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Michael Weber
03-27-2010, 3:42 PM
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/03/26/opossum.drunk/index.html?hpt=P1
Maybe ONE too many?

Mike Cruz
03-27-2010, 4:04 PM
Classic, just classic...

jerry nazard
03-27-2010, 6:20 PM
You are supposed to hunt 'em and eat 'em. I saw it on the Beverly Hillbillies.

Eddie Watkins
03-27-2010, 6:37 PM
That guy had to have a headstart on crazy before he started drinking.:D

Terry Hatfield
03-27-2010, 8:47 PM
LOL.....tastes like chicken you know.

Bill Cunningham
03-27-2010, 10:41 PM
If it was sufficiently flat, perhaps he was just trying to inflate it..
You pull out the little stem and....OH GOD!!! that's disgusting!!:D

jerry nazard
03-27-2010, 10:50 PM
If it was sufficiently flat, perhaps he was just trying to inflate it..
You pull out the little stem and....OH GOD!!! that's disgusting!!:D

Bill,

You're right! Just like in the movie "Airplane".... :cool:

George Sanders
03-28-2010, 7:23 AM
Eeew!:eek:

Myk Rian
03-28-2010, 8:20 AM
Every dead possum I've ever seen was laying on its back, with legs splayed wide. I hope he got the right end. :D

Belinda Williamson
03-28-2010, 1:00 PM
"Well hello there. I do believe you 'bout the purtiest possum I ever seen!"

"How's about a little kiss 'fore I take you home and show you a real good time?"

"Aww c'mon honey, pucker up . . . "

"No sir, Occifer, I didn't know she was daid. I din't kill her!"

The possums all get purtier at closin' time!:D

Dave Johnson29
03-28-2010, 1:16 PM
The possums all get purtier at closin' time!

Beer goggles.

jerry nazard
03-28-2010, 2:10 PM
"Well hello there. I do believe you 'bout the purtiest possum I ever seen!"

"How's about a little kiss 'fore I take you home and show you a real good time?"

"Aww c'mon honey, pucker up . . . "

"No sir, Occifer, I didn't know she was daid. I din't kill her!"

The possums all get purtier at closin' time!:D

Belinda,

I am sitting at my desk typing on the 'pooter. I was previously rolling on the floor with the dog while screaming with laughter. PLEASE, write some more "possum one liners". You are funny!!! "No sir, Occifer....

-Jerry

Belinda Williamson
03-28-2010, 2:35 PM
From the county jail cell . . .

"Well, boys, this hyear is how I ended up in the pokey wit'chall tonight. I was walkin' home from Bubba's Bait, Beer, Camo, and Tackle. It was 'pert near dark but jes' up ahead I spotted a sweet young thing. She was dang near the purtiest thing I ever laid eyes on - I swair. Soft pink little nose, perky whiskers, the softest beady lil' black eyes, nicely patterned fur, and her tail, good gracious! Why, she had the nicest hairless tail I have seen in a quite some time. I gave her my best sweet talk but she jes' woudn't have none of that! Jes' kept givin' me the cold shoulder like she couldn't hear me or sumpin'. Well I gotta' admit, I lost patience with that playin' dead act - y'all know how 'em possums are! I jes' took matters in my own hands and planted a big ol' kiss right there on them purty lil' possum lips. Next thang I know ere's blue lights flashin and some po-lice feller yellin' for me to put down the possum and git my hands in the air. Like I'd done sumpin' wrong or sumpin! Well boys, I'll tell you one dang thing. I din't kill no possum and I ain't goin' to prison for bein' a possum killer. No sir!"

"Hey, y'all reckon she might write to me while I'm in jail like one of them TV movies?"

jerry nazard
03-28-2010, 3:23 PM
Belinda,

You are the BEST!!

-Jerry

Belinda Williamson
03-28-2010, 3:43 PM
Belinda,

You are the BEST!!

-Jerry

Thank you, Jerry. I had some more one liners but they weren't fit to print. :eek:

jerry nazard
03-28-2010, 3:59 PM
Thank you, Jerry. I had some more one liners but they weren't fit to print. :eek:

It is high time that a new thread is established properly en-titled "The Opossum Chronicles". Think of the sub-title possibilities: "Mainly Mammary Marsupial Memories", "Positively Peevish Possum Poppycock", "Ominously Odoriferous Opossum Oeuvres". Who needs woodworking - we have possums!

I have a bunch of clamped up drawers setting up, and seemingly have nothing better to do....

Belinda Williamson
03-28-2010, 4:27 PM
I have a bunch of clamped up drawers setting up, and seemingly have nothing better to do....

I understand. I'm doing "mama cleaning". The only thing worse than that is "mother-in-law cleaning". If you aren't familiar with these types of cleaning, I will enlighten you. It's the cleaning that some women, myself included, do before an impending mama or MIL visit. I'm trying to come up with all sorts of excuses right now not to clean the oven, and the best one I could come up with was that I need to sterilize the refrigerator first. Mama's not partial to possum and I have to obliterate all evidence of last night's dinner!:D At least the ceiling fans, light fixtures, baseboards, electrical outlets, and all furniture are dust free at this point. Poor dust bunnies . . . they really weren't bothering anyone while living under the bed. I hate the thought of homeless dust bunnies! Other than the occasional nose tickle they're rather harmless.

David Prince
03-28-2010, 7:17 PM
Now I've heard it all! SMC has officially turned into a secret society for hillbilly beastiality smut!:rolleyes: Maybe there is a market for that??:eek: lol Funny none the less.

Brian Kent
03-28-2010, 8:04 PM
Belinda, either you have a very creative mind or you have lived in lower Savannah for a whole long time. Next thing you know you're gonna find big slabs o' rock and try to sell them to people to put in their kitchen.

Belinda Williamson
03-28-2010, 8:36 PM
Belinda, either you have a very creative mind or you have lived in lower Savannah for a whole long time. Next thing you know you're gonna find big slabs o' rock and try to sell them to people to put in their kitchen.

LOL . . . Guilty on all counts, Brian. :D

I used to live just down the road from the Bait, Beer, Tackle, community gossip and lost dog center. I can't take credit for the "occifer" moniker. I was at a local neighborhood watering hole one night when one of the semi-regulars came in, ordered a meal and dessert, and then paid for it with 13 cents. This wasn't unusual for him and the SOP was followed, which was to call his father to come pay his bill and take him home. This night though the patron decided he didn't want to wait for dear old dad and attempted to leave. The police were called and when the officer arrived he politely asked the officer, "What seems to be the occifer, problem?"

George Sanders
03-29-2010, 7:33 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the possum it could be done.:D

Glenn Corser
03-30-2010, 11:00 PM
Having lived in PA for several years my guess is that he thought it was his wife.

Karl Card
03-30-2010, 11:12 PM
this thread is starting to scare me... lol I had friends back in tennessee who like bbq possum... i wouldnt eat dead possum, much less kiss a live one...ewww just nasty...

Bill Cunningham
04-03-2010, 9:48 PM
Possums are fairly new in Ontario, but their moving in.. Not being all that familiar with them, I had one pulling at my garbage can a few winters ago. I figured it was something like a Raccoon, you just open the door yell, and they take off.. Nope not this one.. He just stood there and stared at me. I grabbed a frozen mop that was just outside the door, and gave it a whack.. The damn thing just stood it's ground and snarled.. 25 years ago, this was a rural area, and at that point I would have just got the shotgun and blew it off the door step, but I can't do that now. But I will tell you, I know now I can hit one in the arse, and then 5 more times in a row with the old Daisey while it's running away.. :D Seen it once more before the winter was over, and about 5 inches of it's tail was gone.. Probably frozen off.. But I was surprised at what mean little critters they are! Or is that just the cold ones that have migrated to Canada?

Mike Cruz
04-04-2010, 10:32 AM
Hit one last night with my truck... WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

They are actually the ONE creature we HATE! Why, they are the carriers/spreaders of a very serious disease that horses get from close contact with opossum feces. The disease is called EPM. There are protazoa that live in the opossum feces, that when ingested by a horse (through grazing) attack the brain and spinal cord of the horse. They litterally eat away at the spinal cord, causing the horse to flick his head around, keep looking at his side, and twitching like he has flies on him. Why? Because the horse acutally ITCHES on his spine...he can feel it. It is a horrible thing to watch. One of our horses has it. He relapses from time to time. I can't (don't really want to know) tell you just how many thousands of dollars we've spent on vet bills and medications on this one horse because of EPM.

My wife loves ALL creatures, and cries everytime I have to put one down. But she knows it has to be done. Numberous articles and sources state that relocation disorients and eventually kills them through starvation or dehydration, so that isn't an option.