Paying for damage

[JohnT Fitzgerald]

For those of you with children (of any age).....

How much responsibility do you feel for damage cause by your child when they break something when playing at a friend's house? and by 'responsibility', I mean paying for repair/replacement.

[David Duke]

100% if it is known that my kid alone caused the damage if more than one kid were involved divided up proportionaly. Another thing to consider though is if the kids were being properly supervised, I always expected my kids to know the difference between right and wrong regardless, but when you get a group of young kids together and their not supervised "things happen" sometimes and the homeowner bears some responsibility . Just an FYI I have 2 boys they ar now 29 and 25 respectively.

Just side note to the above, we were at my sisters house several years ago, my oldest son was probably about 12-13 at the time (old enough to know better) and the kids were playing in my nephews room and found some old fireworks. To make a long story short MY kid decided it would be funny to "play like" he was going to light the thing only problem was he actually did and when it lit he through it down on the carpet to stop it out, we all know what happed then..:mad:....burnt about a 3" hole in the carpet. I was adamant about paying to have the room recarpeted but good fortune was smiling down on me and my son, my sister had contracted the day before for new carpet through out the house (I made her show me the receipt because I thought she was just trying to make me feel better about the situation) !!:D I still tried to give them something because the burnt smell stayed in the house for about a week but they wouldn't take anything.

[Mike Henderson]

If your child breaks something, you pay for it. Period. Shouldn't even be a question.

Mike

[Rod Upfold]

I think you should be completely be responsible for your kids actions. If it was an accident the people might say forget it - but I would still offer complete replacement or at least some percentage of the replacement cost. If it was purposely done or done through stupidity definitely take the full brunt of the replacement cost.


...................................

David your story hit a tickle spot and made me chuckle - I have a nephew and it sounds like something that he would do and making me glad that he isn't my son.



Rod

[Cliff Rohrabacher]

How much responsibility do you feel for damage cause by your child when they break something when playing at a friend's house? and by 'responsibility', I mean paying for repair/replacement.

100%

If you break it you own it.

[Craig Coney]

Ultimately, you are responsible for your childrens actions, however, as I know all too well with three young and curious children and lots of young children in the neighborhood, other factors are often involved as well.

I have had my share of incidents happen when the kids go to the neighbors houses to play and thing happen because they are not being supervised. I have also had situations where the kids playing at our house damage or destroy items just to do it, even when they are being supervised.

So , it is hard to say a definate yes or no without knowing more of the specifics. As other posters have commented, were there others involved, was there supervision, were they being antagonized, plus the neighborhood politics that go along with each situation.

[Matt Meiser]

I'd have to agree with the "depends on the situation" crowd--I don't think you can make a blanket statement covering every situation.

Cliff brings up my pet peeve--store owners who put up "you break it you buy it signs" then pile their shelves so full you can't help but bump into things.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

If my child was responsible....we paid for it.....Past tense.

If my child did it and they were in a crowd.....we paid for it.....past tense.....


If my child did it and there was a crowd involved....we still paid for it....past tense

[Mike Henderson]

Cliff brings up my pet peeve--store owners who put up "you break it you buy it signs" then pile their shelves so full you can't help but bump into things.
If you don't think you or your child can walk through the store without breaking something, don't go into the store. Or pay for it when you break it.

You don't get to blame the storekeeper.

Mike

[Matt Meiser]

I'm not talking about my kid. I'm talking about me. I'm talking about when they have stuff piled on the shelves so that when you move one thing something else falls. I'm talking aisles so narrow that two people passing bump in to the shelves.

And its not just storekeepers but big corporations too, though they don't usually have the signs.

But anyway, back on topic....

[John Shuk]

If you don't think you or your child can walk through the store without breaking something, don't go into the store. Or pay for it when you break it.

You don't get to blame the storekeeper.

Mike
Actually you do. If it is the type of store where the store owner has a reasonable expectation that kids may shop there with their parents I would say that they have a reasonable responsibility to make it somewhat kid friendly. A storekeeper also has a vested interest in keeping his wares intact until the sale.


I'm in the "depends on the situation" camp as well.
I think I usually act responsibly most of the time and I trust my own judgement.

[Mike Henderson]

Actually you do. If it is the type of store where the store owner has a reasonable expectation that kids may shop there with their parents I would say that they have a reasonable responsibility to make it somewhat kid friendly. A storekeeper also has a vested interest in keeping his wares intact until the sale.


I'm in the "depends on the situation" camp as well.
I think I usually act responsibly most of the time and I trust my own judgement.
Once you start blaming the shopkeeper, there's no way the shopkeeper could prevail. In fact, you could use the fact that a kid broke something as proof that the store was not sufficiently "kid friendly". Parents need to take responsibility for the actions of their children. If the child cannot be in the store without breaking something, don't take the child in there. And if you take the child in there, be prepared to pay if the child breaks something. Too many people have the attitude that it's always someone else's fault - never their fault or their children's fault.

Mike

[Greg Cuetara]

Ok so here is a follow up question. If another child breaks something in your house do you point it out to his / her parents right away and expect them to pay? If they do not offer to pay do you hold a grudge?

Mrs. Allen Johnny broke the dump truck....that will be $49.99 please. I do agree that we are responsible for our kids actions but also what happens when our child goes over someone else's house who has lots of really expensive toys that we can not or choose not to buy. I can definatly see the situation where you would replace the carpet in a room because your son decided it would be fun to set off fireworks. I really see myself taking some responsibility here. What if a toy was on it's last legs and got dropped by accident...I think the offer to pay for a replacement is the correct thing to do but also on the other side of the coin not accepting a replacement...unless it was very intentional...is also the correct action to take. JMHO.

As a side note any shop owner holds a certain amount of responsibility to insure that their merchandise is safe and sound and will not be broken easily. If you will notice in many shops breakables are put in cabinets with locks on them...any shop owner who puts expensive breakables out is asking for trouble if it is from kids or from adults. Parents do have to take responsibility for their kids and if the kids grab something and throw it on the ground it is fairly reasonable to say that the parent just bought it. If an item is on the edge and gets bumped by accident then it is the shop owners responsibility. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Now if you walk into a glass store that is another ball of wax. If there is a reasonable assumption that nothing will get broken it is the shop owners responsibility...now if there it not a reasonable assumption, ie. a glass store, then it is your responsibility.

Greg

[Mike Henderson]

Most people will not demand payment for things a child broke at their house, but the child may not get invited back again.

Mike

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Let me give you an example that actually happened to me and my oldest son.

My oldest son about age 8 at the time and a bunch of other kids were playing in the graveled driveway of the trailer park where we were living just outside NAS Meridian, MS.

My oldest son came into the house and told me "Dad...we were throwing rocks and I threw one and it broke the rear window on MS XXXXxxx x car." I asked him to show me. Sure enough, the rear glass window on my neighbors convertible was broken.

I knocked on her door...informed her of the damage. I asked her to get it repaired and bring me the bill. She did and I paid it.

I applauded my oldest son's honesty even at age 8.

When I caught him bragging to the neighbor kids that he'd broken the window, his Dad paid for it and he didn't get a whipping.....well that last part became past tense!

[Rick Gooden]

I'm with Ken on this one. It seems that, Once upon a Time, parents simply took the high road and paid for the damage, thus giving the child a standard to strive for. I know I am about to get flamed over this, so bring it on.

[Mike Wellner]

Put them in straitjackets and save a little on your liability insurance policy!

[John Schreiber]

This has got to be an "it depends" issue.

Kids play - toys break. I don't expect toys to last forever when my daughter plays with them by herself, when she has friends over, or when she is playing at a friends house; there's a certain amount of wear and tear and even damage which comes with the territory.

Of course, deliberate damage to any toy or damage to something which is not a wear and tear item is a different matter. I'll pay and then if appropriate, my daughter will pay me back over time and she will be punished.

[Brian Ashton]

Question I have is what did your kids do? :D

[Rod Sheridan]

If my kids broke something, I paid for it.

A window, a bicycle, repaired a screen door.

A friend of my daughter tossed a glass ketchup bottle through our sliding glass patio door.

Her father came over an hour later, cheque book in hand.

I accepted half of the cost, since I thought my daughter had some of the blame, as the two kids were arguing at the time.

I remember when I was a kid and rode my bicycle through an elderly neighbours fence. Thinking about it now, I'm surprised that Mr. Douglas didn't have a heart attack at the time. My friend and I, two up, in the winter, on ice, go through the fence while Mr. Douglas was watching out of his kitchen window.

Pickets everywhere, two kids laying in the snow, and Mr. Douglas outside in the snow checking to see if we were OK.

We were until Mr. Douglas phoned my Dad, thinking we might need a ride home!

Dad was not pleased to say the least. I wound up paying my dad money for months to pay for the wood and paint to make a new section of fence. Not to mention the hiding I got for scaring Mr. Douglas and wrecking his fence.

I guess I'm old fashioned as I the older I get, the more my attitudes resemble my Dad's!

Regards, Rod.

[JohnT Fitzgerald]

Question I have is what did your kids do? :D

Excellent question!

First, my son is 6. He and his friend were playing the Wii, and the remote went flying and took out their big flatscreen tv.

In general, I'm a fan of 'you break it you own it', but I have some issues with it in this case...
- I *know* they were not being supervised. Strike against the friend.
- I *know* my son has been told time and again (at home) to wear the wrist strap. Strike against my son.
- When my wife was called about it, she went to get our son - and the boys were just playing up in the friend's room, apparently not "in trouble". Strike against the friend.
- The boys thought the whole thing was funny. Strike against both of them.
- After the fact, it appears the friend was not punished at all. Strike against the friend.


I'm sure we'll end up splitting it somehow, but I'm just extremely irritated that other people don't supervise young kids and then squawk when something breaks.

[Scott Shepherd]

Might check with your insurance company. You might have some coverage that will take care of it. Not sure, but worth checking.

[John Schreiber]

Excellent question!

First, my son is 6. He and his friend were playing the Wii, and the remote went flying and took out their big flatscreen tv. . . .

I don't think this example fits the hard and fast rules which others have been quoting. If people have your six-year-old playing unsupervised at their house with hundreds (thousands?) of dollars worth of fragile equipment, they used very poor judgment.

Still, I'd probably offer to pay half and hope they decline. If their kids weren't taking it seriously, maybe the parents see a flat screen tv as a consumable.

[JohnT Fitzgerald]

I don't think this example fits the hard and fast rules which others have been quoting. If people have your six-year-old playing unsupervised at their house with hundreds (thousands?) of dollars worth of fragile equipment, they used very poor judgment.

Still, I'd probably offer to pay half and hope they decline. If their kids weren't taking it seriously, maybe the parents see a flat screen tv as a consumable.


I'll have to see if the wives spoke about it today. I'll split it - but I'm not about to fully fund a 'replacement' (which could easily become an 'upgrade'). I think you hit the nail on the head - if it was something 'run of the mill', or even something deliberate on the part of my son, I'd have the checkbook out. But their cavalier attitude and lack of supeervision (especially around a big ticket item) really bothers me...

[John Shuk]

Once you start blaming the shopkeeper, there's no way the shopkeeper could prevail. In fact, you could use the fact that a kid broke something as proof that the store was not sufficiently "kid friendly". Parents need to take responsibility for the actions of their children. If the child cannot be in the store without breaking something, don't take the child in there. And if you take the child in there, be prepared to pay if the child breaks something. Too many people have the attitude that it's always someone else's fault - never their fault or their children's fault.

Mike

Nor is it always my child's fault.

[Bonnie Campbell]

Nor is it always my child's fault.

Have you ever been walking down a fairly wide aisle and a whole display crashes? BTDT! No WAY were either I or my daughter close enough to of made things come crashing down, but it did. We stood in stunned disbelief as a pyramid of small glass lamps busted. So stores need to REALLY think about how their items are displayed.

[Leigh Costello]

Ahh...the conundrum for the ages! I was raised as many were and some are. If I broke something, or damaged something, I paid for it. Usually got a spanking and then I had to "Work it off." Harsh? Maybe. But I learned Barbies are not projectiles, glass will break if rocks are thrown at it, sledding down carpeted stairs is NOT okay, and many other various lessons. The biggest lesson I learned from all of the childhood mishaps was responsibility for my actions.

As a mom, I tried to raise my daughter the same way...so far, so good. Shipped her off to college for the second year today and her first experience in the house she is renting with her friends. We will see how that turns out.

So, if someone breaks something in my house, at least offer to repair or replace. Personally, I would never leave a child alone with a Wii controller in my home - those things fly all by themselves!;)

[Phil Thien]

First, my son is 6. He and his friend were playing the Wii, and the remote went flying and took out their big flatscreen tv.


Oh that sucks. Like the atomic bomb of this scenario.

I hate to tell you this, but I think I'd offer to pay the full boat for a new (non-upgrade) TV. I'd try to keep the costs down by shopping online, etc., and looking for NOS of the exact same model TV somewhere (to see if you can get a "deal").

I'd also make sure all my kid's friend's parents know that he is not allowed to play Wii at their houses, as you've already replaced one TV and are not about to outfit the neighborhood w/ new flat screens.

[Garth Keel]

Past tense: If my kids were responsible, I paid for it. If the owner offered to share the cost, that was fine. But, the bottom line was my kid did it, I paid.

There might be, as some have suggested, "circumstances". However, I start from I am responsible for the actions of my child. Anything else is later.

[JohnT Fitzgerald]

We'll definitely compensate them to some degree, the question is how much. Now if he just threw a baseball in the house and broke it, they'd already have a check. but he wasn't intentionally misusing anything (except for the wrist strap). I still want him to understand there are consequences, even from accidents.

Everyone - Thanks for the advice, and especially for the stories.

[John Pratt]

I have always tried to instill in my children (all 4) that they should take responsibility for their actions. If my child is in another home, where I am also present, then I share some of the blame for not adequately supervising my own child. However, if my child is at another home where I am not present and they break something, they have been taught to take responsibility themselves. I expect to know about it, but they are responsible for working out how they are going to remedy the situation. I have them talk to the owners (with me present if strangers) and explain what happened and how they expect to fix the problem. They may have to cut their grass, pull weeds, wash cars, etc… If there is a dollar amount that needs to be paid immediately, then they dip into their savings or in extreme cases I will pay. But, you can bet that they will then work off that debt working for me. Common sense should always prevail, accidents happen. I think more importantly, that the lesson of responsibility and integrity is learned.

[JohnT Fitzgerald]

I think more importantly, that the lesson of responsibility and integrity is learned.

This is exactly where I am right now with the wife - trying to figure out how to make him learn a lesson.

[John Schreiber]

This is exactly where I am right now with the wife - trying to figure out how to make him learn a lesson.
I'm trying on my long worn out child behavior specialist cap. Don't take this too seriously. I've been a computer programmer for a much longer time than I worked with children.

The problem with six-year-olds is that they just can't learn some lessons. They don't have the mental capacity to "see" things that haven't happened yet, especially if they are excited about something else at the time (like playing a video game).

The punishment for using the wii without a strap and nothing happening should be the same as that for using a wii without a strap and breaking a $1,000 t.v. There is no difference in the behavior. He never intended to break a t.v.

A good learning experience might be to prohibit use of video games or even any "screen" time for a week or so AND - require him to spend some time every day carrying the wii controller with the wrist strap attached. That might help him learn a new habit.

[JohnT Fitzgerald]

require him to spend some time every day carrying the wii controller with the wrist strap attached. That might help him learn a new habit.

Interesting - I like that idea. and in general, I agree about the 6 year old 'mental capacity'.

[John Pratt]

- require him to spend some time every day carrying the wii controller with the wrist strap attached. That might help him learn a new habit.

The Army calls this corrective training (not punishment) like if a Soldier doesn't show up to a formation on time, he is required to appear before his supervisor at several scheduled times to show he understands, or if a Soldier "misplaces a weapon" they might be required to carry a similar item (fake weapon, rock, etc..) all hours of the day. It can be effective, but at times it can also lead to some semblance of humiliation.

I agree that a six-year-old is a little tougher to teach the lesson, but if you can get across the integrity and responsibility part and make sure they understand what went wrong, half the battle is won as they get older.

[Michael Trivette]

First let me say im sorry for any bad feelings this post may cause.

If my child is told to not throw things (balls, pillows, etc... ) and does it anyway then my child is at fault and I WILL pay and my child will be punished.

However i would not pay for a new TV if YOU thought it was ok to let 6 year olds throw things at YOUR TV.

I don't like the Wii .... and i'll never like the Wii
If your child comes to my house then YOU are no longer liable for your child. .. I am

If your child comes onto my property and eggs my car or some other mean act then thats a differnt story

I let your child come to my house and no matter what happens I will not accept one cent for any damage that may result.

I mean really kids will be kids. Kids do things they souldn't.
Thats why we call them kids and not adults.
Its also why my kids arent allowed in YOUR house unless i know you very well.

Your child will not be allowed to swim in my pool or jump on my trampoline without a you yourself being there to watch.


I see you all talking about teaching kids responsibility and I agree 100%

But I think you as an adult should be held to a higher standerd than my 6 year old child.

You let the kids play wii and never ever even thought about a controller flying into your $1500 Big screen?
REALLY NEVER

that like using a tablesaw and never thinking you could loose a finger.

Sorry for the rant and sorry if I offended.

[JohnT Fitzgerald]

Definitely no offense taken - in fact, I like your point of view on everything. You sorta hit on an issue I have around supervision. quite sure they were not being 'supervised'. but this isn't a $40 Wii remote that would need to be replaced, and I think the item value sorta puts it in a different category.

and I like how you just threw that TS analogy in there at the end ;)