Funny work stories

[Peter Luch]

The "Here's your sign" thread got me thinking of funny/dumb stuff from work so here goes!
Post yours also!

***********************************************
Sorry it's long but it's good and that's how I tell a story.....:cool:

I worked for many years on hirise's in the L.A. area.

I was always given the new apprentices, mostley because I was good with helping them learn the trade.

One day on a job in Malibu building a clean room facility I was getting real frustrated. The job area was built into a hillside and the area around the building was tiny. Getting material and getting material moved was a royal pain.
We were trying to get a lift of wood moved and of course we were stalled waiting for the crane to move from the other side of the building.
While we were waiting trying to look busy my apprentice came up and said he was finished with the job I had given him.
Important fact: Only his second day on ANY construction job!!!

Being so frustrated I of course thought humour would be a good reply so with the labor foreman standing next to me I told the kid "We need to move this wood and we can't find the SKYHOOK so go down to the tool shed by the office and see if it's in there.":D
Before we could even snicker or say it was a joke the kid took off and headed down to the tool shed. The labor foreman and I shrugged and giggled that at least he will look busy and not be standing here like us waiting for the crane with our thumbs up our A******

We got the crane and with the wood got busy. About an hour later I asked a couple guys if they had seen the kid around, nobody had.

About ten minutes later the superintendent (Top boss on the job) came up and called me over.

It seems the kid had spent about 1/2 hour going thru the tool shed looking for the "SKYHOOK" and when he could not find it he was sooo upset he went in the office and was actually crying because he thought he would be fired for not knowing what it was. :(

Here's the kicker!

He was the nephew of the field super who oversaw ALL our jobs!!!:eek:
(I did not know this important fact!)

Being who he was and how he was crying nobody could bring themselves to tell him that a SKYHOOK was the oldest joke in the book. The super told me everything went dead quite in the office as they were all trying to keep from actually rolling on the floor laughing.
The super had to take the kid outside and consoul him, told him not to worry and take the rest of the day off.
The super told me all this between uncontrolled laughter. When he finally collected himself he got serious and told me he would try to tell the field super how it had happened but I would have to deal with the fallout as the field super was a mean jerk who scared everyone.

Well the kid never came back to our job and I was on pins and needles all week.:o
On Friday after work on the way down to the tool shed next to the office I saw the field supers truck and a bunch of guys hanging around the tool shed. Figured they were waiting for my execution. Well I got to the tool shed right as the super and field super walk out of the office trailer.
My mind raced as I could imagine just how bad this was gonna get so I decided to just take it like a man.

The field super walked right toward me and about 20 ft away as he kept walking toward me he said real loud "PETE! What was that garbage you pulled on my nephew the other day!?!?"
The only thing I could say was............. "You know I'm real sorry it happened like it did but on the other hand YOU were'nt there and nobody else dumb enough to fall for it was around!"

I could hear the gasp's from everyone around and the look on the supers face was incredible!!
The field super had a funny look on his face for a split second and then started laughing and said "Pete you jerk you know how much flack I got from my family for that? Everytime it came up I couldn't stop laughing!!!! I don't think I've laughed so much in the last ten years as I have this week!!"
He ended up sending the super down to get beer for everyone and sat around chatting with us for a couple hours.

I guess humor is the answer..................:D

Aloha, Pete

[David G Baker]

Pete,
Great story.
I was an apprentice working for the Southern Pacific Railroad when I was a kid. It took me quite a while looking for a pipe stretcher before it dawned on me that the mechanics were stretching the truth. They all got a good laugh at my expense. It was a valuable lesson that prevented me from being the butt of many jokes later in life.

[Peter Luch]

David,

We all get to be the butt of jokes and if you take it right it can be just as funny for you as it is for everyone else.
Having two teenage boys I laugh at myself all the time!!

Aloha, Pete

[Rick Davidson]

In the military it was aways fun asking the new guys to go get the I D 10 T form.

One time we had someone go look for something stupid and he started going to other company's asking and they all got in on it before we knew it he had a list and was going all around the battalion. He had stuff on his list like squelch oil for the radios, or wooden grid squares, the aluminum magnet all sorts of stuff.

[David G Baker]

Peter,
Having 4 adult sons myself means I survived and so did they. We all have great humor and take it to the max on every opportunity.

[Pat Germain]

When I was a junior sailor I was assigned temporary duty aboard USS Nimitz; for a Northern Atlantic cruise. The division onboard where I was assigned had a guy who had tested positive for "herb" and was awaiting outprocessing. This took about a year back then. (No kidding.) So, the busted sailor was assigned permanent duty of cleaning and maintaining our berthing area (living space). Since he was short and a bit stocky, his nickname was "Spanky".

So we're all crammed around the TV in our berthing one night when the division Chief comes in to look around. (It's very uncool for the Chief to come down to troop berthing like that, but that's the kind of Chief he was.) The Chief went into the head (bathroom). He came and shouted, "Spanky, there's a piece of gum in the urinal!".

Spanky quickly answered, "That's OK, Chief. You can have it!".

[Lee Schierer]

I was assigned to an LST for my midshipman cruise. During the course of the assignment we embarked a load of Marines. We had been at sea for several days when it was announced that a Sea Bat had been captured by one of the signal men. If any one wanted to see it they could come up the port side ladder. So as to not spook the bat, people were only allowed to come up one at a time to peek under the bucket that was upside down in the middle of the deck. One particularly large marine came up and was getting down on his hands and knees to peek under the bucket. The signal man with the broom wound up and gave him a big swat on the rear end. The Marine stood up in a heartbeat and turned on the guy with the broom, gave him an evil look and tehn proceeded to turn around get down to take another peek, so the signal man whacked him again. This time he got up and looked really enraged. He said "Will yall quit whacking me with that broom cause I want to see this here sea bat cause I've never seen one before." Then he turned and got down to look for a third time. They let him see the empty bucket this time and he figured out the joke.

We also used to get people to watch for the mail buoy so we could get mail from home.

[Mitchell Andrus]

Corporal, go get me a bucket of steam.

Yes sir. Will that be high pressure steam or low pressure steam, sir?
.

[Gerold Griffin]

While in the Corp we had axe qualification. This involved the the fresh recruit being lead to a nice sized piece of wood given an axe and and allowed to get thier feet planted and a couple of practice swings. Of course some "nice" Marine was always willing to hold thier jacket and cover (hat). Once blindfolded the young Marine is instructed to split the wood. Of course to cover (hat) was laid on the wood!!!
Another one done in the wing was sending a newbie down to supply for 30 ft of flight line, from supply to property, etc., etc., etc.

[Dennis Peacock]

A 5 gallon bucket of Hot Water Pipe Paint (you know....the black and yellow striped paint?)

An Air Static Charge Sensor/Discharger (made from an old bomb dump electric cigarette lighter and some wire, mounted to a box with a fake button). Always held at chin high, with button depressed, and walking slowly around the perimeter of the explosives storage area. :) )

[Pat Germain]

The US Navy has no end to such things. I addition to the Sea Bat and Mail Buoy Watch:

- Batteries for the sound powered phones
- Bucket of prop-wash
- Golden rivet
- "When we hit Ches Light (entrance to the Chesapeake Bay), be sure to go to the bow and throw a dollar into the toll booth."
- When reconnaissance photos came back cloud covered, you'd tell a new guy to get a can of "cloud eradicator".

With so many absurdities, reality sometimes becomes clouded. For example, aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt, we had a guy who's last name was Bogus. He was the guy to see when you needed light bulbs. I got many a skeptical eyeroll when I told people they had to go see Petty Officer Bogus to get light bulbs.

I spent a lot of time sailing the Caribbean. Some young sailors were sure I was pulling their leg when I told them to go to the bow and see the flying fish. "Yeah, right. Flying fish. I'll be sure to get some batteries for the sound powered phones while I'm up there."

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Working air traffic control....I heard a bunch and I once got even with a Warrant Officer while aboard the USS Orion AS-18.

This warrant officer was really a pleasure to work with and he was always teasing/harrassing me. One night at sea I assumed the CIC Supervisor watch and asked the others there in CIC who was on watch on the quarter deck. When they told me it was this particular warrant officer...I planned my revenge.

About 0100 I called the quarterdeck and he answered. CIC had the radar on that ship. I told him I wanted to report a radar target. He told me he had to get the log....hang on.....go ahead. I told him I wanted to report a B1-RD at bearing 215º and a range of 15 miles. He wrote it in the log and thanked me. 5 minutes later he called down and he was calling my name and being profane. It seems as though the poor guy had to strike two lines through the entry and initial it and later explain how it got in there!:D

I heard air traffic controlllers "hand off" B1-RDs and GU-11s to other controllers.

[Pat Germain]

I heard air traffic controlllers "hand off" B1-RDs and GU-11s to other controllers.

I swear carrier mess decks used to serve those up for dinner.

[Brian J Page]

While in the Corp we had axe qualification. This involved the the fresh recruit being lead to a nice sized piece of wood given an axe and and allowed to get thier feet planted and a couple of practice swings. Of course some "nice" Marine was always willing to hold thier jacket and cover (hat). Once blindfolded the young Marine is instructed to split the wood. Of course to cover (hat) was laid on the wood!!!
Another one done in the wing was sending a newbie down to supply for 30 ft of flight line, from supply to property, etc., etc., etc.

Ever send someone for a box of grid squares? We had a guy going all over the battalion asking for one. Unfortunately they consider this hazing now.

[alex grams]

It was that dang left-handed crescent wrench that always kept the new guy busy.

[John Pratt]

How about a backblast bag for a Antitank missle or my personal favorite; Chemlite batteries (glowstick for those not in the military).

[Dave Lehnert]

Working in retail we would often call the new guy and ask for "Horizontal down spout" and " pre-dug post holes"

Thought we would save some money and have some guys, who were slow in there work area, paint the restrooms. They put the paint on then the primer :eek:

[Rod Sheridan]

It was that dang left-handed crescent wrench that always kept the new guy busy.

As well as the "sky hook" when you needed to lift something in the plant.

Another popular one was to send the apprentice to the tool room and ask for a long weight (wait).......Rod.

[John Baranowski]

In the grocery business, it is necessary to explain to new courtesy clerks (baggers) the importance of shelf appearance. In particular, the salad dressing aisle. After a while, the dressings made with oil tend to settle out, leaving an unpleasant layered look. One of the courtesy clerk's jobs is to periodically go through the salad aisle and shake all the oil dressings to give them a nice uniform look.
We had one guy at it for a half an hour and sweating before someone let him off the hook...

[John Pratt]

While in the Army and stationed in a unit with M113 Armored Personnel Carriers they had people jump up and down on the top to "test the shocks" on the 13 ton vehicle. Others they would have hit the side with a hammer to check the armor for soft spots. The "victim would then mark the perceived soft spots with chaulk. it didn't take long for the whole APC to look like a tic-tac-toe board gone wild. I was not immune to getting hazed. I was told that the turret needed to be serviced and to "unscrew" it by spinning it 55 times counterclockwise and it would pop out.

[Jim Rimmer]

Woring in retail we would often call the new guy and ask for "Horizontal down spout" and " pre-dug post holes"

Thought we would save some money and have some guys, who were slow in there work area, paint the restrooms. They put the paint on them the primer :eek:
Wrong word here had me scratching my head for a while. :confused: Did you mean "then" instead of "them" in the last sentence?

[Tom Winship]

This actually happened to my father-in-law (long since departed).
In the oilfield, pipe is measured in decimals of a foot. We used to call the tape for measuring, "tenth tapes".

My FIL was measuring some pipe and put the newbie (called "worm" in the OF) on the "smart" end of the tape. He job was to read the tape, and call the length out. Should have been like 30 foot 2 or 30 and 2 tenths. The worm kept looking at the tape and my FIL asked him what the problem was. He replied "I had heard we were a cheap outfit, but when they started putting only 10 inches in a foot, now I believe it"!

[Dave Lehnert]

Wrong word here had me scratching my head for a while. :confused: Did you mean "then" instead of "them" in the last sentence?
yep! Then....

[Scott Shepherd]

Every time we got a new person in our section of the shop floor, we'd wait until the holiday season started and we'd all make a point to have conversations within ear shot of the new guy(s).

It would always go something like this :

"So, you getting the ham or turkey this year?"

"I don't know, I think the Turkey, we got the ham last year".

We'd all talk it up over a couple day period, never with them directly in the conversation. Then one of us would ask the new guy(s), "So, you getting the ham or the turkey?".

They'd look confused and say they didn't know what we were talking about.

Then we'd tell them that every holiday the company buys every employee a ham or a turkey, but you had to let the plant manager know which one you wanted. We'd then tell them they better hurry up, today was the cutoff date, and they needed to go tell the plant manager right now.

So we'd all watch as the newbie hurried into the plant managers office to tell him that he wanted the turkey. It was funny on so many levels. The joke, imagining them going into a new job and walking into the plant managers office to say that, and then the look on the face of the plant manager when he tried to figure out what was going on. He caught on too, and he began to play along and send them out of his office into the front office. We actually had one guy end up at the President of the company's office, asking to be put down for a turkey :)

Ahhhh....those were the good old days :)

[Brian Elfert]

When I was a Boy Scout we always played a joke on a new scout at summer camp. We went out on an overnight trip to an outpost wiith a staff cabin. While at the outpost, someone would tell one of the new scouts they had a phone call in the cabin. The scout would go inside and ask about his phone call.

Of course, they had neither a phone nor any electricity.

[Bill Cunningham]

In the 80's I was a teacher at a commercial diving school. After I left and started my current business, and just after that Florida guy invented the internet, I had a commercial diving website. I included this 'true' story for some of the newer students to find in their internet travels looking for diving information..

It was a quiet day, most of the students were in a classroom across the hall with Vince, learning the finer points of salvage.
Joe, Dave, Louis, and Myself, were just hanging out in the office yaking it up when Joe, pointing to a thunderflash, says hey Louis how do those things work?...
Wellllll says Louis in a "distinct" French Canadian Accent... You just rippem off the top here, den pull off da cap and expose da pointy ting underneed. den, whit one quick moshunn, you jus scratch the top of de pointy ting wit da cap an.......Oooops.........
Did you ever see the Wrath of Khan?.. When the Genesis Factor starts with a little tiny spark on the surface, and spreads out, in an ever widening circle until the whole surface bursts into a bright glowing ember? That's exactly what seemed to happen to da pointy ting, "in veeerrry Slooow Moootion" as the thunderflash ignited.. before the tiny spark spread halfway across da pointy ting, I was already out the door and halfway to the second floor waiting for the inevitable.
Now the burning question. What the hell do you do with a lit thunderflash, while standing in a community college office? As far as louis was concerned, you throw the thing under a desk and try, along with two other guys, to get out the door at the same time.
You know, it's amazing just how long seven seconds can last.. Particularly to three guys stuck in a doorway. One grunt and a quick slam took care of that problem just as the thunderflash did what thunderflashes do whenever you toss one under a desk in a in a closed office..
Meanwhile, on the second floor I was trying to look nonchalant as a LOUD bang echoed down every hallway in the college and, got back downstairs just as Vince was exiting the classroom staring daggers at Dave (These things were "usually" his fault). Hey s**t man.. not my fault "this" time Vince..Every one pointed at Louis, and listened the only plausible answer he could think of. "I was jus showin Joe how da tunderflash works"...

Just a foot note.. If this happened today, No doubt a Swat Team would have shown up, locked down the entire school and everything would have ended pretty badly.. So much for political correctness..

[John alder]

In the Navy we would send a new guy up to the bow to relive the mail bouy watch while underway miles out at sea.
One time we were tied up to the pier and had a floating camel (float to paint side of ship)tied to the ship on the seaward side.A new ensign came up to the quarter deck watch and told the petty officer to make sure enough slack be in the line to the camel when the tide goes out else it will be lifted in the air.
While anchored in the harbor in a North Africa port natives would row out and exchange trinkets for any thing clothing included.One native came along side in work uniform dungrees and watch cap,the same ensign told the watch to put that man on report.

[Brian J Page]

Had a guy spend half the day looking for a 4/8" wrench.