Wisdom for Soon-to-be Husbands?

[Archie Hendrick]

I have three nephews getting married this year – two twenty-somethings and a thirty year old. As the “patriarch” of our family, I’ll be expected to offer up some pearls of wisdom to the boys. I have a few that I’ve picked up from my own marriage and a couple others I’ve come across along the way. I’d appreciate any additions you folks can add to my list. Here’s what I have so far:


When she asks, “Is my butt getting bigger?” Don’t blurt out, “THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!”
If she asks, “Do you think my butt is bigger than my sister’s?” Don’t say, “No, Hon, you’re a 36 and she was 36 5/8ths at Thanksgiving.”
There will be many, many times when your wife will want to talk about serious family matters. Sometimes you're gonna have to listen.
Sometimes, she’ll give you that serious look and say, “Come in to the kitchen. We need to talk.” Don’t say, “Sure, Hon, let me get a magazine.”
And, here are the two secrets to a happy marriage that I really do live by:

1: It’s ok to be mad sometimes. It’s NEVER ok to be mean.
2: Do as you are told!

I’d appreciate hearing your rules for a happy marriage!

Archie

(By the way, I knew Carol was the woman for me when, early in our relationship, she said, “We need to buy a Sawzall.”)

[David G Baker]

I didn't marry the two women in my life that I had Sawzall conversations with. Maybe I should have. I have been married twice and divorced twice. My advice is to spend more time picking your spouse than you do picking out a pair of shoes. It is considerably less expensive to get rid of an old pair of shoes. Another one is to make darn sure that you like your spouse and are good friends. The romance may not keep the relationship flowing comfortably forever. If the romance slows down you will at least have a friend to spend time with. I really like and agree with "It's okay to be mad sometimes. It is never okay to be mean".

[Brian Kent]

I agree with: "Marry your best friend."

Be faithful. (I always do that one)
Mark your calendars to buy cards. (I never do that one)

And when she says, "Do these Jeans make me look fat?" don't say, "It's not the Jeans, honey."

[Bruce Page]

The most important keys to a lasting relationship are friendship, trust, respect, and patience.

[Mitchell Andrus]

The most important keys to a lasting relationship are friendship, trust, respect, and patience.

... and a healthy sense of humor. If you can't laugh at the same stuff, forget it.
.

[Mitchell Andrus]

A piece of advise for after the wedding.... The pastor who married us said during the ceremony:

"Don't forget to spend some time once a month with each other, just yourselves. Wouldn't it be a shame if couples stopped dating on their wedding day."

I'll never forget that.
.

[Ben Franz]

Marriage is an "off the rack" proposition - no custom tailoring service available. You have to accept your spouse as they are, not how you would have them be.

[Mark Engel]

I can't offer any advice. I haven't been married long enough. 30 years this June 28th. Someday, maybe I will figure it out.

[Willard Foster]

Learn how to break the "woman Code." If she says, "Honey, do you think the lawn needs mowing"?, it means HONEY, THE LAWN NEEDS MOWING, NOW!

If you are having trouble starting the lawm mower and she says "Maybe you need a new sparkplug." Go to the store immediately and buy a new sparkplug. If you work on it it for an hour, then get a spark plug, you will never hear the end of it.

Good luck,

We are all pullin' for 'em

[David Gregory]

Don't get married. Find a woman you can't stand, buy her a house, and you're done with it. IF option one is ignored and they get married anyway.....BEFORE the talk about having kids gets very far along, go to McDonalds Playland on any Saturday afternoon. That should end that discussion pretty quick. YMMV

[Prashun Patel]

As Nancy Reagan said when asked about the secret to her happy marriage:

"It's better to be happy than right".

And, as Seal says of his marriage to Heidi Klum:

"Happy Wife. Happy Life."

[Paul Ryan]

Recite over and over " Yes Dear, I understand Dear," and you will have a happy house hold. If the women is happy everyone is happy, if she isn't happy no one is happy.

Words my father told me, before I got married. I tested them our first year or 2 of marriage, and found out he was correct as usual.

[Scott T Smith]

1 - Never go to bed mad
2 - establish a "Date night", and make it a priority either each week or every other week.
3 - live by the golden rule. If your spouse makes you mad, respond to her in the same way that you'd want to be treated by her in the event that you made her mad.
4 - talk, share, laugh and love. Not just occasionally, but constantly.
5 - Every so often, ask yourself if you and your spouse are growing together, or growing apart. If the latter, do something to change direction.
6 - Don't let your in-laws run your life, or your spouse's life. Establish boundaries from the beginning and let them know (in private) when they are overstepping bounds. Not just her relatives, but your's too. Do this in partnership with your spouse. Few things can make life more miserable than meddling relatives. Few things can make life more grand than having relatives that you truly enjoy being with.
7 - Don't quite "living" just because you got married. Imagine yourself sitting on a rocking chair on a porch in your 80's, and not being able to say "Gee, I wish that I would have done XYZ". Go ahead and do XYZ when you have the opportunity.
8 - Marriage is a partnership - not a dictatorship. Choose someone that will walk beside you - not in front of - or behind you.
9 - When you say "I love you", mean it. Say it often.
10. It's the little things... leave notes in special places letting her know that she's important to you. Examples include in the cookie jar or above the visor in her car.
11. Don't lose your personality - or let your spouse lose hers - just because you became partners. Keep a balance between things that you do apart (such as woodshop stuff), and things that you do together.
12. If you "want a friend", remember that you have to "be a friend."
13. Cherish her.

[Joe Shinall]

One really big word that every one married needs to remember. Maybe have it tattooed on your hand or backwards on your forehead:


COMPROMISE

[Brian Effinger]

Two words - "Yes dear!"

[Bill Leonard]

Two words - "Yes dear!"
Remember, as the husband you will always have the last word. See above.

[Bonnie Campbell]

1) REALLY listen when each other talk. Communication is a big part of life.

2) ALWAYS find reasons to tell the other 'Thank you'. We all like to feel appreciated for what we contribute.

3) Things told to you in confidence by your spouse... DON'T get spread around in gossiping. Loyalty means a lot, and trashing your spouse doesn't work.

[Mike Cruz]

Best advice you can give 'em is:

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Just kidding :D

Seriously, though. My best advice is to take a good hard look at the person that you are planning to marry. Notice their quirks, their habbits, and all their nuances. Now, accept them for who they are. Love them for who they are. Expect them to be exactly who they are. NOT what you hope they MAY become. NOT what you WANT them to be. DO NOT try to change someone, they will only resent you for it.

When you marry someone, you should be marrying them because you love who they are, not their potential.

If they are inherantly lazy, sloppy, crabby, moody, goofy, silly, emotional, unemotional, irrational, bad with money, or anything else, you have to weight whether or not you can live with that. Don't expect it to change. Those bad habbits or quirks MIGHT change over time, but don't expect them to. Traits and qualities are deep within us and the only way to truely change them is if YOU want to change them, not if someone else wants you to.

Oh, and if you need a saying NOT to ever utter... If you loved me you'd (place ANYTHING here).

[John Pratt]

I had an Uncle that used to tell me that Men marry women, hoping that they never change, and Women marry men, hoping they can change them. He was divorced three times. If your fiance' is the kind of person that is always making suggestions on how you could "improve" yourself then it will probably never work out. You have to accept your mate as they are and for who they are. Honesty is another big one. I have never lied to my wife of 17 years. Not even "little white lies".

[Roger Newby]

1 - Never go to bed mad
2 - establish a "Date night", and make it a priority either each week or every other week.
3 - live by the golden rule. If your spouse makes you mad, respond to her in the same way that you'd want to be treated by her in the event that you made her mad.
4 - talk, share, laugh and love. Not just occasionally, but constantly.
5 - Every so often, ask yourself if you and your spouse are growing together, or growing apart. If the latter, do something to change direction.
6 - Don't let your in-laws run your life, or your spouse's life. Establish boundaries from the beginning and let them know (in private) when they are overstepping bounds. Not just her relatives, but your's too. Do this in partnership with your spouse. Few things can make life more miserable than meddling relatives. Few things can make life more grand than having relatives that you truly enjoy being with.
7 - Don't quite "living" just because you got married. Imagine yourself sitting on a rocking chair on a porch in your 80's, and not being able to say "Gee, I wish that I would have done XYZ". Go ahead and do XYZ when you have the opportunity.
8 - Marriage is a partnership - not a dictatorship. Choose someone that will walk beside you - not in front of - or behind you.
9 - When you say "I love you", mean it. Say it often.
10. It's the little things... leave notes in special places letting her know that she's important to you. Examples include in the cookie jar or above the visor in her car.
11. Don't lose your personality - or let your spouse lose hers - just because you became partners. Keep a balance between things that you do apart (such as woodshop stuff), and things that you do together.
12. If you "want a friend", remember that you have to "be a friend."
13. Cherish her.



And know the difference between stand up and shut up:eek:

[Phyllis Meyer]

Ok guys, great responses! We will be married 29 years in June. I think the young men you will be giving advice to need to know that it's not easy! Marriage is work and it's all about how hard you want to work at it! Laughter is key and understanding that each is an individual and should be free to do their own thing...Ron likes to hunt (not me), so I go to craft shows or whatever when he's hunting. You have to like someone to be with them for many years! Our Daughters were and still are our greatest joy! Faith is a big part for us, we can't do this alone!

Sincerely,
Phyllis:)

[Archie Hendrick]

... Laughter is key...

Isn't that the truth. My greatest joy is making my wife laugh, and her laughter is the sweetest music to my ears.

Archie

[Jim Rimmer]

When my son got married I gave his some advice:
" There are 3 phrases you need to remember. You're right. I'm wrong. I'm sorry." He tried to explain that it is not always the case and I told him it didn't matter, just remember those phrases. Well, my wife overheard me from the next room and chimed in that she didn't think that was very funny or apporpriate. My respone, "You're right, hon. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." Nothing like a live example.

BTW, we've been married 42 years and are still in love.

[Mike Cruz]

Classic...

[Bryan Morgan]

Best advice you can give 'em is:

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha thats what I was going to say!

I've been married for over 12 years now...

COMPROMISE. You won't always get what you want and neither will she... ya have to work something out so everyone's happy. Easier said than done but it gets easier over time.

COURTESY. This is a big deal for me... after time simple things like saying "thank you" or "please" starts going out the window. Don't let it. I think it triggers something in your subconscious that makes it seems like you are being ordered around. This goes both ways of course.

CONTRIBUTE. Chores, money, time, emotions, whatever. If things get out of balance this leads to resentment.

Your partner WILL change, for the better or worse, its going to happen... accept this or change with it.

If things get rough and you can't work it out, don't stick around just to antagonize them. Call the game and move on. I see people that have been married for too long and it seems they hate and resent eachother... whats the point of wasting eachothers lives like that?

Other than that, just have fun!

[Mike Cruz]

Archie, maybe you won't have to say anything to them at all. Just print this out and let 'em read.

Maybe they are old enough to not dismiss what all the old farts are saying and that we actually may have some insight into this marrage thing. ;)

[Rich Engelhardt]

Dad had a rule he and mom lived by.

Dad made all the important decisions and left all the minor decisions up to mom.

Dad used to brag that in 55 years of marriage, nothing important ever came up. ;)

Good rule. I've been going by it for the last 29 years..;)

[Rob Wright]

Realize that even in the best relationship, marriage is work. It always isn't hand holding and long walks on the beach. You get out of it what you put in and sometimes it isn't easy. Marriage is a work in progress. I learn something new everyday with the relationship that I have with my wife.

[Jim Koepke]

I agree with: "Marry your best friend."

Be faithful. (I always do that one)
Mark your calendars to buy cards. (I never do that one)

And when she says, "Do these Jeans make me look fat?" don't say, "It's not the Jeans, honey."

Most states won't allow marrying your best friend.

On the "Do these Jeans make me look fat?" question, my trick is to say, come a little closer, my eyes aren't working today, I will have to use the braille method.

Make some kind of positive comment about her cooking. If you act like you do not care about her cooking, she will not care about her cooking either. If you can cook, do it. Fix her breakfast and then clean up the mess. It can start the day off very well.

Notice things. If she cleans the house, say something. This is for married and unmarried alike. If you are in a store and you and your spouse get separated, do you know what clothes and what colors they are wearing?

When you look at your spouse, try describing things about them every time you look. This will help you when they change their hair and you notice right away.

Learn to work the toilet seat. I do not think you can win on this one. Women seem to not want to touch the seat. Learn to lift it, then put it back down. It is good exercise.

Never put her on a pedestal that she can not easily step down from.

If your spouse is not more important than everything else in your life, then they should not be your spouse.

jim

[Belinda Barfield]

I wasn't going to chime in on this one as apparently I have absolutely no skills at making a marriage work. However, today having been one of those days . . .

If ever the husband can't get behind the dryer in a small closet to reconnect the dryer exhaust hose, and the wife climbs back there and does the job, getting really sweaty in the process so that her hair sticks out in all directions, there can be only one comment, "Honey, how do you do that and still look so good?". Any other comment such as, "Wow, that was graceful!" as she climbs back over the dryer, or "Ha Ha, your hair sure looks funny!" are absolutely unacceptable.

Other than that, never cheat and really make an effort to love one another.

[jeremy levine]

Kids _can_ make a strong marriage stronger , but they _will_ make a weak marriage weaker !

[Mike Henderson]

When a man considers the woman he'd going to marry, he says, "I can live with her."

When a woman considers the man she's going to marry, she says, "I can work with that."

Mike

[Jerome Hanby]

A few from RAH posing as Lazarus Long

Give her a desk of her own and keep your hands off of it

Budget the luxuries first

If after an argument you find that you have won, apologize immediately

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.

A woman is not property, and husbands who think otherwise are living in a dreamworld.

Dear, don’t bore him with trivia or burden him with your past mistakes. The happiest way to deal with a man is never to tell him anything he does not need to know. (actually for wives)

A competent and self confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

Money is the sincerest of all flattery. Women love to be flattered. So do men.

Rub her feet.

A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After a while he realizes that she is beautiful--he just hadn’t noticed it at first.

It is impossible for a man to love his wife wholeheartedly without loving all women somewhat. I suppose that the converse must be true of women.

Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers.

“I came, I saw, she conquered.” (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)

Don’t try to have the last word. You might get it.

[Jim Rimmer]

I woiuld add to my earlier comment, occasionally buy her a small gift for no apparent reason other than you love her and she deserves it. Maybe a CD she mentioned, flowers, candy, a book, a new blouse (always buy one size too small). Not anything expensive but a token to say I was thinking about you. And send a card every once in a while; don't wait for the special dates.

[Myk Rian]

I’d appreciate hearing your rules for a happy marriage
Learn to say "Yes dear" and act like you mean it.
Has kept me alive for 42 years of wonderful wedded bliss.

[John Hart]

Keep in mind that the little boy you put to bed every night will be the same boy when he wakes up in the morning.

But the little girl you put to bed at night, will most likely be a different person by morning.

Even as adults....this holds true to some extent.

Roll with the roller coaster....lean into the curves....be a sturdy support....and let her know that no matter what, you'll be there for her.

[Prashun Patel]

Heard a good quote from WH Auden this morning:

If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me.

So true!

[Clay Baldwin]

LEARN 2 words and you will survive "Yes dear"