PDA

View Full Version : compensating a buddy for help?



Bob Riefer
02-21-2011, 1:58 PM
Our kitchen flooded recently (faulty dishwasher valve) and had to be gutted, so my choices with the insurance check were:
1) pay someone else for a lousy kitchen
2) do 100% of the work myself and have it turn out very nicely but take forever
3) rely on help from a buddy to have it turn out very nicely and be done quickly


We went with option 3, and my buddy wouldn't take no for an answer even if I tried. So far, he's spent four 10 hour days with me. And there's another four days just like it in our future.


We pickup meals and beverages for the end of the work day, his son has been babysat and entertained/fed by my wife during the sessions, and we'll treat the entire family to a nice home cooked steak dinner in the new kitchen at the end.

I've also helped him by siding his garage with him, hanging his garage ceiling, doing lots of woodworking cuts etc.

We have a favor trading policy usually, which has always worked very nicely, but this favor he's doing me is HUGE. Just enormous. I estimate we're saving about $20,000 on the kitchen by doing the work ourselves.

So........ Without getting crazy (such as giving him $1000.. he wants no pay, and I'll certainly be doing work for him in the future as well) what would be a gesture that is big enough without offending him? He truly looks at this as this is how friends treat friends... but I need to do something... Build him a patio set? Gift certificate for him and his wife for dinner someplace real nice? What?

Glen Blanchard
02-21-2011, 2:07 PM
How 'bout a gift certificate? Is he a woodworker? Woodcraft, Amazon, Rockler? $500?

Neil Brooks
02-21-2011, 2:07 PM
Perhaps not shockingly ....

I gotta' go with "tools."

What does he do ? What does he use ? What does he need ? Is there (for example) a Festool product that ... in your/his heart ... you think he'd LOVE to have, but wouldn't spend the $$$ ?

One thing I did ... years ago ... to thank my dad for ... being my dad: I arranged a trip for this (good thing) blue collar guy and his wife to fly to Chicago, stay in the Four Seasons, have cab vouchers to go where they wanted, theater tickets, and gift certificates to a couple of wonderful steak houses.

If they CAN get away (you wanna' babysit for a three-day weekend ? ;)), maybe you can buy them some time away, alone -- something LOTS of parents sorely lack.

Either way .... great to hear that buddies ... are still ... buddies !

Stephen Cherry
02-21-2011, 3:12 PM
How about a nice haul of lumber from Hearne, or Groff and Groff?

Bob Riefer
02-21-2011, 3:22 PM
Good ideas so far.. He's a car guy (not a woodworker). He keeps saying "this is what friends are for, I wouldn't help if I didn't like it"... but really, this is a huge favor, gotta do something for him right?

Dan Hintz
02-21-2011, 3:22 PM
I initially liked the tools idea, but then I thought "Tools are a personal decision."

Can you make something that you believe will make a really nice addition to their household? Maybe a new hand-crafted mailbox with the family name carved into it, or maybe an intarsia picture for their wall using a loved subject of theirs (horses, dogs, trees, etc.). Think more personal than monetary.

Oh, and the good meals are always a welcome start as you get to relax and enjoy each others company...

Chris Padilla
02-21-2011, 3:31 PM
Despite the enormity of this favor, I wouldn't do anything too different. I would emphasize how in debt you are for his kindness and then, in a joking-but-you-are-serious-way, suggest that you do his kitchen, garage, backyard, or master bathroom next. You know him and his situation better than any of us. Do you know of a tool he is in desperate need of...could be another approach.

I helped a longtime friend of the family reroof his house once. Frankly, I was bored and wanted something to do so this was it. All I told him and his wife was: feed me and you got me. He later gave me $100 and told me how much I saved his butt on the project.

Chip Lindley
02-21-2011, 3:55 PM
Sometimes, having the ability and time to help others is all the pay that is needed. Giving without a payback is a selfless act, and a great catharsis! Your friend's hard work for you has certainly affected his whole family. Perhaps give a nice big WalMart or Target Gift Card to his wife, (unbeknownst to him) that can be used for various and sundry family things. I am sure she will not be nearly as rebuffed as he!

Besides giving monetary reimbursement, stand ready to do whatever you can in the future to help offset your debt to your good friend. Good friends are hard to come by, and one good turn deserves another.

johnny means
02-21-2011, 6:28 PM
How about tickets to see his favorite band/team? Very personalized and unlike tools, not a lot of factors in picking the right one. Great seats of course.

keith ouellette
02-21-2011, 7:04 PM
I would say it depends on his financial position. if His income is a little on the low side I would go with cash and explain "I know we do favors for each other but I really appreciate the extra hours you put in". If he isn't earning much money he will really appreciate it.

If he and his family are doing ok money wise then I would give him a lesser amount but make it a combination of HD gift card and a gift card for his favorite restaurant so he can take the wife out. Or something to that effect.

Sound like you guys a pretty tight but 80 hours is a good bit of work. Only you know how much of it was work and how much was hanging out with a bud.

Phil Thien
02-21-2011, 8:49 PM
Does his son have a college fund, or any sort of savings accounts?

You could make a contribution there.

Kent A Bathurst
02-22-2011, 5:01 AM
My $0.02 -

From his end - it isn't about money. He's investing his personal time to help you put in a very nice kitchen, in a hurry. That's what friends do, as I'm sure he's told you.

So - the way I see it, an expression of appreciation that involves simply money - as valuable as that is to every one of us - is a bit wide of the mark. You mentioned a patio set, so I'll assume he needs one or could use one. That's the way to go - invest your personal time, just as he invested his. Now, there's no reason you can't go as crazy as you want with the materials [ipe? teak?], but that's not the driver here. [Not 2x4 pressure-treated with deck screws, of course :D].

Then, on one of the table legs, mortise out for a small, modest, engraved brass plaque that says something like "Commemorating the Great Kitchen Flood of 2011". Great stories and many laughs for years to come whenever you sit down on the patio for a beer between friends.

Dennis Peacock
02-22-2011, 9:01 AM
To many people, its more about "the relationship/friendship" than it is about money. I have spent MANY HOURs across the course of my life helping other people for free. Many of those folks are still good friends of mine to this very day. What you 2 folks are doing is what America used to do for every member of society just to help each other out (reduce debt load or other reasons)..remember the old "barn raisings". Many of my church friends volunteered to help my wife and I build our home. All they wanted was something to eat at meal time and water to drink. Friends to help friends and that's the way it should be. Do something for someone else and you'll feel great about it. I'm excited to see this post and thrilled to see that it happens at many places around the country.

I say give him $100 gift certificate for a nice restaurant that he would like (allowing him to take his wife out on a date), you keep his kids so they can go out without paying for a baby sitter and then just help him when he needs it.

I also like Chris Padilla's idea about helping him with his kitchen, master bedroom, or etc.

Honestly, this is a great problem to have........but like I always say.....this is what friends do for friends. :)

Larry Edgerton
02-22-2011, 9:11 AM
A small getaway for him and his wife, prepaid of course. You watch the rugrat while they are gone. Something that they will always remember. Unless getting time off is dificult for him, don't ask, just do it. Maybe a hotel and tickets at some drag race nationals not too far away?

Dave Gaul
02-22-2011, 9:26 AM
Bob, I have a friend like yours as well. He is about 6' tall, weighs about 160lbs, but he will litterally work for good home cooked food! And his wife is an awesome cook, but he loves my grilling! I can ask him to do just about anything, through some steaks on the grill, and he will be at my house before the steaks are seared! He would never take money from us for work. We have helped them with money when they had trouble, but they pay us right back.

I say you pay him back someday when he needs your help, maybe make him a nice piece of furniture, maybe a tool chest since he's a car guy. A nice butcher block/cutting board? Some nice picture frames (did that for my neighbors when he snow-blew our driveway before we had our own blower)? Maybe ask him if there is a project he wouldn't mind you doing for him...

Whatever you do, be good to this friend, 'cause this friend is a keeper!

Bob Riefer
02-22-2011, 9:54 AM
Thanks for all the great replies guys! Funny thing is, last night we were doing some plumbing, and it didn't go well so I have to re-do some of it tonight. My buddy emailed me apologizing profusely for "letting me down". Ha ha ha.. So funny. I told him that not all projects go perfectly on the first try, and that he actually did me a great service because I learned so much from his teachings last night, that I can now apply the fix without assistance.

Anyways, I think we decided upon a gift..
Of course, the answer is always yes when he needs my help as well (and he's used me a lot already) so that will continue. We're having the entire family over for a nice steak dinner in the new kitchen. We're repeatedly thanking him very sincerely. As I make adirondack chairs this spring, he'll receive a set for his deck. AND, he's getting a year subscription to brew sampling club. Basically, they send you a mixed 6-pack of different micro brew beers each month, along with literature on those beers. It'll be a surprise when he gets his first 6-pack next month.

All in all, none of the gifts are huge, but I think combined it'll show appreciation in a way that doesn't make it feel like I'm paying him for his friendship and help.

Did I do good?

Lee Schierer
02-22-2011, 10:05 AM
My advice is to pay it forward. My neighbor and I often help each other on projects and expect nothing in return. At some point your friend will need help when it may not be overly convenient for you to help. That is when you will pay him back.

Dave Gaul
02-22-2011, 10:52 AM
Did I do good?

Good? I'd be pretty happy with that!!! Need any help?!

Ben Hatcher
02-22-2011, 11:17 AM
...Did I do good?
Totally. Gift cards and such are too much like paying him for his work. If you want to let your friend know how much his friendship and generosity means to you, a gift from the heart such as you described is priceless.

Jim Koepke
02-22-2011, 1:32 PM
When we had an insurance claim on our greenhouse, my brother helped us rebuild. I paid him for his time and travel. My reason to him was since it was from the insurance company, if we didn't pay him, we would have to pay taxes on anything that wasn't used to rebuild.

It would be easy if this was his regular line of work and there was a specialty tool that was needed.

Otherwise, be ready to help him when he needs it. Friends like that are better than their weight in gold.

jtk

Belinda Barfield
02-22-2011, 1:36 PM
Bob, by car guy I'm not sure you mean he likes to restore cars, has classic cars, or loves classic cars . . .

Gift certificate for car detailing, if he'll let someone else touch his car.
Trip to a car museum.
As others said, a get away for he and his wife.

Again, as others said, buds are buds but it does seem he went a little above and beyond. Congrats on having a great friend!

Peter Turbide
03-11-2011, 11:29 AM
Make him or his wife something in your shop.

Peter

Shawn Pixley
03-11-2011, 7:27 PM
You and he are good people indeed. My thinking is this, "if I can help someone, great! If they go on to help someone else, even better. Doing good is its own reward. If you want to do something for him, be a good friend and a good person, that is the best reward."

Then again, I am a simple guy...