Construction Dictionary

[Pat Monahan]

I ran across this the other day in an old file folder. If you have anything to add to the dictionary, please do! Enjoy.
Pat


Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.

Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney - usually applied at random with a shotgun.

Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Auditor - People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.

Lawyer - People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.

[Jeff Sudmeier]

That is good! I will have to send that one on :)

[Jason Roehl]

Sub-contractor: someone whose cards are played for them by management

Union: an organization designed to keep any laborer from giving more than 100% at any time, except the payroll supervisor