Favorite practical jokes

[Mitchell Andrus]

Let's keep 'em as short as possible... this might be a long list.

When My uncle worked at Bell Labs, he had a co-worker who's soldering iron somehow got plugged into a rheostat hidden under the bench. New irons worked fine..... for a while.
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[alex grams]

Not sure it is a practical joke, but my wife likes the toilet paper to unroll on the front, and I don't really care, but i always put a new roll on so it unrolls from the back, just to raz her. Sometimes I will flip them around just to see if she pays attention.

Well, one night while honoring the porcelain diety, I had a brilliant idea.

I unrolled about 15 feet of the toilet paper, then rolled 5 feet backwards, the 5 forwards, the 5 backwards, so it looked like it was unrolling from the back. Well she gets up in the morning, uses the facilities, notices it is coming from the back and switches the paper around, but when unrolled some to use it, she got past the 5', and it unrolled from the back, but unbeknownest to her at the time. The next time she goes back in she notices it backwards, then she again flips it, and so on.

After about 3 times that day she comes out to the garage (where I had been ALL day, nowhere near the bathroom) and says i keep sneaking into the house and switching the toilet paper around. I start laughing and finally tell her what i did. Her reaction was a mixture of disbelief I would actually do that, anger that I did, and laughing that she fell fool to it.

One of my better moments as a man, worse moments as her husband

[Mitchell Andrus]

That's clever. Gonna try it.
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[John Schreiber]

Short sheeting the bed is a classic, but it hits 'm when they are most tired.

Messing with computers at work is probably my favorite: from inverting the screen with software, to installing a little program which made bugs start crawling around the screen. A piece of tape under the mouse sensor is so quick you can do it while you're chatting.

[Jerome Hanby]

Back when I worked in the Test lab at Motorola (far enough back that folks were allowed to smoke at their benches), the classic joke on the new guy was to slide a length of heat-shrink tubing under their test gear from the back (benches were set up in pairs back to back) and blow cigarette smoke through the tube when the new guy was intently working on something.

We also had a plug in power supply we manufactured for powering out top end rack mounted enclosure. These things could be used in pairs to provide redundant power. They were switching power supplies and created a huge high frequency voltage in the primary and swapping all that voltage for current through a toroidal transformer to the secondary. There was a row of large electrolytic capacitors that old hands always glanced at before powwring up one of the supplies on the test bench. These were such high current supplies that the electrolytics would blow within a second if they were installed backwards (reversed polarity). That was a fairly common manufactuing error, so it was a sure bet you could always find one with backward caps in a tub of power supplies. We used a dead man switch when working on these units just in case. So any new guy was already nervous about testing one of these supplies. naturally when we were showing them how to run one of these supplies, we would always pick one that had the caps right, test it, then pick out one with backward caps for the new guy to run. They would press the button on the dead man switch and BANG.

[Bill LaPointe]

Harley riders always check their bikes after stopping for a break. I carried a small bottle of dirty oil with me on a ride in Sturgis, SD one trip. Every stop I would squirt a few drops of oil under one of my buddy's bike. Kept increasing the amount each stop. About drove him crazy.

[David G Baker]

We had an equipment repair shop at the TV station I worked at that I would visit once in a while. If the shop had several guys working on equipment I would take a diode and short it across a 9 volt battery's poles. No noise but the burning electronic smell would almost drive them out of the shop and drive them crazy trying to find the source of the burning circuit. I never let on what I was doing or I would have been banned from the shop.

[Jeff Monson]

Harley riders always check their bikes after stopping for a break. I carried a small bottle of dirty oil with me on a ride in Sturgis, SD one trip. Every stop I would squirt a few drops of oil under one of my buddy's bike. Kept increasing the amount each stop. About drove him crazy.

Thats a great one Bill, I did that to my FIL once, he had his dodge pickup parked in my driveway so I poured a couple capfulls of oil under the engine....needless to say, he borrowed my coveralls and spent the better part of 20 minutes under his truck looking for the leak.

[Ben Hatcher]

I like computer pranks the best since I'm in an office. Here are a few of my favorites.
Reversing the keyboard keys, E and R are my favories. Works great on a hunt and peck typer.

Neuter the mice, take the ball out of the mouse or put tape under the eye of a laser mouse

Loosen the connection or unplug keyboards, mice, or printers.

Take a screen shot of the person's desktop and maximize it so that it looks like the desktop. This one works great after you've done the neutered mice and unplugged keyboard trick.

Others that are a bit more cruel...
Soak their chair, put shoe polish on the earpiece of their phone, send out "I quit" email from their pc if they leave it unattended and unlocked.

[Mitchell Andrus]

I had an employee that wasn't too fast on the uptake. He went to the diner next door for his coffee in the morning... I started salting his coffee one day. Just a little bit once a week. Then 2 times.... He got to the point that he'd ask us all to taste it. We all said it was fine and I'd lay off for a while - and start in again. One of the guys even salted his own and traded cups one day.

He began bringing coffee from home. I gave him a few weeks off and began again. This went on for 6 or 7 months. Nobody ever ratted me out. He would have loved the opportunity to clobber the boss.
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[greg lindsey]

My ex buisness partner had my cable tv cut off one time, since we were in the buisness together each of us had the others info, ss numbers, address and such, so it was easy for him to fool the cable company. I was quite p***ed, but figured it was better to get even, so I waited about a month and had two dump truck loads of sand dumped in his driveway and 50 bottles (the big ones) of water delivered to his doorstep, his wife was really ticked at me since they couldn't park in the garage or the driveway untill he moved all that sand and he still has water bottles to this day in the garage, ozarka wouldnt take them back. He called a truce after that.:D

[Dee Gallo]

I used to work in a prison and one of the favorite things to do in the winter was to sprinkle a tiny amount of CS (like tear gas, but not) onto someone's heat vent in their truck. Then, when they started up and turned on the heat, their eyes would start tearing like mad.... guys are so mean!

But the inmates had the classic down: every once in a while, a hapless guy would walk out of the room with a "kick me - I'm stupid" sign on his back. Never fails to be funny. Once, it happened to one of the vocational instructors...even funnier!

[Dave Anderson NH]

My old college roommate was a virulent practical joker and hasn't stopped to this day. When he worked at Data General in Westboro Mass they had just inside the cafeteria door a huge stainless steel mixing bowl that each morning was filled with about 200 or more hard boiled eggs. He would come in early and slip half a dozen raw ones into the bowl and then quietly proceed to his cubicle. He never needed to actually see the results of his jokes. for him, the fun was in imagining the result.

[alex grams]

Went to school down on the coast, seagulls everywhere. Always good to put some bird seed on someones car for a weekend. They would come back and it would be caked on thick everywhere.

Also, i shrink wrapped a car before. Lots of work, but well worth the effort. It is best if you can stick some bad eggs in between the layers of wrap so that they have to be extra careful to open it.

Working for the state people used to let their car run in the summer to keep the AC going when they were in/out. Distract a guy, keep him busy for 15 minutes after someone snuck in to turn their heat to full blast.

[Jim O'Dell]

Similar to the "smoke" above, at a dealership, we have smoke machines. It's a chemical inert smoke used to find leaks in evap systems. We ran a clear hose into the Svc Mgrs office while he was at lunch hooked to said machine and the back of his computer. After he sat down with the shop foreman, we turned it on. After about 3 minutes he got real excited. :D

[Dave Gallaher]

Everybody can do this. Stop just after the lottery numbers are drawn and buy the numbers that were drawn. Take the ticket to work and ask someone to check your numbers the next day or leave it on the table after breakfast for your wife to check. Most people check last nights numbers and never check the ticket for the draw date. we have done this to the new guy at work many times, it only gets better with time. Classic joke. No harm, No foul. If anyone does this please PM with results, I love this stuff.

[Steve Bigelow]

On the computer network cable, a little bit of clear tape on the contacts, then plug it back into the wall (or PC). Can do the same thing with USB connectors.

On some PCs with onboard graphics, doing a <CTRL><ALT><DOWN> (all at the same time) will invert the screen. <CTRL><ALT><LEFT> will just rotate it 90 degrees.

Tape down the on-hook button on the phone, then call. When they answer, it'll keep on ringing.

Get security to re-key the desk locks while they are on vacation. (Submitting a request from their open computer is the best!).

Swap all the marker caps around on the whiteboard markers.

Leave an Out of Office notice on the whiteboard. An "inappropriate" medical reason is always funnier.

[John A langley]

Stick a 16 penny box nail in the male end of the air coupling on a nail gun. Snap the female end back over it and it will drive them crazy why they are not getting air to their gun.

[John A langley]

Alex - Want to really get in trouble with your wife - spread some Saran Wrap over the porcelain part of your toilet and put the seat down. She may hurt you.

[John A langley]

This one got me in a whole lot of trouble and my wife has never forgiven me. Late one night after traveling by car all day, we were checking into our room at a motel in Alamegordo NM. Another couple was unlocking the door to the room next to ours. In a voice easily heard by the other couple I turned to my wife and said........."What did you say your name is, honey?"

[glenn bradley]

Having worked in IT since it was MIS, anyone who went on vacation had their cubicle wrapped in plastic and filled with greenbar paper. If they were lucky enough to have an office, we would reverse the furniture in their absence.

[Jim Rimmer]

This one got me in a whole lot of trouble and my wife has never forgiven me. Late one night after traveling by car all day, we were checking into our room at a motel in Alamegordo NM. Another couple was unlocking the door to the room next to ours. In a voice easily heard by the other couple I turned to my wife and said........."What did you say your name is, honey?"
Back in my early wedded days, and when I still fished, I thought it would be hilarious to put some of the rubber worms under my wife's pillow. She went to bed and ran her hand under the pillow as usual. Although the result was quite funny (in hindsight) I have never played a practical joke on her since.

[John A langley]

Hey Jim - Our boys did that to my wife with a REAL LIVE bullfrog. And now all I have to do is walk into the house with my hands cupped and she freaks out. Permanently scarred and it has been 30 years. The boys are now in their 40's and they still go into convulsions with laughter about the incident. In an instant she was in the middle of the front yard in her baby-doll PJ's screaming like a banchee. The neighbor guy liked it.

[Mitchell Andrus]

That reminded me.... when we were dating I planted some dog poop (made of brownie mix and flour) on the sidewalk of her apt as I arrived to take her out on a date.

I noticed it, picked it up.... tossed some in the air, bit off a hunk and threw a bit at her.

She married me anyway... I tried to warn her.
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[Scott T Smith]

One of my favorite wedding tricks was to wire the horn to the brake light switch on the honeymoon car. I did that to my brother, turns out that he got caught behind a state trooper in heavy traffic on his way to the airport from the reception. It took his wife about 10 years to forgive me...

Another good one is to enter someones voice number into a fax machine and send them a fax. Most machines keep redialing the number if the fax doesn't go through...

I once took out an ad on a friends behalf about a week after Christmas. The add stated "Wanted - used Christmas trees. Top Dollar paid!" and listed his phone number. It's amazing how many people read the "Wanted" Section of the classifieds!

Another fun automotive practical joke is to run a wire from a spark plug (strip off an inch or so of insulation and capture the wire between the plug and the boot), and then run the wire to the crack between the seat back and the drivers seat. Strip off a few inches of the wire. The best thing about this trick is that the driver will only get shocked when they touch something that's grounded. Just holding onto the steering wheel won't shock them, but if they touch a radio knob (old fashioned knobs) they will get a jolt. I did that to one guy and then watched him try to convince the mechanic that there was something wrong with the radio. The mechanic sat in the the passenger seat to diagnose the problem, and kept touching the radio, and of course - no shock. Since the driver was sitting on the wire, every time he touched the knob he'd get juiced!

[Bonnie Campbell]

Years ago, when I wrote snail mail letters.... My sister and I would write each other once a week. Well, ya know how boring some weeks can be, I had nothing to write. So I sent her a 'letter' 4 pages long in 'invisible ink'. In actuality I just stuck four blank sheets of paper in the envelope and then a little note on how to get the 'ink' to re-appear. The process was to wet the paper good and then carefully put it in the freezer. Once frozen the writing would appear. She wasn't happy with THAT letter :rolleyes:

[Jim Koepke]

An engineer I worked with at one time was a few bricks short of a load. His name was Dave and I had a clip from the movie 2000 of the computer saying, "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that." We put that on his computer to run at shutdown with a long time wasting loop to follow.

This also makes me wonder about the timing of this since Friday with James Thurber was a reading from, Shake Hands With Birdey Doggett. The story was about a perpetual practical joker who among other things had a wax hand that he would use to shake hands with people who would be alarmed when his hand fell off. He would also go to Grand Central Station with one roller skate and place it on the foot of someone he found napping while waiting for a train.

The reading can be seen here after a 30 second commercial:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/vp/37936428#37936428

jim

[Jim Koepke]

This is not a real practical joke, but it was fun anyway. Besides, a lot of times it made my job easier. When I was a field service technician, I had a joke hammer. It made the sound of breaking glass when you tapped something. I kept it in my tool bag. When a customer was particularly upset, I would take that out and say, "didn't the dispatcher tell you to just tap it lightly." Then I would tap it with the hammer and they would hear the broken glass sound and have a shocked look on their face and I would have a similar look and say, "Eeeww, that sounds expensive." Then I would tap my head and they would get the joke and start laughing. Most often, they would want to borrow the hammer so they could go have fun with their co-workers. At least they would leave me alone to do my job and not be breathing down my neck. It sure could defuse those "hostile" situations.

jim

[Dave Beauchesne]

I'll try to keep this short. This happened 30 years ago.

A retired friend of mine had a neighbor who was retired as well. The neighbor's next door neighbor bought a new truck and was very proud of his new acquisition. The retiree asked several questions after kicking the tires, and the new owner was quick to point out the fuel economy was best in class.

So, the retiree had a wicked sense of humour. The new truck was parked in the open carport beside him. He proceeded to siphon 2 - 3 gallons of fuel out of the tank every couple days, and store the fuel in jerry cans in his garage. A non-chalant query along the lines of ' how's the new truck ' after about a month or so drew an angry response ' piece of $#%&, using fuel like there is no tomorrow ' etc.

He took it back to the dealership a couple times, they did this and that, said it wasn't broken in yet, etc. The old retiree kept up his raids on the fuel tank.

Here is the best part. Once he had filled up all his fuel cans, he started reversing his gag - adding the fuel back into the truck. Had the truck owner going nuts. He finally 'fessed up - the guy was upset, but took it in stride.

Now that is a doozie !!

Dave Beauchesne

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Working air traffic control maintenance at NAS Meridian, MS in the early '70s. The Navy for the first time allowed enlisted people from the Phillipines be something other than Stewards to the Officers. Our shop got a really nice guy who had a EE degree from a university in the Philllipines. He was given the chore of maintaining the weather radar that nobody else wanted to work on.

It went down and he troubleshot it. He, embarrassed, came over and asked for help and I went with him. I confirmed his diagnosis of a bad magnetron and he placed one on order. It arrived a few days later; he and I discussed what alignments needed to be performed after he installed it and he went on his merry way. He worked long and hard and finally walked into the shop walking 3' feet off the ground due to his obvious success. His smile was blinding everyone. If you asked he, uncharacterstically, with a lot of excitement told you of his first "fix".

There was a large number of storage cabinets that divided the shop into two large areas. One of the guys walked to the other side of the shop unseen and using one phone called the other extension in our shop. When it was answered he asked for Ed and when Ed got on the phone, he was told "This is Lt. Smith in the Operations Weather Office and your Damned radar is down again." There was a streak in enlisted blues that flew out of the door of our shop headed for the weather office at the other end of the Operations Building. About 1/2 way down the hall, Ed realized and recognized the Texican accent of one our other enlisted men. When he walked back into the shop, we were all on the floor gasping for air.

[Bryan Morgan]

Let's keep 'em as short as possible... this might be a long list.

When My uncle worked at Bell Labs, he had a co-worker who's soldering iron somehow got plugged into a rheostat hidden under the bench. New irons worked fine..... for a while.
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I'm kind of a stick in the mud when it comes to this stuff. I don't do these things to anyone else and when somebody does them to me it usually ends up with them having a black eye or some other kind of beating. I grew out of that stuff many years ago.

[Mitchell Andrus]

I'm kind of a stick in the mud when it comes to this stuff. I don't do these things to anyone else and when somebody does them to me it usually ends up with them having a black eye or some other kind of beating. I grew out of that stuff many years ago.

I guess you won't be posting your address then, huh?
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[Mitchell Andrus]

At night, thumb-tack a black thread to the upper trim of a friend's window and tie a small nut about 6" out from the glass. As you slacken the thread, the nut will tap on the window. You'll need a garage or large tree nearby to hide behind.
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[Gene Howe]

I'm kind of a stick in the mud when it comes to this stuff. I don't do these things to anyone else and when somebody does them to me it usually ends up with them having a black eye or some other kind of beating. I grew out of that stuff many years ago.

Just because I've grown older doesn't mean I've grown up. I love this thread.

[Belinda Barfield]

I'm not a practical joker, but thought I'd share anyway. Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I was to to be married. I spent the week before the wedding cleaning the "new" place from top to bottom. I wanted it to be spotless because my family and my new family were all stopping by to see where the happily wedded couple would be residing. The night before the wedding all of the assorted females in the "bachlorette" party wanted to see the place. I proudly opened the door and as I was giving the grand tour I discovered that both bathtubs were full of goldfish, all of the toilet seats had been coated with vaseline, an old pair of sneakers had been placed in the oven, and every piece of furniture in the house had been turned to face the wall - all courtesy of my very kind and loving aunt.

Being a nice aunt she helped me set everything to rights (I'm still not sure what happened to all the goldfish).

Here is the not so funny part of the story, and it wasn't a practical joke. The bachelor party somehow found its way back to the house in the wee hours of the morning. On the morning of my wedding day I took my grandmother to see the new place. We opened the door to find three groomsmen passed out in the floor, potato chip bags and beer cans everywhere, and the place reeked to high heaven. I should have just cut and run at that point . . .

[Chris Kennedy]

In the days of a coffee room with a sugar bowl (instead of sugar packets), mix in ground up dry ice with the sugar.

Watch people's coffee boil.:D

(This was done by a professor -- first person to get coffee that morning was his wife.)

Cheers,

Chris

[Walt Nicholson]

Similar to the removing gas -A neighbor bought one of the first VW bugs in the neighborhood so his buddy snuck over each week and put gas in the tank so the guy started telling everyone he was getting over 100 miles per gallon. Things got nasty with the dealer when they stopped adding gas until his friend finally fessed up. Also back in the day when cars were simpler, we re-routed the rubber windshield washer hose into the AC vent so when our shop class teacher hit the washer button he soaked his pants. Threatened to expell the culprits but no one ever spilled the beans.

[Derby Matthews]

Not to be played on older folks with heart conditions!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYsq4fqbMG8

[Brent Ring]

We had a very small low voltage laser that we hid in the top of the suspended ceiling, along with a mini camera. The laser was just about pixel sized, and we aimed it at a coworkers computer monitor. We would sit in the bosses office and turn it on and off while he was working. He must have went thru 3-4 different monitors before he finally realized what was going on. The camera made it that much more hilarious.

However, my wife tops them all. When we were first married, she was working in a dental office as a dental assistant. On April fools day, I came in to the bathroom to brush my teeth and found that the toothpaste was doing a great job, and made my mouth feel all tingly and then more tingly, almost numbing. I commented about how fresh and tingly, and almost numbing this toothpaste was, and, at that point, she could not restrain herself anymore. She had filled the top of the toothpaste container with some topical anesthetic, and was enjoying a good laugh. :D

[Bob Rufener]

My brother got married 51 years ago. He had just bought a 1958 Olds with a hot engine in it. We found where his car was and put a few slices of limburger cheese on the exhaust manifold. He was not a happy camper....

While they were on their honeymoon, I used my pirated key to their flat and a few of us fixed it up. Took all of the light bulbs out of the lamps and ceiling lights and put a half of a paper cup of water over the bathroom door that we left open about a foot. When they got back, my "new" sister in law was really pissed about the lights and went storming into the bathroom and got an early shower. We also put saran wrap over the toilet (not sure if it worked or not) and put corn flakes under the bottom sheet of the bed.

When my wife and I got back from our honeymoon, we went to bed the first night back and, of course, did what most newlyweds do. All of a sudden, I could hear a bell ringing. My sister in law had tied a bell to the bed spring and it couldn't have started ringing at a more inappropriate time.

She got even!

[Myk Rian]

Not to be played on older folks with heart conditions!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYsq4fqbMG8
I'll have to remember that one. :D

[Stephen Smith Sr]

I used to work in a QC lab that we did a lot of product testing in sinks. One of the items used was printers ink. One day I got a bright idea about putting some ink on the pull out paper towels at the sink and stuffing it back up into the dispenser (my co-worker was already catching on to me putting hand lotion or soap into his latex gloves). The problem came when my Supervisor left his office after finishing his morning pack of Suzie-Q's. Of course he needed to wipe his hands (and his mouth). This was not a good day!:eek:

[Bill Cunningham]

My favorite one is based on the fact that it is absolutely impossible to fake a yawn with your head leaning back staring at the ceiling...
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For all those that tried....
Gotcha!

[Ron Jones near Indy]

I used to work in a QC lab that we did a lot of product testing in sinks. One of the items used was printers ink. One day I got a bright idea about putting some ink on the pull out paper towels at the sink and stuffing it back up into the dispenser (my co-worker was already catching on to me putting hand lotion or soap into his latex gloves). The problem came when my Supervisor left his office after finishing his morning pack of Suzie-Q's. Of course he needed to wipe his hands (and his mouth). This was not a good day!:eek:

That's funny! Are you saying he had no sense of humor?

[Mitchell Andrus]

Not so much a joke as a 'get even' strategy... Itching powder on toilet paper.

Hey, I didn't make this one up, it's just 'out there'.
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[Bryan Morgan]

I guess you won't be posting your address then, huh?
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Nah. But I've got dogs and guns so people don't usually bother me anyway ;)

[Lee Schierer]

We had been out to sea for several days and were in the middle of the Atlantic coming back from the Med with a bunch of marines on our LST. They made an announcement over the 1MC ( Public address system for the non-navy types) that a Sea Bat had been captured up on the signal bridge and anyone wanting to see it should come up the ladder on the Port (left) side of the ship. On the signal bridge in the middle of the deck was a pail turned upside down. they let people up one at a time to see the Sea Bat. The viewer had to get down on their hands and knees and were told to lift up the edge of the bucket just a little so they could see the Bat, but not to let it out. Once the viewer was in the viewing position and paying close attention to lifting the edge of the bucket another sailor would swat him across the rear with a broom. The "I've been had looks on their faces were priceless".

One particularly large Marine came up to view the Sea Bat and when he was swatted, stood up with a confused look on his face and said "what did you do that for. I want to see this here Sea Bat", and got down for a second viewing and received a second shot on the transom. He got the joke the second time around.

[Chris Walls]

When I was in the Air Force my Supervisor was an old E-8 , rough as they come but really a good guy to work for. He would take a start capacitor , about 250 - 400 MFD , solder a bare copper wire to each terminal, and run them down the side and secure them with a round of electrical tape. Take a jumper cord and charge up the capacitor, a good one will hold a charge for a long time. He would set it on his desk and sooner or later someone would pick it up and POW ! It would discharge like touching a electrical cattle fence. It's only a half wave discharge but quite powerful. Everyone who worked for him knew it or had been bit by it. He would just roar with laughter.

Chris

[David G Baker]

While in the Army in Germany I was the S2 photographer. I had my photo lab in the basement of the company's building. My first son was born in Germany and I took a lot of photos of him when he was a baby. I made a 16"X20" photo of him yawning and hung it on the outside door of my dark room. Everyone that visited the lab would start yawning and if more than one visitor came it was contagious. It provided me with a lot of entertainment.

[Brian Ashton]

I once filled a purse full of the finest, runniest steaming cows%^& I could find and then planted it where a would be thief would easily see it... Two happened along and... Boy! I tell ya, did they think they were being slick when one casually took off his coat and let it fall over the purse without anyone noticing - or so they thougth... The next scene was watching one of the thieves run out from behind a darkend bush doubled over in laughter... As can be imaginged his partner, overcome with excitement, plunged his hand into to the purse to reveal the hidden treasure pulled out his hand which would have been covered in a green stinking mess...

Note to self I need to find another purse - I'm a bit board these days and need a good laugh...

[Rick Davidson]

Back when I was a mechanic in the army we used to take a couple zip ties and put them on the drive shafts of the HUMVEE's so while it spun it would slap the floor boards. The guys would bring it back complaining of noises we would keep there truck for a few days and then give it back telling them we couldn't find any issues.

[Andy Hoyt]

Any of you navy types ever get asked to fetch a bucket of steam?

Or go stand the mail buoy watch?

[Jerry Bruette]

Any of you navy types ever get asked to fetch a bucket of steam?

Or go stand the mail buoy watch?

Never a bucket of steam... but I've seen many E-1's and E-2's new to the ship spend the better part of the day looking for "sound powered phone batteries" and "relative bearing grease". Prussian Blue on the earpiece of the phone in the engine room was good for a laugh too.

Actually convinced my division officer we needed a couple cans of pipe thread for the shop. He wasn't happy when the request chit came back with a note saying the FSN on it didn't match any thing in the system.

[Mitchell Andrus]

I once filled a purse full of the finest, runniest steaming cows%^& I could find and then planted it where a would be thief would easily see it... Two happened along and... Boy! I tell ya, did they think they were being slick when one casually took off his coat and let it fall over the purse without anyone noticing - or so they thougth... The next scene was watching one of the thieves run out from behind a darkend bush doubled over in laughter... As can be imaginged his partner, overcome with excitement, plunged his hand into to the purse to reveal the hidden treasure pulled out his hand which would have been covered in a green stinking mess...

Note to self I need to find another purse - I'm a bit board these days and need a good laugh...

You need to put David's capacitor in that purse.
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[Mitchell Andrus]

Any of you navy types ever get asked to fetch a bucket of steam?



"Yes, sir. Do you want low pressure steam or high pressure steam, sir?"
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[Mark Elmer]

A friend of mine told me about a fellow that went into the hospital to have a heart valve replaced with one that was manmade (plastic). The mans son came to visit and brought along a friend who was in medical school learning to be a heart surgeon. The conversation got around to what valve had been installed and the student commented that they had been studying that valve and he had been given a model of it to study and since he was through with it he would give it to the son to bring in for a "keepsake". A couple of days later when the surgeon was making his rounds he stopped in to see how his patient was feeling and he said: "Not to well doc. I started coughing this morning until I thought I was going to pass out. I coughed and coughed and coughed. And I coughed up this little piece of junk! (Man opens his hand to reveal the heart valve model)

[Dan Mages]

Any of you navy types ever get asked to fetch a bucket of steam?

Or go stand the mail buoy watch?

Not in the navy, but back in high school I worked at a theme park. We had this dimwit who did nothing but get in the way. One day we set up a practical joke with other food stands and sent him on a wild goose chase for steam for the hot dog cooker. He was at it for 2 hours.


In college, I worked at a restaurant with a guy who thought he was going to be the next Escoffier. He left a mess at his station and told me to clean it up and put his knives somewhere safe... Sure no problem! I put his knives back in his bag, placed it in two garbage bags and then submerged the garbage bags in a 5 gallon bucket of water. The bucket then went into the freezer. The next morning I informed him of the safe place I stashed his knives. There was no damage because the knife bag was in the garbage bag, but it took him several hours to get them out.

When I worked in the call center about 7 years ago, my colleagues and I walled off our boss's cube and proceeded to fill it with over 300 green balloons. Popping them was a problem because it would interrupt the calls in progress. There were green balloons floating around the office for a few weeks.

Dan

[Kent A Bathurst]

3 college students sharing an apt. Guy 1 drew dish washing duty. Guy 2 drew general kitchen clean up. Guy 2 was wiping down the countertop, working his way toward Guy 1 at the sink. As Guy 2 passed the wall plug for the toaster, he surreptitiously unplugged the toaster, and moved the toaster out of his way for cleaning - toward the sink. The third toaster move sent it into the dishwater, where Guy 1 had his hands.

Guy 1 just stood there frozen in place, waiting to die.


Well worth the price of a new toaster.

[Mitchell Andrus]

When I worked in the call center about 7 years ago, my colleagues and I walled off our boss's cube and proceeded to fill it with over 300 green balloons. Popping them was a problem because it would interrupt the calls in progress. There were green balloons floating around the office for a few weeks.

Dan

I like this one:
.

[Dan Mages]

I like this one:
.
That reminds me of what I did to my brother when he got married. I filled the back seat of his Cavalier with 15 cubic ft of packing peanuts. It was enough to fill the back seat to the rear window! He had to visit 7 gas stations to get rid of it all.

[Greg Carr]

Any of you navy types ever get asked to fetch a bucket of steam?

Or go stand the mail buoy watch?

Relative bearing grease

Keys to the ship

[Andy Hoyt]

Keys to the ship I was the DCPO for Sick Bay. That meant that I had to inspect every first aid box aboard ship. At 45,00 tons and 820 feet we had a lot of FABs. A whole gobsmaking lot!

I had two keys - one that unlocked every non-watertight door, and another that worked on all padlocked hatches. So, yeah I did have the keys to the ship. How I overcame certain temptation still eludes me.