Bait and Switch

['Jacques Malan']

Been caught again.

A friend asked me to make a cheap washbasin stand for them, a small little job, not much time involved.

I didn't mind, and said yes, as long as she buy the material and come and do the dirty jobs like sanding and cleaning up.

On measuring they asked for a small kitchen island as well, same sort of design, "While we are busy"

Without thinking, I agreed.

Gave them a material list.

Waited 3 weeks.

And then they came back to me, and now they have a slightly different idea.

So all of a sudden I have magically agreed to make two kitchen counters, each 10 foot long, for free.

And instead of sitting down with them and have a long conversation I did the cowardly thing.

Gave them another material list.

They came back with the wrong quantity, so had to change the design.

And in between they had a break-up, and got together again.

Pleased, no, out of pocket, yes.

Next on the agenda: How to learn to say no.

Any advice?

[Chuck Wintle]

your "friends" are taking advantage of your good nature. We never friends will do this because its not what friends do. You might consider adding a fee for your services based on the hours of work needed.

[Fred Perreault]

Are they "friends", or acquaintances? Without knowing a lot more, such as how close they live to you, how "friendly" ya'll are, any indebtedness you may feel toward them... it is difficult to make an accurate assessment. In any case. I had a similar (no fee involved) situation where the lady of the house in question could not really make her mind up, continually piled on more responsibility, and eventually wanted me to design as well as construct. It all became too much so I suggested that she get another contractor to do the job. We are still "friends". Only you can figure this out, but I would think that one more strike and the game is over. It may not be in your nature to "put your foot down", but this will not end well given the delays and marital and other issues. Be firm (is that in your nature?) and at the next opportunity, just apologize and walk away. Time heals all wounds. :-)

[Mike Cutler]

You just have to explain things to them, and say no if need be.
I would tell them that the initial wash basin was one thing, and could be knocked together in a weekend or two's spare time. A kitchen counter set is another thing altogether. This is tedious, exacting, work if you want it to come together properly at the end. Definitely not a project that can be done in spare time on a weekend or two.
I have "friends" that always agree to "buy the wood", or "pay me for the wood", if I'll build something for them. I have to tell them that buying the wood is the easiest part. It's the hours of work involved that they don't see, or don't want to see.
If they're real friends they'll understand that they're monopolizing your time, and that's not something friends do to each other.

[glenn bradley]

I am always mysteriously too busy to do favors that involve my craft. I'll be the first to help someone hang a cabinet or hang a door. If they want me to build the cabinet or the door they magically turn from friends to clients and the discussion changes to match that relationship. It is hard to find someone who will value your work less than yourself. People who do are not necessarily malicious, they are just ignorant of what is involved. That is only a crime if you agree with them.

As to advice; I think your recent experience will serve to heighten your sensitivity as to when a situation is shifting from 'favor' to "commission". I doubt there is any among us who hasn't been bitten by the "nice guy" bug at least once. The other gotcha I walk away from is an unrealistic timeline. I resent undervaluing only a little less than unrealistic expectations. If I say you can have it in 4 months, I don't mean 4 weeks and there's no pixey-dust that is gonna make that happen. Marketing our product and services is often a delicate balance of desire versus reality. The times I got caught in an unrealistic situation was always doubly painful as not only was I not meeting expectations but, I wasn't working on something for someone who appreciated what I was doing for them ;-)

[Steve Rozmiarek]

A very similar experience with family and a kitchen led me to not accept money for anything that comes out of the woodshop. It keeps it a hobby for me and they know I'm doing a favor if I build something for them. Very easy to say no too.

[Raymond Fries]

I totally agree wit above comments - especially Mike. They turned a simple job into a complex time consuming project. I would ask for a fee based on all of the changes they made. If you feel compelled to complete the work for free, you could always tell them because of your "donation" time available for a project of this size it could take a couple of years to complete and they might need to find someone who has more free time to help them.

Good Luck working it out...

[Lee Schierer]

When friends ask me to build things for them. I figure out the materials and the cost and then tell them I need the cost of materials up front and I buy the materials, that way I get exactly what I planned on. I also figure in some cost for labor and incidentals like sand paper, etc. that I tell them about up front. When the project is complete, I let them know and ask them to let me know when they have the money. I don't deliver unless I get the money. Many projects get cancelled when they hear the cost of materials.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

I don't mind contributing labor...woodworking is what I do for fun ...and on a rare occasion I will furnish materials for small projects.

Most of the time, my friends want to contribute materials and then pay me. I will refuse payment as I do woodworking for fun. I don't want to do it for pay as then my responsibilities change to the friend who became a customer and to reporting income. I do woodworking for fun.

Does it appear I don't want to give up my amateur status?

[Bill Edwards(2)]

In contract programming it's called a "Change Request" form.

They fill out the change, you fill out the time and material change.

:D

[Myk Rian]

Someone wants a lighthouse? $100
Someone wants a special mail box post? $100
Someone wants computer lessons? $20/hr.
That's what I do.
This is a hobby, but there are limits.