Education Starts at Home

[Hoa Dinh]

This is from an article on San Jose Mercury about Palo Alto police cracking down on cycling rules. Violators, mostly kids on the way to school or back, can either pay $20 fine/ticket or choose to take a safety course.

"Mallari's father, Mars Mallari, said schools should do a better job of informing students of what's right or wrong."

``It's not fair,'' he said. ``If it's about education, you should teach them the rules before jumping to give tickets.''

His two sons, 13 and 15 years old, each got a ticket for riding the wrong way on a sidewalk. The older son got another warning for blowing a stop sign.

What in the world is this guy thinking? Or is he thinking at all? Is "education starts at home" such a strange concept? Why is it that when something goes wrong, it's always someone else's fault, but never mine? What has happened to accountability? What message is he conveying to the kids with that kind of irresponsibility attitude?

If one of his children got into a traffic accident because he didn't follow the rules, guess who got the blame?

[Ron Jones near Indy]

It seems like many people expect our schools to do more and more with less and less. At what point do parents expect their children to be responsible for their own actions? Oh, I forgot; some parents haven't accepted the responsibility of parenthood.

[John Daugherty]

I teach school (8th grade) and see this all the time. If anything happens the parents most of the time will try and bail the kid out. I had a parent just a few weeks ago wanting to know why their kid made a bad grade for a given grading period. They wanted to know what I had done to make them make this grade. I told them that I guess I expected them to learn something.

On the other hand however, it’s getting close to the end of the year. A kid in one of my classes has lost his book. The replacement cost of the book is 54 dollars. He told me yesterday that he was ready to pay for the book because he has been mowing yards in order to get the money. I will do all I can to find his book.

[John Hart]

When the parents scream that the police should educate the children in this manner, they are, in fact, teaching their kids a very long-lasting lesson...That you should be able to get away with something the first time...The police are the enemy...and the police are always wrong.

Now, I am not so naive to suggest that the police are always right, but if my kids were disobeying basic bicycle/traffic rules in that manner...the ticket would be the LEAST of their problems.

Mr. Mallari is the typical bad parent.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Unfortunately....the world and our society have changed. On one hand parents don't want to be responsible for their children's actions and on the other, if you spank your kids to try to punish them and in the end teach them a lesson you could get arrested. And....we expect our schools systems to teach them everything and to be responsible.......and yet if a strange adult were to be driving by and observe misactions of children and try to stop it...the parents would defend the kid and attack the adult......

May seem a little harsh to some but in 1982 4 months after moving to Lewiston Idaho from a Chicago suburb, it was a Saturday night. The youngest son was playing outside with friends, the two oldest highschoolers had taken the Scout and were driving the local "drag" downtown. It was our daughter's night to be the driver of the single family vehicle.The phone rang and it was a police officer...Mr. Fitzgerad? Yes?......Are your Shari's father?....yes...We have your daughter under arrest for "illegal consumption by a minor" on the corner of 5th and D. If you'll come down I'll release her into your custody until her court date.....I'll be right there!

The kids were parked in a private parking lot on D street, the main west bound one way street and west bound US12. A 21 year old guy in a hopped up Camaro pulled up and through the window handed an open beer to a friend of my daughters whos sipped it and handed it to my daughter who sipped it. The girls were both age 17 at the time. There were two uniform officers sitting 30 feet away in a marked patrol car......I had my wife drive me down to the location in my company car. When I arrived, my daughter wanted to ride home with Mom. I told her she'd be riding home with me and get her body in the Scout. When the officer finished telling me about the court appearance dates....my daughter and I started for home. "Dad, I'll get a part time job to pay for the lawyer fees" said my daughter. "Don't worry about it Shari" said I. "You don't need a lawyer to plead guilty and two uniformed police officers sitting 30 feet away saw you do it. You're guilty!"

A few weeks later my daughter was sitting at the "defendents bench" by herself while her mother and I sat at the rear of the court room. The court room must have had about 40 people in it at the time. The judge asked her how she pleaded and she pleaded guilty. The judge said since this was her first offense he'd fine her $38.50 and $11.50 court cost for a total of $50. He further stated if she could pay the $50 now he'd release her into our custody other wise, he place her into the bailiffs custody and she'd be jailed until she could pay the $50. "Can you pay the $50?" asked the judge. I still don't know why she didn't get some form of whiplash when she looked to the rear of the court room for my nod indicating we'd pay the $50. Her head snapped to the rear of the room so quickly that it brought a lot of laughter from the people there and the judge almost fell off the bench trying to keep a straight face while laughing.

I have 3 children and my daughter is the middle child. This is the only time I ever went to court with one of my kids and the only incident requiring my children to go to court.

Only after being in their 30's did my 2 boys let my wife and I know they each had 1 speeding ticket and payed for it themselves and begged the police to not let their parents know.

My oldest son is currently a deptuty sheriff.

My daughter has been a police officer and a deputy sheriff and a couple years after the previous incident, she married and the couple worked their way through college.

3 wonderful kids and a fantastic wife......I'm truly a lucky man! Now...if I can just get that shop finished! :D :D :D

[John Hart]

You have such great stories Ken. You are a good daddy! Now get the shop finished!:)

[Dennis Peacock]

Great response Ken!!! :) My oldest is now 15 and starting to drive. I only hope that I handle things as well as you have with my kids. I have a tendency to be "strong handed" with my kids, but my kids are always getting compliments about how kind, courteous, and helpful they are. I just hope that I survive those teenage years that I'm in the middle of with my oldest son and my only daughter.!!! :eek: :rolleyes: :)

[Ken Fitzgerald]

I agree Dennis. Being a parent is the hardest "job" you'll ever do, the one you are least prepared or trained for and yet the most rewarding. I married a young divorcee with 2 kids ages 3 and 2 at the time and 2 years later I adopted the two. We had a 3rd. As Jim B. is fixing to find out sweat and tears are thicker than blood. As hard as it is to do you have to be a loving parent first and a friend 2nd. Being a loving parent means sometimes if your kids make a mistake they need to pay the consequences. A relatively minor consequence as I related resulted in a Major lesson for all 3 of my kids. Still the toughest and yet the most rewarding thing you'll ever do. Good luck with your children....we as parents need all the luck we can get to supplement our efforts!

[Ken Fitzgerald]

About 10 years after my daughters "illegal consumption" incident we were visiting them for Christmas. She was a police officer at the time in a small rural community in south central Washington. The local police chief had just gone through a nasty divorce and she'd invited him over for Christmas dinner. While my daughter and wife were attending to the dinner the guys were enjoying a drink in the living room. I related the previous story to the police chief. At the next meeting with all of the officers present and at "Attention" he asked whom among them had gone through the incident I told above. My daughter's red face "spilled the beans" on her guilt. She called me immediately after arriving home " Dad....you rotten XXXXX" she used a TLA (three letter acronym) that related me to my mother and disparaged my mothers social life.........I do get my licks in eventually! :D

[Mark Stutz]

Great stories, Ken.

Dennis, you are quite right in that the teenage years are the hardest. Fortunately, my youngest turns 20 in a few months. :eek: :D I'm finally starting to "get smarter again! ;) :D