Home Remedies

[John Glennon]

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cop of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your arteries.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.

AND......... Sometimes we just need to remember what the Rules of Life really are:

Be good to your family and friends.
You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Regards

john G

[John Miliunas]

Thanks John! A few very choice ones in the bunch. :D I needed a good laugh, so stumbling upon this was very welcomed.:) :cool:

[Randy Moore]

Agree with John, I needed a good laugh and I LMAO. Read it to the wife and she thought they was funny too. Thank you for giving us that post.

Randy

[Gary Max]

That is good--now I have to clean the coffee spit off my monitor.
These post really should come with some kinda warning lable.
* Do not read while drinking Coffee*

[Wolf Kiessling]

I'm particularly fond of the one regarding avoiding arguments about toilet seat...

[Richard Gillespie]

Regarding the toilet seat, I always liked the reply "when you start putting the car seat and mirrors back in their correct position then I'll put the toilet seat down."

[Jim Becker]

LOL! Dr. SWMBO had to learn to put DOWN the lid when she met me...I hate an exposed toilet bowl when it's not actually "in use". Now, if I could only get my dad and other visitors to comply. ;) Yea, I'm strange...

[Doug Shepard]

LOL! Dr. SWMBO had to learn to put DOWN the lid when she met me...I hate an exposed toilet bowl when it's not actually "in use". Now, if I could only get my dad and other visitors to comply. ;) Yea, I'm strange...
The last thing I want to do if I have to get up in the middle of the night for a trip to the can is actually open my eyes, turn on the lights, and aim. So keeping the seat down is imperative at my house. Having your butt fall into that cold water wakes you up even worse than turning on the lights.
I don't think you're so strange.

[Jim Becker]

I don't think you're so strange.
THAT made my day... :D

[Karl Laustrup]

I don't think you're strange either, Jim.

I got into the habit of putting the lid down several years ago for much the same reasons as you, it looks better when the lid is down.

And besides that no one can complain because everyone has to lift the lid to use it.

Like you, now if everyone would just put it down again.

[Jim Becker]

LOL! It's good to know that I'm not a alone in this particular preference! Before Dr SWMBO met me, she had always lived alone...and that brings a lot of freedom. So in addition to the above, closing drawers and doors also needed to be an aquired habit for her once cohabitation with another human began. There is nothing cheerful about whacking oneself on an open door or drawer as you walk by in a night-time stupor, especially when they are, oh, yea-high... ;)

[Jason Roehl]

Nah, you're not totally weird, Jim. I'm a LID-down guy, myself. Ever see the food coloring/paper towel flush test? That toilet water sure does go a ways if you don't lower the lid before flushing... Besides, if you have pets or small children, a closed commode reduces certain temptations to "play".

[Donnie Raines]

THAT made my day... :D

Now if you start placing Cherrios in the jon for target practice.....then you are certified strange.

not that I do this mind you

[Lee Schierer]

Jason you missed one....

Eat a toad first thing in the morning and you can be assured that nothing worse will happen all day.

[Tyler Howell]

My oldest daughter set me straight 23 years ago when she went for a cold plunge in the middle of the night.:o The 3 year olds orders and demand for reform were very convincing. I am a model room mate now.