What's the secret to marriage... [Archive] - Sawmill Creek Woodworking Community

Brian Ashton

07-26-2009, 6:23 AM

I've been married now for 20 years. Often people I haven't seen for years (I am presently living in Aus so seeing old friends happens only after infrequent trips home) ask what's the secret to our marriage as we appear to be so happy together. Often the question isn't are you married it's are you still married... Personally, I have absolutely no idea what the secret is and don't try to speculate in case it jinx my marriage (long story - too long for here). So for those that don't suffer such a superstition as I what's your take on a happy long lasting marriage?

PLEASE NO CRITICISM OF THOSE WHO WANT TO CONTRIBUTE! Let people have their opinions.

Rich Neighbarger

07-26-2009, 7:09 AM

Congratulations on the 20 year mark! We just passed our 12 year mark and look forward to all beyond. Still, that is a tough question. I'll give it a shot.

#1 Close friends. Too often friends and aquaintences are viewed as interchangeable terms when in fact they are not. Friends share more than one or two things in common and look forward to sharing life experiences with each other. Aquaintences just happen to be there as life happens.

#2 Honesty. Without this there is no trust.

#3 Tust. Without trust, there is no relationship.

#4 Empathy. One must have a genuine understanding of and care for their spouse.

#5 Equality. Each spouse has a seperate but equal rolls. One should never feel as if they are mearly beeing kept around as a trophy. Both partners have to feel needed.

Andy Bardowell

07-26-2009, 7:47 AM

21 years for us Brian, its how you handle the valleys that is important and unfortunately a lot of folks let their stubbornness rule the day instead of compromise and even concession to allow situations to relax and blow over. We’re not perfect, we’ve had some pretty good blow ups but we’ve always worked through whatever it was, I think where some get into real trouble is getting mean in violation of Rich’s rule #4 and it is very hard to come back from.

Myk Rian

07-26-2009, 8:00 AM

I learned to say "Yes Dear". :D
41 years of Wonderful Wedded Bliss here.
I think that the idea of divorce scares us, so we work to avoid that.

Roger Newby

07-26-2009, 8:21 AM

Also 41 years...learn the difference between stand up and shut up.:D

Ted Calver

07-26-2009, 8:51 AM

47...yes dear :)

Chuck Saunders

07-26-2009, 9:00 AM

Greg Cuetara

07-26-2009, 9:46 AM

I knew a couple married 40 years and they said the secret was that, "he worked days and she worked nights."

Joe Mioux

07-26-2009, 10:02 AM

20 years here,

Anna's ability to not care what I spend on woodworking tools.

My ability to stop working out in the garage on a project and sit back and talk with Anna and the kids. The workshop/garage is like a magnet for family time sans T.V. distraction.

also, not making mountains out of mole hills.

and not expecting more out of each other than what we have come to expect over knowing each other for 26 years. We are not changing our personal ways and each of us know that.

joe

Pat Germain

07-26-2009, 11:33 AM

Mrs. Pat and I just hit 26 years last Friday! :eek:

I hope I don't offend anyone by saying so, but I think a big contributor to failing marriages is the "Our kids come first!" attitude.

Oh sure, it's sounds nice to say, "Our kids come first!". But a marriage should be a relationship between two people. When it devolves into two people just working to buy things for the kids and then playing house-servant for the kids, where's the marriage? If all you do is work, drive the kids from one organized activity to the next, then feed the kids, bathe the kids, dress the kids and fulfill every demand of the kids, it's going to be nearly impossible to maintain a marriage. But lots of couples do just this. Then, "POOF!", divorce.

I think our grandparents' generation had a lot of things right about marriage and raising kids. I tried to follow that example and it worked pretty well. I now have two very nice, independent and well adjusted adult children.

When it came to our son and daughter, Mrs. Pat and I took the position, "We are the parents. We are the center of your world. You are not the center of our world. Capiche?" So, when Mrs. Pat and I wanted to go out on a "date" without the kidlets, there was never any moaning or crying. It was more like, "Yippee, who's gonna be the babysitter?". And believe me, those dates were extremely important in keeping our marriage going.

Ken Fitzgerald

07-26-2009, 11:42 AM

Brian,

Congrats on 20 years!

Our next anniversary will be our 41st.

Marriage to me in someways is like a job. You have to work at it everyday and never take it for granted.

It helps if both people feel the other person is more important than themselves. A while back my MIL made the observation "It's no wonder you two are so happy. You really try to spoil each other." Within reason, it's true.

She's my best friend, my worst critic. I nearly lost her to a deadly form of cancer 17 years ago next month. I realized what a lonely soul I'd be without her in my life. If she ever grew up, I don't know what I'd do. I'll never have a stiff neck. Between some folks here at the Creek and the LOML, I'm always looking down...shaking my head.

Mike Cutler

07-26-2009, 11:57 AM

24 years for us Brian. Mere babes compared to those at +40.:cool:

The secret is that there is no secret.;)

Cliff Rohrabacher

07-26-2009, 12:08 PM

Well, it's a secret. Ya can't tell any one.
Simple as that.

John Shuk

07-26-2009, 1:24 PM

I pretty much keep my head in the sand and pull it up when invited to do so.

Ron Jones near Indy

07-26-2009, 1:31 PM

We'll have 42 years next month. I'm not sure there is any one reason. Mutual respect is on the list as is empathy, trust, and friendship. In our case, religion is definitely a factor (can I say that here?). I know there are other things on the list--I doubt that it's the same for all couples.

Jeff Wright

07-26-2009, 2:04 PM

Among the many things that help insure a successful marriage, I would add:

1] attention to the small details. Little things matter.
2] Some time ago, while alone on a long drive somewhere, I asked myself what one word would describe my wife of 23-plus years. I concluded that that one word is "precious." Believing that seems to drive my relationship with my wife and what I do and don't do.

Steve Rozmiarek

07-26-2009, 2:16 PM

We're rookies compared to you guys, but I'd like to add that both of us enjoy the freedom to be the individuals that we are, with the others blessing. Of course, to get to that, you need trust.

Paul Ryan

07-26-2009, 2:28 PM

I haven't been married nearly as long as most of you. 7 years hear. The biggest thing I have learned is to bite my tongue and let the little things go. We are in the child bearing years, have a little boy that is almost 2 years old, and will have a little girl sometime in the middle of Nov. It has changed our relationship a lot. But the sacrifices we have made haven't changed our fellings for each other. One thing that helped greatly was going into business for my self. I have much more time to be with my faimly and time to spend with my wife. If I would still be working my other job, my wife would only see our son 1/2 per day 4 days a week and we would only see each other the same amount. Now we have a lot more time together, and my son is like my right hand man.

Frank Hagan

07-26-2009, 2:45 PM

We used to joke that whoever left first had to take the kids, and that kept us together. We don't have that "excuse" anymore.

Now we're coming up on 34 years, and I can't say what it is. I know what it is not.

It is not that we are smarter than other couples. We know some really smart ones who didn't last.

It is not that we have more money than other couples. We know some really rich ones who didn't last.

It is not that we are more spiritual, more in love, have more in common or anything else that we can identify. We have seen plenty of couples we thought had it all fail.

So I do know one thing, after seeing all the relationships that fail. Anniversaries are important, and they are unique. In the year's calendar of special days, each and every one comes no matter what you do ... except your anniversary. It is the one special day of the year that you earn.

Jim Rimmer

07-26-2009, 3:15 PM

We've been married 41 years and I wish I could give you a list of rules to live by that make it last but I can't. We were so poor when we got married (working our way through college) that we had to pool our money and get by the best we could. Most of the failures I see start with money. I really believe that it should be "ours". Not "mine" and "hers". I really believe that if you can't agree on finances, you're doomed.

Other than that, a few rules to live by:
1. You don't have to hear everything she says.
2. You don't always have to have an answer for everything she says.
3. When you leave the house, think about what it would be like if something jhappened and one of you never returned. Would you want that to be the way you parted?
4. Never, NEVER neglect your spiritual life. (This should probably be #1)

Carlos Alden

07-26-2009, 10:08 PM

I just hit the 25 year mark.

One thing that is really important is being able to respect one another's decisions and stances on tough things without necessarily understanding the why.

We've always had a "veto clause" in our marriage. If we came to a point of real contention about money, parenting, whatever, and one of us said "I just can't go along with that" and invoked the veto clause then it was respected, and no more was made of it. A bitter pill to swallow especially when you think you're right, but it more than comes back to you when you just cannot abide by something that is asked of you.

This was never taken capriciously, but only used maybe once a year or so. I cannot tell you how much easier it is to work out differences when you know that the bottom line is you won't ever be asked, cajoled, manipulated, to decide something that is truly against something you believe to be right.

Carlos

Milton Wisler

07-26-2009, 10:33 PM

Will be 56 years soon. We both stood in church and made a vow before God "......until death do us part." nuff said

Phyllis Meyer

07-27-2009, 11:38 AM

Guys...I am so proud of all of you that responded! What wonderful insight and I have to say that your wives are very fortunate! We have been married for 28 years, and we both can proudly say that we love each other more each year...and even more important...we like each other:)

We married young, waited a few years to have kids (2 wonderful daughters), and made sure that we did take time for ourselves (we had no money so just a picnic in the park while Grandma watched the kids was perfect). We put God first and believe that everyone does need to work at marriage. Respect is key, and whoever mentioned about getting through the valleys was just as important as going through the mountain moments were right. Tragic deaths were part of our families, and getting through those with each other brought us so close.

Advice: Love each other! Talk! Intimacy...and lots of it;)! Listen (really listen)! Allow each other free time (but also find things to do together). Respect each other. Don't allow in-laws to control your lives! Love the children you were Blessed with and don't be afraid to raise them right! Don't allow the bad outside influences to creep into your lives (shut the TV off if you have to), and there is so much more, but yes the Financial stuff can crush a marriage...get out of debt and don't make the same mistakes. Job loss is such a heavy burden and this economy is rough right now...be strong together and there is nothing that can't be worked through! Laughter is also so very important!

I stand in awe of my husband and the father of my girls, they have the best dad and I pray they will find husbands like him!

Sincerely,
Phyllis:)

Belinda Barfield

07-27-2009, 2:16 PM

So I do know one thing, after seeing all the relationships that fail. Anniversaries are important, and they are unique. In the year's calendar of special days, each and every one comes no matter what you do ... except your anniversary. It is the one special day of the year that you earn.

Like Phyllis, I applaud all of you guys. I can't offer any insight into a successful marriage, because I have never had one. I would like to say that in my opinion, Frank's insight above would have gone a long way with me. Frank, I had never thought of an anniversary as being the one day a year that you earn. Thanks for posting!

Rod Sheridan

07-27-2009, 2:35 PM

Well Belinda, I've never had a marriage, however Diann and I have been together for 26 years.

During that time we've had two daughters, and like all children at times they brought us closer together, and other times pushed us apart.

Same for money, jobs etc, however we've stayed together all these years, and each year is better than the last.

We have some common hobbies, woodworking, motorcycling and gardening, and have other solitary interests.

The same is true of friends, we have mutual friends, and individual friends, we both feel it's important to have shared and solitary time.

I think the secret to staying together is having common interests and beliefs, and a willingness to accept the other person as an individual, who has characteristics you adore, and despise. It's a two way street, and both partners must be willing to compromise if it's goig to be a sucessful relationship.

I guess if you check your ego at the door, (hard for me to do sometimes), and have a genuine interest in the other person, it all works out.

Regards, Rod.

P.S Obviously it's best to stay faithful, avoid excessive drinking/gambling etc. Some behaviours really are show stoppers.

Prashun Patel

07-27-2009, 2:43 PM

Man, I'm a young'n; only been married 8 years. But little kids'll put the strain on ya good n' proper!

Two phrases:

1) Stolen from Nancy Reagan: It's better to be happy than right.
2) Stolen from Seal: Happy Wife, Happy Life.

GERALD HARGROVE

07-27-2009, 3:02 PM

Congrats, I have only been married for 10 years, very good years. As I was told once before, the in love stage only last about 2 years, I think. Then it is a choice to love, like or move on. If you make the choice each day to love your partner, then you work each day to make them love you as well. Never stop working at it from both ends, and before you know it, it just happens.

Chris Tsutsui

07-27-2009, 4:19 PM

I'm 27 and have been married for a whopping 1 year. :D

Let me tell you that the first year went by pretty fast and was fairly easy, but it's gotten a bit harder since my wife is pregnant with our first and 1 month until D-day.

I've been having to a lot of compromises recently, but then again, it could be that my wife is just pregnant. I can't sit down and watch TV for 15 minutes because there's something that needs to be done around the house to get ready for the baby.

I'm losing my freinds slowly and i'm not allowed any female friends anymore... heh

I have to say "yes" to everything, though even if I say "yes", sometimes that's not enough because there has to be some sort of small argument.

I learned that when it comes to these arguments, even if I'm right... I'm "not right"... meaning If i'm right about something, it just means i'm not being understanding or agreeable, therefore i'm wrong...

I'm sure it's a long learning curve and hopefully one day things will get easy and the married years will just fly by. (Or maybe marriage will always be tough and that's just life...) ;)

Tim Self

07-27-2009, 4:46 PM

Will be 56 years soon. We both stood in church and made a vow before God "......until death do us part." nuff said

Mine musta forgot that part, left at 19.5 years, remarried and 11 in sept. Commitment and respect. Respect covers a HUGE area though.

Jimmy Stewart once said in a movie, "you don't love her son, you dont know how to now. Love grows" I believe there may be some truth to that.

Phyllis Meyer

07-27-2009, 6:20 PM

Be patient, and this last month will be the craziest! I promise it will all be worth it when you and your wife see and hold your baby for the first time! There are so many changes in your life right now and as for the friends, you will get reconnected one day. If they are also starting families, they will understand and vice versa. Our girls are 24 & 21 and they are our greatest joys! They grow so fast, enjoy each moment!

Sincerely,
Phyllis:)

Steve Clardy

07-27-2009, 9:34 PM

Ken Fitzgerald

07-27-2009, 9:39 PM

Chris,

Congratulations! You are about to take on what IMHO is the most important title and job you'll ever have......"Dad"...a parent. It will be the most challenging thing you and your wife will ever do and has the best opportunity for the greatest reward.

I hate to be the one to tell you Chris.....people and relationships are always changing. The only thing guaranteed in this life from the moment you are born is change. And yes....relationships change. It's up to the those involved to see that those changes are postive.

My wife and I have been married for 40+ years. I love her more now than when I met her on a blind date. I'm sure to her I'm more than a young guy with a southern accent who could sing and drove a hot '64 Chevy Impala SS convertible. We fought....we nearly starved to death in Brunswick,GA in 1970......we have survived raising 3 fine children......we have survived deaths in the family together...we have survived her battle with cancer 17 years ago..... And yes our relationship has changed. She called me from Phoenix a few minutes ago where she is visiting and she put our great-granddaughter on the phone to tell me she had painted some clay ornaments and Nanny was going to bake them later in the oven.

Even my friends have changed....folks who live next door.....we raised our kids together...they (retired teachers) taught our youngest......we elk hunted together for 15 years.....fished and camped together....we have changed...so have they....

Yup....life is full of changes......Soon Your life is fixing to change dramatically Dad!

Darius Ferlas

07-27-2009, 11:13 PM

Marriage is like woodworking:
- patience, patience and then some more patience
- measure (think) twice before cutting (speaking) once

Other than that, the secret to marriage is that there don't have to be secrets.

Mark Cothren

07-28-2009, 9:33 AM

The secret is..............it is no secret! The Bible spells it out pretty plain in Ephesians 5:22-33. My marriage is still going strong after 25 years, so I know it works.

David Cramer

07-29-2009, 11:55 AM

Not that anyone is having trouble in their marriage, but if you were, watch Fireproof and then report back. A friend of mine was having trouble in his marriage and most of it was him not respecting his wife and being a real jerk to be around. I gave him a copy of Fireproof about 2 months ago. Let's just say he thanked me over and over and all is well. Trust me on this one, it changes most people, but you've gotta watch the WHOLE movie and give it a chance.

Here's a teaser. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY-C_36fla4

I don't have as many years in the bank as a lot of you guys, but all is fine. By the way, I don't drink, smoke, and rarely swear. But to look at me, you wouldn't know it. I've also got 2 kids that I want to see grow up as decent respectful adults.

Frank Hagan

07-29-2009, 12:31 PM

On the practical side, one of the most valuable things I learned was from one of those "relationship" guys that talked about the differences between men and women. He said women wanted to be touched without the expectation of sex (who knew?) So you should touch your wife 7 times a day. Count. But not out loud, because then they will know you're counting and evidently that's bad. A pat counts, a hug, a touch on the arm. Do it for a week and see if there's a difference.

The same guy also said the second most important thing I've heard, which is that men are hunters and women are gatherers ... men want to solve problems ("kill the beast"), and women sometimes just want to express the problem ("let's gather this up and look at it"). You don't have to solve every problem that comes up; sometimes she really does just want to "talk" (how that solves anything I'll never understand, but I've found its true ... there are many times she just wants to express frustration without any expectation that I'll do anything about it.)

This Youtube video is not the same guy, but he has much the same point:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMZ73mT5zM

Brent Ring

07-29-2009, 1:22 PM

24 years here two weeks ago - my religious beliefs extend marriage and familial relationships beyond death, and so, when I knelt across the altar and made that commitment to my wife and God, I meant it, as she did, and we have strived, struggled, and loved, in order to honor that commitment ever since.

Jason Roehl

07-29-2009, 7:51 PM

The secret to staying married is making the effort to stay married. If you boat starts to drift away from the dock you can let it drift away or you can make the effort to pull it back. If both partners keep pulling the marriage back good things happen. There is no magical one-time secret quickie fix, just simple constant attention.

At least that is what my wife told me:D

Good stuff here. My wife and I made the decision quite a few years ago to take the D-word off the table. Even if we have a disagreement, it's off limits. To us, using that word during a little spat would be like one or both of us picking up a gun. Secondly, we made the commitment that if we were going to go round and round about something, we need to be headed towards a solution together, not just throwing barbs at each other--and increasing the distance between us. Third, we don't let the sun go down while we are still angry.

We're not long-timers by any means yet, but we do have 14 years and almost a month under our belts. Since we were married pretty young (21 and 20), I'm looking forward to the next 50 or more, Lord willing (and THAT has a lot to do with our marriage, too, but we don't go into that topic here).

David G Baker

07-29-2009, 11:38 PM

Remember the book "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus? The last few years that I worked in TV I would set up a small studio for a live Good Morning America talk back with the author and he made frequent appearances on our AM show. He always had great advice for the audience when it came to helping troubled relationships. A year or so after the popularity of his book faded he was seen in a local store with his wife by a fellow employee and they were behaving in public worse than any couple I have ever seen according to the observation and description of the fellow employee. It gave me a laugh, guess he was another Dr Phil by not practicing what he was preaching. I read his book and have his tape, I liked it and feel that there was some very good advice offered.
I have not had a successful marriage either. My first lasted under 10 years and my second lasted one month under 25 years. After the first divorce I swore I would never get married again but I did. Guess I have an attraction to bi-polar women. I was lucky to make it out of the second one alive. I am now with my 9th grade girl friend. We separated after only knowing each other for a few months because my dad got a job in California and I had to leave her behind in Michigan. We got back together again through Classmates dot com 42 years later. We have been together for the past 8 years and have been dong great.

Eric Larsen

07-30-2009, 12:21 AM

what's your take on a happy long lasting marriage?

"Yes, dear."

OK, that's awfully simplistic.

1) "Yes, dear;" 2) Be best friends; 3) Make sure you don't treat your spouse like a sexual stereotype ("the emotional woman," "the strong, silent man"); 4) You know what #4 is.

That's basically it for us. 10 years, no worries. I look forward to reading the responses of the silver anniversary couples.

Brian Ashton

07-30-2009, 12:23 AM

I am now with my 9th grade girl friend.

When I read this I stopped for a second somewhat perplexed... I did a quick mental calculation of how old is someone in grade nine... Looked at your picture and then read it again... Then I started thinking to myself "OK... You have my attention now" Then I read on and had to LOL at my misunderstanding.

David G Baker

07-30-2009, 8:16 AM

Belinda Barfield

07-30-2009, 8:35 AM

Brian,
They hang folks in Michigan for that, especially old men fooling around with 9th graders. :D My ninth grade partner and I had a great laugh over your misunderstanding (actually she was in the 8th grade but it was in 1959 when I left). Guess I could have structured my sentence a little different but glad I didn't cause the laugh was worth it.

David,

I got such a laugh off that ninth grader comment, even though I knew what you meant! I think that takes the cake on having a "younger woman"! :D

David G Baker

07-30-2009, 9:26 AM

Belinda,
I love humor and any chance I get I try to get a laugh or smile from all of those around me even at my own expense.
Lets see, 65 minus 14 equals 51 years, yup that would take the cake and probably kill me to boot. :D

Art Mulder

07-30-2009, 1:59 PM

You can see it in the comments above... Good marriage take work.

You can't just coast, you need to be there, and put in the effort.

Years ago I was working with a wise middle-aged woman who was talking about one of her children who was in the middle of huge wedding preparations. Her words stuck with me: She hoped that these kids would spend as much effort on preparing for a marriage as they were preparing for a wedding.

My wife and I are partners. We don't always agree, but we're always doing our best to pull together, rather than pull apart.

Dave Johnson29

07-30-2009, 3:17 PM

Frank, what Belinda said in Post #24 as there is great wisdom in that last sentence. (Your Post #19)

I will endeavor to live by that in my next relationship.

Belinda Barfield

07-30-2009, 3:23 PM

Frank, what Belinda said in Post #24 as there is great wisdom in that last sentence. (Your Post #19)

I will endeavor to live by that in my next relationship.

And I'm sure, Dave, the lady will be very appreciative!

David Cramer

07-30-2009, 3:27 PM

So did anybody actually click on the youtube link and look at it? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Dave Johnson29

07-30-2009, 4:14 PM

And I'm sure, Dave, the lady will be very appreciative!

Thanks Belinda, it is all still building via long distance which adds it's own problems, but things are shaping up well and I am very excited with our progress. I think this one is the real thing I have been waiting for all my life.

Sorry for a minor thread hijack there guys. I'll try to stifle my enthusiasm and go read this thread from the start again in case I missed something. I AM taking notes.

Kent E. Matthew

08-01-2009, 3:07 PM

Fifteen years here.

Learning when to head for the tall grass.

John Sheets

08-01-2009, 8:34 PM

I've been married over 25 years myself, however that's been divided up over four different wives, so....danged if I know ;)

Dave Johnson29

08-02-2009, 6:00 AM

I've been married over 25 years myself, however that's been divided up over four different wives, so....danged if I know ;)

Well hell John, if we are adding them up then I can put my hand up to 4 x 10 = 40+ years. :D:D

David G Baker

08-02-2009, 8:44 AM

Dave J,
Were you married to 10 different women for 4 years each or were you married to 4 different women for 10 years each? :D :D
Couldn't resist.

Ken Fitzgerald

08-02-2009, 10:38 AM

Dave J,
Were you married to 10 different women for 4 years each or were you married to 4 different women for 10 years each? :D :D
Couldn't resist.

You are getting kinda personal there aren't you David?:rolleyes:

David G Baker

08-02-2009, 10:55 AM

Ken,
Good point! Guess humor should have some boundaries.

Ken Fitzgerald

08-02-2009, 10:59 AM

David...I hope you realize I was just "funnin'" you!:D

Carlos Alden

08-02-2009, 11:23 AM

I've been married over 25 years myself, however that's been divided up over four different wives, so....danged if I know ;)

Yeah, but we still want your advice. After all, practice makes perfect, right?

Carlos

George Davidson

08-02-2009, 12:11 PM

Will be 56 years soon. We both stood in church and made a vow before God "......until death do us part." nuff said
Like Milton said it will be 40 years 1 months 3 days 3 Hr's
We both stood in church and made a vow before God "......until death do us part.
I had 3 night clubs for 18 year's I have been building custom home for 46 year's and have had my cabinet shop for about 40 year's I just build custom cabinets now. My 2 son's have build the custom home now

George Davidson

08-02-2009, 12:22 PM

More pictures of our son's home I built everything in the house
Steps
Kitchen
Made all the trim in our shop
round top windows
bathroom vanities
I designed the rebuild of the home
I have designed all the homes I have built (boy if there was CAD 46 years ago

Dave Johnson29

08-02-2009, 2:49 PM

Were you married to 10 different women for 4 years each or were you married to 4 different women for 10 years each?

David, I think it was 4 wives but it might have been 10. If it was 10 wives then it still felt like 10 years with each of them. ;):)

Just kidding, 2 of them are still really good friends, we just can't live in the same town. :D

Kelly C. Hanna

08-02-2009, 3:37 PM

There's too many to list but finding a woman who is even-keeled seems to be the big one. They're all psychotic to a certain extent [aren't we all?], but finding one who doesn't thrive on it is another key. We're at 12 years in September. While I will never do it again, I'm happy with my pick. Course I didn't get married the first time til I was 41.