A Thursday Funny - Humor me, please

[Belinda Barfield]

Well, folks, I'm having a really BAD day after an equally BAD night. I know in the grand scheme of things what happened isn't going to matter 5 or 10 or a hundred years from now and life is too short to waste time worrying about it.

Just thought I'd share a funny in case anyone else is having a bad day. For you Snopes junkies, I checked before I posted. This was told to me as truth and I ain't responsible if it isn't.

A young lady was waiting tables at a restaurant in Panama City Beach, FL. One of her tables was a large group of unusually difficult diners. After she delivered the check she walked by the table to check on some other diners. The male head of the family called out, "P'scuse me . . . P'scuse me! There's a problem here. What's this here gratuity? Ain't nobody at this table ordered no gratuity. . . that's some expensive s*&%!!!":p:D

[Mitchell Andrus]

That happens less at dry restaurants.
.

[Dave Gaul]

That is pretty funny!! I grew up working in restaurants, my dad is a retired chef... many amazing stories related to the piss-poor attitudes of idiots!!

Hope your day gets better!

[Pat Germain]

A few years ago I saw an interesting restaurant story posted from a waitress at a Walt Disney World restaurant. She was serving a young couple who ordered pecan pie for dessert. After a few bites, the young lady had trouble breathing and started to break out in hyves. "You're not allergic to nuts, are you?", the waitress asked.

The young man replied, "There's nuts in this pie?".

[Ken Fitzgerald]

A few years ago I saw an interesting restaurant story posted from a waitress at a Walt Disney World restaurant. She was serving a young couple who ordered pecan pie for dessert. After a few bites, the young lady had trouble breathing and started to break out in hyves. "You're not allergic to nuts, are you?", the waitress asked.

The young man replied, "There's nuts in this pie?".

Oh NO!

I can see a warning label on each piece of pie!:confused:

[Jim Koepke]

Oh NO!

I can see a warning label on each piece of pie!:confused:

Makes you wonder though, if there weren't any warning labels would the number of idiots go down through natural selection?

jim

[David G Baker]

Firm believer in "Natural Selection" even when it includes me.
Belinda, hope your day improves.

[John Schreiber]

I don't doubt it's true. Never underestimate the power of stupidity (especially after a few drinks).

[Belinda Barfield]

I'm a firm believer in natural selection as well. On second thought, I probably wouldn't exist so I retract the previous statement.

Thanks for the good wishes for the day to improve. I have now reached the "it's gotta' be 5 o'clock somewhere" stage. It is after 12 isn't it? Short version of a long drama. Last Sunday my parents decided it was time to discuss their burial arrangements, will, life insurance, etc. Yesterday I got home to find a scathing letter from my mother waiting for me in the mailbox. Basically, she's never speaking to me again (I have no idea what I've done) and I'm dead to her. Such is life I suppose. Does this mean I'm out of the will? Hmmm, there goes my Wal-Mart china safely stored in the Piggly Wiggly bags, as well as my stock in Barney's Beer, Bait, Tackle, and Wedding Cakes.

Keep the funnies coming!

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Belinda.....this was sent to me yesterday by my younger brother...picture the 2 guys in cheers sitting at the end of the bar discussing the world....


The Theory of Intelligence
I've never heard the concept explained any better than this.......

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this .... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells… Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

[Jim Mattheiss]

Belinda - I'm sorry to hear about your family discord. My family has some issues as well, but nothing quite so dramatic as that.

I was relating a family related story about friend A to mutual friend B. At the end of the story, friend B states - It's no wonder that the majority of people are murdered by people they know.

I'm more partial to the scene in Tequila Sunrise, where the Raul Julia character is talking to the Mel Gibson character. The gist of it is 'You can't choose your family - God knows I've had to deal with that'.

Cheers

Jim

[Michael Weber]

Belinda.....this was sent to me yesterday by my younger brother...picture the 2 guys in cheers sitting at the end of the bar discussing the world....


The Theory of Intelligence
I've never heard the concept explained any better than this.......

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this .... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells… Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'



Nice :D:D:D

[Pat Germain]

Makes you wonder though, if there weren't any warning labels would the number of idiots go down through natural selection?

jim

You know, a coworker and I were discussing this a few years ago. Why is it when you go to a kid's birthday party these days it's, "No chocolate for Billy, he's allergic to it. No ice cream for Sarah, she's lactose intolerant. No cookies for David, he's allergic to nuts. No cake for Cindy, she has ciliac syndrome."? Yet, when we were kids, none of those issues ever came up. Every kid ate everything.

This is going to sound macabre, but our only conlusion was that back a few decades ago, kids with those kind of allergies didn't make it to the age of attending birthday parties. :(

[Jerome Stanek]

I think they should add some chlorine to the gene pool.

[Belinda Barfield]

Love the Theory of Intelligence, Ken. In my case that could also be the Theory of Dance whereby after a few Jack and cokes I've killed off all of my uncoordinated cells. The remaining cells have got some smooth moves! :rolleyes:


Belinda - I'm sorry to hear about your family discord. My family has some issues as well, but nothing quite so dramatic as that.

I'm more partial to the scene in Tequila Sunrise, where the Raul Julia character is talking to the Mel Gibson character. The gist of it is 'You can't choose your family - God knows I've had to deal with that'.

Cheers

Jim

Thanks Jim. All of this came to a head after I attended my grandmother's funeral and my aunt's funeral - both on dad's side of the family. The "drama" is just beginning.

BTW, Tequila Sunrise is one of my favorite movies.

[Belinda Barfield]

Just wanted to let you all know that I've just signed a deal for a new reality show. Tune in this fall for Ain't No Drama Like Mama Drama. In the first episode my mother reveals to me that I really was found in a cabbage patch. :D

[Michael MacDonald]

sorry to hear about your mama troubles... you think this is payback for some of your youthful indiscretions? (not that there would be any...)

[Belinda Barfield]

sorry to hear about your mama troubles... you think this is payback for some of your youthful indiscretions? (not that there would be any...)

Why Michael, I was a saintly child. 0 :>)

No, this is all because I spent time with my dad's family. Apparently I am some sort of miracle child because according to the letter the blood running through my veins is 100% my father's. Go figure!

[Glenn Vaughn]

I remember years ago watching a press conference about a transplant operation (I think it was Mickey Mantle's liver transplant). Reporters were asking questions. One reported asked "What is the condition of the donor?".

[Pat Germain]

I remember years ago watching a press conference about a transplant operation (I think it was Mickey Mantle's liver transplant). Reporters were asking questions. One reported asked "What is the condition of the donor?".

That may not have been as stupid as it sounds. It is possible for a living person to donate a "lobe" of his liver. Then both pieces of the liver can regenerate if all goes well.

Of course, if Mantle's liver came from a recently expired donor, it was a stupid question.

[Harvey M. Taylor]

You guys crack me up. Soooo, I suppose the only thing to do is put a little sanding dust along with some coffee grounds in it with thin ca glue and round it over and sand level. Ha, Max

[Jim Koepke]

If you want to have a few shakes of your head and wonder about the likelihood of the human race's survival, Google > They walk among us <

A few tales of stupidity can be seen like, "My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a Seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk."

jim

[Bill Cunningham]

This was always my favorite :rolleyes:
http://www.funnychill.com/files/funny-pictures/evolution-of-man-and-woman.jpg
Oh come-on... It's funny

[neal jack]

Love the Theory of Intelligence, Ken. In my case that could also be the Theory of Dance whereby after a few Jack and cokes I've killed off all of my uncoordinated cells. The remaining cells have got some smooth moves! :rolleyes:



Thanks Jim. All of this came to a head after I attended my grandmother's funeral and my aunt's funeral - both on dad's side of the family. The "drama" is just beginning.

BTW, Tequila Sunrise is one of my favorite movies.
hope everything i s good now

[Belinda Barfield]

hope everything i s good now

Actually, Neal, I have no idea. I replied to my mother's letter and she either received it yesterday, or will today. She is not going to be pleased with my response but hey, if we are lucky life goes on. I've got better things to do than sit around and wonder whether or not my mother will ever speak to me again.