The Sad State of Fatherhood in Our Society

[Dan Mages]

This is not a gender bashing thread. Do not make it into one.

For the past few months I have slowly grown into the expectations of being a father and full time care giver for our baby that will be born any day now. During the time, I have noticed how little society thinks of fathers and the false notion that we are either mindless oafs that are incapable of raising kids or want nothing to do with their upbringing. I am also tired of being called Mr Mom. No, I will be dad. Here are several examples, and there are many more.

Baby's R Us. When we went there to set up a baby registry, the person behind the counter only spoke to my wife and completely ignored me. On top of that, all of their overhead announcements are for "moms and moms to be". If you have ever tried to buy a diaper bag there, you will notice that 95% are designed for women. I bought a backpack from LLBean to use as a diaper bag because I could not find anything useful.

My wife was not feeling well on Sunday so her doctor asked us to meet her at the hospital to check her out. I was patronized by the nurse when she told my wife how good of a husband I was for passing up the football game to take care of my wife and then told me I could watch it on the TV, if my wife approved. I'm sorry, but my wife's health is the most important thing to me. Secondly, I am not a fan of football, I wouldn't be watching it regardless.

Baby magazines are the worst. They constantly bash dads in their articles. Recent headlines I have seen in the doctor's office are "10 No Nag Ways to Get Him to Help Around the House" or the "What Type of Dad Will He Be" article where dads are listed as unwilling or incompetent at raising kids. Sites like Dad Labs have sprung up as a response to this gender bias in the media.

Product marketing is another area of annoyance. Similac's advertising campaign is for "Strong Moms" and all of the copy is clearly written for moms. I did find a flier in one of the samples from Similac for Strong Dads about how to contribute and that the free diaper bag you can get at the hospital is not a purse. (You can see some of it here) (http://similac.com/pregnancy/delivery-tips-for-dad)

I could go on and on about commercials, diaper bags, baby registry, and other topics, but I think you get the point. Are fathers REALLY that bad? Am I the exemption and don't realize it? I sure hope not.

Dan

[Belinda Barfield]

Dan,

If you look at the statistics there are a lot of single moms out there. It would stand to reason that a lot of advertising would promote strong moms and would be targeted toward moms. Again, statistically, most baby caregivers are moms and moms do most of the shopping. Sorry, it's just the way of things.

Having said all of that, I applaud you for your dedication to partnering equally with your wife to raise a child and for dedicating yourself to being a good dad. Sadly, I know many dads who really don't seem that interested in their kids. May dads don't seem interested in their sons until they are of an age to play sports. I'm not bashing anyone, just relating what I experience day to day in my life. I also see a lot of moms who don't seem that interested in their kids.

It's good to see a dad step up and accept responsibiilty for the nurturing of a child. Those who do seem to be a rare breed. I do find, however, that a significant number of those who do are Creekers. :)

Speaking as a child . . . read to your children. Spend time teaching them every day. It is one of the best gifts you can give.

[Belinda Barfield]

I just had a thought Dan . . . maybe you should start a line of dad friendly baby accessories, diaper bags and the like.

[Mitchell Andrus]

I'll offer three things on this:

Be the best husband & father you can be. You have an equal partner helping you make a miracle. Remember all of it.

Having a child is by nature mother-centric. Work with it for now, there's nothing you can do about this nor people's catering to her and patronizing you. As the kids grow, you will find that this changes markedly as your and your wife's jobs as parents become indistinguishable.

Your life will change forever and you'll wonder how you ever thought your life was full without having a child in it. Hang on with both hands....
.

[Mitchell Andrus]

http://www.dadgear.com/
.

[Harry Hagan]

Dan,

If you look at the statistics there are a lot of single moms out there.

I share your sentiments, Belinda. Well said. Here’s a link to some of those statistics you were referring to:

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr57/nvsr57_12.pdf

[Brian Kent]

Dan, I am with you all the way. I am a 30-year feminist, fighting publicly and privately for women's rights, respect and equal treatment and pay. The other side of that is that I've become a committed masculinist.

Men are not universal jerks and idiots (though there is plenty in any human being to laugh at and about). Some of us build our lives around treating all people as full human beings.

Thank you for who you are and the message of equal dad-hood.

Brian

[Dan Mages]

Dan,
Speaking as a child . . . read to your children. Spend time teaching them every day. It is one of the best gifts you can give.

Our Amazon baby registry has about 40 books on it that i want for our kid(s). Sadly, my mother gave away most of mine. I want to get the Everyman's Library (http://www.randomhouse.com/knopf/classics/sets.php?id=1) series for most of the books as they have not been edited for political correctness. I have been reading their print of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn and the difference is stunning.

There are companies out there that are founded by dads and mainly for dad's. Diaper Dude makes high end diaper bags. Another Dad based company is Bloom, which makes a really cool high chair. The only way we could afford it is the generosity of our friends. The cool think about it is that it will convert from a sleeping cradle, pictured here, to a high chair, and finally to a regular chair with a 90 lbs weight limit.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v647/DanMages/MISC/101_2501.jpg
And BTW, that is George, my wife's best friend from childhood. ;)

[John Shuk]

If you look at the statistics there are even more intact families with both parents and income to buy the crap they are marketing.
It has become acceptable to bash men as oafs and clods.
Enjoy the baby and being a Dad. There is an immediate change to your being when you see your child for the first time. It really highlights all of the wonder and goodness life holds for us.

[Dan Mages]

I'll offer three things on this:

Having a child is by nature mother-centric. Work with it for now, there's nothing you can do about this nor people's catering to her and patronizing you. As the kids grow, you will find that this changes markedly as your and your wife's jobs as parents become indistinguishable.


Yes there is. We have moved 90% of our baby registry to Amazon due to our mutual disgust at Baby's R Us.

[Paul Ryan]

Dan,

I quess it is to each their own. I am a father 2 times over recently. I have a 2 1/2 year old, and a 3 month old. I am daddy day care many days, since I am self employed. It works well. Personally I like being treated like a "wonk" in the hospital. I really dont care. My wife and I had an agreement if the Vikes were in the superbowl (which didn't happen anyway) I would watch the game during the delivery. I am very fortunate I have a very understanding and easy going wife. I take my kids shopping and do all sorts of those things. But the nose powder and little kiddie stuff that people get at baby showers and things like that makes me sick. If you would have asked me to go to a bady shower I would rather go have a proctology exam. That stuff is not for me. Baby's R Us is the second comming of hell for me. So I guess what I am getting at is we are all different. Not saying one way is right and the next way is wrong. But we as men are treated differently when it comes to babys, because the vast majority of us are different. If my wife goes into the local Gun shop they will treat her a little different too. Don't take offense to it, grasp it, and hang on to your masculinity.

[Myk Rian]

Dan;

Kinda like the Right handed/Left handed thing. You aren't left handed too are you? :D

[Horton Brasses]

Dan, I'm am with you on this. While my wife and I both work, I have the more flexible schedule and do most of the day to day duties. I am not a stay at home dad-but I was raised by one. I bring the kids to daycare, bring them home, make breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Bring them to most doctor visits and attend most daycare events, etc. While I may deal with more of the logistics-I don't have one male friend who is NOT heavily involved in their child's life. Yet like you say-everything seems to ignore our contributions. Even my wife seems to disregard my contribution:(.

Parenting magazines are great-I read them all the time-but they are written to Mom exclusively. Babies R Us-same way. Daycare teachers are surprised to see a Dad every day. Other parents ask my wife about the daycare we attend, how we find the time to have family dinners, etc. It goes on and on.

That said, the childbirth/newborn stage is even more Mom centric-and with good reason! The thing that gets to me is it really doesn't change-and I guess by the numbers we can see why; for the most parts Moms are still the primary caregivers and decision makers.

I'll stop complaining now.

-Orion

[Sean Troy]

Who cares what others might or might not say or think. Do what you know is right and move forward. Enjoy every second of being a father and don't let those things take any thing from it.

[Horton Brasses]

http://www.dadgear.com/
.

Not sure about the "satchels", but the diaper vest is pretty neat. Pointless (to me anyway), but neat nonetheless. A satchel is just a euphemism for purse IMHO.

[Horton Brasses]

Enjoy the baby and being a Dad. There is an immediate change to your being when you see your child for the first time. It really highlights all of the wonder and goodness life holds for us.


Sorry, one more: The first time you see that child is amazing. Not surprising, but it was the first time in my life where I realized that if I needed to I would literally saw my own arm off to save this little person if needed to. There were just no words to express the depth of love felt at that moment and every one since.

[Pat Germain]

I hear you, Dan. I raised a son and daughter and when they were young I got very tired of being stereotyped as a disinterested, sports-obsessed, beer-swilling, deadbeat clod. Sure, there are a lot of such troglodytes out there. But there are a lot of good dads as well. Alas, it seems stereotyping is bad in every other area, but perfectly alright for dads.

The problem persists now that I'm an empty-nester. My church is constantly holding men's breakfasts and men's retreats. The focus is always to get the man to step up and be a good husband and father. And the lure is always sports. Well, I like to think I was a good dad who did step up. And I'm still a good husband who did step up for my wife and continues to do so. I never played sports when I was young. I have only a minor, passive interest in professional sports. Thus, such events for men have nothing to offer me.

Even larger groups do this. In the "Promise Keepers" organization, almost every guest speaker was a former professional athlete or a coach. Yawn. Sorry, but sports analogies don't resonate with me. I just can't relate.

To be clear, I have nothing against sports. I enjoy an occasional NFL game. I like to attend the NHRA Mile High Nationals in Denver (top fuel drag racing.) It's just that these things don't define me.

[Brian Kent]

Dan,

If you would have asked me to go to a bady shower I would rather go have a proctology exam.

I was with you up until this line. I'll sit through the baby shower. :eek:

[Mitchell Andrus]

I was with you up until this line. I'll sit through the baby shower. :eek:

My kid's baby showers were great. All the spouses showed up and everyone had a blast.
.

[Jim Rimmer]

Dan:

I'm with you only in a more advanced stage. My babies are 40 and 37 so I'm past the child rearing stereotypes but I'm sick and tired of the male-bashing that has gone on for years now. Why do most TV sitcoms have to picture Fathers as non-caring doofuses who get no respect from their children or wife - only sarcasm and disrespect. Everybody Loves Raymond was a hit show but I quit watching because of how the father was portrayed and the way the wife treated him.

I didn't have the strong father role in my life (and often shed a virtual tear when I read or hear about men that were close to their fathers) so I made sure I was good to and close to my children and with my wife's help they turned out quite well. They have told us in the past that they never got into drugs and such because we kept theom too busy and were always involved with what they were doing.

So...granted most caregivers are women, but ignore the stereotypes and love your kids. You'll hear a lot of folks tell you they grow up fast but you won't understand what they REALLY mean for about 20 years. With the attitude I see in your post, you won't be sorry and your kids won't either.

Good luck, Dad.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

I don't think I have ever heard any parent....Mom or Dad apologize for being too close to their kids.

It's the most difficult and IMHO the most important job anyone can ever have. It is the one that you have to learn as you live it.

It's also the most rewarding thing in the life the LOML and I have shared.

[Art Mulder]

I just had a thought Dan . . . maybe you should start a line of dad friendly baby accessories, diaper bags and the like.


If you have ever tried to buy a diaper bag there, you will notice that 95% are designed for women. I bought a backpack from LLBean to use as a diaper bag because I could not find anything useful.

Actually we had a "real" diaper bag -- custom made by my mom, no less. But after a few months my wife put it away. We found that a regular backpack is just far more useful. But more than that, it's just easier to carry. I diaper bag is just a thing to carry stuff after all, and that is precisely what backpacks are -- the result of years of refinement on easy and comfortable ways to carry a bunch of stuff.

Not only that, but when #2 (or 3 or 4) comes along, we found it much easier to get a child to carry "the backpack" for us, as opposed to "a diaper bag, ewe!".:rolleyes:




I have only a minor, passive interest in professional sports. Thus, such events for men have nothing to offer me.
...
It's just that these things don't define me.

Solidarity, Pat. I too spent a happy afternoon in the shop on Sunday, completely oblivious to the fact that there was some sort of a game on.
Try growing up Canadian, and caring very little for hockey, and not even skating much... :cool:

...art

[Jon Lanier]

Where in the world could society get the idea that Father's are mindless oafs? Well, just about every T.V. show from the 90's on portray Dad in such a fashion. Al Bundy is one of them. And of course our beloved Homer Simpson of whom you place in your avatar. I can't think of one Father on current T.V. today that is a strong figure like Bill Cosby was, or Howard Cunningham, or the dad from 8 is Enough.

Surely that can't be part of the reason... could it? Naw.... gotta be another answer.

[Steve Peterson]

I get to take my kids to school about once a week when my schedule allows it. The kids think that it is a real treat. Where I live, it seems like about 1/4 of the parents taking care of their kids is the dad. I am not sure if this is a sign of the times (unemployed dad, mom went back to work) or if it has always been this way. There are a lot of self-employed contractor dads that have more flexible schedules than the moms.

TV shows are not kind to the dad (Al Bundy) or the mom (Peg Bundy). Just because it makes a great sitcom does not mean it is true in real life.

Steve

[Michael O'Sullivan]

Would this be the wrong place to mention that those insulated diaper bags and baby-bottle totes are both great for keeping your beer cold?

[jeremy levine]

I'm a dad 3 times over, we got to the point ( my wife and I ) of taking a diaper, a zip lock bag of wipes and rolling it in a changing pad, the hell with the diaper bag.:D

[Chris Kennedy]

I'm with you on this one, Dan. I get a little tired of the stereotypes. Every dad on television is clueless about how to raise and care for kids, and the big tough dad is suddenly squeamish about changing diapers.

That being said, I could have given the baby showers a miss.

I got tired of being asked how I was going to cope with the new baby. I figure that since we have been doing this since the dawn of time, it really cannot be that hard to pick up on the job. And, really, it isn't.

It's too late, but Lands End sells a backpack diaper bag. At first, I think you need everything in the diaper bag (diapers, changing bad, extra outfits, wipes, burp cloth), but as they get older, a couple diapers and a bag of wipes in the car and you're good to go.

Cheers,

Chris

[Doug W Swanson]

Hey all,

I have been a stay-at-home dad (SAHD) for 9 years now. And contrary to what many people think, I did this by CHOICE. The real reason that I became a SAHD was that my daughter was born 10 weeks premature. The doctor recommended that she not go to daycare for the first 2 years. Since my wife earned about 50% more than me, we chose that I would be the primary caregiver.

I find it amazing how much of society still today thinks that the reason I am home with my kids is that I can't hold down a job. This is just one of the negative stereotypes going around about at-home dads. That is just sad.

How would women feel if society felt that way about them? I don't think they would like it very much. Instead of being looked down upon, at-home mom's are usually congratulated and giving a big pat on the back.

Granted, the number of SAHM's still far outpaces the SAHDs today but our numbers are growing. Maybe some day society will realize that and give us our due.....

JMHO,
Doug

[Ken Garlock]

Dan, you obviously have too much time on your hands if you are worried about the preparing for a baby being a woman's world, and men are merely second string. Just live with it! Women are the human type that must undergo the problems of pregnancy as everyone already knows. Being a helpful considerate mate is part of the program, but no matter how much you yell and complain it is still a woman's project. So, just ride along and be supportive both mentally and physically.

You and your wife agreed that she works and you stay home. Unless she held a gun to your head, you entered this agreement willfully. Your complaints ring hollow.

Life is a b...h, and then you die.

[Curt Harms]

Where in the world could society get the idea that Father's are mindless oafs? Well, just about every T.V. show from the 90's on portray Dad in such a fashion. Al Bundy is one of them. And of course our beloved Homer Simpson of whom you place in your avatar. I can't think of one Father on current T.V. today that is a strong figure like Bill Cosby was, or Howard Cunningham, or the dad from 8 is Enough.

Surely that can't be part of the reason... could it? Naw.... gotta be another answer.

Another good reason to ignore "Prime Time" TV and with luck it'll go away?

[Dan Mages]

I hear you, Dan. I raised a son and daughter and when they were young I got very tired of being stereotyped as a disinterested, sports-obsessed, beer-swilling, deadbeat clod. Sure, there are a lot of such troglodytes out there. But there are a lot of good dads as well. Alas, it seems stereotyping is bad in every other area, but perfectly alright for dads.

I also have a passive interest in professional sports. However, I would never pass up a summer afternoon at Wrigley Field. There is something relaxing about watching a game there. It might be the fun times I had with my uncle and grandfather who used to take me to games there as a child.

Beer-swilling?? I resemble that remark! Tomorrow I will be brewing up a Belgian wit to commemorate the blizzard. White Out Blizzard Wit?


Hey all,

I have been a stay-at-home dad (SAHD) for 9 years now. And contrary to what many people think, I did this by CHOICE. The real reason that I became a SAHD was that my daughter was born 10 weeks premature. The doctor recommended that she not go to daycare for the first 2 years. Since my wife earned about 50% more than me, we chose that I would be the primary caregiver.

I find it amazing how much of society still today thinks that the reason I am home with my kids is that I can't hold down a job. This is just one of the negative stereotypes going around about at-home dads. That is just sad.

How would women feel if society felt that way about them? I don't think they would like it very much. Instead of being looked down upon, at-home mom's are usually congratulated and giving a big pat on the back.

Granted, the number of SAHM's still far outpaces the SAHDs today but our numbers are growing. Maybe some day society will realize that and give us our due.....

JMHO,
Doug

Same thing here. I chose to do this. Even if I went back into the corporate world, I would make maybe half what my wife makes. As far as I am concerned, this is my full time job.

There is definately a double standard out there. Women have rightfully fought for the right to break the glass ceiling and enter the higher levels of management. In the process, the have left the care of their kids to others. Fathers though, are looked down upon if they leave work to become the primary care givers.


Dan, you obviously have too much time on your hands if you are worried about the preparing for a baby being a woman's world, and men are merely second string. Just live with it! Women are the human type that must undergo the problems of pregnancy as everyone already knows. Being a helpful considerate mate is part of the program, but no matter how much you yell and complain it is still a woman's project. So, just ride along and be supportive both mentally and physically.

You and your wife agreed that she works and you stay home. Unless she held a gun to your head, you entered this agreement willfully. Your complaints ring hollow.



Life is a b...h, and then you die.
I do not worry about it. It is just a major annoyance and a pain in the rear. However, I beg to differ about preparing for a baby being a woman's world. Between my wife and I, she carried the baby, I did most of everything else.

Yelling and complaining may not accomplish much, but it only took 56 men to tell King George where to shove it and 39 to sign the Constitution that formed our country. Thoughtful exercises in discussion and debate can lead to good things.

Dan

[Eric DeSilva]

I could go on and on about commercials, diaper bags, baby registry, and other topics, but I think you get the point.

Here's the one we used. Odd thing was that my wife liked it too. We did get some strange looks from folks tho':

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000NUX0ZO/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_3?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B000LPJTU6&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1EXH9HZD8JM6J3Z6EA5D

[Paul Ryan]

Dan,

Just wait. If your wife plans on breast feeding, you will feel helpless the 1st 2 weeks. Our 1st child I felt helpless, but tried to help out, which was very little. Or 2nd child who will be 3 months tommarow, I didn't do anything really. My wife always got up in the middle of the night. She slept on the couch next to the baby so she didn't wake me. None of this was my idea, my wife chose this. We had a deal though, our 2 year old gets up between 6-6:30 every morning so I always got up with him and let my wife sleep. But you really can't do much. Change a few diapers and that is about it.

Since my wife went back to work last week, things are different. Our little girl sleeps about 10 hours everynight now. Which is really nice. She hadn't been getting up for a while. My wife is a nurse and works 3 12 hour night shifts by choice. On my wife's 3rd night back, the little girl went to bed at 8, I went at 11. At 12 she was up and was pissed and unhappy until 5:30. I went back to sleep at 5:30 and got back up at 6:30 with my little boy. And then I was up the rest of the day taking care of the kids until my wife got up. So I am getting my sleepless nights now. I love my kids and my little boy goes just about everywhere with me. And I personally don't care if who or what anybody thinks. There are days I get frustrated and a little edgy because the daddy day care isn't really my thing. But it save us tons of money, and I developed a bond with my son, and now my daughter, that would have taken much longer to developed if I was still working 8-5. My real life dream though is to be Al Bundy.

[Ed Harrow]

Dan,

... If your wife plans on breast feeding, ....

DO NOT, I repeat, do not neglect using a bottle. DAMHIKT - but it was painful in the extreme. I don't know the minimum - once a day, maybe. After a while, at least in our case, the little one absolutly refused a bottle. What a row. Mum would leave the house, and leave me and her Mum in charge. It was ugly. It was torture for several days. YMMV, of course.

As to the initial premise - we were foster parents - in most of the cases the father was absent at best, unknown at worst. Of the fathers that were known, well you know what Bambi's mother had to say.

Have fun with Dadhood, be prepared for surprises for which preparation is neither required nor possible. :)

[Dan Apt]

Hi Dan,

I was a stay at home dad for 4 1/2 years, 2 younglings. I wasn't aware of the above until reading it just now! Oh, sweet oblivion...

Dan

[Myk Rian]

My real life dream though is to be Al Bundy.
Stuffing MuMu wearing Porkers' feet into size 6 shoes? :D (That's how he describes it)
Al Bundy is my hero.

[Dennis Peacock]

I'm with ya Dan..!!!!!!!

I fought the same feelings and reactions when I was there with my wife and birthing our kids. I was there no matter what. I fight to be with my kids and my family every single week. When all the world goes away..to include your career job...guess what's left.....Family. They will love you, console you, cheer you up, and help you get back on the right track.

We used to have problems with how our kids interacted with us on a daily basis.
We took out cable TV, we took out DirecTV, and we only allowed TV via DVD movie after we approved of it. It took about 3 months, but after that 3 months our kids could communicate with us on a normal type conversation, we could do things as a family and actually enjoy each others company, we would sit down and just "talk" as a family and laugh together. Now my kids don't even want TV except for our DVD movies that we get from NetFlix (parent approved that is) and we have the best time ever.

Stay involved in your kids lives, love them, take time with them, make them laugh, laugh at yourself, love your wife as much as you love yourself. Always be best of friends with your wife and help each other raise your kids to be the best they can be.

You will NEVER REGRET spending that time with you wife and your kids.!!!

Pay no attention to the public. They are just as screwed up as the TV is. :D

[paul cottingham]

I have a head injury, which sucks, but I get to be a full time dad, which rocks. It is serendipitous (is that a word?) as our daughter has autism, and is as active as 6 kids. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[Dennis Peacock]

I have a head injury, which sucks, but I get to be a full time dad, which rocks. It is serendipitous (is that a word?) as our daughter has autism, and is as active as 6 kids. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

You're AWESOME Paul...!!!!! :D

[paul cottingham]

I'm lucky. My father was 40 when I was born (I was 44 when my daughter was born,) and my sister and I were the most important thing in the world to him and my mother. He managed a large dairy, but we still came first. When he was in a home, suffering from Alzheimers, I went every day and had a good visit with him, because he was important to me. I pray and hope that I can pass on the same values to my daughter.

[Al Willits]

As my wife would say, "welcome to her world" go into a electronics store, car lot, sporting goods store, etc with your wife and have her ask for something, 9 times out of ten the salesman/women/it will talk to you.

Just not to long ago the salesman at one electronics store lost about a $2500-3000 sale on a small HT system for the living room TV, wife would ask a question then he'd respond to me, third time it happened she told him it was her asking the questions and not me, and headed for the door.

But this stuff goes on all the time.

Al

[Brian Loucks]

Dan,
I guarantee you will be a hero on your first grade school field trip. The only father there, so therefore the chaperone that gets to take 20 boys to the restroom! A moment you will always remember.
Congratulations, Brian

[Paul Steiner]

I am a high school teacher and a father. The best thing you can do is be active and present in your child's life. Also set a good example pass on your values and as your children mature hold them accountable. Kids want rules and structure even if they say they don't. I know I don't have to tell SMC'ers this but active is not watching tv with your kid. Kudos to all, I have read great examples on this thread.
If you do this your child will not think your are an oaf they will respect you. And they will behave and work hard (as you taught them) to remain in your good graces.
I teach shop so I get more than enough kids with problems. The causes are often related to parents that don't care, are indifferent, don't hold their children accountable or leave their kids alone for long periods because of work.
Also in this country we have lost a "strong male moral" presence. There is a shortage of strong male role models that are not womanizers, felons, vulgar, etc, etc. You have to be that strong male role model and pass on your morals. Because you kids will find the wrong role models very fast.

Personally I do not care if the clerk at babies r us thinks I am an oaf. What is more important is that my son knows what kind of man I am and he knows that I will be a big part of his life.
I think the babies r us problem is a lack of customer service and sales tact.

[John Shuk]

Sorry, one more: The first time you see that child is amazing. Not surprising, but it was the first time in my life where I realized that if I needed to I would literally saw my own arm off to save this little person if needed to. There were just no words to express the depth of love felt at that moment and every one since.

Amen brother!
That said...I'm stopping with my 3 boys!

[Dan Mages]

Dan,

Just wait. If your wife plans on breast feeding, you will feel helpless the 1st 2 weeks. Our 1st child I felt helpless, but tried to help out, which was very little. Or 2nd child who will be 3 months tommarow, I didn't do anything really. My wife always got up in the middle of the night. She slept on the couch next to the baby so she didn't wake me. None of this was my idea, my wife chose this. We had a deal though, our 2 year old gets up between 6-6:30 every morning so I always got up with him and let my wife sleep. But you really can't do much. Change a few diapers and that is about it.

Since my wife went back to work last week, things are different. Our little girl sleeps about 10 hours everynight now. Which is really nice. She hadn't been getting up for a while. My wife is a nurse and works 3 12 hour night shifts by choice. On my wife's 3rd night back, the little girl went to bed at 8, I went at 11. At 12 she was up and was pissed and unhappy until 5:30. I went back to sleep at 5:30 and got back up at 6:30 with my little boy. And then I was up the rest of the day taking care of the kids until my wife got up. So I am getting my sleepless nights now. I love my kids and my little boy goes just about everywhere with me. And I personally don't care if who or what anybody thinks. There are days I get frustrated and a little edgy because the daddy day care isn't really my thing. But it save us tons of money, and I developed a bond with my son, and now my daughter, that would have taken much longer to developed if I was still working 8-5. My real life dream though is to be Al Bundy.
Oh, don't worry. I won't feel helpless. She may be feeding the child, but I will be cooking for the two of us. I will probably take on most of the chores and financial work... not to mention diaper duty. There is plenty of stuff to go around.

I was watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations in Turkey yesterday. He was touring the main mosque in Istambul and took a lady to town for taking her scantly clad daughter into an Islamic holy sight and then apologized to his tour guide for her actions. I guess there are good fathers on TV and bad mothers in society.

Dan

[Jim Becker]

I do appreciate what you are talking about, Dan, although it was easier for me given we skipped the diapers and went straight to puberty. (Adoption) I'm very much a hands-on dad and Professor Dr. SWMBO and I don't try to differentiate parenting roles when we can avoid it. There are obviously some things that are better handled...or should I say...more comfortably handled by the female parent (when there is one) when it comes to raising teen and tween girls, but I wouldn't and haven't eschewed them in any way when the need is there. My name may be dad, but I'm one of two parents that share the responsibility for our kids.

Marketing is, however, what it is, and despite the fact that parenting is more equal these days in many two-parent families, the largest part of buying, especially for infants and young kids tends to be done by folks with indoor plumbing. Therefore the stores still cater more to the moms than they do to the dads. I notice this quite often when I take my 10 year old shopping for clothing. (She's the responsible kid and actually has a clothing allowance of her own) I'm the only man in the store, outside of an occasional young male clerk stocking shelves or manning (literally) the register. I fortunately do a pretty good job at keeping the young fashionista well appointed and still within budget... :)

Birth rituals like gift registration as you mention also tend toward the mom side of things in society for the same reason. I suspect that statistically, the moms and their extended crew tend to be the ones doing the buying. It's the "follow the money" principle at work when the stores focus on them rather than us. Not exactly fair to the dads, but I don't think it's going to change any time soon. But ignoring the dad is darn rude and I think you did the right thing by moving your registry to Amazon.

At any rate, if I could afford it, I'd happily be a say-at-home dad. I cook during the week and do the laundry as it is. But alas...things must stay as they are.

[Dan Mages]

Welp, we will find out what type of father I am tomorrow! We are in the hospital right now.

[Chris Kennedy]

You'll be just fine.

Good luck.

Chris