View Full Version : Belindas Military wisdom reminded me of these

Brian Brown
03-02-2010, 12:27 PM
Not sure why, but my favorite is the dead animal one.

Actual Exchanges Between Pilots and Control

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital

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Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make
up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits
a 727?"

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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff
queue: "I'm bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is
a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got
the little Fokker in sight."

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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the
end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return
the airport."

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A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in
Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak
in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German
airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British
accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By
the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
far end of the runway."
Tower: " Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern
702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff,
roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our

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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to
short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another
like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned
as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
parking location, but how to get there without any assistance
them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)
to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a
British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active
Ground: "Speedbird 206 Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):
"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,
-- And I didn't

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While taxiing at London 's , Gatwick Airport , the crew of a
US Air
flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller
out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the
hell are
you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You
turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult
you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move
I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in
about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell
when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell
terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody
wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around
was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke thesilence and keyed his
microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Mike Henderson
03-02-2010, 12:34 PM
Good stories. My favorite was the last one.


Darin Kauffman
03-02-2010, 2:21 PM
Thanks for the laughs. A few of those I almost feel ashamed for laughing. :)

Bob Rufener
03-02-2010, 8:05 PM
I had seen these before but enjoyed them again. Thanks for sharing.

Brian J Page
03-06-2010, 10:03 PM
Here is one I have received in my email a few times. I doubt it is true, but it sure is entertaining and I wouldn't put it past a Marine pilot to say this.

In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along.

The conversation went like this...

Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)

Van Huskey
03-06-2010, 11:25 PM
Thanks! Enjoyed everyone of them.