baseball hat, but a hat with a brim all the way around. When he passed away, I didn't want anything from his home, but then again, there wasn't anything to get. It wasn't until I was about 40 that I wanted his hat. I asked my parents about it and they said they had thrown that old hat away because it was so filthy. Right now, I'd give you about anything you wanted if you could provide me with his hat.

For most of my adult life so far, I didn't have much interest in my family tree. Several years ago, something sparked it in my and I started looking into it (I think I posted some stuff about it on here), and now I care a great deal about all those things I never cared about before. My advice to anyone that has family that says they don't want things, is to box the stuff up, label it the best you can (what it is, where it came from, who's it was), and ask them to pass it along even if they don't want it. At some point in someone's life, someone will be greatly interested in it and that box or those boxes will be more valuable to them then you can ever imagine.

Rich Enders
07-09-2014, 3:10 PM
A friends father-in-law was a model maker for Mattel for most of his career. When he passed no one in his extended family wanted his lifetime accumulation of hand tools used for measuring, marking and working wood, plaster, metal and whatever else a model could be made from. Sad. There are hundreds and hundreds of tools, and each one is inscribed with his name (presumably so they would not become "mis-placed" at the Mattel model shop). The tools were given to me, but hopefully it is just a stewardship and one of his grandkids, or great grandkids will see the light some day. I knew old George and got to see some of his very skilled work. Even though he is not family I do feel a connection when I use his tools.

Erik Loza
07-10-2014, 10:51 AM
I got interested in photography in the 90's and bought (what was then) a relatively "hi-tech" new Nikon auto-focus film camera. It went all over the West with me and took tons of great images. Looking at a bunch of them on my office wall, now, as a matter of fact. I later moved onto digital and gave the camera to my brother, who still still lives in CA. That was many years ago and as I would look at these prints, reminisced about all the travels and adventures the camera accompanied me on. I missed the camera.

Visiting my brother last year, UPS delivers some new DSLR he ordered. I asked him what ever became of my old Nikon. "I still have have it. Nobody wants it.", he replied. "I'll take it!", I responded. So, it now sits in case with some other old lenses. I will probably never shoot it again and might be able to get $50 for it if I tried but each time I look at it, it brings back so many good memories.

Erik Loza
Minimax USA